The Aftermath

Chapter 1 - The Phone Call

By Askait Amara

I do not own the characters. They belong to the writers and producers of Grey's Anatomy.

Arizona walked the long hallway to her apartment. She felt tired and alone. Therapy with Callie had not gone well that afternoon. Just when she thought they were making progress, she'd realize they weren't. Every stone they overturned required scrutiny, and every time she tried to express her feelings about having trusted Callie to save her leg, her indiscretion with Lauren was thrown in her face.

Arizona had not consciously had an affair with Lauren to "even the score," as Callie so venomously accused her of doing today. Truth be known, she still didn't fully understand why she had an affair with Lauren, other than she felt utterly swept away by the way Lauren saw her as whole, intelligent, strong and desirable. Granted, being swept away was not a reason to cheat and Arizona abhorred infidelity.

Before Callie, Arizona had bedded her fair share of women and always kept things simple, making no commitments. She didn't want to find herself in the situation she was in now. She wondered if the same was true for Lauren. This thought made her sigh deeply. "How did I get here," she asked herself. "How can I fight for some form of relationship with my spouse while being preoccupied with an attraction to another woman?"

Arizona's new apartment had a spectacular view of the city and was within walking distance of the hospital. There was plenty of space for Sofia, which was her priority when signing the lease. It wasn't home though and the two days a week she had custody of her daughter didn't feel like enough. She was grateful Callie so willingly agreed to shared-custody that she didn't think to ask for more time. She desperately wished she could go back to that night eight months earlier when she asked Callie to buy a house instead of a hospital. She would have insisted that Callie hear her out and at least consider it. On some level, she knew that had they moved away, she might never have met Lauren. This realization brought up mixed emotions. What happened between her and Lauren helped her to identify feelings she wasn't even aware of having.

Arizona opted for a cup of tea and warm blanket, rather than dinner. It had been two days since the board voted to offer Lauren the Bryson surgery. Avery was set on bringing her back and insisted there wasn't a better surgeon in the country for the case. Callie was furious over the suggestion and her no vote raised as many eyebrows as Arizona's abstention. At the end of the day, however, Avery made valid points and it was decided that Lauren would be invited back.

After a second cup of tea, and two solid hours of contemplation, Arizona decided to call Lauren. They'd spoken only once since the night Callie saw her wearing Arizona's scrubs. Their conversation consisted of Arizona asking that she be the one to make contact, when ready. Arizona lifted her weary frame from the couch, walked to the window, inhaled deeply, and dialed.

Arizona felt her stomach drop the instant she heard Lauren softly and slowly say, "Hey you." She noticed a slight rasp in Lauren's voice and immediately remembered the time difference. "Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't realize how late it was there," she said nervously.

"No need for an apology. It's okay. I'm up and it's nice to hear your voice," Lauren said with a slight lilt at the end of her sentence.

Arizona couldn't help but smile at the sound of Lauren's Southern accent. Her warm vocals and subtle drawl were two of the many qualities she found attractive about her. She closed her eyes and told herself to keep it professional, "I need to talk to you about a work matter, if that's okay?"

"Of course. I was hoping you'd call. I want to be respectful of our agreement, but I have something to run by you, if that's alright?"

"So, Avery called you?"

"Yes, yesterday."

"And you haven't answered him yet?"

"No. I wanted to hear what you were thinking before making any decision."

Arizona paused. Lauren had done exactly what she asked of her. She hadn't called, and even now when she had a reason to, she didn't. A moment of panic surged through her veins and for a split second she wondered if Lauren had moved on. She felt the weight of the past several months crash down around her and wanted to cry. She tried to speak, but couldn't.

"Arizona?" Lauren whispered.

Lauren's inflection stirred something deep within Arizona. It brought her back to that night in the On-Call room when their bodies were pressed together in such incredible passion. She put a hand on the window ledge in front of her, steadied herself, and focused. "Did Avery give you the details on the Bryson baby?"

"Yes. It sounds complicated and to be honest I don't know if it can be done the way he envisions."

"Are you considering it?" Arizona asked and held her breath awaiting a response.

After a short pause, Lauren replied, "Not if it complicates things for you."

Arizona let out an audible sigh. She had yet to make up her mind whether she wanted to see Lauren again, but the way Lauren was letting her take the lead with the Bryson case was making her think. The past few months of individual therapy had taught her that acknowledging her feelings was an important step in the recovery process. At the same time, she was a doctor and would not let her personal needs dictate what level of care Grey Sloan Memorial offered its patients. She closed her eyes, mustered strength, and said, "I don't know if my feelings should be factored into this decision. This is about the Bryson baby."

"Arizona, I think personal feelings should be considered at this point. For me, the surgery is secondary. All I really want is a chance for us to talk about what happened. I can easily recommend another doc. It's not a problem; I do it from time to time. So, just say the word and I'll bow out gracefully. Dr. Avery will understand."

Lauren's words brought tears to Arizona's eyes. There were so many things she liked about the woman on the other end of the line. Their communication always came easily and the fact that Lauren was consistently clear about what she wanted was beyond admirable. Suddenly, she felt ready to see her again and without hesitation asked, "Would you be willing to fly in a day early so we can meet in person?"

"Absolutely! I would like that a lot," Lauren said, her voice revealing genuine excitement.

"Me too," Arizona replied noticing how the timbre of her own voice had softened to a near whisper. She wanted to say more, but wasn't sure. She paused and took comfort in the silence.

"Arizona?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you want me to agree to the consultation?"

Arizona knew Avery was right and that Lauren was the best surgeon for the case. She also knew Lauren was more than capable of separating the personal from the professional. She did it superbly that night in the NICU. She closed her eyes and said, "I do. We can figure out how to approach it when we talk."

"Okay, I will let Dr. Avery know tomorrow and wait to hear from you when and where you'd like to meet."

Arizona heart pounded in her chest. The idea of spending time with Lauren again flooded her senses. She knew she needed to get off the phone before she started nervously rambling on. "Well, I know it's late there, so I'll let you go. Sleep well."

"You too, and Arizona?"

"Yeah." she whispered.

"Thanks for calling."

"Uh hmm, Arizona husked. Good night."

"Good night."

Arizona stood at the window and watched the city lights sparkle. She couldn't move away from the glass. Something unimaginable held her there, suspended in time. She watched intently as sparkling lights slowly blurred and her reflection appeared before her. The months of sleepless nights had been hard on her and she couldn't remember the last time she smiled at someone other than Sofia, yet there she was, smiling ever so slightly and looking very much like the person she was before the plane crash. Seeing herself in this way made her realize that she'd just taken one step in Lauren's direction. She wasn't ashamed or alarmed by this. She knew they needed to talk, for closure if nothing else. Closure was far from her mind, however. She wanted Lauren as a lover, and she wanted the Callie she used to know as a wife. She knew she couldn't have both, but if she were honest with herself, and them, she might be able to find a place of peace within her heart. All she could do now was accept the fact that in this moment, unanswered questions and uncertainty were her reality. Trying to force a decision, by not making one, hadn't worked. She was going to have to identify what was best for her, and what she wanted most. She took a long hard look into the glass, acknowledged the woman who stood before her, and turned to walk slowly into her bedroom-making a mental note along the way to call her therapist in the morning.