This is who we are.
Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds, Higher Ground, the quotes etc. if I do own anything ill let you know…
Story Summary: JJ is attacked. As the team delve into her past they discover a shocking secret, seven years ago Jennifer Jareau didn't exist… can they uncover her secret past and catch her attacker before he catches her[crossover with Higher Ground, sort of
Spoilers: slight one for profiler, profiled.
AN/ JJcentric, involves child abuse, don't read if the offends you.
Set season 3, post-Gideon pre-Rossi,
Chapter 1
Nightmares.
Nothing is predestined: The obstacles of your past can become the gateways that lead to new beginnings.
Ralph Blum
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A shiver ran down my spine as an arm grabbed me around the waist. I tried to scream but he covered my mouth.
"shh, we don't want to wake anyone up now do we Kitten"
"no" a young girl whispered, starting to cry
"good girl."
"..please, don't"
"get in bed Kitten"
"Walt… please, no"
I awoke with a small scream, my body immediately tensing when I felt eyes on me.
"JJ, are you ok?" Emily asked from a chair opposite me. Emily. I was with the team…
"yeah, fine." I replied, discretely wiping the tears from my eyes.
"you sure, if you need to talk…"
"no, I'm fine, it was nothing.."
It was a lie, and they all knew it, but no one commented any further, They settled for shooting concerned glances my way every few seconds.
I finally took in my surroundings. We were on the plane… it was all coming back to me. We just closed a case, little girls were being kidnapped and turning up dead days later. Cases with kids were always hard, but this one hit me harder, and I'm not really sure why. We have had similar cases before, but the little girls this time, I just saw myself in every one of them. Their blonde hair, their blue eyes, so lifeless but still showing the fear and pain they experienced just before death… it haunted me, brought back all the memories, the nightmares, the pain… everything I swore to keep from the team.
I was Jennifer Jareau, happy, cheerful, dependable JJ, I didn't have secrets, I was meant to be the human one, the one who reminded them all what it was to be human… or that's what Hotch told me once. Its kind of scary to be responsible for that, but it makes me feel needed, like a real part of the team…But these stupid nightmares were going to ruin it all.
I know they are getting suspicious, ever since I got the call I've been getting the nightmares, and they're just getting worse and worse. The team is starting to ask questions, and I'm not sure if JJ is strong enough to hold them off, to keep up the walls holding the secrets inside.
"JJ" I flinched when someone touched my arm and they quickly withdrew it.
"JJ, we've landed…"
I turned to see who was talking to me, "Oh Morgan, I'm sorry…"
"don't worry about it, are you ok?"
"yeah, you just startled me."
"JJ, you have been acting strange for weeks, what's up"
"the case just…"
"THIS IS NOT ABOUT THE CASE!" he shouted and I took a few steps back, angry Morgan was a Scary Morgan.
"hey, I'm sorry I shouted" he said calmly "we're all just worried about you ok"
"I know you are, but you don't need to be, I'm fine."
"your not. We all see it. Something's wrong. I don't know what it is, because you wont talk to anyone anymore, but something's changed you JJ"
"something didn't change me, I changed me, I control me. I'm sorry I cant always be perfect."
"you don't have to be, but you need to talk about what's bothering you."
"You didn't. If you hadn't have got yourself arrested we wouldn't have known anything about your past, why should I tell you anything. Hypocrite." I started to shout and stormed off the plane.
I didn't look back at Morgan, I didn't look at any of them, waiting on the tarmac for us, I couldn't look at them… look away.
They must have heard the argument, it was loud enough… don't look.
I didn't look at them. I couldn't. If I did the pity in their gazes would break me… stay strong.
I couldn't break, not here, not in front of them, I couldn't let them see the pain…keep going.
And that's what I did, I kept going, I ran away. So what else is new. It seems the only thing I can do now is run, its his fault, he made me like this… why cant I let it go.
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Its pretty short I know, but let me know what you think…please