Heir to McDowell: Remastered

by ShadowBlade40

A blonde chibi vampire has far too much time on her hands, so she attempts to travel to a parallel world. Landing in a world filled with ninja's, she finds one interesting egg to train and become her heir. Rewriten with Engineer4Ever's permission! Godlike Dark FemNaruto with yuri harem!

Warning:

This story is basically a crackfic

It'll have a good amount of stupid shit

gore and lemons later

Aloha my dudes. The names Shadeau, though you can call me Shadow, and welcome to a special project that I've been working on.

About a month (or longer, time aint my strong suit) ago, someone reached out to me to tell me that they found the first five chapters of this story and they wanted to tell me, because they saw how I mentioned it in my profile. After reading through the story for a bit, the grammatical issues started to become apparent, so being bored, I decided to edit it to make it more readable for myself.

Fast forward like a week, and I reached out to Engineer4ever, the original author of this fanfic, and asked him for permission to reupload the edited version. We talked for a bit, and now I'm officially rewriting the whole damn story, with grammar fixes, dialog changes, and even a slightly reworked plot. I'll probably have some kind of change log at the end of every chapter to inform you all of the changes I make, but that'll be up to future me.

Also, speaking of changes from the original. Unlike Engineer, I am an actual artist, so I'll probably be posting a good amount of art for this story as it progresses. One of which is the cover image for this story. Should you wanna check me out, I go by the same name over on deviant art.

Now, lets just hop into the story, since I've already made this AN long enough.

Also to make your reading easier:

Jutsu will be typed like this.

「Spells will be typed like this.」

(Random mini AN's will be typed like this.)

"People will talk like this."

'People will think like this.'

"Powerful beings/giant monsters/summons will speak like this."

'Powerful beings/giant monsters/summons will think like this.'

---

Evangeline Athanasia Katherine McDowell was bored.

The Dark Evangel, Maga Nosferatu, The Queen of The Night, The Doll Master, The Lord of Darkness, The Apostle of Destruction, The Tidings of Evil, Puppet Master, Dreaded Vampire, The High Daylight Walker, The Girl Queen of Darkness, The Visitation of Woe, The Disciple of Dark Tones… Kitty, was bored out of her mind.

It had been two hundred years since the passing of her apprentice, a full two centuries of boredom.

That was… until she decided to try something new.

The ability to travel to other dimensions.

The idea was quite appealing, though it took quite the number of years to finally be able to preform the technique. She also found out that she hadn't been the first vampire to accomplish this feat- stupid old man and his jewels!

But now, she was here; she had traveled to a new world.

She found this new world to be interesting; a world full of ninjas... NINJAS!

Kaede would have had a field day in this world.

As she was walking around the woods, she could feel a rather large level of demonic energy. Swiftly, she left to investigate where it was coming from, and she found a little girl with a stick in hand- drawing various things in the dirt.

She was a pretty little thing, golden blonde hair, flowing down her back- much like her own. And even the same ocean blue eyes; though they seemed to hold look of both sadness and loneliness, feelings that she was all too intimate with. Her skin tone was that of a light healthy tan, and the most unique thing about her would be the whisker marks on her cheeks, tripled on each side.

She was wearing a black tee-shirt with a red spiral on the back and white shorts, although she seemed to be barefoot.

She decided to approach the girl, idly wondering if she was a Hanyou or perhaps something similar to Setsuna, since she was emitting such strong demonic energy.

Eva put a big smile on her face and stood in front of the girl, "Hello there, little one." She said causally.

The little girls' eyes widened with fear, as her instincts forced her to crawl backwards until she hit a tree.

Eva raised an eyebrow, surprised by the intensity of her survival instincts, "Usually, when one greets another it's polite to return the greeting little one." She said in a light chiding manner.

The younger blonde's eyes traced Eva's body, trying to gauge her as a threat- which made the vampiric loli a little amused, she didn't know the half of it- and she took a deep breath, before speaking in a low tone, "Hello…"

Evangeline gave her a smile, "See... Now, was that so hard?"

The little girl shook her head.

"Well, I should introduce myself; I'm Evangeline A. K. McDowell, what's your name?"

"Uzu-Uzumaki Naruko, onee-san." She said timidly, her body tensed as if Eva would attack her.

"Ooh, quite the unique name, sweetie. A beautiful flowing whirlpool, the name compliments itself." Eva responded with an approving nod.

"Th-thank you." Naruko stuttered out.

After looking at the girl, she could tell that she wasn't a Hanyou; in fact, it almost feels like the demonic energy was sealed inside the child.

What kind of cretin would do something so crackbrained?

Though, it reminded her of her own past, a young girl sadly alone with no means to defend herself. Maybe, she could help...

...Thinking about it now, Eva realized that it has been a while since she trained someone, and the girl seemed like an interesting egg too. Not to mention, having an heir to the McDowell name was something that she could use.

"Well jou-chan, would you like a friend?"

The girls' eyes brightened at those words, and she rushed over to give the older girl a hug.

From her desperate grasp and pained looks, it was fairly easy to see that she was starved for attention. Which would be perfect~

Evangeline smiled to herself; this turn of events would be interesting, indeed.

---

They two walked into the forest for a bit, until Eva found a large plain that didn't house any trees. The chibi immortal pulled out a bottle, which held a tiny cottage inside, and threw into the middle of the clearing. Eva's face twisted into a wide grin, telling the young girl to watch what happens next. With a mere wave of her hand the bottle cracked opened and the wooden structure inside suddenly expanded, taking residence within the clearing.

Naruko had stars in her eyes, clearly excited by the amazing display, "Whoa, how did you do that? Magic?!"

Eva smirked at the child, the young were truly the easiest people to impress, "Something of the sort."

"So cool!" the little blonde cheered.

"Yes, now let's go inside. Perhaps you'd care for some tea?" The chibi vamp said.

"I'd like that." The little girl said in a tiny voice.

'Hm, we're definitely going to have to do something about that timid nature.' Eva thought to herself.

As they entered two Chacha maid units walked up to them.

"Is there anything you need, Mistress?" they asked at the same time.

Naruko stepped behind Eva in slight fear and the vamp gave a light chuckle, "Yes, get some tea for myself and my guest here. Also get her some shoes; walking barefoot isn't really good for a child to do." She ordered.

The two Chacha maids bowed, "Right away, Mistress." They said in synchronization.

"Who are they, nee-san?"

"They are simply free moving puppets that have a will of their own. Completely autonomous, minus the fact that they answer to me." Eva said in a gloating tone.

"So they're moving dolls?" Naruko asked, summarizing Eva's explanation.

Eva let loose a small giggle at the younger blonde's childish way of addressing her puppets, "I suppose that is one way of putting it~"

Eva guided the girl to the couch and they sat down. A few moments later one maid unit came with the tea while the other had a pair of simple black loafers- not very sophisticated, but they'd do for now.

"Put them on." Eva said in a kind tone and Naruko followed her instructions, but quickly got a bit dejected at the size difference, "They don't fit." She stated, causing Eva to grin, as she waved her hand- willing the shoes to adjust to the child's feet. The astonished Naruko stood up and walked in the now fitting shoes, "Wow, these feel great~" she chirped, "Thanks, nee-san!" she said with a bow.

'Well, at least she's polite.' Eva noted with amusement, "Now, how about you tell me why you were in the woods? It really isn't safe for a child your age; you don't what kind of monsters you could find out here." She said with a chuckle, briefly appreciating the irony of her, of all people, saying such a thing.

Naruko took on a sad look, "I-I was walking around the village and some bullies started picking on me. They started laughing at me, calling me a no good orphan, and… and then they took my shoes, saying that I didn't need them. I called for help, but the adults just ignored me." She said as she started to cry, "Then the bullies tried to hit me, but when I fought back and broke one of their noses, the adults got angry and started chasing me, so I ran into the forest and hid." She finished, as she started to cry; hugging her legs to her chest and burying her face in them.

Aside from Eva's desire to level this village to the ground, she was certain that this could work in her favor. The child clearly fears and no doubt hates these people, so all she had to be was her knight-in-shining-armour and the child would be faithful to her.

Eva walked over the girl and held her while rubbing her back and whispered sweet nothings in her ear. After the girl had calmed down, Eva handed her some of the tea and it helped to further calm the child down.

"Why don't you stay here with me? I could always use a friend, especially since I'm new around these parts." Eva asked with a kind look.

Naruko's eyes went wide, "Really?" she whispered as if she didn't believe it.

"Of course, I could even teach you how to defend yourself. I've been told that I'm quite strong." Eva added as she used the bait of power to get the girl.

"No one would pick on me?" she asked with hope in her trembling voice.

'There it is' Eva thought in glee as she gave a reassuring smile, "They would fear to even anger you."

"I'd like that." Naruko said, "I'd like that a lot." She added as her voice rose in volume.

'Hook, line, and sinker!' Eva thought in triumph, "Would you like your first lesson now?" the vampire asked.

Naruko nodded and Eva grabbed her hand, leading her to a room filled with bottles that had buildings inside with different environments.

"These bottles are magical, when we go inside them one hour out here is a whole day in there." Eva said and laughed lightly at the child's awed face and walked them onto the magical circle. In a flash of light they were in a paradise that made Naruko's jaw drop from the sheer beauty of it. They were stood on a beach, with a wonderful view of the sun glistening off the wave. The air was warm and full of moisture, reminiscent of the summer heat. And behind them was a giant tower that seemed to be a massive resort that you'd see in a civilian village- only more high-tech and pretty.

"This... this is amazing." Naruko said in awe, it was like something out of a book.

"I know right?" Eva said and led her further in to the main area of the resort where Eva would train her.

"Now, first thing to do is teach you how to fight. You will be my apprentice, and I do not train weaklings. So, tell me Uzumaki Naruko... Are you a weakling?" Eva asked in a commanding tone.

"N-no." Naruko answered

"I can't hear you! I said, are you a weakling?!" Eva said louder.

"NO!" Naruko shouted and Eva nodded.

"Good. Now I'm going to teach you about a fighting style I picked up from a funny old man I once met, it's called Aikido." Eva started and began to show Naruko the basics of it.

---

Sarutobi Hiruzen, the Sandaime Hokage was not having a good day. For the last few months, Uzumaki Naruko- the secret daughter of the Yondaime Hokage, Namikaze Minato- had undergone a major change in personality. No longer did the child smile through the pain of her life, nor did she take the abuse of the villagers when they had decided to attack the girl. The boys who usually picked on her were sent to the hospital when she broke their arms and gave a couple of them concussions.

An incident at the library was the most recent evidence of this, as she just walked in- took some history books, basic textbook for the academy, and books about chakra- and just left without checking them out. The librarian usually kicked the girl out from what he had heard, so when she ignored the old woman and just decided to take them, the librarian decided to attack the girl. Naruko had defended herself and threw the older woman to the ground, breaking the old woman's hip in the process. She was still in the hospital and, when Naruko was asked to return the books, the girl had said no.

He had to personal come to see the girl- which he only did once a month since he had a village to run- and had kindly asked the girl to give them back. A girl who wasn't old enough for puberty, said no straight to his face without hesitation. Now he took a sterner position with her to get them back and all she had said, "What are you going to do? Tell my parents? Oh wait, I don't have any~." She said in a mocking tone to him, which stung pretty hard since he knew who her parents were- and, no doubt, they would have been upset at her behavior. She left without ever turning back, even when he ordered her to stay. She just kept walking and told him that she wasn't one of his subordinates, so he didn't have power over her.

He had taken a much more active role to keep track of the girl and had found out that she had left the village to go into the forest. His ANBU had lost track of the girl once she had entered the forest, so he had no idea what she was doing.

Though, the strangest thing, she started to refer herself as Naruko U. McDowell, which caused quite a bit of headaches, since no one with such a name ever existed on any file he had.

Sarutobi rubbed his temples, frustrations deepening as he tried to find out what was making Naruko act like this.

---

It had been five months since she had started her training with Mistress Evangeline. She had spent two hours in the resort each day, so she had basically been training for about three-hundred days. And even at the times she wasn't in the resort, she continued to train in the real world.

She had a good understanding of Aikido now, but Eva would teach her more later on as her body grew. It was mainly a fighting style that revolved around using ones opponent's energy against them in throws and joint locks.

Then, Mistress started to teach her the greatest thing in the world- magic. Her mistress was teaching her fucking magic! Basically Chakra, the energy of her world, was the same as the energy known as Kanka in her mistress's world. With intense training to separate the physical and spiritual- or Ki and Mana- from her chakra, she started to use magic. Her activation key, till she thought up her own was 「Practe Bigi Nar」 and the only two spells she knew so far was 「Cantus Bellax」, a body enhancing spell, and 「Sagitta Magica Obscuri」, a long range spell that shoots arrows of darkness.

With the knowledge of how to separate her chakra, she would one day be able to use her energy no matter what stage it was in! Ki, Mana, Chakra, it didn't matter; no one would mess with her!

"Mistress, I'm home!" Naruko announced as she enter the cottage.

---

Eva would say that these past five months had been some of the most fun in her long life. While the bouya already had his values and goal all set when she started to train him, Naruko on the other hand was a blank-slate. She had forgotten how much fun it was to corrupt a young mind!

The best thing that had happen was letting the young girl become a carrier of the McDowell name. Once Naruko agreed to it, Eva had cranked up the child's training into maximum overdrive, pushing the girl to her limits with training. After all, she didn't want a weak heir.

She was currently reading one of the history book that Naruko had taken- she was quite proud of the little dear for doing that- and was learning about the world she was in. Now when she saw that people used Kanka to do techniques, she was greatly surprised to say the least.

Teaching Naruko how to separate it was a bit time consuming, but once she had learned the process, it had gotten easier to do. From what she could understand Naruko had a gratuitous amount of magical energy, just like Konoka did, and by extension, that also meant that she had a large amount of chakra. Apparently you could walk on walls with chakra, which sounded incredibly fun, and potentially useful. So, she was planning on using the book as a reference point to teach her heir to cling to surfaces.

She had also added etiquette lessons to the young girl's regimen. Despite her manners, Naruko still grew up without any proper education for how a lady should act, so she took it upon herself to make sure that her heir would be up to snuff.

Also she had seen the seal on Naruko's navel. From what she read, seals were one of the most difficult arts to master. She would be surprised to learn that the Uzumaki clan were famous for being the grandmasters of the art of fuinjutsu. Now, wasn't that just suspect? If Naruko was truly one of these Uzumaki, then why wasn't she with her family? Having become curious, Eva had done a little digging at night- shadow travel ruled- and found out that Naruko's clan had been destroyed in one of the past wars of this world. Her mother was Uzumaki Kushina, a pretty redhead that sounded a lot like Kagurazaka, but there was no info on daddy dearest. Naruko was technically royalty of this village of hers, yet she was treated like garbage.

The plot just kept getting thicker and thicker~ she just loved a juicy conspiracy. She couldn't wait to spring all this on Naruko, and have her rip this Hokage to shreds for hiding such information.

Hm, she would have to get her best bottle of blood for that event. Oh and speaking of blood, whatever demonic entity that was sealed within Naruko had somehow given her blood the best taste ever~ She could barely hold back full-body shutter when she took the first sip.

"Mistress, I'm home!" the voice of Naruko said.

"Oh good, my adorable student is back." She said to herself as she smiled.

Yes, the coming years were expected to be interesting.

---

Naruko was now twelve, though she was technically closer to fourteen after all the time she spent in the time bottles. She now stood at 5'3 and wore a sleeveless, black sailor fuka that had pink trimming around collar and hem. Around her neck were a black tie with a pink cross at the end of it, and a black frilly choker. Her legs were adorned with a black skirt that had matching stockings, which went up to her mid-thigh and had ribbons on the sides, with thin black boots finishing up the outfit. Her hair was longer now and fell to her ankles, she had no baby fat on her once rounded face, her sapphire eyes shined with a wicked glint that scared people away from her, and her nails were painted dark red, like dry blood- best part is they didn't chip thanks to magic~ She had started to grow some curves and had a B-cup chest with a purple bra and panties; also she had a bit of an accent thanks to her Mistress.

Much had happened in these eight humorous years. Naruko had mastered numerous spells of ice, lightning, and darkness; she even got a magical ring to act as her spell's foci. According to Eva, Naruko had a lot of potential like her first student, but was better off since she started training earlier then he did. She had also learned how to use wires, a sword (the basics at least), and a replica of Kaede's zanbatou sized shuriken that Eva had made for the preteen.

During training, Eva had decided to only use the resort once a week, so Naruko didn't grow too fast lest people might get suspicious. The result was three-hundred and eighty-four days of extra training, but Naruko didn't complain, her mistress had snuck into the Hokage's tower, read the scroll of sealing, and copied down the Kage Bunshin no Jutsu which had the ability to relay memories back to the user. So from the last four years, she had made hundreds of clones due to her chakra reserves and used them to train in magic, Ki, and Chakra while her Master trained her physically in spars.

For Fuinjutsu, Naruko's birthright, Eva had stolen a good number of scrolls about the art and had Naruko read all about, which she absorbed like a sponge.

During the years, Eva had drank the blood of a Jonin- making him her minion- and had him explain the reason why people hated Naruko. The child was a Jinchuuriki, a human sacrifice and weapon for the ninja villages. Naruko held the strongest of the Biju- the Kyuubi no Kitsune- which was sealed into her by the Yondaime. Essentially her life was forced aside to be the stand-in of the big bad fox.

Eva guessed as much since humans would do anything for power at times, but Naruko wanted to kill everyone for treating her as something she was not. Eva had knocked her out during her rage. After explaining her plan to the child, Naruko agreed would stay her hand, and not do anything…for now.

She had only one true friend- other than Eva, who was more like a mistress/mother- that she had gotten on her ninth birthday; Chachazero, who she affectionately referred to as Zero-chan- which Zero returned by calling her Naruko-chama. The knife wielding, self moving doll scared many people, which she was thankful for, since during the academy many of the older students tried to pick at her, but they mysteriously ended up with lacerations on their bodies and were dumped behind dumpsters. They lived, but they didn't bother Naruko ever again, and nearly pissed themselves every time they saw Zero.

Anyway as for our evil blonde heroine, she was currently marching to the Hokage tower.

She kicked open the door of the tower, breaking the doors off their hinges and marched upstairs where the secretary tried to stop her, however she was quickly shut up when an ice arrow nearly impaled her brain.

She used a Ki infused punch to shatter the Hokage's office door where the old man was talking to an assortment of gathered Jonin.

All the Jonin were on guard, along with the ANBU who jumped down ready to restrain her, but Sarutobi held up his hand to stop them.

"Hello Naruko-chan." He said as he offered a smile, "I'm sorry, but we're all in the middle of a meeting right now."

"Oh, I didn't notice." Naruko said in mock shock as she placed her hand over her mouth, but her features turned to rage once more, "I couldn't care less!" she shouted and marched up to him, each step causing cracks in the wooden floor, "You lying, conniving, manipulative old bastard! How long did you think you could hide it from me, huh? How long!" she shouted in his face.

"I'm not sure what you're talking abou-" he tired to say, but Naruko smashed her hand through his desk, splitting the wood down the center and causing it to collapse to the floor with the paperwork that previously occupied it being sent airborne.

"How long did you think you could hide the fact that I'm your bloody weapon!?" she shouted in rage as her eyes turned red, "How long were you going wait to tell me about my mother Kushina, and the fact that I'm royalty because of my clan!? The same clan who's symbol you bastards flaunt around on the backs of your jackets, yet aren't even worth a footnote in any history lesson!" she shouted as the air turned cold and the Jonin could start to see their breath.

"Everyone please lea-" Hiruzen started, but was cut off by a wall of ice blocking the windows and the open space where the door once was.

"Oh no, no, no! Let them hear of how much of a bastard their kindly leader truly is." Naruko said with a sickening smile as the temperature fell even further in the room, "You thought you could get away with it? Did you take me for an idiot, Sarutobi Hiruzen?" the blonde hissed, but Sarutobi stood up and glared at her.

"You need to learn your place, child." The old man said sternly to her.

"Oooh! Dropping your little act?" Naruko said tauntingly, "Here's the deal, you tell this cesspool who I'm related to and give me my inheritance, or I walk." The blonde said as ice started to form under her feet.

"Walk!?" Hiruzen said in shock.

"You know, leave- vamoose- go on a permanent vacation- never come back. Are these turns of phrase too complex for you to comprehend?" she asked mockingly, "You know, I'm one of the few reasons other villages don't attack here, after that bastard used me to deal with your problem."

Most of the Jonin in the room growled at her not only mocking their leader, but also their greatest hero.

"So, what will it be? Losing the symbol of my clan- as well as the only Jinchuuriki this village has- or let these zealots know all about how they abused the heiress to one of their most noble clans?" she asked with a feral grin, as her blue eyes returned now that she she calmed down a bit. Of course if he said no, she would just steal all that belonged to her and spam spells from the sky, destroying this place. It was nice being able to fly~

The Sandaime was panicking in his mind now, how did Naruko learn all these things?! They were deeply held secrets…well some were, like her mother and her clan. He needed to think of something fast.

"Tick tock monkey, tick tock." Naruko said she watched him sweat. If the man did try to capture her, he would be surprise to find out that she was really a Kage Bunshin. She had always sent a clone during the academy so she could train with her mistress more.

"I…will tell them." The Hokage said in reluctance. He could not afford to have Naruko leave and the embarrassment of having their uniform changed due to the demand of a child would be a far too big.

"Good to see you live up to your moniker of Professor." Naruko said as she popped into a dense cloud of smoke, more than happy to leave the ice in the room for them to deal with.

"Shit, that is one angry gaki." A woman with purple hair in a ponytail and wore a full body mesh suit, a skirt, and a trench coat. She was currently hugging herself as her nipples were freezing off from all the ice.

"Not now, Anko." Everyone said as some of them were doing some katon jutsu to get rid of the ice, but but kept the flames small enough, so as to not burn down the room.

Hiruzen sat in his chair as he held his head with his hands, wondering where it all went wrong.

A man with gravity deifying gray hair who was wearing the standard Jonin uniform and had his headband tilted to cover his left eye, "Well, what now Hokage-sama?" asked Hatake Kakashi, the copy ninja and last living student of the Yondaime. He was very surprised at how cynical his sensei's daughter acted. He had heard rumors, at first he just hoped that it was the people who hated her for the Kyuubi, but now he thought otherwise.

"She is showing to be a major flight risk. When she passes the genin exam she will be assigned to you just like young Sasuke is. We cannot let her leave Kakashi! I'm counting on you." The aged Hokage said as he gave Kakashi a serious look.

Kakashi nodded, "I understand." He said, but he hoped that he could steer his sensei's daughter in the right direction.

---

Naruko stopped playing the fighting game that she and Eva were playing, which in turn caused her to lose…again, and turned to the smaller blonde with a big smile, "Mistress, I got the memory." Naruko said as Eva grinned savagely.

"Oh ho ho, this is going to be so good~ Hey, get me some blood and set up the memory projector!" Eva ordered her Chacha maids.

"Was there blood?" asked Chachazero who hopped on the couch.

"No, but lots of panic and fear." Naruko answered honestly.

"Well that won't do… Make sure to eviscerate at least one next time." Eva hissed with a pointed look.

Quickly, Naruto bowed her head, sorry to upset her mistress. "Of course, Mistress!"

One of the maids brought Eva her a wineglass filled with scarlet liquid of life, and the other brought the memory projector as well as some extra memory film. Naruko muttered a spell and the memory of the event went onto the film. The maid put the film in the machine and started the projector, dimming the lights for the short video.

As the film played Eva nodded at some of the moves Naruko used, though she wouldn't have shown her ice magic so soon. She quickly got over it when Naruko made her offer and laughed at the panicking old fool.

Zero was giggling up a storm on Naruko's lap as the blonde child laughed at the stupefied looks on the Jonin's faces. Maybe they'll learn their leader isn't all that great.

"While the lack of blood is nettlesome, I like the fact that you destroyed his desk. It added just the right amount of savagery." Eva commented as she finished her blissful drink.

"Thank you, Mistress~" Naruko purred out with a smile for the praise.

"However, you doltishly used your magic in front of those idiots." Eva scolded with a glare.

Naruko looked down, "They're stupid, they'll think it's the Hyoton, or some other Kekkai Genkai." The younger blonde reasoned.

Eva stared at her for a few seconds to make her sweat, but sighed in the end, "Fine. I'll let it slip… for now." The chibipire said.

"Thank you, Mistress." Naruko said again.

"Now go study for your little test tomorrow. I will not tolerate my apprentice getting anything less than first place in school." The vampire said as she had force fed knowledge and tactics into Naruko's head at a young age and showed she was brilliant at it- once she applied herself.

"Of course." Naruko said as she grinned at the thought of sending that fool Mizuki to the hospital…again.

"Good." Eva nodded as she watched the girl walk away with her partner.

---

Naruko was walking down the street with a bit of a skip in her step as Zero was humming a tune.

It freaked everyone the hell out, because it was known that Naruko U. McDowell does not skip unless she just did something that made her happy, like nearly killing someone or something.

She entered the academy and breathed in deeply. Oh, how was she was going to miss this brainwashing facility, messing with the staff was far too much fun~

It was trivial at best to make them squirm. Something as simple as channeling her anger to make her eyes turn red would freak them out.

It was great~

Anyway, she walked up to her classroom door and opened it, "Hello my annoying classmates, your most feared person has arrived~" Naruko said in a singsong tone as she skipped to her seat.

Now, Naruko had garnered two different reactions from her classmates.

Most of the girls found her to be the scariest person they had ever met. They thought that- because she grew her hair long- Naruko was after Sasuke, but once they confronted her, she thrashed them while telling them that Sasuke was a loser who played for the other team.

All the boys- except a few- found her to be smokin' hot! She was the academy bad girl that had breasts unlike most of the girls in class and she wrecks Sasuke in all the spars they were paired with. Basically, Naruko U. McDowell was the most wanted girl in school, no matter how much their parents told them to not go near her. That just made them want her more!

Hell, a bunch of people even made a fan club for her, with several boys, girls, and even a few adult members. Some of the more die-hard members would literally throw themselves at her feet.

After the rest of the students came in, the teachers Iruka and Mizuki finally entered with papers in-hand.

"Who do you think is going to test me in taijutsu, Zero-chan?" Naruko asked her partner loud enough for everyone to hear.

"I don't know, Naruko-chama, but are you going to make them bleed?" the blood thirsty puppet asked.

"No, I'll break their legs first, then their arms and while they are on the ground begging for mercy I'll…" she trailed off with a bone chilling giggle, wanting to make it a surprise.

Everyone gulped- or moaned softly if they were a fan who imagined it was them getting domed by the blonde baddie- as Iruka and Mizuki did a quick round of rock-paper-scissors to see who was going to fight the blonde terror.

Iruka pumped his fist in the air at his victory with the mighty rock. 'God bless the rock, for it is holy. A true testament to the mental and physical durability and power that one must have to be a soldier. Amen...'

"Fuck!" Mizuki cursed loudly for sending out his scissors- the true pussy's choice.

Naruko just giggled, since she wanted to knock the white haired chunin's block off.

The sensei's passed out the tests and the students got underway with the test that decided their future.

Naruko listened to Zero hum while she raced through the test knowing all the answers to these unnecessary questions.

In five minutes flat Naruko flipped her test over and started to play with Zero on her desk, while speaking in whispers-though everyone could still hear her- about all their favorite ways to kill peoplen

As everyone finally finished, the class was lead outside and started the taijutsu portion of the test.

Strangely by the time it finished, Naruko's name was never called.

"Oh sensei~ why wasn't I called to kil- I mean spar against Mizuki?" Naruko asked sweetly as she really didn't count Mizuki as a sensei and only called Iruka one when she wanted something.

Iruka started to sweat, "Well since you did so well, we decided to pass you automatically." He said nervously, much to the chagrin of the other students, but a glare from Mizuki shut them up.

"Aww…" Naruko moaned in disappointment and her fans found her pouting face to be cute.

Finally it was time for the Ninjutsu test.

When Naruko was called she performed the academy three: Henge, she turned into Mizuki while pretending to be chocking and dying; Kawarimi, she swapped with Mizuki and sat him the silver haired mans' seat causing the man to fall on his rear at about three feet in the air, and finally she did Kage Bunshin to pass the clone test.

She had passed with flying colors and grabbed her stupid headband and left. As she left the building she swung the headband by the cloth it was stitched to. Ah, those scowls were so wonderful to see!

She used 「Shundo」 multiple times to get home and lose the usual people who tailed her. She entered the barrier that only allowed her and Evangeline to enter while turning others away.

She opened the cottage door waving the headband, "I got the thingy~" Naruko chirped

"Good, I was wondering what was taking so long." Eva said as she entered in a white Lolita outfit.

"Dressing up for today, Mistress?" Naruko asked with her head tilted.

"For once." Eva said, "I don't really have a reason to dress in some of my more stylish outfits, because I stay in here all the time!" she said as she announced her cabin- or in her case cottage- fever.

"Then go out as me for a day." Naruko suggested with a grin, "All we have to do is draw some whisker marks on your face, Mistress, then do a minor illusion spell to give you some height, and you'd be the spitting image of me." she said with a giggle.

Eva snorted at her, "As if! Should you lose those whisker marks, you'd be the spitting image of me if my body grew. Don't get too cocky with me, sweetie~"

Naruko pouted, "Fine."

"But, you do raise a good idea my apprentice. I think I may just take you up on that offer." Eva said with a grin, as she cupped her chin.

Naruko blinked, all she had to do was take her picture tomorrow…Mistress could do that without messing up her reputation, right?

"You just thought that I'd somehow cramp your style, didn't you?" Eva said menacingly as she stepped towards Naruko.

Naruko started to sweat, "No, of course not, never!" she said as she inched away from her temperamental Master.

Her mistress quickly used a binding spell to capture her, a menacing, sadism ridden grin on her face, "It's a day in the arctic field for you." As she snapped her fingers, her Chacha maids dragged the screaming child into the ice field of the resort.

"I love doing that~" Eva said to herself and looked into a mirror as she waved her hand to give her whisker marks and a few inches of height, she turned to Chachazero, "How do I look?" Eva said the blood thirsty doll.

"Naruko-chama pulls it off better." The doll said with honesty.

Eva picked the doll up and put her on her head, "Let's just go." Eva said in a ticked tone, she was just as cute as her little apprentice… She could so pull off her whisker marks, dammit!

They headed out to the village and headed into the tower. The secretary still seemed to be scared of her. Good.

Eva looked at the door her student destroyed not too long ago, and saw that it was fixed… The Hokage's got a hell of a good carpenter if they can fix that.

She knocked on the door and heard a voice tell her to come in. She opened the door, with a grin on her face, as she saw the Hokage's new desk, "You tell them yet?" she questioned in a playful tone.

Sarutobi looked at her with a light glare, "Not yet." He said in a terse tone, "Please sit down in the corner so the photographer can take your photo."

"Okay~" Eva said as she sat down, putting Chachazero by her feet. She smiled cruelly into the camera and the photographer took the picture with silent fear.

He handed the photo to the Hokage to put into Naruko's file, which Eva noted was quite thick. With only one glance, the jaded Hokage sighed, and practically pleaded with the disguised blonde, "Please take another one, Naruko-chan."

"No thanks, my picture should strike a deep fear into whatever poor idiot that decides to look me up." Eva said with a grin.

The man sighed again and put it in, he couldn't really afford to upset the blonde, lest she just sneak off. It wasn't like any of his Anbu could find her in these passed eight years.

"Prepare to die old man!" a child's voice shouted as a kid with brown hair that wore white shorts, a yellow shirt, blue scarf, and even a helmet.

"Yeeeeaaaah!" the kid shouted till he tripped over his scarf.

"Honorable grandson!" the voice of a panicking adult said as a man in black pants, shirt, bandana, and round sunglasses came in to see the fallen boy.

"Ow, what tripped me?" the young boy said to himself as he stood up and saw Eva, "You tripped me!" he proclaimed as he pointed at the Vampire.

Eva blinked at him, "You're pretty big for a vegetable." she stated blandly, ignoring the gasp from the man in black.

"Wha?" the kid questioned.

"I'm calling you brain dead, boy." Eva simplified, dumbing it down for the kid.

"Hey, I'm not stupid, you meanie!" the kid said with a red face.

"Well, it seems to me that you are, so long as you can't comprehend the fact that you stupidly tripped on your own scarf." Eva scuffed, "I'm leaving, come Chachazero." She said and the puppet stood on its legs, "You got it, Naruko-chama!" and it walked out with Eva.

"Who was that, and what was with that doll?" the boy asked.

"That was Naruko Uzumaki, -or as she prefers, Naruko U. McDowell- and she is, without a doubt, one of the strongest genin in this village Konohamaru." Sarutobi said as he rubbed the bridge of his nose.

'So that is the Kyuubi-girl. What a frightening presence she gives off.' Ebisu thought with a shiver.

"It would be for the best if you stay away from…that, honorable grandson." Ebisu said, but turned to see his young charge had left, "Honorable grandson? Honorable grandson?!" he said in a panic.

"I believe he left to stalk after Naruko, Ebisu." The Sandaime said.

"Honorable grandson, no!" Ebisu shouted as he chased after his charge.

---

Eva was walking with Chachazero in her arms, till she lashed out her hand and wires ripped off the tarp that Konohamaru used to cover himself- which he unfortunately had turned the wrong way. Her wires snaked around, snaring the child in front of the disguised vampire, "What do you want?" Eva asked with boredom.

"Jiji says you're strong, I want you to teach me!" he said from his wiry prison.

"No." Eva said as she dropped him on the ground and proceeded to leave.

"Hey, wait!" Konohamaru said as he scurried off the ground to catch up with Eva.

Eva started to walk faster and the kid kept following her. She wanted to see how long the stupid boy would follow her.

About ten minutes later, the kid could handle no more, and he collapsed on the ground, "I-I give… up." He said softly, through various groans and pants.

Eva turned around and raised an eyebrow, "I'm surprised. Usually children your age would have some energy… You're a lazy little munchkin, aren't you?"

"No!" Konohamaru said panting as he rolled on to his back.

Eva walked up to his downed boy and poked his head with her finger, "So what's the deal with trying to kill the old monkey?" she asked with curiosity.

"I wanna be Hokage…so the shortest way to do so…is to beat my old man."

"You really are stupid." Eva said with a deadpan look.

"Hey!" the boy said in indignation.

"First off you're ninja, act like one. A ninja just doesn't proclaim their attack; they kill in the night silently when their targets guard is down. Second, the old monkey may be old, but he leads this dump, so he has some kind of experience- experience you don't have. Third, he could easily detect a hit on his life, unless you were the best assassin out there. Fourth, even if you did beat him, no one is going to make a kid a Kage, that's dumb." Eva lectured as she broke the kid's sense of reality.

"Then what do I do!?" Konohamaru shouted with tears, "How do I get people to call me by my name and not honorable grandson!?"

Eva kissed her teeth at him, "What anyone does, they get stronger. The stronger you are, the more people will know of you, simple." She said as she stood up and began to walk away.

"Wait!" Konohamaru said as he stood up and was no longer panting, "Can you train me?!"

Eva turned her head to look at him with only one eye, "I don't train weaklings, get stronger first and then I'll consider it." She said, but of course she was going to dump this on her student, it would be good for her, since all evil villains need to have a good yes-man.

"As if the honorable grandson needs to be trained by something like you!" Ebisu exclaimed, as he entered the scene.

Eva blinked at him, "Oh, it's the weak little man who was about to have a heart attack, due to my mere presence. What do you want?" she asked in boredom, idly wondering if her student had to deal with this all the time.

"The honorable grandson does not need to be even near one as vile as you." He said as he adjusted his glasses.

Eva blinked indignantly for several seconds, before finally opening her mouth, "I'm sorry, but there was so much idiocy in that sentence, might you care to clarify?" she demanded as she narrowed her eyes.

"You know exactly what I said, creature." Ebisu said with a smirk as he crossed his arms thinking he scared the girl with her secret.

"It's ignorant, hypocritical people like you, that I despise the most. You're a bloody ninja- you kill people also- so you're just as monstrous as any other person who kills and steals for money. Now, shut your stupid, little mouth before, I rip out your esophagus." Eva said as she narrowed her eyes and released some killing intent at the ignorant fop.

Ebisu gasped at her for saying that…even if it was true, but his honor would not take it!

"I challenge you, then!"

The blonde vamp's eyes lit up, "To the death~?" Eva asked in a cheery tone and a smile.

Ebisu faltered slightly at such a question. She was an insanely bloodthirsty girl, what if she actually did try to kill him? "No, no just knockout." He squeaked quickly.

Eva pouted, "Fine, spoil sport." She said as she held Chachazero.

"Aren't you going to put that doll down?" Ebisu asked as he got into his stance.

Eva laughed haughtily at him, her smirk shining with superiority, "Why would I need to?"

Ebisu growled and managed to take one step, before Eva was standing in his guard and grabbed his throat with a steel gripped vice. Eva pulled him to her face and the sclera of her eyes turned black as her irises changed to red with slits, "I'll devour your soul." She whispered to him and threw him into a nearby tree, knocking him out and breaking the tree.

"I win." Eva said with a chipper smile as her eyes turned to normal.

Konohamaru stared in awe, surprised by the efficiency that the blond showed dismantling his tutor. Quickly, his eyes gained a starstruck shine, as he shouted at the top of his lungs. "…That was awesome!"

"Yes, yes, I rule. I already know." Eva said as she dismissed his feet kissing and started to leave.

"I'll get really strong like you boss, that way you'll be begging to train me!" he said to her retreating form.

"Hmm… Fine then, bouya. You are now Naruko U. McDowell's minion, and- until you are strong enough to be her apprentice- you will do whatever she says. Is that clear?" Eva ordered

Konohamaru eagerly nodded, but idly wondered why she suddenly shifted to talking in the third-person.

---

Eva walked in to see Naruko covered in several blankets eating some chicken noodle soup.

"How was it, Mistress?" Naruko asked through chattering teeth.

Eva hopped onto the couch as waved her hand to get rid of her whisker marks and returned to her normal height, "I have obtained a minion for you."

"A what?" Naruko asked in confusion.

"A minion my dear student, someone to follow your orders and worship the ground you walk on. You can't go around without one, it's just not classy." Eva chided while wagging her finger.

"…But I already have my fan club, why would I need a minion?" Naruko said in even more confusion.

"Minions are much more thematic for villianesses, like ourselves. You'll understand the necessity of brand loyalty in due time." Eva said as she patted her students head, "Regardless, I'm off to bed, get warm soon~" she teased and Naruko grumbled at her.

---

Naruko was walking back to the brainwashing facility once more, but had a new addition to her wardrobe, it was a black pointed witch's hat that had a large rim, her mistress insisted on it! All morning she had lectured Naruko about the importance of her "brand aesthetic"- whatever that means.

Today she was getting her meat shiel- uh, teammates… yes.Teammates.

She slammed the door open and gave a feral grin to the idiots she had to be with for the past few years.

"I wonder which two out of you idiotic lot will end up being my meat shields?" Naruko wondered out loud and everyone shivered. Though, for members of her fan club, they were shivering in a good way… well for them at least.

Naruko sat next to the sloth of the class and propped her legs on the desk, which made some of her more brazen fans try to sneak a peek at her panties. However, she was wearing spats today, making some groan, and some moan. (Important message: Spats are hot af)

Naruko chuckled at messing with the idiots; it was so much fun to tease them.

"As troublesome as always, Naruko." Shikamaru muttered tiredly under his breath. The young Nara had his hair up in a spiky ponytail, wearing grey pants and a matching open jacket with a mesh undershirt.

"Oh come now, Sloth, it's always fun to watch these idiots get all flustered." Naruko said with a haughty laugh.

Shikamaru muttered troublesome blondes, before going back to sleep.

Soon, both Ino and Sakura barged into the room, each trying to get in first.

"Just get in, you stupid banshees." Naruko barked out, causing the two fangirls let loose a feminine eep as they came in.

Ino decided to not show fear to her fellow blonde… like an idiot, "Nice hat weirdo, where's your broom?" she asked tauntingly, getting some of the girls of the class to laugh.

Naruko just grinned, "Oh? The weak, flat twig gets a backbone. I thought you had it removed to weigh even less." Naruko joked and all her brown nosers laughed at the red faced Ino, "And to answer your question, it's with the dead body of the person I killed with it." She said with a smile.

A stiff silence filled the room at that, nobody could quite tell if she was being fallacious.

Iruka came into the class, though everyone quickly took note of the somber look on his face, as well as the lack of a certain assistant.

"… For those wondering, Mizuki won't be joining us, since he was found out to be a traitor last night." Iruka said answering the silent question.

"Ha, I knew it! Pay up sloth." Naruko said to Shikamaru, making the lazy boy mutter to himself, as he handed her a small bundle of ryo.

"Naruko, you knew Mizuki was a traitor?" Iruka asked in surprise, to which the blonde nodded, "Why didn't you say anything?!"

Naruko shrugged with a smile, "I wanted to see how long it took the so called elites of this place to find out. It must be pretty sad that a child figured it out before most of the adults." She finished with a laugh.

Iruka blushed red in embarrassment and everyone in the Hokage's office who was watching the class looked embarrassed as well.

"Anyway," Iruka grunted out, "The teams are as followed…" he listed off.

"Team Seven, Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura, and… McDowell Naruko, your sensei will be Hatake Kakashi."

"Yes!"

"Hn."

"Yay, my newest meat shields!"

Many people gave a silent prayer for both Sakura and Sasuke… Truly, if there was a god, then he hated them.

Iruka continued to list off the rest of the teams, "Wait here for your new Jonin sensei's to come pick you up." He said as he left the room.

---

A few hours had passed since the team announcements, and every team had been picked up by their respective sensei. Every team except for the bombastic team of our little heroine.

Naruko and Chachazero were playing a game of cards, with Naruko winning of course.

Sasuke had his eyes closed, it was clear he was irritated.

Sakura, well…

"Where is our sensei?!" she shouted to the world.

"I don't know and I really don't care, I'm winning big time~" Naruko said with a Cheshire grin as she placed her cards down, "Royal flush~"

Zero threw her cards down in anger and crossed her tiny arms, "There is no way you aren't cheating, Naruko-chama. No one is this lucky!"

"What can I say? I have the devil's own luck." Naruko shot back as she collected her winnings, which was a giant pile of candy that they used to bet.

"Who cares about your stupid card game? Our sensei isn't here yet! How are we supposed to learn more about being ninja if he isn't here!" the banshee screeched.

"You mean you're a ninja?" Naruko said with a clueless look, "I thought you were a cheerleader? Huh, learn something new every day." She said to herself.

Sakura seethed at the monstrous blonde and did nothing more, it wasn't like she could.

The door opened and their sensei entered.

Kakashi looked at them with a single half lidded eye, "My first impression of you is…I hate all of you."

"And your hair looks stupid. Do you put your finger in a light socket every morning?"

Kakashi leveled a glare at her, "… I really don't like you."

"Love you too." Naruko said with a carefree smile.

"Roof, 5 minutes." He said and disappeared in a poof of smoke.

'Shunshin, huh?' Naruko thought as she picked up Zero and walked to a window that she opened. She started a slow walk up the wall as she held her hat and jumped over the railing that surrounded the roof.

"30 seconds~ So, do I get a prize?" Naruko asked as she batted her eyelashes at the Jonin.

"Yes, you get four and a half minutes to rest while your teammates get up here." Kakashi said with an eye smile and he went back to reading his book.

Naruko pouted at him, "We really need to work on this reward system, it stinks." She said as she laid down on one of the benches while tipping her hat over her eyes and placed Zero on her chest.

A few minutes later the dynamic duo opened the door to the roof.

"Wow, you guys nearly failed at getting to a roof in five minutes, congratulations." Naruko said with only her smile being seen.

The two growled at her and Kakashi sighed, 'Not off to a good start...'

"Well now that we're all here, how about we introduce ourselves to one another?" Kakashi said with his eye smile.

"Like what sensei?" Sakura asked cluelessly.

"Wow, she really is stupid." Zero chirped out with an impish look on her wooden face.

Kakashi had to stifle a laugh; being made fun of by a doll had to hurt so bad.

"You know; your likes, dislikes, hobbies, dreams, stuff like that." Kakashi said with a shrug.

"How about you go first, to show us how it's done, Sensei." Sakura suggested.

"Okay then; I'm Hatake Kakashi, things I like and things I hate… meh, I don't feel like telling you that. My dreams for the future… never really thought about it. As for my hobbies… I have lots of hobbies."

'That wasn't informative at all!' Sasuke and Sakura thought while Naruko and Zero were silently laughing at how trolly the intro was.

"Now, how about you pinkie?" the scarecrow asked.

Sakura glared at the nickname, but Kakashi ignored her, "My name is Haruno Sakura, my likes are…" she trailed off and giggled at Sasuke, "My dislikes would be Ino-pig! My hobbies are shopping and doing my hair. Finally my dream would be to…" she said looking at Sasuke again and did that creepy giggle again.

'…Wonderful.' Kakashi thought to himself.

"Emo Wonder, you're up."

Sasuke only scowled slightly at Kakashi's nickname and then spoke, "My name is Uchiha Sasuke. I hate a lot of things, and I don't particularly like anything. What I have is not a dream, because I will make it a reality. I'm going to restore my clan, and kill a certain man."

"How are you going to do that?" Naruto inquired with a curious gaze.

Sasuke blink at her, as he stated the obvious, "Simple, I'll get stronger and kill him."

Naruko shook her head, "No, how are you going to revive your clan if you like guys?" she asked in childish wonder.

Sasuke's scowl increased quite a bit, though he held his tongue, since he didn't want to give her the satisfaction of a response.

"Hey, Sasuke-kun isn't gay!"

"You keep telling yourself that, Haruno." Naruko said with her usual smile.

"And now our wanna-be witch." Kakashi said with a bit of exasperation.

Naruko raised an eyebrow, "Who says I'm a wanna-be? Watch out or I may just hex you~" she said as she wiggled her fingers at him and cupped her chin, "Now, who am I you ask? Well let me inform you peons!" she shouted as she jump onto the top portion of the roof.

"I am The Black Maelstrom, The Deliverer of Malice, a Princess of Night, The Doll Wielder, an absolute Whirlpool of Evil; I am Naruko U. McDowell!" she began laughing manically as lightning struck in the background. She jumped back to her seat where only Zero-chan was clapping for her while the others looked dumbstruck, truly they lack an appreciation for an introduction of her quality.

"My likes are killing, maiming, choking, disarming, dislegging, disemboweling, Zero-chan, tea, reading, and taking walks. My dislikes would be this village, the people in this village, puppies, kittens, birds, forgetting my list of things I hate, reading from my list of things I hate when asked what I hate, people bothering me, people asking me for help, and all the Who's down in Whoville. My hobbies would be training, sleeping, playing with Zero-chan, torturing people, and doing magic~ My dream? Well it would be killing everyone who thought it was okay to pick on me and then all their families." She finished with an angelic smile.

Everyone had a different reaction to her list, Sakura for the most part just looked at her fearfully and inched away slowly; Kakashi was merely wide eyed; and Sasuke was questioning if dislegging was an actual word.

'Sweet Kami, what happened to her?!' Kakashi shouted in his mind, had all the abuse she had gone through really done this to her? He had a lot of work to do, but that dream of hers scared him the most.

"Well…that was informative." Kakashi stated, "Now then-"

"Hey, what about me?!" Everyone turned to look at the small puppet that sat on the blonde's lap.

"You're a doll." Kakashi answered, "You don't count."

"Hey! She has feelings too you know. What an insensitive jerk, no wonder he has to read smut, he couldn't keep a woman if he tried." Naruko said as she hugged Zero, "Now now Zero-chan, well find a bear for you to kill later, is that okay?" Naruko asked sweetly and Zero nodded, hugging Naruko back.

Kakashi shook his head; this day just kept getting weirder and weirder.

"As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted," Naruko huffed at him while Zero blew him the raspberry, "I should tell you about the test…" spoke Kakashi before Sakura suddenly spoke up in confusion.

"Test… what test? We already had our genin exams, Sensei." Sakura said in a panic.

At this Kakashi just eyed smiled, "…You didn't think that becoming a full Genin was just passing a written exam and some small test did you?" This of course caused Sakura to blush slightly, since she actually did.

"Now as I was saying there will be a test tomorrow morning and I expect you all to be there at Training Ground Seven and I want you all there at seven a.m. sharp. Also, don't eat breakfast, since you'll just throw it up during the test." spoke Kakashi, after which he saluted the three Genin and then disappeared again in a whirl of leaves.

"And I vanish!" Naruko said as she threw down a smoke pellet, disappearing before her teammates eyes.

Seeing as the others left, Sasuke figured that he'd better move out too. Better to get a little bit of training in before the day ends. Though, he encountered a small issue when Sakura hounded him for a date, but she was a fairly poor kunoichi, so getting away from her was a cinch.

---

The next day Naruko was whistling as she walked briskly on to the training ground with Zero propped up on her had, humming a soft song for them. She came prepped with both a book in hand, along with her deck of cards to kill some time for the late sensei.

As she walk up, she could see her pink meat shield looking half dead, and the Uchiha meat shield looking a lot better, but still hungry.

Zero jumped off her head and gave her a look, "Deal me." she said, signaling that the card game of the century had just begun.

-3 hours later-

A relaxed Naruko sat in the training ground, softly chewing on a piece of toffee, with a large pile in front of her; a mass of candy, knives, and even Zero's clothes all sat in between the witch and her doll.

Said doll's eye was currently twitching from the never ending rage that she was feeling. They'd been playing for hours and Naruko hadn't lost a single hand, "How are you so good?!" she screeched at the top of her magical wooden lungs.

Casually tipping her hat, Naruko shot her partner a Cheshire grin, "The devil's own luck, Zero-chan; I thought you knew this by now."

"Can I at least have my clothes back?" Zero asked, sad and defeated. Being the nice gal that she was- pfft ha- Naruko gave the magic doll a break, as she returned her clothes and knives. Besides, she would be needing them in a bit.

"Yo, minna!" Kakashi greeted, appearing before the tired genin- and Naruko- with an eye smile.

"You're late!" Sakura screeched at the man, before a rock impacted with her gut, coming straight from an annoyed Naruko.

"There are other people here, you moron. None of us want to hear your obnoxious voice!" Naruko growled out angrily at the pink-haired girl.

"Now, now Naruko, no hitting your teammate." Kakashi chided lightly, though Naruko ignored him.

Kakashi reached into his pouch, pulling out a clock which he set on the training post in the middle of the field. Though, much like a pedo near a school, he had more in his magic sack; he then pulled out two bentos and two bells, the latter of which he attached to his pants, "Now then, I am sure you're all wondering about your test." Kakashi paused for a moment as he gave them an eye smile, "It's quite simple; all you have to do, is get these two bells from me. Anyone who doesn't get a bell will be sent back to the academy for remedial training."

This statement was accompanied by three different reactions. Sasuke narrowed his eyes and grit his teeth, determined to get a bell. Sakura paled a bit, her confidence wavering. Naruko however, just stood around with her usual indifferent posture.

"But Kakashi-sensei, there are only two bells!?"

"Amazing, it can count!" Naruko said in mock awe, with her mouth mimicking a fish.

Kakashi shrugged with his trademarked eye smile, "Well then, I guess that means at least one of you will fail. Oh, and by the by, whoever doesn't get a bell will also be tied to one of these posts and forced to watch, as the others eat their meals in front of you."

Two stomachs growled at that announcement, both Sakura and Sasuke now realizing why he told them not to eat. The witch of the team just gave the others a grin that shouted 'cat ate the canary'. Fitting given the nature of their dilemma.

"Naruko." Kakashi said with a bit of his own mischievous attitude filing in, "I thought I told you not to eat."

"I'm not sure if you've figured it out yet from watching the Hiruzen, but me and orders don't mix. Keep that memorized for later use, kay?" Her rude words and smug grin made Kakashi's eyebrow twitch a bit, but he did appreciate her dismissive attitude. It reminded him a lot of himself, though, he'd certainly have to knock her down a peg to get her in line. He didn't have a ton of respect for a lot of people, but he needed to instill the importance of rules into her noggin.

"Alright kids, you can use use anything in your repertoire, just remember to come at me with the intention to kill or you won't get a bell." Kakashi said in slight seriousness.

"But sensei, what if you get hurt?" Sakura asked with a good amount of unease in her quivering voice.

Kakashi chuckled at the cuteness of that sentiment, sure it good to worry for a comrade's health, but genin weren't much against a jonin, "Thank you for the concern, but I think I'm good enough to avoid getting hurt. Now… You may start!"

Instantly, Sasuke and Sakura shot off, disappearing into the grove of trees, while Naruko simply walked leisurely into the woods, whistling all the way. Kakashi sweat dropped at the blatant lack of care, 'I know I'm a jokey man, but at least tryto take this seriously.'

Now a decent distance into the forest, Naruko laid her back against a tree and waved her hand, 「Accido: De Bell Kakashi.」 She said, summoning one of the silver bells into her waiting hand. Giving the little piece of metal a shake, the bell chimed softly, "Jingle all the way~" Happy with how easy the test was to pass, she casually lifted her hat a bit and placed the bell atop her head, covering it with her hat. "Chachazero, I'm going to take a nap. Watch over me." Naruko commanded her familiar, as she snuggled against the tree, with the brim of her hat covering her eyes.

The small doll nodded happily, pulling out her knives with a scary amount of glee, "How much can I fight?"

"Any lethal force you deem necessary~"

Zero's eyes gained a giant spark, as she began jumping up and down whilst cheering, "Yay!"

- With Kakashi -

The test had been going well so far; Kakashi had gotten Sakura with a weak genjutsu, though her screams were pretty intense, but for the jonin it just showed how unprepared she was. Sasuke was a much more impressive genin, showing good aptitude with katon ninjutsu, the interceptor fist, and even advanced tactics. He had even managed to touch the bell that he had.

Now, if you aren't stupid, then you could probably see a problem here. 'The bell that he had.' And yeah, he only had the one.

As far as he knew, he hadn't dropped it anywhere. It was fastened tightly to his belt, but it somehow managed to disappear.

If his instincts were correct, it may have something to do with the absent blonde genin. So, with the other two incapacitated, he figured that he'd search for her.

Coming to a stop from his tree jumping, he looked at where her chakra signature was to find her… sleeping? Again, he felt a bit of pride rush up at the site of a student with such a lack of respect, but he was more occupied by the sheer disappointment of her not taking him seriously.

Wanting to get back at the unruly student, he planned to surprise her, but his instincts kicked in at the last second, warning him of danger. Jumping off the branch, Kakashi was surprised to see five butcher knives impact where he was once standing.

The jonin's mind raced at a mile a minute, was she pretending to be asleep, or had she set up a trap in case he found her?

"Heya, Cyclops~" A creepy, yet innocent voice said, and it was one that Kakashi recognized. He turned to see the little doll that Naruko carried around, holding two large butcher knives in her hands.

"A battle puppet?" he asked in shock. He had assumed that the puppet wasn't just for show, but to see one of Suna's arts re purposed was impressive. To use one of these tools normally was incredibly difficult, but to see her do any kind of battle puppetry whilst pretending to sleep- and even throwing her voice- was a fucking shock.

"Nuh uh, I'm my own person." Zero said as she slashed her knives against each other, making small sparks fly, "And Naruko-chama said I could go at you with any lethal force I deemed necessary… But, between you and me, I like to make things bloody~ How 'bout you?" she asked with he smile widening to creepy proportions, making the jonin's eye widen.

"Now… Ready or not, here I come~" Zero sang and charged at the Jonin.

-12:00-

The clock rang throughout the field, as Kakashi walked out of the woods with his clothes in rags, his body covered in cuts, and his wild hair was cut slightly shorter. As he struggled to catch his breath, Zero walked out of the woods with a disappointed frown.

"Dang it, time ran out. Maybe we can play again next time, Cyclops~" Zero said as she walked back into the woods to wake up her partner.

"That… is no… ordinary… puppet." Kakashi concluded that dolls would now forever haunt his dreams along side with the clowns. Don't judge, those things were not normal either! (As a clown myself, I am horribly offended by this statement.)

Quickly, Kakashi used a henge to appear normal, so that his students wouldn't see his shame. And luckily he did, as Sasuke and Sakura would soon walk into the center of the training ground. Both students were covered in dirt, though Sasuke had his entire wardrobe caked in filth, but Sakura seemed to only have her arms and a bit of her qipao coated.

Naruko, on the other hand, walked out of the woods with but a yawn, looking refreshed as she held Zero in her arms.

"Now then," Kakashi started as he looked over his students. And before they knew it, both Sasuke and Sakura were tied to a respective post.

Sasuke growled with rage, and Sakura shrieked in surprise, as Kakashi turned to Naruko and held out his hand, making a motion for her to hand over the bell.

Naruko blinked, before simply lifting up her hat, showing the bell under it. Kakashi snatched it from atop her head, giving the blonde a curious look, "How did you get this anyway?"

Naruko smirked and tapped her nose, before speaking with quizzical tone, "A magician never reveals her secrets."

Kakashi gave her a mock glare and almost looked like he was pouting at the answer he got. But, seeing how unwavering the blonde was, he simply sighed and looked at the other two, "Well… since Naruko here was the only one who got a bell, it seems you'll both be going back to the academy." He said in a slightly sinister tone.

A dark look flashed over the Uchiha's face, his teeth grit themselves as he cut out of the bindings that held him, "I refuse to go back!"

The dark genin lunged at Kakashi, who easily disarmed him and pushed Sasuke's face into the ground, before pulling his arm into a painful arm-lock.

"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura said in fear from her bindings.

"This is what happens on a mission. One of your teammates gets caught and you get stuck with a tough decision." Kakashi said as he twirled the kunai he got from Sasuke and pointed it at the boy's throat, "Naruko, kill Sakura or else Sasuke dies!"

Naruko blinked at him owlishly, before a massive grin split her face, "You don't have hold him at knife point for me to do that!"

Kakashi was usually pretty good at handling situations, but he just stared at her, gobsmacked at her response, "She's your teammate, don't you care if she lives?"

Naruko gave her teacher the most questioning look possible, pointing her finger at the tied girl, "Have you heard her speak? Honestly, she'd be a hindrance in most situations, her usefulness lies solely as a meat shield. And lemme tell ya, I can always get another."

Now, Kakashi might be a lazy bastard, who hates schedules and disobeys his authorities regularly, but there are a few things that piss Kakashi off and that line- and by proxy the sentiment behind it- was one of them.

"You're very arrogant for a child." The one eyed man said in a tough tone.

"And you're very whiny for an adult." Naruko said with a smirk.

Kakashi's eye twitched, the girl just had a retort for everything didn't she? It was time to knock her off her high horse. He let go of Sasuke and stood back to full height, in a blink of an eye he was behind Naruko.

As Kakashi went to strike her, Naruko caught his punch; transferring the momentum of his punch, she hefted him over her shoulder and threw him to the ground hard, causing a spider-webesque crack to scar the earth.

"I thought that we had to stop when the bell rang? Hmmhmhm... Well, if you want to play, then who am I to deny you~?" Naruko said in a singsong tone, as she let go of Zero, "You had your fun earlier, now it's my turn." She said to the doll, making Zero nod as she walked over to the posts.

Rushing away from the downed jonin, Naruko quickly cast 「Melodia Bellax」 on herself to enhance her agility.

Kakashi stood up slowly and glared at her, "Comrades should shoulder everything together, and yet you seem to think that only yourself matters…"

'How could the their child ever turned out like this?' he asked himself.

Naruko smirked haughtily at him as if he was a child, "From where I'm standing, I am the only one who matters." She finished with a toothy grin, "Now like you said earlier, I'll come at you with the intent to kill…do try to survive."

Moving fast, Naruko shot her hand out and cast the spell 「Negari Lux, Nutritus Obscuri, Atrati Cor: Sagitta Magica, Series Fulguris.」Lightning came to life in her hands, shooting forwards as seventeen arrows of lightning that all struck Kakashi- kicking up a massive cloud of debris.

As the dust settled, only multiple craters and wood splinters were left.

Naruko kissed her teeth in annoyance, knowing that Kakashi had substituted himself for a log.

She scanned the area but wasn't able to see him, that meant he must have been in the woods, "You can hide all you want, but I'll still get you in the end~!" Naruko said as her hand had darkness coalescing around it. 「Negari Lux, Nutritus Obscuri, Atrati Cor: Sagitta Magica, Series Obscuri! 」 as soon as those words were said, ninety-nine arrows of darkness shot out from the orb in her hand and bombarded the forest.

"AAAHAHAHAHA!" Naruko laughed with glee as she watched the forest explode into a blaze of pure beauty.

Leaping out of the blazing forest, Kakashi charged out with his headband pulled up and henge dropped, showcasing a lone red eye and the wounds from Zero.

"Oh, sensei~ I think you have a bad case of pink eye, right here." Naruko said, pointing to her right eye, as if to help him.

Speeding through some handsigns, the water nearby started to come to life. "Suiton: Suiryuudan no Jutsu!" he shouted as the water formed a pillar, soon a face emerged, showing a colossal water dragon that roared and charged at Naruko.

"Ha, child's play!" Naruko shouted with a giant smirk, with a wave of her hand the dragon turned to ice. "Shatter..." she commanded with a snap of her fingers, and soon the dragon obliged, breaking off into hundreds of ice shards.

「Negari Lux, Nutritus Obscuri, Atrati Cor: Sagitta Magica, Series Glacialis!」 Every ice shard slowly stop their decent, and began to take aim, before firing themselves at Kakashi by the dozen.

The Jonin managed to dodge most of them, but a few did manage to graze him, whilst the rest lacerated the training ground.

"Hehehe~ Come on now, I've been on the offensive this entire time. Surely a Jonin isn't having trouble with a genin, right?" Naruko asked in a fit of giggles.

'What in the world!? Lightning, darkness, ice…? I know that neither Minato-sensei nor Kushina-sama hada Hyoton or Meiton kekkai genkai. How is she using them? And what's with that strange language?' Kakashi thought to himself, as his mind went a thousand miles an hour trying to figure all this out.

"Hmm… Perhaps if we went hand-to-hand you may have a chance." She taunted, before disappearing via a 「Shundo.」 She exited the speed technique right behind him, with her clawed hands swiping down. Kakashi's instincts kicked in again, allowing him to jump out of the way, avoiding being cut to shreds like the terrain where he was once stood did. She preformed another 「Shundo」 and got right into Kakashi's guard in under a second, before hitting him with a ki infused kick to the ribs.

The sound of bones breaking echoed throughout the field, as the jonin was sent flying into the ruined forest.

'Kami-sama above, she hits like a fucking truck.' He cursed to himself, as he gingerly touched his ribs, forcing him to let out a hiss of pain. How could he end this without killing her!?

Standing before him once again, the vampire's apprentice gave a mocking sneer to the hurt jonin,"Is the dog finally going to stay down for good?"

With most of the will Kakashi still had, he stood up and glared her down.

"Hmhm… Guess not." She said with a shrug, before her body began to float in the air.

Kakashi's eyes widened comically, 'Okay, this is just getting ridiculous! Now she's flying like the Tsuchikage!? What can't she do?'

"How about we take this up a notch?" she asked as black energy came to life in her hand as she pointed it at him, 「Negari Lux, Nutritus Obscuri, Atrati Cor: Veniant Spiritus Obscuri Rigescunt Indutae!」

"I hope you live~" She sang as her energy grew in size, 「Cum Obscuratione Flet Tempestas Nivalis. Nivis Tempestas –」

"Enough!" A booming, powerful voice bellowed across the training field. Everyone turned to see the elderly Hokage standing there with a few of his Anbu, they had their hands on their swords- seemingly ready to strike Naruko.

Naruko kissed her teeth in annoyance once again, as she shot Sarutobi a venomous look, "What is it, you old monkey, can't you see I'm having fun?" she asked as her spell died in her hand, but she stayed airborne in case the Anbu were stupid enough to attack.

Hiruzen ignored her and turned to Kakashi, "This team passes."

"But Hokage-sama, the test is-" Kakashi tired to argue, but Sarutobi wasn't in the mood to argue.

"I said they passed, Jonin." The Sandaime barked out in a cold tone, before leaving the field with his Anbu.

Naruko slowly landed and turned to Kakashi with a frown. The jonin also seemed to be in a sour mood after being interrupted, though his was based on a more ethical issue. Turning to his new 'team' Kakashi gave a gruff order, "You're all now a part of Team Seven, meet me at the Hokage Monument tomorrow for our first mission."

Kakashi quickly disappeared, leaving behind a cheerful Sakura; a pleased, yet anxious Sasuke; and a bitter Naruko.

Shifting her head to the other two, Naruko growled out, "I'm leaving, don't be late, Meat Shields. Come, Chachazero!"

She began to walk away, but the sound of quickly padding footsteps came from behind her, followed by Sasuke suddenly rushing in front of her field of view. Her patience was at an all time low after being interrupted, so she saw fit to bare her teeth at the Uchiha, her eyes briefly turning red, "What do you want, knob jockey?"

Sasuke's face remained unchanged, though you could easily see the sweat dripping from his brow at the intensity of his teammate's glare. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he quickly asked the question on his mind, "Uzumaki, I want to know how you got strong."

Her eyes narrowed dangerously at her fellow genin, "Why the fuck do you wanna know?"

"I need to get strong to avenge my clan, but..." For once in his life, Sasuke had the humility to look ashamed, "I know I'm not nearly strong enough to face him. I couldn't even beat a jonin, and yet the man who killed my clan was an ANBU when he defected, and he's probably stronger by now. But you, Uzumaki… I've seen the looks that you get. Everyone fears you; whether they be civilian, chunin, jonin. Even the Hokage is weary of you. So I want to know how you got strong, so I can try to emulate it!" By the end of his speech, Sasuke's eyes were shining, and for a second, they even seemed to turn red like Kakashi's eye.

At first, Naruko wanted nothing more than to pound Sasuke into the fucking ground. Always power this, clan that, I'm an avenger, yada yada. But… The more she thought about it, the more she remembered her Mistress's lessons on minions, slaves, and followers. The best time to start indoctrinating a person, was when they're emotions ran high, and you had a resource that they desired. You would lure them in with light doses of their object of desire, then as soon as they see you as the best source of it, you can ensnare them with more outlandish and cult like ideas.

Now, Sasuke didn't really have any intrinsic value to Naruko, but he did have some other purpose. She knew that he was loved by all the villagers; he was to their love, as she was to their hate. And what better way to get back at everyone who wronged her, than to turn their favorite knight-in-shining-armour into her pawn.

'Yes, that'll do perfectly...~" She thought, as she tried to plan out a course to make the Uchiha feed out of her hand. First, she'd have to exploit the service that he wanted, training. But what to teach him that will be useful, but not powerful?

Smirking to herself, she had just the right idea. "Tell ya what, Sasuke. I'll teach you a couple of things, for a price."

Sasuke's eyes widened exponentially, surprised that Naruko even considered the idea of telling him how she got strong, let alone teach him herself. Though, not one to go in blind, he decided to ask, "What kind of price?" In all honesty, he was mostly hoping to himself that she wasn't going to be a secret admirer, hoping to get a date out of him.

Chuckling to herself, Naruko waved his concerns away, "Nothing much, I will just offer you the chance to learn under me, in exchange for you to follow my every command while training, or when we're on a mission."

The last Uchiha narrowed his eyes suspiciously at the blonde, weary of the demand, "And how will I know that you won't try to brandish this over me to make me do something immoral, illegal, or stupid?"

Gently floating over to him, Naruko pat his head as if he was a child, "Don't worry one bit, I won't be making you do anything crazy~" She said with innocence in her voice, though she neglected to include the 'yet' in her statement. "So whatcha say?"

Extending her hand, Sasuke looked at it for a few seconds, before gingerly shaking her hand, "Fine, but this better be worth the embarrassment..."

As Naruko turned to leave, a devilish smile wormed its way onto her face, 'Oh, little Sasuke, what would Mummy say? Making a deal with the devil~'

This would be an interesting venture, indeed~

---

Chapter 1 change log:

-General grammar tweaks

-Changing dialog to be less crass

-Fixing some misspelled Latin

-Wording tweaked with Eva to make her more sophisticated

-Changed Eva's title from "Master" to "Mistress"

-Wording tweaked with Sasuke to make him closer to canon

-Added narration to show Kakashi's pride in Naruko's "Hip Attitude."

-Added new scene of Naruko promising to "train" Sasuke

-Removed scene of Naruko watching Hiruzen tell Konoha of her heritage

I believe that should do it for all the noteworthy changes (sorry if this seemed a lot like a game's patch notes.) Next chapter will probably have even more, so get ready for some reading. Also, I will be cutting down a bit on the smutty content near the beginning. Not getting rid of it fully, just edging it out a bit to make it smoother. (Which was a request by Engineer himself.)

Speaking of which, he voiced his concerns about me posting this on FanFiction, due to the "Adult Content Rules", but I will be posting it here, since this is where it came from first. However, should I be forced to delete this from the site, I have a AO3 account that goes by the same name, so this story won't be lost to time again, just shifted to a different platform.

Regardless, that's all I got for you all today. If ya liked it, drop a review, I always enjoy reading a spicy review- even the flamers :O)

And should you have an idea for something to change to make the story better, or funnier, then shoot me a DM. Should I like the idea, I'll pass it on to Engineer to get the green light.