A/N: I know, I'm being horrible for writing this when I should be updating my other four stories that I haven't touched in ages, but I just got this really funny (at least to me) idea and I wanted to get it down. Boy, how many stories has THAT line started…
I obviously do not own HP. Don't come asking me for the licensing rights.
This can be considered AU, since I have a villain fetish. If you don't like it, bite me.
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The battle raged all around him. Voldemort efficiently blocked any spells sent his way and returned them with interest towards his would-be attackers. Foolish people thought that they could kill him…
Well, the battle wasn't really going as planned. A lot of the Death Eaters were dead or otherwise incapacitated, while the enemy still had a fair number on their side. No matter, they were no match for him, not without Dumbledore anyways.
He looked around him to see who was left. Not a whole lot. He looked around him and counted his followers. Bellatrix… Bellatrix… and Bellatrix.
Well, dang. This was going to be a little more difficult than previously imagined.
Currently, she was dueling against the Weasely baby-factory. It was quite intense. In fact, Voldemort opted to watch them go at it for a bit while casually defending against the flurry of offensive spells being cast at him. Really, did they not understand that he was the most powerful wizard to ever walk the Earth?
Bellatrix eventually got the upper hand when the Weasely missed her with a killing curse. Maybe if she hadn't been so caught up in the emotion of losing her family one by one, she would've aimed better. But she was dead now, so Bellatrix joined him in battle.
Of course, the Dark Lord's optimism took a bit of a downfall when the Potter boy stepped into view. Really, how many times does he have to kill that boy to make sure he's actually dead? Potter started blabbing to him about some nonsense, mentioning the Elder Wand once or twice, but Voldemort wasn't paying much attention. He was busy contemplating ways to ensure that he would stay dead after today.
"EXPELLIARMUS!"
"AVADA KEDAVRA!"
Great, now I've gone and done it. Should've seen this coming, though. All my plots foiled, check. My horcruxes all destroyed, check. I not paying attention to my enemy blatantly revealing his plan about my ultimate weapon, check. Well, that's the way the cookie crumbles sometimes.
As Voldemort stared at his certain death being flung at him, his vision was suddenly blocked by a circular piece of silver. And a hand.
Bellatrix lowered the hand mirror from in from of her lord's face.
"And you say that vanity is a bad thing!" She smirked and traded wands with Voldemort, who proceeded to kill Harry Potter with a useable wand, then everyone else, because he's just that unstoppable. The end.
Maybe this plotline is explainable by the fact that it is one AM here. And I have eaten a large amount of tropical gushers and applesauce. I can only imagine what dreams will befall me tonight.