I have decided to try my hand at humor by going directly in the mind of Carlisle Cullen!!! Carlisle might be a little OC but I hope I do an okay job of going into his mind.

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight series I just enjoy writing about it.

Carlisle POV

Margaret ran towards me her hair swaying from side to side. I was just about to go on my lunch break but I could tell this was urgent. She came wheezing toward me, I always told her that it was in her best interest to exercise daily. But whenever I told her that she would always laugh and respond, I am already married, I have caught my fish there is no use of getting better bait.

"We've got another one, Carlisle." Her serious tone implied that this was anything but serious.

Why me, those women could never seem to grasp the concept that I was indeed happily married. Always saying they had a fever or they didn't feel just right. And then after I gave them something totally useless they would come back to the office to "thank" me.

"Is this one actually sick?"

"Oh she's sick alright I didn't think they made mini skirts as short as hers, she must have made it especially for you." I quivered at the thought; I had thought the last mini skirt was bad.

"Doctor, If I keep working here I think I am going to be mentally scarred for life. I have seen more thongs and lingerie in this Hospital than Fredrick's of Hollywood and Victories secret can make. …. "Oh and something else I heard this patient blabbering on in the waiting room that her thong was Strawberry flavored." She winked at me scarcely containing her laughter at my shivers of disgust. She rolled her eyes, "Have fun Doctor, I'm sure you're the reason she's feeling hot." At her last joke she snorted loudly and then collapsed on the floor.

"Thank you so much Margaret I am glad I have you to help me out." I spit out with disgust. I usually wasn't this harsh but this was the Third case in two days. I never knew women could be so persistent and I have been around for a long time.

She rolled over on the floor again successfully moping it. "Well she smells like she's dieing because of –gasp- all her perfume –gasp- so she probably really is sick from all the fumes. Even I was starting to get –gasp- dizzy and I was at my desk." Her last little joke caused her such pain she could hardly breathe from laughter. Margaret knew how much I hated when women put on too much perfume. It was bad enough with regular senses but increase it tenfold and it is like the smell of sulfur.

I left Margaret on the floor and walked slowly to the waiting room. You can only delay the inevitable for so long and I didn't feel like waiting today, it was better just to get it over with. Perhaps today I could have a little fun with the patient myself and cause them just as much humiliation as they have caused me.

As soon as I turned the corner I could smell it, a pungent scent that since last time had always caused me bad memories. I remembered when Rosalie and Emmett had been a little daring with their relationship and tried to take theses pills to "Heat up" their sex lives because of a commercial they saw on TV. And then since they had vampire metabolism it worked twice as fast and we all had to evacuate the living room. Esme wasn't happy two tables had been broken that day.

Breaking out of my reprieve of unpleasant memories I looked down at my clipboard.

"Mrs. Stanley, I will see you now." I called as my eyes thoroughly searched the room. The secretary hadn't been lying. In a plunging black top and a mini skirt so tiny it was barely visible. She swung her hips toward me the smell of her overwhelming and disgusting. Little was left to the imagination of what she wanted from me. Her lacy black bra was visible and she had so much makeup on she really did look diseased. But what really stood out was her huge hair pulled up into what she thought was a sexy up do, but more looked like a bird had made a nest on the top of her head.

Something told me it was going to be a LONG day.

Please R&R if you liked it there will be more chapters to come. Sorry if you are reading my other story this came to me in a dream and as we all know from Stephenie Meyer dreams are meant to be written down.

Love Always

Wormy40