Disclaimer: I do not own Gakuen Alice. I'm a simple ghost who wants to be a writer.
Title – Literally Broken
His heart, crumpled like paper, crushed like ice, bleeding like waterfall, was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Nothing, nothing could ever be compared to it.
While he sat there on his bed contemplating of what to do with his life, I was leaning my back against the wall. My legs were numb from the cold marble floor. I, the 'me' who could not be seen, was watching him for three hours now. He hadn't seen me yet. Of course he never would unless he passed the bridge that connected the two worlds coexisting. But they didn't know that world.
Who were they? The mortals. They could only presume that we existed, but could never prove. While us, the creatures of the dark could prove both.
Back to him, he was hugging his black, soft pillow. He was trying to hide the pain, stop the emotions, and conceal the truth. I saw it though. I saw everything – the darkness within him, his inner desires influenced by the depravity of his character, his unhappy thoughts that mounted up through time, his pain due to his loss of his beloved, and his sorrow brought by that particular pain. I saw them. I... watched in enthusiasm all of these like movies playing repeatedly, over and over again from the big screen.
Who was I? I was the creature who lived beside him for eighteen years. I was the ghost within his inner soul. I was the foul ghoul who hid beneath his fake smile. I was not the voice, never. I was born from the voice inside him who was tired of the tangible world. I was born in the abyss trapped inside him. I was... him.
He had let go of the pillow and there I could perceive from the faint light his bedside lamp was illuminating, his wet, long eyelashes fluttering, slowly opening. It was heart throbbing. His pools once so clear like the blue sky, was now a glistening lagoon. His lips were quivering. He was trying to gasp for air. He had been crying for three hours now. The wet blonde strands of his hair were sticking on his face.
His hands reached for a picture frame beside him. He looked at it. His hands were shaking. He gazed with longing at the photo of him and his beloved, Hotaru Imai. If one had been a keen observer, he would see the small smile playing on the lips of the female unlike the big grin of the male.
Suddenly, memories came surging on his mind. They flooded his brain. And from what I could see, inside him was a storm but outside, was nothing but an emotionless machine.
The first time they met. He hated her, actually. She took advantage of his good looks. But he remained gentlemanly because that's what guys were supposed to be towards girls.
There was this day he found her vulnerability when she punched him in the face because he was the first person to see her underwear, accidentally. They spoke to no one of this matter. She was after all, a terrorist inside their classroom. Who knew what she would do to him?
The day she saved him when from a group of girls who was chasing him on Valentines Day, only to be victimized by her too. In exchange for saving him, she forced him to be her model. He had to wear a bunny suit.
The day he couldn't sleep when he felt a tingling sensation inside him with her on his thoughts. He felt something building up. His heart would go ballistic whenever he saw her, he would blush with a small touch of their skin, and he would tire himself for countless photo shoots just to see the smile on her face.
And again, the day she smiled at him for doing a good job.
The day he confessed to her, and the feeling of how the five minute silence she gave him after, lasted like eternity. It was on their photo shoot when he blurted out his love for her. Silence washed the whole place.
But there came the second he would never forget – when she said 'yes'. Oh he jumped in joy. He ran to her and hugged her.
He remembered their first date. He was shy of course. She was his first girlfriend, and he was her first too. He was unprepared for the part of paying. But she had her income from all the photos of him she had sold.
Like any other couple, they went through their first argument too. It was a common argument between couples. Jealousy.
Months passed and their first anniversary came. He thought to himself, "So this is what it feels like, sharing a year with someone you love."
They graduated in middle school then. Hotaru was awarded as class valedictorian. It was not the biggest smile he had seen from her, but he was very happy because she gave a smile to everyone. It was enough to melt anyone's heart.
Twenty-four months passed like a blur. Came then was their second anniversary where in they celebrated it at a theme park.
But with a sudden twist of fate, a tragedy had befallen upon them.
He dreaded the tears on her face when she thought he was cheating on her, when actually, the girl was his cousin whom she never met. She visited Japan and was currently living in with the Nogi domicile. As for her expression of gratitude, she volunteered to help him in his big surprise for their third year anniversary.
And so the next day, she broke up with him. He tried to explain. But she didn't listen to him. She spat out words that crushed him. He was frail. Probably, frailer than her. Surely she knew that. But why did she still said those hurtful words of hatred?
"You are the worst, Ruka! I couldn't believe you would replace me with that kind of girl." Oh, his cousin was from America. She was liberated. She had blonde hair tied up so high it was stretching the skin of her face. Thick layers of make-up distinguished her from most of the people around them. Her flat belly was exposed to the hungry pairs of eyes of the male who passed them by, with her black tight tube top. Her skinny jeans hugged her lower body, showing her curves there. And her leather boots completed it all. "All this time I thought you were different. But you were not. You're just like all the men, ready to pounce on the girls who're willing to open their thighs for you! I hate you! I fucking hate you! Go die! Kill yourself I don't care! I trusted you... I... How could I have done such thing? Don't you dare show me your face again or else, I cannot promise what I can do!" And while she spat these words, he saw regret on her face, the regret of spending almost three years of her life with the worthless him. He saw her tears streaming down her face he loved so much. He could not hold the sadness inside him. He thought he was going to faint.
It killed him inside – the day he saw her in the arms of another man. He didn't know what he would feel if he ever again would see that scene.
And so, all of those contributed to the force needed. He threw the picture frame where a photo of them together in their first year anniversary was placed. The sound of the glass shattering into pieces sounded like an alarm.
I felt it. It was as if there was a blood rushing through the hollow me. I felt the excitement.
He stared at the glasses. He found a big shard. Pointed. Dangerous. Deadly.
He grabbed it without fear, nor hesitation. Oh the pleasure I felt. My body started shaking, but the smile on my face never left.
And then, he cut his wrist. Blood started dripping on the marble floor. His eyes closed for a second, and then his head turned to where I was sitting. I saw the shock on his eyes when he saw me. He was too late to scream though.
I started convulsing. My laugh echoed through the room as he approached his last gasp.
Only I could hear me. Only I saw how he lost himself. Only I saw his death. Only I saw how literally broken he was.