1) Insist on calling him by his Christian name 'Meredith' rather than his preferred middle name 'Rodney'.

2) For added effect on suggestion 1 have John do it.

3) Repeatedly remind him about the time he blew up an entire solar system.

4) Mention how much better/smarter another scientist is while in his presence – or with an intercom conveniently left switched on.

5) For added effect on suggestion 4 have John/Sam do it.

6) Drink the last cup of caffeinated coffee in front of him slowly.

7) For added effect on suggestion 6 have John do it.

8) Have everything on the menu contain citrus

9) Remind him about the incident with the wraith and his magazine falling out

10) For added effect on suggestion 9 remind him it was a girl who saved him.

11) Sing the 'I know a song that'll get on your nerves' - best to do this from a safe distance over an intercom.

12) Cut power to the transporters and stage emergency on the opposite side of the city to where he is.

13) For added effect on suggestion 12 have it somewhere with a lot of stairs like the control room.

14) Play Moby dick on film night and force him to watch.

15) Buy him citrus fruit for Christmas – best to do this anonymously.

16) Correct all his calculations.

17) For added effect on suggestion 16 have John correct them.

18) Stare at him for long periods of time.

19) Make irritating noises while he's trying to work – best to do this from a safe distance over an intercom.

20) Construct a list of his faults and send it to him – warning this could take a while.

21) For added effect on suggestion 20 have the entire expedition do it.

22) Ask him random questions while he's trying to work.

23) Super glue posters of Moby dick all over his quarters.

24) Tell him how much better America is than Canada – best to do this from a safe distance over an intercom.

25) Mistakenly call him American - best to do this from a safe distance over an intercom.

26) Tell him we'd be better off if he'd stayed in Russia – best to do this from a safe distance over an intercom.

27) That he is only on the Atlantis expedition as an advisor – best to do this from a safe distance over an intercom.

28) Eat the last piece of veal really slowly

29) For added effect on suggestion 28 have Ronan do it then complain how disgusting the meat is.

30) Pretend to have forgotten to pack his MRE's.

31) Tell him he's the root cause of his parent's problems – best to do this from a safe distance over an intercom.

32) Tell him that Jennifer only dated him to make Ronan jealous - best to do this from a safe distance over an intercom.

Vadercat) Have John win a math award that makes mention of his prowess in Mathematics