I've decided to try this fic MY way. Warning, Kaoru is WAY out of character.I don't own kenshin or kaoru, and if I did, I would write more crap like this. This is a one-time thing.

If it gets good ratings...I might write Rand's point of view...might........

It's not fair.

Dammit!

It's not fair!

Screw you Mom!

Fair.

Sardonic smirk

Nothing in life is fair.

You are right...as always.

A big crap-load of Nothing...

I can scream

I can throw things

I can soak my pillow through

I can cut

Nothing

Nothing frikk'n works.

You can't get through to her. Did you know that, Dr. Himura? She doesn't give a Da-

Fine. I'll stop swearing.

Maybe.

I don't wanna talk about her ANYMORE!!!!!!

Angry tears leak down her face.

Cuz it hurts.

She hurts me.

How?

Bursts up from her chair in a rush of frustrated fury.

I JUST FRIKK'N TOLD YOU HOW!!

She doesn't listen!

Oh, yes, she hears me. I make sure of that...but she doesn't hear me. ME. She has no freaking idea who the Hell I am.

Sorry.

It just came out.

I just get so worked up I have no idea what's gonna come out of my mouth.

sits back down

And that's what happened last night. I said a bunch of shi-..crap I shouldn't've said to her. Yet.

Look, my Mom had to know how I felt about her

I'm NOT getting my back up...I'm trying to explain what-

Fine. Fine.

I'll calm down.

Start from the beginning?

Which one?

Sarcastic glance toward the psychiatrist

Last night?

OK

I was trying to calm Rand down on the phone...

And mother made me hang up on him.

I could've killed her.

I know she hates Rand. She thinks he and I are too serious about each other.

Glares.

No. We're not TOO serious!

So...

She tells me to just go to bed, cuz it's about 3 in the morning. I can't believe she won't let me see Rand anymore. I hate it...

I didn't say that.

I said "I hate IT"

Not "I hate HER"

A part of me really does hate her though. The rest of me feels sorry for what she's pushing away. She's killing me, you know that?

I told her if she kept talking like this, I'd slice my wrists.

She told me to go ahead and do it.

I hated her then.

She thinks I'm in this just for the attention. She has no frikk'n idea what this feels like. Well, as usual, she didn't shut up.

Mom kept talking like she always does.

She thinks she just has to keep her frikk'n mouth moving and all this will go away. Why can't she just SHUT UP AND HEAR WHAT I'M SAYING!!!!!??????!!!!!!

Dr. Himura, she told me to stop crying.

Yes: even after you told her to let up on me. She told me to stop crying myself to sleep because I'd bother the neighbors.

THE NEIGHBORS!!!!!!!!!!!

I wanna cry, dammit! It seems like as soon as I find something stable in my life...like Rand...she has to rip in out from underneath me...then everything I've worked for falls down on top of me. I'm crushed. She's strangling me with her selfish possessiveness.

I can't breathe around her.

Is there some place safer for me to go than home?

No.

I thought not.

"Kaoru, Doctor Himura will see you now."

The girl looks up from her notepad with glazed, gray eyes staring straight through the Nurse. The older woman flinches, and then points to the open office door. Kaoru stands up lazily, absently ripping the page from her notebook. The page with last night's confrontation settles in the wastebasket with a slight rustle.

Dreaming feet carry her light head toward the tan wood door. Inside was the familiar room; the same young man; the same questions; the same medication...

God,

If you will hear me...forgive me for what I'm about to do...

The door closes with the clank of steel on steel.

laterz

luvs

Tanis