CAPTAIN AMERICA
AUTHOR'S NOTE: WHOMPS AL SHERT HMFPT ARTG.
One day in Captain America world, Captain America was going about shopping at a Walmart. He was morbidly obese and wearing a tank top, jean shorts, and crocs. He sat on motorized shopping cart slowly driving through the aisle. Sweat dripped down his armpits and onto the floor, causing a thin river to form behind him. People slipped on it. "huuuugh" he groaned.
"HEY!" shouted a kid at Captain America, "GET YOUR FAT ASS OUT OF THE WAY."
Captain America wheezed and turned around to face the kid. He threw his shield at the child and then slowly ran them over.
He continued going about his shopping. "heeegh" he wheezed, "need... Bud Light." the motorized shopping cart soon ran out of batteries and he had to walk. "bitch" he stepped off the vehicle and the aisle shook violently with every step he took. "need... mcdonalds."
Nearby, a young man was at a booth handing out free samples of hamburgers. Captain America walked on over to the man and inhaled all the food into his mouth along with the toothpicks and booth.
"HEY!" shouted the young man, "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO ONLY TAKE ONE!"
"bitch..." wheezed Captain America, "I saved... your fucking ass... in the war... heeeegh"
The terrified the young man stared at Captain America. "Excuse me?"
"bitch... i'm gonna... fuck you... up." Captain America inhaled loudly and started sucking up everything from within the store. "MCDONAAAAALDS!"
"WHAT THE FUCK, MAN." shrieked the young man as he ran out the store.
"i'm an... heeeegh... an american... motherfucker" continued Captain America within his great inhale.
Suddenly Captain Australia entered the store. "AY! CRIKEY! GOTTA GET ME SOME KANGAROOS AND SOME VEGEMITE FROM THIS STORE, MATE!" he got sucked into Captain America's mouth. "OY! WHAT THE FUCK!"
Soon Captain America sucked up all of the world and the universe and then himself.
Everybody died.
The moral of the story: Do not snort the albatross.
THE END.