Nobody said it was easy

Arizona's POV

It's been eight month, eight month since that storm went off, and eight month since their marriage went off as well.

"Apparently I lost you."

She was right. There was nothing more to say. Callie lost her wife, even before that storm came. She lost her wife in the woods. That was why Arizona didn't respond to her that night. Instead they kept starring at each other while their tears kept coming. After a while Callie broke that devastating eye contact and just left. She took Sofia and went home. Arizona stayed in the hospital for another day and another night. What the hell happened to her dream, to her family, to her life? Those words didn't come out of nowhere. She was angry at Callie, so freaking angry. She would give anything not to be. Because she was a doctor, she understood why Callie had to this. But still she couldn't forgive.

At some point she had to go home. And after she finally found the courage to do so, she saw her wife or her ex-wife to be? She saw her Callie packing bags. Arizona assumed Callie prepared anything for throwing her out. But she found Callie packing her own stuff and Sofias bag. Arizona stood in the doorway trying to form words, words that could make everything better. Those words didn't exist. So instead:

"Hey you" Arizona whispered. Callie looked up, shocked in one way, but still in love.

"I will take Sofia to California for a few days… See Addison… Clear my head you know… Could you pack up your stuff while we are gone…?" Callie stuttered, avoiding eye contact.

"Ehm… Yeah… Sure… Maybe I could stay at Marks until… … Callie… Can we talk?" But what was there to say?

"And maybe you could call our lawyer." Apparently they wouldn't talk. "He should get us those papers…. You know for … divorce." BAM. There it was, the d-Word.

"Callie, really?" Arizona stood there and thought that someone had punched her in the face. This couldn't be true, were they really over, for real? They had to talk, work things out, and try harder, fight a little longer. But what could she say? `So you cut off my leg, even though you promised you wouldn't, I treated you like crap and then cheated, but hey let's keep that marriage on track?` Probably not. So she agreed. She agreed to call their lawyer and ask for those papers. Callie was finished, she picked up Sofia and was about to leave.

"Callie, just a second. About Sofia. Please, don't take her away from me. I know I have this piece of paper, but I don't want to fight. I want to be her Mama. Please." Arizona begged her wife, she whispered, she was so tired.

"Her second name is Robbin. That's not an accident, Arizona. She is you daughter… " There was still so much love in Callies voice. But Arizona had never ever seen her that sad, that hurt and that broken. And that was her fault. So the only thing she could do was to let her go. And so she did.

And now eight month later, Arizona was still living in Mark apartment, even though she told herself and everyone else that she was looking for another home. But honestly – she didn't. She couldn't leave, she just couldn't. After Callie and Sofia came back, they handled the whole situation with Sofia like adults. They were trying to make it as easy as possible for that little girl. But that was all. They barely to talked to each other at work and they didn't talk at all outside the hospital – unless it was about Sofia. But again: what was there to say? There were no words to take back those she said in that particular night.

Arizona was standing in that x-ray room. She thought about Lauren Boswell. Not because she was in love with that woman or because she couldn't forget her. She thought about her, because she was back, back in Seattle, back in her hospital. The door opened and that blonde woman walked in:

"Hey, so are you ready for that surgery?" Lauren asked and still looked innocent and very attracted to Arizona.

"Hey, yeah of cause. I trained the last month, I am ready. So let's change that girls live." Arizona tried to look as perky and as optimistic as possible. But that woman right in front of her was a living reminder of the biggest mistake she has ever made.

"Arizona, I would like to take you out to dinner. I heard your marriage is over and that you are single. So maybe we have a better timing now… And besides you still own me a conversation. `Leave Lauren, just leave, we will talk someday later`. That's what you said to me. And I left and last time I checked `someday later` is today. So there is actually no choice." Lauren finished and looked so happy.

"Well how long did it take for you to prepare that speech?"

"Nearly eight month. And I have another one if you say no. But please don't say no, because that speech is embarrassing."

"Lauren, look… I appreciate your offer. I really do, but…"

"There is no but, Arizona."

"Ok fine, let's go have drinks. At Joes. Tonight." After all Lauren was right, she owned her a conversation. In the end it wasn't Laurens fault. Sure she should check her moral compass, but it was Arizona who didn't walk away when she really should have."

That night Arizona entered Joes Bar and found Lauren sitting in the corner on table, drinking a martini. `Okay, here we go´ Arizona thought.

"Hey, sorry, I´m late." Arizona greeted.

"No problem. Do want a drink?" Obviously Lauren was happy to see her, she thought this could be their night.

"No, thank you. Ok, let's just rip it of like a band aid." Arizona suggested, she wanted to be fair, but she wanted Lauren out of her life as soon as possible.

"Wow, that's romantic" Lauren tried to be funny, well she wasn't.

"And that's the problem. I don't want romantic at least not with you. I´m sorry for being that harsh."

Lauren Boswell was in shock.

"You are a fantastic doctor, a beautiful woman and you shouldn't wait for someone like me…"

"That's not your call, Arizona. I´m a big girl."

"It is my call. Because I don't want to ruin your life as well." Really, she had destroyed enough.

"Again – I am a big girl."

"Okay Lauren, listen to me. Move on, move away. WE won't happen. Because I am not that into you, I never was. You reminded me of my old self and I was flattered. But I am not the one for you and you are certainly not the one for me. Because you are not that hot Latina, you are not the Mother of my daughter, you are, you are not… Callie!" Jep, this was harsh, but it was true. She had found the one for her. Callie was the one for her. Arizona knew that when she followed her into the bathroom in this bar. She knew it.

"Well I should probably go." Lauren stood up, tried not to lose control and tried to walk away, walk tall "But one last thing Arizona, if Callie is really the one for you…"

"There is no Íf`"

"If she is the one for you, then why did you walk from her, why did you cheat and why did you shut her out…? People talk over there…" Lauren wasn't waiting for an answer. She left. For good this time.

Arizona leaned back into her chair and closed her eyes. It was a hard day. She saved a baby girl today who wasn't much older than Sofia was when she was born. She wished she just could go home and tell Callie about it. In moments like this she missed her like hell. She missed their life. When Arizona opened her eyes, she looked around Joes Bar and she saw happy people everywhere. She saw Karev and Jo having fun, flirting with each other. She was happy for Karev, he was one of the good ones. He deserved happiness. She saw Owen sitting at the Bar with his new girlfriend. And then she saw her, she saw Callie at other end of the bar. And from what it looked like Callie was having a date, with a man.

Arizona couldn't look away. She was in shock. Callie on the other hand was moving on. She looked stunning, she always did, she smiled, she flirted, but she was nervous. Arizona could tell. 15 Minutes later Callie excused herself and wend went to the bathroom. Arizona followed her, like she did nearly five years ago.

When she entered that bathroom she saw Callie looking the mirror. If only she knew, how beautiful she was.

"Hey… Ortho right?" Arizona started, like she once did before.

"Hey. Yeah." Callie remembered, of cause she did. She smiled sadly.

"This night seems like a lifetime ago…" She was so in love with that Latina right in front of her. At least that hasn't changed.

"I think it kind of was." Callie stated and turned around.

"So how are you?" she desperately wanted spend some more time with her wife.

"Actually this is not a good time and probably not a good place for a conversation.. I have to go." Callie came closer to Arizona and was about to leave, their backs were nearly touching each other and those butterflies were all over the place.

"Calliope, wait!" And so Callie waited, her hand already on the doorknob, her back still inches away from Arizonas.

"Listen I am sorry, I know I have terrible timing. But here is the thing: I would have cut off both of your legs…"

"That's very sweet Arizona, thank you." Callie didn't understand where Arizona was going with that. Arizona turned around and tried to find Callies eyes.

"To save your life, I would have cut off both of your legs. I get it, now. I am so so sorry for what I said and for what I did to you. I guess I just needed a reason for all of this. Because it made no sense, Mark, Lexie, the leg – it made no sense. And you not keeping that freaking promise… There was my reason." Suddenly knew exactly what she wanted and what she needed to do. "You didn't keep your promise, so I lost my leg. That's it. And there are no words to apologize for what I put you through. But I will…"

"Arizona! That's enough….. I really have to go." There were tears in her eyes, Callie was trying to hold on, to keep it together, she needed to get out. And so she did.

"I love you, Callie." Arizona whispered after Callie had left and that door was closed.