There was no way Hawke was going to keep putting up with this. She had known when she got involved with Fenris, against her best judgement, that he was a spiky enough minefield to tread on his good days, with his not so sunny outlook.
However, she had found herself irresistibly drawn to the white haired elf and so had fallen headfirst into a relationship that still surprised her frequently. He could be incredibly sweet and caring, always there when she needed him to pick her up after a particularly bad day, dealing with the stresses of everyone looking to her to work out the problems around the city of Ferelden. He was certainly always available for a lively, involved discussion whenever they had an evening to kick back and relax with a bottle of wine, mostly in moderation. However at other times, he could just be a lot to deal with.
Sometimes it felt like he had to know where she was or what she was doing when he wasn't there. More than once, Hawke had been woken up in the early hours of the morning to a forlorn and often grouchy looking Fenris at her door. She would step aside, let him walk into the house, often without a word passing between them, and she would take his hand and walk up the stairs to curl up against him in her large bed.
His sullen moods like this she knew how to deal with, mostly by letting him work through it on his own until he was ready to approach her again. However there was one thing she couldn't quite accept and sooner or later was going to have to confront him over.
Fenris couldn't deal with the idea of anyone else looking at her.
Even an appreciative compliment. He nearly started glowing - quite literally - with rage when Isabela had playfully stroked Hawke's back in the Hanged Man the other night. Admittedly there had been some drink involved, as always, but nevertheless he'd continued to glower at the smug thief for the rest of the evening until Hawke had quietly extracted him and taken him home to calm him down.
The next time they were walking through the streets together, Isabela acting her usual, totally inappropriate self, Hawke could feel Fenris bristling beside her. More physically than usual, she realised, as the elf was practically pressed against her side and somehow manoeuvring to keep his own body between her and Isabela's. Finally pushed to breaking point, Hawke waited until Isabela was predictably waylaid by some infrequent acquaintance of hers, then she grabbed Fenris by the shoulder and pushed him into the next alleyway. He made a token grumble of revolt but mostly allowed himself to be pushed into position and stared straight at Hawke expectantly.
"Okay, spill it, Broody." She said, pulling on Varric's nickname because as much as he complained, she knew it put him at ease, an easy reminder that he was among friends.
Instead he narrowed his eyes at her and glowered. She tutted at him and looked over her own shoulder where Isabela could clearly be seen making sure the man wasn't going to be brave enough to approach her first again. With her hand still on his shoulder, Hawke felt Fenris follow her gaze and then after a moment, sag slightly against her.
"Hawke, I'm sorry. I'm just-"
"Doing it again, yes." She cut him off.
"Again? It's just…Isabela." He finished lamely, in a defeated tone.
"She's Isabela, yes. And she's just a friend. You know that, she knows that. So I guess that means it's me you don't trust."
"Hawke, how could you say that? You know I trust you."
"Do I?" She sighed and looked down, then met his eyes once more. "Will you just trust my word that I love you, and I don't need you posturing around to keep anyone from getting within three feet of me?"
"Yes. Hawke, I do. It's just that she makes me uncomfortable." He admitted, breaking his gaze from Hawke's to look over her shoulder again.
"Fenris, I understand but please, give me some space too. Relax and believe me when I say it, I want you."
Fenris paused and looked earnestly at Hawke. He nodded finally, "I do."
Hawke smiled, running her hand down his arm until she could gently link her fingers with his own. With a playful tug she turned away and led him back to stand behind Isabela and the increasingly uncomfortable looking man that had harassed her.
When the man finally fled with his figurative tail between his legs, Isabela turned back and grinned at them. With a quick flick of her eyes she looked over the lack of space between them and immediately spun to Fenris' side, casually leaning an arm over his shoulders. Hawke felt him tense away automatically and she jokingly pushed against his hand, edging him closer to the physical contact. He threw her a dark look as he was stiffly wedged between the two women to continue walking down the street.
Hawke thought nothing more of it until the next time a few of them gathered in the Hanged Man. They were merrily cheering as Anders was losing majestically in a card game against Fenris, when Hawke looked up to see Varric closely watching her watching Fenris. She quirked an eyebrow at him curiously and he grinned easily, gesturing with his head. Intrigued, Hawke followed him through to his room in the back of the bar, out of the main noise.
"Something up?" She asked with a hint of worry and Varric smiled readily, relaxing the tenseness that had immediately coiled in her stomach as he gestured her from the room.
"Oh you know me Hawke, there's always something up. But concerning you, nothing major."
"Okay…"
"It's just, you and the elf."
"I'm pretty sure we've had this conversation. You're concerned, I'm grateful but firmly independent, right?"
"Hey, I don't repeat my stories, not without improving them anyway. I'm only looking out for you and there's something I think you should know." He put on his more serious voice and Hawke frowned.
"What, Varric?"
The dwarf looked uneasy but forged ahead anyway, "Well, before you and he started doing your thing, there was something between him and Rivaini. I've never been sure if you knew that or not."
"Varric, what exactly are you trying to say? I think Fenris and I can manage our own relationship."
"Hey, I'm just saying," He held up his hands in mock surrender, "I don't want to see him giving you a hard time."
Hawke scowled down at him then, "And you tell us you're lying about having that spy network."
"I have no spies Hawke. Just friends. Remember that."
"Hmpf." She replied eloquently and stalked from the room, Varric chuckling behind her good naturedly.
She wasn't annoyed at him, she knew he was always on her side and it was true, she hadn't known Fenris and Isabela had been a thing - or had they? Varric hadn't actually specified. And so, she started paying attention to Fenris. When Hawke sat next to Anders, the elf glowered, but when Isabela then sat next to her, he bristled. Petulantly turning from him then, she lead Isabela to the bar, allowing the boys to finish their game.
As she had expected, a small quarrel broke out behind them and within another couple of minutes, Fenris was suddenly at the bar again, not quite looming next to her like he had been in the street, but unmistakeably hovering. Hawke took a drink from her pint, and then turned her head to stare at Fenris testily. He had the good grace to scowl back at her.
She needed to do something about this.
Which is why she found herself musing later that night, after Fenris returned to his own mansion, what she should do with her new knowledge. Whether there was really anything to do with it or whether it was useless gossip that no longer had any significance, and if that was the case, why was it getting to her?
The door of Fenris' mansion opened before her – did he ever lock it? – and Hawke walked in to find him standing at the top of the stairs, obviously reacting to the sound of an unexpected visitor. He watched her mutely as she walked up the steps towards him, an unreadable expression on his face.
She reached his level and swiftly moved well within his personal space, sensing the moment his posture shifted to welcome her in. He bent his head and his breath tickled across her neck as they stood together, simply revelling in the closeness of the other. His hands rose to her hips and she moved her own up his arms, around his biceps to hold him to her.
"What are you doing?" He asked. She knew he wasn't talking about that moment, with her thumbs lightly stroking across his skin. That didn't mean she planned to make it easy for him.
"I'm deciding whether to stay tonight or not." In an instant the comfortable warmth of his poise sharpened into a taut cord. His grip tightened on her, his muscles jumped under her fingers but he didn't move.
"You have always been free to go as you please." He said after a pause, slowly, forcing the words out against his will. She was the one to pull away, just enough so she could look at his face, when he lifted it to meet her flashing eyes.
"I'm free to go? That's what you're going to say?" She demanded and his expression fell into an irritated frown, as he rescinded his arms from her hips, stepping away so her hands fell down to her side.
"I'm saying you can have whatever you want." He began sounding hurt but quickly the tone of anger took over, "And you clearly don't want someone 'brooding' over you flirting with anyone who looks at you twice."
She frowned at his unfairness, not sure why it so often devolved into arguing between them. Yet they knew exactly how to push each other's buttons to make it much worse. "So it's my fault? Because I don't like it when you read into my every move and expect me to jump into bed with the next person who calls me pretty?"
"I'm talking about the market place the other day."
"There it is. Go on, say what's on your chest."
"Only if my objecting won't inconvenience you."
"Please, do tell."
"You think I'm being irrational but I just don't like seeing you with other people."
She groaned, "Having fun, Fenris. You might try it once in a while."
"It looks like more than just friendly fun to me. Especially whenever it's Isabela you're laughing with, or touching."
"And you're imagining things you only want to be there, you clueless ass." She says, and almost laughs at the look of incredulity that sparks across his face. She doesn't pause to let him retort. "Will you take a step back and stop looking at this like a blight-brained bronto." She lowered her voice, responding to the way that Fenris had bowed his head, looking up at her from below his brow as if deflated.
"I do not intend to be unreasonable, it just, gets under my skin and I can't tell you why." He said quietly, lowering his eyes to the floor once again. Hawke felt herself desperately wanting to ease his knotted anxiety, because she knew now why it had lingered on her mind, refusing to let go of her thoughts. She understood, and she didn't know that he did and she would give anything to lift some of the weight from his shoulders.
"Maybe it's because Isabela means something to you."
"I am too stubborn, your friends mean everything to you."
"No. I mean, you are stubborn," she agreed but it didn't bring the desired smile to the elf's face, "but what I meant is that Isabela means more to you than just a friend."
Fenris looked up at her sharply then, what she could interpret as a remorseful look on his face while he searched Hawke's.
"No, I mean, I would never…"
"I know you wouldn't Fenris, but that's my point. I… just heard about the two of you, from Varric." She said softly, as if tempting a wild nug from its den. Fenris stared at her now, eyes wide and unreadable.
"About us? It wasn'tanything, I swear it." He stuttered out and she stepped forward placatingly, reaching out to take his hand, drawing his gaze down to their entwined fingers. "I chose you, Hawke. I don't want to lose you."
"You won't." She said, a hand out to cup his cheek and firmly lift his head to meet her eyes. "I'm not going anywhere." She held his gaze uncompromisingly until he nodded haltingly, accepting her declaration. And then she smiled, leaving Fenris with a wary expression on his face. "And I want you to understand that you mean the world to me. More than I can say."
Fenris looked away, unused to naked displays of such sentimentality. Hawke tightened her hand around his to stop him trying to move away. "Hawke…" he began guardedly.
"More than I could possibly give to you. You deserve it all, Fenris." As she spoke, she stepped closer again, moving her hand up his face and gently pulling him forward so that their foreheads came to rest against each other. She was determined he would accede to what she was saying, understand that she truly believed it, only at the moment he was still holding himself stiffly, guardedly.
"Are you suggesting that I-what I think you're suggesting?" He said, hesitantly meeting her eyes, his own burning with doubt and confusion.
Hawke smiled at him and he continued to frown. "I'm not handing you over to Isabela, no. But I'm saying that you have done more-earned more love in this lifetime than you've ever been shown, and I want you to have everything you deserve." He made to interrupt but her thumb, still against his cheek, drew down over his mouth instead, and she leaned forward to kiss it lightly. "And perhaps you were - a little - closer to the truth than I would admit earlier."
Fenris huffed against her but he wasn't trying to pull away, and she felt the twitch of his cheek as he tried to contain the smile, tried to maintain his glowering demeanour. "You were looking at her."
"No," she said firmly and lightly patted him in reprimand, then allowed a sly grin to curl at the corners of her mouth, her eyes sliding from his lips to his gleaming green eyes, "But I would be willing to."
He drew back a little then, but only as far as his hands on her waist would allow, so that he was able to look her straight in the eye, and as he did he narrowed his own thoughtfully. "Have you spoken to her about this?" His tone was curious but she caught the underlying uncertainty.
"Oh no." She said playfully, bumping her hip under his hand in an approximation of the pirate in question. "I thought that would be much more fun if we did it together." This time she was rewarded when Fenris chuckled deep in his throat, his eyes dancing with their often-concealed humour.
"I believe that was rather the point."
A.N.: So this was a shameless piece of self indulgence since I was frustrated you couldn't have some healthy, loving polyamory in the game. Still deciding if I want to write more or if this is all i wanted to get out my system. And i want to write some more true to character Fenris, where Hawke is ALL his