Prerequisite: PS, CoS, PoA, Safehouse
A brief bit of explanation before we begin our tale: At Hogwarts, James and Remus each had a female stalker. James completely ignored his, thus leading to her eventual disinterest, but Remus made the fatal mistake of actually taking his to Hogsmeade one weekend. She took it as a sign from God and followed him everyday. When he and Ciara moved to America to escape the memories held in Britain, her owls kept coming, so Ciara always teases him about it. (Insert paranoid!Remus smilie here)
Standard disclaimer: I do not own the characters or the situations of the characters you recognise from Harry Potter. I do, however, claim the Pack and their witty repartee. Seregwen, Ainaguar, and Ciara belong to the real Triumvirate of Doom because, yes, we are real people. Just not real preternatural creatures, no matter how we frighten people.
Now we commence our tale:
The Stalker Strikes Back
'Cheddar cheese, not Swiss!' Ciara gave a long-suffering sigh and handed the package of light yellow cheese back to Remus. 'Go and get mild Cheddar cheese. Is that too difficult?'
Remus sneered at her and walked back to the dairy section. But as he reached the end of the aisle, he froze, rigid in what Ciara could tell was terror. She surreptitiously slipped her hand into her purse, wrapping her fingers around her wand.
Remus scurried back to her as fast as he could, his eyes wide in fear. 'Hannah; hide me!' he hissed as he passed. Ciara turned her head to him, her face contorted in confusion.
'What?'
'She's here with some kid; hide me!' Panic made his voice almost squeaky.
Ciara looked back to the end of the aisle to see a rather plumper, older version of the Hannah she barely remembered from Hufflepuff. She realised exactly what Remus was terrified of and turned their cart around to walk quickly to the next aisle. Not fast enough.
'Ciara? Ciara Bryant? Is that you?'
Damn it!
Ciara turned around, a huge, very fake grin plastered on her face. 'Hannah? My, you've changed!'
You look like a tank!
Hannah practically waddled up to Ciara and wrapped her chubby arms around her. 'Oh, I'm so glad to see you!
I'll bet.
'It's been forever and a day, hasn't it?
Unfortunately, it's not two days.
'You here to get some food?
No shit, Sherlock.
'So am I. I'm on a diet, so I have to get all these specialised foods...'
What kind of diet, a chicken fattening one?
Remus tried again to escape, but over Ciara's shoulder, Hannah's miniscule brown eyes found him. She practically shoved Ciara to the floor in her haste to embrace Remus. Ciara flailed and caught herself on the shelf of cereals. She tried very hard to contain her laughter at the sight of Remus's face. He looked as if he had been forced to swallow a very bitter pill that had gone down the wrong way.
'Oh, Remus, you're alive! I was so worried; every time I wrote, you never answered!' Hannah pulled back abruptly, barely giving Remus a chance to change his expression. A resounding slap left Remus looking stunned and a large welt swelling on his cheek. Ciara let a small giggle escape as she fought the laughter even harder.
'How could you be so cold as to never answer my letters? I wrote to you, pouring out my heart and you didn't have the decency to respond! How dare you! I don't even know why I'm wasting my time with you!'
And with that, she stalked off, furiously grabbing the hand of the child she left at the end of the aisle, saying 'Come, Rutherford. We have better places to be!' The child only followed silently.
Ciara couldn't hold in her laughter anymore. Gales upon gales of laughter poured from her throat, leaving her sitting on the floor with tears on her cheeks. Remus hadn't move except to drop his jaw. When the worst of the laughter had passed, Ciara stood up and put a hand on Remus's shoulder.
'I'd give her a week, tops.'
Remus shook his head and glared at his friend. 'A week for what?'
Ciara gave him a huge grin. 'Before she comes crawling back, begging you to take her back.'
Remus shuddered and grabbed the Swiss cheese again. 'You're a cold, heartless bitch, you know that? You really are.'
Ciara's laughter followed him down the aisle.
A/N: ::giggle:: Based on a true story. Not kidding.