"The First Steps"
Title: The First Steps
Author: taramidala
Rating: G
Time Frame: TFA
Disclaimer: All belongs to Lucasfilm Ltd. and the Haus of Mouse. Some passages in "quotes" have been lovingly borrowed from Alan Dean Foster's novelization of the film.
Note: Special thanks as always to ginchy, jadelotusflower, threadsketchy, and whowhatsitwhich for the once-over and general cheerleading!
It, the day, begins unremarkably. The sky stretches across the horizon, clear as far as his eyes can see. Waves batter the rocks below his feet and on every isle that surround this refuge.
Clean air fills his lungs, birds sing around him, life on the island continues as it always has for over a thousand generations.
Perseverance, too, is a way of the Force. For him, and for everyone who came before him.
He closes his eyes and breathes through the pain - the fresh sting of a trillion deaths - the souls that continue to cry out - the echoes of which would never leave him.
The Republic. The Resistance.
Han.
How had it come to this?
Leia, he calls silently, reaching out to her for the first time in an age. Leia, I'm sorry.
When her heart answers back, it coils around his like a balm, pushing her pain aside to soothe his.
Same as always.
I love you. I need you. We need you. Please. Come home. Don't send her awa—
The Millennium Falcon cuts through the morning tranquility, crashing through the atmosphere with a roar. His eyes track the trajectory as it soars through the skies, weaving and circling through the islands with precision and skill.
But Han...but how…?
The old beauty banks as it crests a distant hill before disappearing below his sightline. He casts out his senses to the travelers below.
Chewbacca. Artoo. And…
No . How…?
Whoever they are, they are here for him.
He refuses to believe. And yet…
She's approaching. Up up up the mountain. The Wookiee and the droid remain behind.
A fog rolls in with her every step, and suddenly he's inside her mind as though she's meant for him to be there. In her life. In her memories.
Step. Step. Step.
A kind voice. Her voice. Wiping away the child's tears and smoothing her trembling lip. "Stay here. I'll come back for for you. I'll come back, sweetheart. I promise."
Step. Step. Step.
A bulbous hand tugging, gripping, yanking the girl away to a life of hardship and misery as she screams. "No! Come back!"
Step. Step. Step.
Another voice, clear and sharp as metal, speaking the thoughts of hundreds. "I am an independent operator, scavenger of the metal lands, free of debt and beholden to no one. I have...my freedom and my pride."
Step. Step. Step.
"I know all about waiting. For my family. They'll be back. One day." Her voice finally falters.
Step. Step. Step.
The soothing voice of a gentle, old friend. "It calls to you."
Step. Step. Step.
Visions shooting terror into her soul. Ghosts she wasn't ready to understand. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gone in there. I want no part of this!"
Step. Step. Step.
The deep soothing voice of him , trying to lull her to a false sense of security, preying on the adoration she held for him so long ago. "At night, desperate to sleep, you imagine an ocean...I can see it. I can see the island."
Step. Step. Step.
Then, a change, an unlocking within her, and she knew him as well as she ever had. "You're afraid: that you'll never be as strong as Darth Vader!"
Step. Step. Step.
The lightsaber, flying to her, sending him into a rage. "It is you."
Step. Step. Step.
Deciding, accepting, acknowledging. "This is how it has to be. This is how it should be."
And now...silence. A pregnant pause stretched out between them as her spirit emerged in his soul. Another moment - heartbeat...beat...beat - as he tries to calm his heart that breaks from the knowledge of her here, now.
Her newfound voice calls to him softly, as though she spoke aloud beside him. Turn 'round... Please.
He does, slowly, and draws back the hood of his cloak.
Peering through the mist, the sight of her brings a strangled breath, a choking sensation in the back of his throat that threatens to overpower the moment. His eyes rake over her form, trying to capture every inch of her, longing to find something familiar. He knows her, and yet he does not. Gone is the child and in her place, a woman. Beautiful, steely, and strong. The angle of her cheeks, the cut of her chin, so like his own from a lifetime ago.
And yet, her eyes...in their vulnerability...
His grandmothers.
His mother.
Leia.
And She, whose name he cannot bear to say.
She reaches into her bag, a weathered leather thing that speaks of a careworn life, but not a hopeless one. The lightsaber, once lost and now found again, stretches towards him from her outstretched, trembling hand.
He does not reach back, but retreats when she presses forward. Those sad eyes scream at him now, pleading, tearing, battering at the crumbling walls of his heart.
Why? she asks.
I'm sorry, he answers. He blinks, and his eyes come away wet. Another breath, another rock in his heart falls. We only ever wanted to protect you. I never wanted this for you.
She steps towards him again. Please let me stay.
He cannot refuse her, now or ever again. Always. Always, Kir-
Rey, she says.
Kireya.
She smiles. This time, he steps forward, daring her to meet him halfway.
She does.
The gap between them is no longer so wide.