This is my first Walking Dead story, my first story posted on the site. There are spoilers up to 5x01 but it doesn't specifically mention anything from the show after that. The setting is the Alexandria Safe Zone from the comics, though very little of specifics are given, and the character mentioned from there is someone that I'm taking some liberties with. But all in all, not really spoilers for the comic, because I just use the setting.
Disclaimer: I do not own The Walking Dead, and I'm rather glad that I don't, because I don't think I could be doing nearly as well with it as the actual writers are, even if there are a few things I don't love about it.
TRIGGER WARNING - The scene is not in here, but this is the reaction with a few allusions to sexual and physical assault. If you can't handle it, don't read it please.
Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tock
The windup clock sitting on her nightstand felt like it was pounding in her head as she lay there, covers tucked up to her chin, back to the open door, eyes locked on the wall. Her cheeks were stained from salty tears she had given way to over and over again since she woke up alone in the bed, head pounding, body sore - war wounds seared into the skin of her neck, still burning even now, even if she realized physically that her skin couldn't still be warm there. Those fingerprints had already turned from red to the start of bruises, it wasn't a feeling that was entirely foreign to her, but she never got used to it. And after nearly two years of freedom from it she had begun to believe her old friends were really a thing of the past. Pain, fear, weakness.
Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tock
Time was linear and unchanging. It didn't slow or stop or speed up or skip, no matter what season of life or moment in time you found yourself in. She knew this was a fact. She also knew that sometimes years would pass between one Tock to the next Tick. It was something that happened, even if it really didn't.
Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tock
The argument in the hallway was still going strong. Maggie had argued that they needed to take it further from Carol's door, but Daryl shot back with a need to stay planted by this door. She couldn't be alone. He hadn't been further than that doorway away from her since he got back from his long day out with the wall construction team and came in to check on her and bring her supper. She hadn't been feeling well - a simple headache had kept her in bed while everyone had breakfast and went out to the daily activities. He himself had stopped in to tell Davidson that she was going to be late for her shift at the infirmary to try to shake it off, but she had said for them to go get her if she was needed. Davidson had been understanding. That man was always so understanding. So full of warm smiles and generous handouts. It drove Daryl crazy, he'd said it to her on more than one occasion during their late evening talks at the table, but everything about this place felt strange so they would shrug it off and keep going with the tasks they were given to contribute to the community. Forty-seven people who were alive and thriving in a truly safe community - the eye of the storm that encapsulated the world. He hadn't been able to trust safety since he knelt in line, waiting to be bled out and prepared for a meal in their last sanctuary. And Davidson was a good guy. Sincere.
"I ain't discussin this anymore with you Rick. You help me get to him, or I'll go through you." His voice was acidic and it made Carol's fingers twitch nervously against the sheet to hear him talking to his friend that way. Daryl hadn't made friends easily and he was close to throwing his closest one out of his life completely now. Because of her.
"I'm not saying that we let him get away with this. I'm telling you, you have to think clearly about this Daryl. He owns this place, these walls. These people believe in him and we're still newcomers here. You could get yourself killed-"
"This happened to anyone else and you wouldn't be talkin' bout it no more. Davidson would be hacked to bits already an you'd be sleepin peacefully in yer warm cushy bed. It's cause it's her right? Cause you ain't never really forgave her for the prison!"
"She's our people, Daryl. I want this man to pay just as much-"
"No you don't, Constable." His tone was so biting that she almost lifted her head to look in his direction. The challenge in his tone was so clear. "If you did, he'd be done in by now. That job he gave you, got you neutered pretty well now, ain't it? Forgettin who really has your back, screw our family here, right? Long as you got your walls an your pretty new badge a dishonor."
Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tock
She felt the bed shift ever so slightly and her body tensed up completely. A hand rested on her arm and she let out this almost imperceptible whimper, but didn't retreat. She couldn't move, her entire body paralyzed against the matress.
"Don't touch her." His gruff voice broke into the moment and she heard the clomping of his feet, that familiar sound of his unique gait moving to the opposite side there. She knew he was stopped in front of her, even if her eyes couldn't seem to really focus in on him.
"I was just trying to help her get ready to get changed." Female voice. Maybe Maggie, maybe Sasha, she didn't really give a damn who it was. It wasn't anyone that she wanted to share any kind of moment with now.
"She don't gotta change till she's ready. She'll tell us when she's ready." She knows that he isn't looking at her on purpose, that he can't look at her and that makes her feel even more disgusting and ashamed. "Rest Carol, we're here. I'm here." His mumbled attempt at comfort is weak at best. He doesn't know how to handle this, how to handle her anymore and if she could force her body to move or her voice to work right now, she would get up, get changed into something that covered every mark on her body and tell him it was all okay. She would take care of him so he didn't have to always be the strong one. She wants to, but her body refuses to allow her any such luxry.
Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tock
Her eyes had closed and Daryl found himself sitting in the chair, just staring across the room at her through the dark, only able to just make out her almost-too-still silloutte. She wasn't asleep, her breathing was soft and still erratic - almost as if she were still struggling for air, but if she wanted to pretend for awhile so that everyone would stop walking on eggshells and adding to that feeling of weakness that was weighing down on her shoulders, he would allow her that. He would allow her anything, if he could take this feeling away.
"Daryl" Rick's voice was quiet as he approached the other man, sighing as he rubs the back of his neck. "We're leaving, as soon as she wakes up, we have to go."
"Hell with that. We ain't leavin till I get my hands on that bastard."
"He left her alive-"
"Barely"
"-He won't leave these walls to come after us."
"She won't survive out there like this." He knew she could hear him, she was right there only pretending to sleep, but he couldn't leave his post at her bedside there.
"We might not survive trying to attack him. He has to expect some kind of reaction out of us, he's waiting for us Daryl, and he has the rest of this community backing him."
"An unarmed community." Daryl's gaze flicked up to Rick through the darkness, his tone was wavering despite himself. "You'd be dead an gone by now Rick. You'd be a damm digested lump a meat, weren't fer her." His head inclined towards Carol. "Glenn'd be, I'd be... prolly the rest a'em too. Well oiled machine like that, it had ta be from the outside. Had ta be from someone who gave a damn ta stick their neck on the line to save us. You banished her from the prison and she came outta the woodwork an saved your ass. Brought your little girl back ta'ya too. That woman..." His voice trailed off painfully as he turns to look at her body curled in on itself on the bed.
"Daryl-"
"Look what he did to that woman. To our Carol." Daryl didn't look away from her, sitting up straighter. "She was the strongest a'us, and he took that from her. He took that from us. We don't let people do that. People don't get to live when they do that.
Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tock
"Daryl." It wasn't another protest from Rick. Daryl's body stiffened a bit and then he rose up to his feet and crossed the two steps it took to kneel by her bedside, silent. She didn't speak for awhile either, talking was painful as her voice eeked out around a nearly crushed windpipe. Her eyes fluttered open to lock on him there, watching him.
Tick Tock Tick
"Rest"
"I can't.
Tock
"You're okay"
A slight tick of her head there, a shake. "M'not. Will be." Her eyes locked on him there, a tremble to her lips as she looks him over.
"You want him dead?" He knows the answer, but still he has to make it her choice. She gets all the choices he can find to offer for her. She would make any and every call for herself and he would verbalize them all until he could forget that look of hopelessness in her eyes.
"Want him turned." Quiet, a struggle to speak, but her eyes were burning into his, the ghost of the woman that she was peaking out between the walls of pain and helplessness built to block her off. "Then it - it's my turn." Davidson was no man, and she wasn't sure that she could face him twice, so she would face the monster that he had revealed himself to be to her.
Tick
"I'll get Glenn and Maggie from the kitchen and tell them it's time to go to the armory."
Tock
Daryl just nods his head at Rick, dismissing him. "You want me to go?"
Tick Tock Tick
"No." Slowly she pushes off of the bed, covers pooling at her waist. "Turn" Nodding for him to face the wall away from her and he obeyed as she dug through the drawer to find her old clothes, there were stains on them that would never be washed off, and they weren't much compared to the new things they'd given her when she got here, but they were her clothes and she slipped them on, slowly, stiffly still. It was a slow process, but she felt somewhat like herself again. "Daryl"
"Yeah?" He hadn't turned to face her yet. He heard her feet padding across the floor to get to him once more and her hands reached out to touch his back and then bunched at his leather vest a bit, the rough matterial of the wings digging into her fingers as she looked at his back. He knew what she wanted and he slipped the vest off of his shoulders, turning to hold it out for her, watching her wince as she slipped her arms into the heavy material and felt the weight of it pressing down into her shoulders. "Not too heavy?"
"Need it" Turning to look at him with a forced smile. "For now" His scent enveloped her and she breathed in slowly.
Tock
She allowed his vest to hold her through the worst of it, until she found the strength to replace it with his arms. It took time, but eventually she was Carol again. Carol who didn't recoil when someonw snuck up behind her. Carol who couldn't sleep for more than a couple minutes at a time and who didn't trust herself to take watch alone. Carol who could share a casual touch with a friend without feeling tears brimming her eyes. But she got there. Carol never forgot it, but survived it, and eventually that was enough for her.
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