"Hello, it's me, I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet..."
Haha, okay so maybe that doesn't relate that much but the sentiment is there. Have you missed me?! I'm so sorry I've been away so long, but life has been an insane ride ever since I posted the epilogue for Sunny Days. But alas, here we are. This one shot was born after I saw the pictures of Lea and Matthew at Lea's friends wedding. And as I'm trying to get my feet wet with my next multi-chapter, I thought I would offer you all this Christmas gift. There is hopefully, and possibly a second part of this coming but I cannot make any promises that it'll be up before Christmas Day as these next few days are going to be CRAZY for me. Find me on twitter if you want to find out how it all shakes down ;).
Anyway, special thanks to Lauren for her help with this. She found the song, Do You Remember, by Jack Johnson that this is ultimately named after.
Just a warning, it is rated M. So if you're uncomfortable with sexual situations, turn back now. Thank you! Happy reading and happy Christmas!
You're Still Mine
He's not sure when it happened, but somewhere along the line he and Rachel became that couple. He can't pinpoint the exact moment he realized it at first, but as he stands at the door of the elaborate ballroom waiting for Rachel to say her second round of goodbyes, it hits him, hard. They're that couple. That couple that has been together for a long time and still isn't married. Maybe it's because lately for some reason they've had an influx of weddings to go to, between his coworkers at the middle school or the coworkers of her newest show, or maybe he's just getting old, but they've reached that point. They're the only single, not married ones left of their own group of friends. Even Puck is married, which surprised everyone last summer until they all got the invite to go down to Aruba to witness the blessed event.
He's not really sure how it happened, how time got away from them. Time seemed to just really slip between their fingers, in a blur of shows (in the last 15 years Rachel has played Fanny, Elphaba, Maria and now she's starring as Maureen), school years (he's flipped between teaching 2nd, 3rd and 4th grade, while also balancing getting his Masters of Education and also running football camps during the summers that Rachel had shows) and everything in between. Life kind of got away from them, and until now he's been okay with it. And he assumes she's okay with it because she really hasn't said anything to him about their current relationship status. And well, if there's anything he's learned in loving Rachel Berry for the better part of the last 19 years, it's that she's not quiet about what she wants and what she needs. He should know. He's been through it all with her, the worst of the worst of period cramps, migraines from hell and even those moments when he just wasn't getting her to where she wants to be fast enough.
But one thing that hasn't changed, not even one ounce, is how much he loves her. How much he lives and breathes being a part of her life, being the best part of her life as she has told him many and many times over. And as she turns around on her sky high heels that make her just tall enough that his neck doesn't burn when he kisses her in one position for too long, her tired eyes lighting up when she spots him he knows that even though they're that couple now, she's happy being that couple with him. He stands up straighter from his position against the doorjamb and extends his hand out to her when she comes walking up. She takes it gently, and he pulls her into his side immediately because he can tell she's tired. The friend that got married tonight is one from one of her previous shows and neither of them have seen anyone who was among the guests in awhile. Broadway is a small circle, but sometimes to him it feels too large. But Rachel is good at keeping up with everyone, thus the dozens of wedding invitations. She leans into his side as he walks them out of the ballroom and heads to coat check to grab their coats. While they wait he can't help but press a kiss to the top of her head, neither of them saying anything but both lost in the gentle quietness of their own interaction while the other couples and people around them murmur softly. When they get to the front of the line and collect their coats, he gently guides her out of the hotel and into the chilly November night.
He pumps the heat once they get to the car and he immediately hears her sigh with relief even though they weren't outside for very long.
"We'll be home soon," he pats her knee gently, his thumb taking a moment to brush against her kneecap tenderly. She turns to look at him with a sleepy smile and blinks her eyes slowly.
"I'm tired," she whispers. Before he puts the car into drive he leans over the center console of their leased BMW and gives her a soft kiss on the lips. When they pull away, he offers a soft 'I know' against her lips before pulling away and starting the trek home.
She wonders when they became that couple. As she follows Finn into the condo they bought five years ago after she won her third Tony award, she can't help but wonder when it all became so...domestic and stuck. She watches him as he walks through the place that they've called home for the last five years, and she has to nibble her lip as she watches the muscles in his back ripple with exertion as he leans over to pick up their fluffy cat Journey (she's one for sentiment, okay?), his overcoat long thrown off before he cuddles the cat that has been their baby for the last nine years.
"I'm going to get ready for bed," she whispers just as Journey jumps from his arms and dashes off to the spare bedroom that they use as Finn's office and Journey long ago claimed as hers. She yawns for effect as she watches him scratch the back of his neck and nods. She waits only a beat before turning on her feet, her bare toes curling on the carpet as she heads to their bedroom.
She feels him the moment he enters the room. Her dress is around her waist by now, the stockings she wore to the wedding still on her legs. Even after all these years, after these 19 years that in moments like these seem to have gone by in a blink, he still gives her goose bumps. He still makes her feel like the only girl in the world. Like she's the only girl he could ever want and need.
The moment his long arms wrap around her waist she's already in a trance. His mouth seeks the warm skin of her neck, and she gasps as the sensations start to course through her veins. Every time is the same, yet different. Every time he kisses her, every time he touches her, every time he looks at her she simultaneously feels her knees buckle and her breath speed up and she just always feels like this is brand new. Even after 19 years it's exciting and different and by the time he's dropped her dress to the floor and he's cupping her breasts in his hands she's already a puddle of mush. Long gone are thoughts of being tired, her mind is dragged away from her earlier thoughts of being domesticated and stuck. She gasps as his fingers play with her nipples and she moans just as his teeth gently nip at her pulse point
He makes love to her tenderly, and she arches into him as she tries to pull him closer to her which isn't hard because the moment she wraps her legs around his waist he seems to get the hint and starts to push into her harder which is just what she needs.
But when it's over, when they've both had an orgasm and he's rolled over and fallen asleep with his arms around her waist she realizes it.
They're that couple.
They're that couple who has let their entire lives slip them by while they floated along in a daze of domesticity and career ambition and safety and comfort. And right until this exact moment, as her orgasm still causes her body to shake, she had thought they were fine. Their life together is stable and happy and they have friends and family and each other and she...maybe it's time that she finally wants more. But how does she tell him? And what is this more that she wants?
As he stares down at the lesson plans he's trying to write, he listens to Rachel sing while she loads the dishwasher and tries to think of ways to break the monotony. He isn't bored, he just...he's tired of being that couple. That couple that should have gotten married years ago but never found the time, never had a chance. It isn't that he's unhappy, he loves her endlessly and he smiles as she hits a high note in whatever song she is singing - he thinks it's some old Barbra Streisand song - he just wants to do something to spice up their lives.
Maybe he'd shake things up. As he leans back in his office chair and stares out the window right in front of him, he tries to think of what he wants to do. His eyes drift to one of his favourite pictures of them, it was actually taken ten years ago at Blaine and Kurt's commitment ceremony. They're staring each other down nose to nose with huge drunk grins on their faces. The whole affair had been a weekend long affair out in California where they lived and had been a blast from start to finish. They had even gotten to visit Disneyland and had acted like children.
And that's when it hits him.
He's going to make it so they weren't that couple anymore.
Rachel is exhausted when she gets home from her shows Sunday night. Sundays are the one day a week where she honestly feels like she might be getting too old for this job. Her legs are killing her as she walks down the carpeted hallway that leads to their condo and she starts to get dreams of taking a nice, long and warm bath in the Jacuzzi tub that had been one of the major selling points when they were looking to upgrade their living space. She's immediately dreaming of the way the warm water will feel on her tired muscles when she gets to the door and instantly goes for the handle. But when she punches in the code on their door, and swings it open she's met with darkness. She's not surprised, because it's getting close to Christmas and Finn is, well he's Finn, but she can't hide that she's disappointed, tonight especially. She's tired and exhausted and she would be lying if she didn't admit that the hot bath she had been dreaming of, had included her super attractive and sensitive boyfriend. And maybe he would have developed telepathy (which she knows after 19 years is probably never going to happen) and the bath would be ready for her. But the condo is empty and part of her is sad about that.
She shucks off her coat and hangs it on the coat tree next to the door before she walked more into the condo. She rolled her shoulders as she down the long hallway that led more into the condo, the eerie silence enveloping her like a warm hug. She finds Journey hunkered down next to the heating vent in their bedroom and she takes a moment to scratch the old cat behind the ears as she purrs while rolling over on her back. After moments though Journey gets fed up as she rolls back over onto her stomach and effectively dismisses Rachel with a curt meow. She heads into the en suite bathroom after a few moments and takes note of how tidy it looks. She smiles a little as she pulls her long brown hair into a pile on the top of her head as she starts to run the tub. Finn must have tidied up a bit before he went out wherever he was. When she opens the cabinet to reach for her bottle of lavender bubble bath, her smile widens when she sees the sticky note stuck to a fresh bottle.
Sorry I wasn't home when you got here. I'll be home soon. Relax, on me.
Love,
Finn.
She smiles as she holds up the bottle and takes the sticky note off the bottle. Maybe he has gained a little bit of telepathy over the years.
Finn stuffs his hands in the pocket of his coat as he waits for the man on the other side of the door to answer. He isn't nervous, he knows what he wants to say and what he wants to do he just...he needs help putting his ideas into action. And there's no one better, in his mind, than the person he's here to see. He runs his hand through his hair as the footsteps on the other side of the door come closer.
"Finn, son, you know you don't have to knock," Hiram Berry laughs from the other side of the door. Finn chuckles as he steps into the large apartment and shucks off his coat. Hiram outstretches his hand to take the coat from him to hang it in the closet beside them.
"I know. It just seemed appropriate this time," he shrugs as he follows Hiram into the kitchen and immediately takes a seat at the breakfast bar in the middle of the room. He watches as Hiram opens the fridge and pulls out two bottles of imported beer and hands one over. He takes it gratefully and waits for Hiram to pass a bottle opener. "You know, since I left Rach at home," he can't help but chuckle. Hiram laughed as well before moving to the bar and standing opposite Finn. "Where's Ray, anyway?" he asks as he takes a pull of the beer, deciding some small talk may help him to build up the courage for what he wants to say. Ray is Hiram's partner of ten years, having met after Hiram relocated to New York to be closer to Rachel and Finn once his split with Leroy was finalized.
"Shopping with Sophie," Hiram laughs, mentioning his stepdaughter. "I was told to stay home," he pauses as he looks thoughtfully at Finn. "Which is probably a good thing..."
Finn nods as he plays with the label on his beer bottle.
"I feel like you need to sort something out," Hiram asks as he pushes his glasses up his nose. Finn sighs as he runs his hand through his hair. Out of Rachel's, well, four parents, Hiram is the one that Finn has always connected with. They share a love of football, a genuine distaste for the Miami Dolphins and appreciate the vocal styling's of Steve Perry. But that doesn't allay his nerves this time.
"You know I love Rachel," he starts while he stares at the bottle. Hiram nods before taking a pull of his own beer. Finn feels the air starting to get thick around them. Suddenly, the plan he had dreamed up a week ago doesn't seem like a good idea anymore. He plays with the label of his beer for a moment to collect his thoughts.
Hiram chuckles in an attempt to clear the air that he could feel as well."Well, I would certainly hope so," the older man chuckles.
He swallows. "But the last few weeks, I guess...I've just sort of felt, stuck. You know? Like we have this amazing life and we have these awesome careers and she's achieved so much but I just feel like we've hit a standstill. Like, this can't be it for us, you know?"
Hiram quirks an eyebrow as he looks over at Finn before he leans back on the counter behind him and crosses his arms over his chest.
"I need your help to sweep her off her feet..."
She's just getting into bed, the smell of lavender fresh on her skin when she hears the front door to the condo open. She pulls back the comforter on the bed just as she hears the soft padding of his feet coming down the hallway and heading straight for their bedroom. She's just slipping under the covers when Finn steps into the room, looking tired and like a dream in the shadows coming from the small light they leave on in the hallway. She smiles tiredly as he walks quietly into the room. There's no words exchanged, because she doesn't think they need them. She can feel that he's drained and part of her wants to ask where he was tonight, but she doesn't because when he quietly drops his clothes by the laundry hamper and grabs a sleep shirt to slip over his head her heart does the same flip it always does. She trusts him so she doesn't worry, and as he slips under the blankets with her she feels a warmth that is so normal to her slip through her veins as he wraps his arms around her. The kiss on her cheek comes next and instinctively she tries to get her body to curl closer into his embrace. She sighs happily as his lips trail to her jaw in small pecks before placing a quick kiss and deep inhale into her hair.
"How were your shows?" he asks quietly as his hands splay across her waist, his thumbs finding the small bit of skin that is exposed with her movements.
"Good," she whispers into the room. "Exhausting, but good."
His nose rubs against her hair for another moment and he pulls her closer if that's possible as she sighs with content. "What did you get up today?" She turns in his arms a little so she faces him. "I got your note with the bubble bath, I appreciated it..."
He smiles tiredly as her hand reaches up to cradle his stubble lined cheek.
"I just did some marking, and then I met Greg for a late dinner while the game was on..." he rambles before he pushes his nose into her neck, before dropping a soft warm kiss on her jaw.
She sighs with contentment for a moment before she turns her head back so there isn't an uncomfortable crick in it in the morning, because even though tomorrow is Monday and Broadway is dark, she doesn't need the pain.
A quietness envelopes them again as their door creaks a bit and Journey makes her way into the room to the foot of the bed where she usually resides and it almost feels like something is shifting, but she cannot for the life of her put her finger on it. There's something with Finn and she doesn't know what to do or say.
But she doesn't have to. Somewhere in the darkness, he finds his voice again after going silent.
"Rach?" he whispers into the dark as his arms tighten around her impossibly so once more. She almost wants to turn full over so she can watch his face but she doesn't immediately because she wants to give him time.
"Yeah babe?"she whispers.
"You know I love you, right?" he mumbles into her hair. It's his words that make her turn around completely like she wanted to moments before. She faces him completely, her eyes adjusted to the darkness enough that she can make out the prominent features of his face.
She swallows hard when she looks at him, and she can almost feel her heart breaking and speeding up at the same time. Because she knows how she feels, knows how she's been feeling and she doesn't know where this could be going because she has no idea what he could be thinking because they don't talk deeply because...they don't really have to. Or have time to.
"Finn?" she whispers.
"I love you baby girl, so much," he sighs as his hands cup her face and he gently pushes his mouth to hers. Her breath catches in her throat a brief second before their lips meet. She moans into his mouth as his hands find the waist band of the sleep shorts she's put on and she almost explodes in cries when his fingers find the apex of her thighs and she can't believe that he's gotten her here so fast and she doesn't know if it's because it's been days since they spent time like this together, or if it's because she feels deep in her soul that something is about to happen and she doesn't know what and she just has so many unknown feelings. If she's honest with herself she's felt stuck for ages and she doesn't know what to do about it but at the moment, as Finn rolls her on to her back and she fumbles for his boxers that she knows that she just wants this. If she can just have this forever it beats anything she can't possibly even imagine that she's missing.
He hates keeping secrets. He's hiding most of the notes and arrangements and things in a binder filled with work progress reports, and he's constantly in fear that she's going to find them. He wants desperately for everything to be a surprise, and most of the time he loves how open and how honest they are with each other and having this big weight on his shoulders, this big surprise he wants to give her is going to drag him down. Because he's constantly worried that she'll try to help him with something and she'll find all of his elaborate plans. Because most of all, he just wants to help them get out of this rut they're in if you can call it that and he doesn't want to lose her along the way.
In the past few weeks, something has happened and for the first time she's scared. If she had felt whatever this was even minimally before, it's threefold now. She never sees him when she's home, and there's this ever present sinking feeling in her gut that has sent her close to the end of her rope. She doesn't know what to do, what it is, what is going on. And now, as she sits in her dressing room and tries to get him to talk to her, tries to get a hold of him before she has to start getting ready and it goes directly to voice mail. Again. And she starts to hyperventilate because she isn't sure what she's thinking, what he's doing, what is happening. It's been weeks of this, and she just doesn't know what to do. She knows it's almost Christmas, knows that work is crazy for him right now with pageants and report cards and tests and assignments, and at the show she's gearing up to go on hiatus for the holidays so she's busy too but she just...she can't put her finger on it. And it's killing her. It's killing her because she's unsure what to do, should she confront him or wait or let it go. A knock on her dressing room door knocks her out of her thoughts and she swallows the raw emotions down before beckoning the guest in. On the other side of the door she finds her Papa and her stepdad, and she tries to hide the upset she feels as they wrap her in hugs.
It was weird for her at first, in college when her Dads split up. It was even weirder when they both found new partners down the road and it's something she's grateful to Finn for, because without him the whole ordeal would have been harder than ever. He just gets it, gets the turmoil and he was there when she first met Ray and Sophie, and when she met her Dad's new husband Brad and before she knows it she's hyperventilating again and her Papa helps her to her couch and it all seems to spill like word vomit.
"I think Finn's leaving me Papa," she cries into his arms as she recounts the last few weeks of secretive phone calls and late nights and the genuine cloak of uncertainty that is surrounding her relationship. Her hands are shaking as she tears at the tissue Ray handed her moments before. "I think he's found someone else and that he doesn't..."
"Snowflake," her Papa starts as he pushes her hair back behind her ear. She may be 35, and her Papa may be pushing 65, but in moments like this she's taken back to her childhood. "What makes you think that?"
She takes a deep cleansing breath as she tries to calm herself down. "I just...he's never home anymore and he keeps avoiding my calls and I just...it's just a feeling I have, and my feelings are always..." the words die on her lips as she leans her head on his shoulder as Ray gets up to fetch her a bottle of water from her mini fridge. She accepts it with a small grateful smile. "Do you ever feel stuck? Have you ever felt stuck?" she asks with a thick voice.
She sees both Ray and her Papa give each other a look that makes her lip tremble.
Hiram sighs before he speaks. "Rachel, honey, what are you saying?"
The tears are flowing down her cheeks as she sniffles and tries to collect her thoughts altogether. But she can't, so she shrugs before she has to rub her nose again. "I just...I feel like we're in this place, like we've shoved ourselves into some corner where no one is like us anymore and I just...I feel like Finn is feeling it too and I'm losing him because of it..."
"Oh snowflake," Hiram mumbles, and both him and Ray flank her sides. "I think that is the furthest thing from the truth. I happen to know that Finn loves you more than ever and he..."
"Than why won't he talk to me?" she whispers. She turns to Ray, because she needs to hear the words from someone who isn't just trying to placate her and stares at him, with his gray hair and square glasses. She stares until he talks, licking her lip where some of her tears have collected.
"Just be patient Rachel," he offers as he rubs her back a little like her Papa has done. "He loves you. Trust me when I say that. He loves you very much."
He's not sure what happened that night at the theatre, but as soon as she comes into his line of vision from where he's sitting in his office, he can feel it. Rachel wears her heart on her sleeve and lives and breathes her emotions and the moment he turns his chair around from the game he was playing on Facebook his heart breaks. Her eyes are red rimmed and bloodshot, like she's been crying and his heart hammers.
"Babe?" he questions when she freezes at the doorway of his office and doesn't come any closer. He doesn't move either, because he's unsure what to do and he can feel a lump forming in his throat as he watches her wring her hands at her waist as her own lip trembles.
But when seconds turn into minutes, his heart continues to pump against his chest as he looks at her with tears starting to rise in her eyes and make their way down her cheeks. "Rachel?"
"Are you cheating on me?" she asks with a tremor in her voice that pierces directly through his flesh and straight into his heart. He regrets the gasp that escapes his lips at that moment when her head ducks and a sob starts to bubble from her lips. He's out of his chair in an instant and he tries to gather her in his arms, but she flinches and he wants to throw up at that moment, right there on the floor. She backs herself away into the wall while he stands there, with his hands hanging at his sides. "Who is she?" she asks with a thick voice that's slowly raising in volume. "Who is she?" she asks again.
"I'm not cheating on you," he whispers quietly into the room, though he's not sure at that moment that she hears him because she's heaving as she stares at him, her chest moving up and down in laboured movements that make him ache with pain.
"Who is she?" she asks again. She takes a step forward as her lip trembles and tears stream down her cheeks and she comes close enough to him that he can see the tears swimming in her eyes. "What does she look like?" she pauses. "She must be..."
He takes a step forward and for a beat he expects her to move back, instead she presses her hands to his t-shirt covered chest in an effort to get him to stop and not come closer. He brings his hands up to cover hers, bringing his fingers to interlace with hers before he tugged them up to his mouth. There's tears building in his own eyes as he looks at her, listens to her hiccup as he tries to put into words what he has to say without giving away what he has worked so hard to prepare.
He squeezes her hands first, trying to get her to look up at him, trying to get her to let go of whatever idea she has and to prepare her to hear what he has to say.
"Sweetheart, listen to me," he whispers. She hiccups as she looks up at him, a gasp leaving her lips as she tries to control herself and do as he asks. "I just need you to hear me out." He takes a deep breath and squeezes her hands once more to give him the strength. He let go of one of her hands and tentatively raises it to brush some of her tears away. His heart aches when he feels her jaw trembling. "I'm not cheating on you." She goes to say something , her lips moving with no words coming out before he drags his pointer finger over to her lips to place it over them. "I'm not cheating on you sweetheart. I promise." Her eyes are wide as she looks at him, trying to determine what he was saying, the meaning behind his words. He moves his finger away from her lips to drag it along her jaw, cupping it gently. "I love you so incredibly much," he pauses to collect his thoughts as his thumb rubs back and forth. "There is no one else in the world that could be more perfect for me than you..." he whispers. "I love you."
"I love you too," she whispers as she leans slightly into his hand as more tears brim her eyes and fall. "But...Finn, what's happening to us?" she whispers.
He swallows hard as he slinks his arms around her waist and pulls her into him. She resists for a moment but he was insistent, and she eventually relents. "I think we're just stuck."
She squeezes her eyes closed when he reiterates the very words that she had said to her Papa earlier that evening. She tries not to sob before he pulls her impossibly closer while they stand in silence, punctuated by his rush of breath.
"How do we get unstuck?" she asks after a few minutes. "I can quit the show and we can..."
His head dips so he's look directly at her. "Don't be silly." he whispers. "You love being Maureen."
"I love you more," she admits as she cocks her head to the side. There's something in his eyes as he looks at her, something he's not telling her and she can't put her finger on it.
"Do you trust me?" he asks.
"With my whole life," she answers without missing a beat.
"Then listen...just...let's just get through the holidays and then we can figure out what to do..." he sighs. "How to get unstuck."
Her show goes on break a few days before Christmas, and Finn has his last day of school the same day. Instead of staying home to clean the condo like her instincts desperately want her to do, she bundles herself up to join Finn's class for their party, a plate of homemade cupcakes in tow. She arrives at the school a few minutes before Finn told her to, and she can't help but stand in the doorway as he finishes up the last lesson before the party. She's not a stranger to his classroom, she's come in to help teach music lessons when he needs her and has even helped chaperone class trips when she can. But as she stands and watches him in his element, as he answers a question from a red headed little girl towards the back of the classroom she feels a smile come to her lips as he laughs heartily. In that moment all of her issues and all of her thoughts of being stuck that have plagued her are paused, and her heart leaps when he turns towards the door when one of the students closer to the door alerts him to her presence. The grin he wears causes her heart to sing for a moment. She carries in the cupcakes and the class cheers, they're used to her treats because she often sends them with Finn when she can.
She's looking forward to the break. Her Daddy and Brad are coming in and they'll visit with her Papa, Ray and Sophie too. Carole and Burt will be with them for the new year as their heading out to California to see Kurt and Blaine who can't get away this year first. She's excited for undivided couple time, where she gets to hang around the house with him and Journey and maybe this funk that they're in will finally dissipate. They've got nothing but time around the family visits, as neither of them go back to work until the first week of the new year and honestly, if he suggested staying home and naked she would happily oblige him. She just wants him. Just him and her and nothing but time and love.
The party gets underway when the treats are laid out and Finn starts the music and when the kids are fully occupied with some crafts Finn has planned, he takes a quiet moment to say hi. He presses a chaste kiss to her cheek and thanks her quietly for coming and bringing the cupcakes. She can only shrug and blush before she tugs on the tie he's wearing, a cheesy Christmas one that was a gag gift from Sophie last year. Both of them are beckoned after a few minutes to help with different things, and she smiles as she walks over to a group of girls who surround a table making some pipe cleaner candy canes. She helps one little girl she remembers is named Tatum bend her pipe cleaner properly before getting her started with stringing the beads. She looks up to find Finn looking at her from across the way, where he's helping a young boy glue the eyes on his reindeer ornament. She smiles as she looks down just as Tatum tugs her arm for help once more.
When the party is over and the kids are dismissed, she stays to help him clean up so they can get home quickly. She has a vegetable soup simmering in the crock pot at home and she can't wait to put on some pajamas and cuddle up on the couch. She smiles as she helps him pack all the gifts. Every year it never ceases to amaze her at how generous his students are, and she thinks quite often it's a testament to how amazing a teacher he is. And those thoughts are often coupled by thoughts of what it would be like to have children some day. It's a thought that crosses her mind often, but as quickly as those thoughts come they fade. But they bubble up more frequently as time goes on, but it's just something that she's never considered urgent. They've talked about having kids in the past, but she can't perform pregnant, not these roles anyways and she feels very strongly that she would want to be home with their child.
"You ready to go?"he asks, breaking her from her thoughts. She looks up from the pile of cards she had collected to see him standing there with his messenger bag slung across his shoulder. She nods immediately, scooping up the last few cards and putting them in the gift bag that contained a new travel mug and some gourmet hot chocolate.
"Yeah," she smiles. She follows him quickly out of his classroom, waiting while he closes the lights and locks up before leading her out of the school to where she has parked the car.
His cell phone rings as their driving through the streets towards home, and as per her habit, Rachel reaches towards the center console where Finn dropped it to answer it. But he can see the screen from where he's sitting, and his hand immediately reaches out to cover hers in a way to stop her.
"Leave it," he smiles as he turns to look at her. She stares at him for a moment as they come to a stop light and he looks back at her once more. His eyes are twinkling with something she can't quite put her finger on, and she hopes it doesn't have to do with the phone call he just received. "I don't need to take it right now. How about we take a walk through Central Park later?" he asks as the light turns green and he accelerates further. They're not far from home now and she wonders if he's trying to distract her. Finn hates letting things go to voicemail when he doesn't have to, hence why she was going to answer it. "We can find that little hot chocolate stand we found last time and walk around. Doesn't that sound nice?"
It should, but his suggestion is a poor distraction. They'd been having a nice day, a nice few days actually and this whole conversation is causing all of her worries to suddenly come rushing back. She tries to push them away as she smiles brightly at the thought of a romantic Central Park stroll with her wonderful boyfriend but she can't help but wonder who was on the phone and why Finn didn't want her to get it like he usually does.
When they arrive back at the condo he lugs everything inside and the moment the door closes behind them Finn is sprinting to his office with the bags of gifts in hand and before she can even say a word about helping or the like the door is closed behind him. She follows him briefly, and stands on the other side of the closed door and tries to figure out what this means. She stares at the door painted white and tries to formulate what is going on. She can hear him moving around, she supposes he's talking but she can't quite make it out and her heart is breaking all over again. They'd been doing so well, she'd been working so hard and now she's afraid it's falling apart again. She turns on her heel to walk away, head towards the kitchen to dish out some of the soup she's been waiting for all day when the door opens.
"Rach," he calls. She doesn't turn on her heel to look at him, but she does stop. She feels her shoulder slump as she waits a beat. He doesn't say anything, instead she can hear his footsteps padding on the carpeted floor before coming to a stop and his arms wrap around her tightly. She sighs when he pulls her to him and nuzzles her neck for a moment before he speaks again.
"Just trust me. A few more days sweetheart, is all I need."
Christmas Eve is one of his favourite days of the year. Just behind Christmas Day, his and Rachel's anniversary and their respected birthdays. He may be 35, but Christmas still excites him like it did when he was just a child. Him and Rachel have been together, been a couple for so long that they have their own unique traditions that they've managed to create all on their own. And as he stands in the kitchen, wearing the cheesy boxers she bought him as a gag gift one year, under the green and red plaid pajama pants that are his traditional garb, he tries not to get ahead of himself with what he has planned for today. He smartly turned the ringer on his phone off last night when Rachel went to bed, so she wouldn't hear anything else. The meltdown a few days ago when he wouldn't let her answer his phone was enough to crush him and almost call the whole thing off. It had been her Papa calling with an update on something Finn had charged him with, and if he knew anything it was that Papa Berry was chomping at the bit for everything to unfold. But he's sticking to tradition for now, because he just needs today to go smoothly. So he's making the same breakfast he's made every year they've lived together for Christmas. Vegan pancakes with strawberries and walnuts mixed in the batter, a recipe he had stumbled upon years ago and had become a staple in their home. The coffee was brewing behind him while he made them, and he smiled when he heard her singing in the shower. They were going to decorate their tree after breakfast, another tradition that was just theirs. They're going to her Papa's tonight for dinner and drinks, another tradition.
He finished making the pancakes and mixed their coffees just the way they each took it, hers with a splash of almond milk and sweetener, his with just a splash of cream. The water shut off in the bathroom and he waited a beat, listening to Rachel finish the verse of Oh Holy Night. Her voice gives him chills every time he listened, even after all this time.
"Smells good in here," he hears after a few quieter moments. He turns to see her standing behind him, her own plaid red and green pajamas hanging off her body, her hair flowing over her shoulder.
"It's just finished, come eat while it's hot," he smiles as he moves over to the table where he has set up their plates. She nods, but doesn't head to her spot at the table immediately. Instead, she bypasses her chair and reaches for him, placing her hands on his shoulders to use the leverage to hold her up so she can press a kiss to his lips. She smells of sugar plum and shea butter, a gift that had been sent up from his parents for her birthday. His mom is always sending her things that she thinks will help her relax, his girl is hardworking and high strung sometimes and he knows she knows his Mom worries about her. She presses her lips to his a couple of times, the last kiss sticking the most as he wraps his arms around her to pull her tightly to him. The kiss isn't meant to start anything, he doesn't think, he knows she treasures their traditions (even though Christmas Eve sex under the Christmas tree is one of them), but he can feel in her kiss that it's just what she needs right now. So he obliges her, and pulls her closer until she pulls away.
"Merry Christmas Finn," she whispers against his lips before pulling away fully. He knows he smiles a little goofily at her in that moment, because he always gets this way when they just love on each other and he has to lean down and press another kiss, this time to her temple.
"Merry Christmas sweetheart," he wishes.
She enjoys decorating the tree. They've collected a lot of different ornaments over the years, and it's fun to look back on the different ones. There's plenty from Finn's childhood too, ones his mother had agreed to part with when they moved to New York directly after high school. There's an ornament from his parents to commemorate their first year in New York, a glittery red apple on a silver ribbon, another one from the same year with the shape of the key to their first shoebox apartment pressed into the clay. Over the years there's been ones commemorating the show she was in at the time, or the grade he was teaching with a lot of homemade gifts splattered in the middle. The tree is eclectic and as she stands in admiration after they're finished putting up all the ornaments they have, she decides that's what she likes most about it. The tree represents them the most, their different backgrounds (there's a few Star of Davids and dreidel's for effect), but it also represents what brought them together. There's music notes and music inspired ornaments everywhere and she feels warm when she thinks about glee club and the memories they made there with the people they don't see often enough as it is. They're all spread out now, some in Lima, some in LA, some here in New York and so forth. As she reaches out to touch a music note, she reminds herself that this year she's going to reach out more. She tries to be on top of their social calendar, but other than weddings and big events they haven't seen much of their high school friends. She'll make that one of her resolutions this year.
"What time do we have to be at your Papa's?" Finn asks from behind the tree where he was fiddling with some of the lights.
"I got a text from Sophie this morning saying we're being requested for 5pm sharp," she laughs. Her stepsister is a mere 20, and bright and precocious and even if she's 15 years younger than her, she's everything she's ever wanted in a sister. Her presence is one of the elements that helped her really come to terms with her parents breakup, and now she can only see Sophie as the gift she is. "Papa's forcing her to help in the kitchen and she wasn't too happy about that." She hears Finn chuckle as he moves out from behind the tree and comes to stand beside her.
"She sure hates to bake, huh?" he laughs. She finds a grin forcing itself onto her lips as she looks up at him.
"It sounded more like she was being forced to peel potatoes, but who knows," she laughs.
He starts to get anxious around 4 pm. They're getting ready to go, because her Papa's house is about 20 minutes away and his nerves are starting to get the best of him. He has this whole elaborate plan that he's hopeful will unfold. He's in the bathroom alone, as Rachel changes into her dress in the bedroom. He sneaks looks at his phone now that he's sure she won't be looking over his shoulder. Sophie has been his liaison all day, snapping pictures of the progress of things going on at Hiram and Ray's and he's more than thankful this woman is in their lives. Everything looks right on schedule and he has to shove his phone back in his pocket as he hears Rachel coming towards him.
"Do I look okay?" she asks from the doorway of the bathroom that's connected to their room. She's standing there in a red dress that stops just before her knees and is cinched around her perfect waist with a black belt. Her hair is down, slightly curled and there's a necklace he bought her a few years ago hanging around her neck. She looks beautiful and he actually feels his palms start to sweat. The dress is new, he's sure, and his eyes fall to her high heels, the same ones she wore to that wedding a few weeks ago and his heart is racing. His girl is beautiful, and he's now even more hopeful that his plan is going to work. It has to. Because she deserves it, this, whatever you want to call it. They deserve it. Because he wants her forever and this is the only way he can think will allay her fears enough that she's it for him, he loves her more than anything.
"Sweetheart," he starts. "Babe, you look amazing..." She really does. Her hair is shiny and the dress fits her like it was made just for her. She has no makeup on and it's in this moment that Finn finds her the most beautiful. Well he always finds her beautiful, but this natural look is what he loves best and she knows it. He watches a blush spread across her cheeks as she looks down at her feet for a moment before crossing her hands at her waist. He knows she got her nails done yesterday, at the insistence of Sophie once again, and Finn thinks for just a moment how much he owes what's going to happen tonight to the younger woman.
They trade places after a minute, his hand brushing her butt as he passes her and he has to laugh to himself when she gasps at the pinch he leaves behind.
"Finn Hudson!" she gasps amongst her gasp as he chuckles and walks out to the living room to wait for her to finish up.
"Rachel Berry!" he calls back to her as he walked back into their bedroom, checking behind him to make sure she was well involved in her makeup routine before he checks his phone once more.
She notices that he's getting quieter and weirder the closer they get to her Papa's apartment. She tries to chat with him, talking about what they got Sophie for Christmas (a new digital camera she had been begging for), but he still remains quiet. Rachel bites her lip as she lays her gloved hand on his knee when they come to a stop at a light. He turns to look at her, and although she can tell he's hiding something from her, he still offers her his smile that she knows from experience is his smile just for her.
"We don't have to stay too long if you're not up to it," she murmurs quietly.
"Why would I not be up to it?" he asks in return, turning the corner they need to, to go and find a space to park around the corner from her Papa's place.
"You're quiet," she whispers once he successfully parallel parks the BMW before turning the ignition off.
"I'm just concentrating on the road." He gives her one more of his heartbreaking smiles before he leans over to press a kiss to her lips. She sighs when he presses his chapped lips to hers, and when he pulls away she digs in her purse to find the hemp lip chap she always carries for him. She smiles when she passes it to him and watches him dutifully put it on before handing it back to her.
It's things like this, the fact that she carries his chap stick around for him because he's too lazy to do it himself that really make him love her.
It's started to snow since they left their condo, and Finn comes alive as they gather the few gifts they had brought. Aside from the camera for Sophie, there's cookbooks and a new frying pan for Ray and a few sweaters and a new watch for her Papa. He carries it in one hand, somehow, and still manages to wrap one of his arms around her waist and pull her close to him. This is her favourite spot in the world, right under his arm because she feels like she fits so perfectly.
Her Papa, Ray and Sophie live on the 7th floor. It's warm as they walk down the carpeted hallway, and as they reach the door she can hear that there's a commotion coming from the other side of the door. It actually causes Rachel to pause for a moment, and she turns to look at Finn.
"Do you hear that?" she asks as she grips her hand around the arm she had been holding.
It's at that moment that she notices that he's begun to sweat a little bit, the little beads on his forehead catching in the overhead lights. He turns to look at her in that exact moment, and for once she cannot read the look on his face.
He swallows hard as she's looking at him before speaking. "Maybe it's coming from next door," he kind of stage whispers. She looks up at him and grips his arm for a moment. Finn chose that moment to put the gifts he was holding down on the ground, and wraps his arms around her waist.
"Rachel," he whispers. She bites her lip as she looks up at him and his hand comes to rest on her cheek.
"Finn, you're scaring me," she whispered as she looked into his eyes.
"I love you," he breathed. He presses a kiss to her forehead before running his hands down to rub her arms for a moment.
He's nervous, and Finn knows she can tell. There's noises coming from the other side of Hiram's door and he doesn't know what to do. He needs a minute, needs to stall so that she's not completely freaking out. And he chooses now, to try and tell her everything he's feeling but as she's looking at him, her brown eyes wide with apprehension and concern, he has to swallow hard before he can speak again once he tells her he loves her. He squeezes her hands in his once he rubs down to her hands.
"I just need you to know how much you mean to me," he murmurs. She's still looking at him like she's afraid this is it, this is the end. But in the end it is so much more.
"Finn," she whispers once more as he pulls away from her after dropping one more kiss on her forehead.
"Just trust me," he sighs before moving to knock on the door. When no one comes to the door to let them in, Finn reaches for the door while Rachel eyes him.
Rachel's uneasiness is growing by the second. But her breath catches in her throat the moment he manages to get the door open. The apartment, which is usually bright and airy, is cloaked in a darkness sprinkled with candles, the flickering light the only way to see. She smells something, the smell of roses and cinnamon, with a sprinkle of vanilla that she assumes is from the candles that are lining the small hallway. It's quiet, but she can hear hushes coming from the kitchen, and the doors into the living room that are usually open and welcoming are closed and the room cloaked in darkness. Until they're not.
She stands there stunned as the doors open towards them, and they each have to step back so they don't get hit. In front of them stands Sophie, a smile playing on her cherry red lips. A black wrap dress lines her body with a red belt, and a red rose in her hair that has been swept into an up do. A lot fancier than Rachel had expected.
But she can't focus on her stepsisters appearance for long, because her eyes adjust to the small light in the large room and she notices all of the people who have turned to look at her and Finn. Her Daddy and Brad, Finn's parents Carole and Burt, Kurt and Blaine and a few other friends - even Mr. Schuster, his wife Emma and their four children - Daniel, Alexandria, Landon and Victoria are there, everyone turning around in white folding chairs to look at her. She feels Finn's hand on her back, it's warm and steady and she can feel everyone's eyes on her. In a blink, he's tugging her around, out of the view of their family and friends.
"Finn," she whispers, her eyes wide and questioning, searching his eyes to figure out what is going on. The group gathered is unusual for the most part for Christmas Eve and as she tries to think of reasons why, her heart starts to race.
"I love you," he whispers, reiterating the words from just moments before. "You're my life. You've been my life since we were 16 years old, and in my eyes that's a hell of a long time," he chuckles in an attempt to break up the intensity. A soft click comes from behind them, and an unknown person is taking a photo while Sophie takes a moment to close the doors to the living room. "We've been together for 19 years and it's been such a ride sweetheart," he smiles as he raises a hand to push a stray hair behind her ear as she stares. "We've been through so much baby, and I have loved every minute of it, even when I was a jerk in high school, even those nights that I didn't get to see you because I was working crazy hours during college. But I did it all for you. Until recently," he pauses at that moment to collect himself. "When we were at Leah and Matthew's wedding last month, it really got me thinking. We're stuck. We've become that couple, and while I love being any couple with you," he chuckles as he thinks about the many names they've been called over the years. "I didn't want to be that one anymore. The one no one bothers to ask when they're getting married or having kids because the answer is always the same. Truth is, I've always wanted both of those things with you, since I was 16 years old. I want everything we have together, but now I want more. I want it all. But first, I want more than anything to make you my wife. So, Rachel Berry, will you marry me?" he grins as he reaches into his coat and pulls out a small, black box.
The gasp she lets out, she's sure is heard throughout the apartment. She covers her mouth as she looks down at the ring he's holding out to her.
"Finn," is the only word she can utter right now. She can't believe this is happening, or whatever this is, is happening right now. She doesn't know what it all means, but Finn is here and in front of her, holding a ring out to her that is so incredibly beautiful after saying the most beautiful words that did nothing short of hit her right in the heart.
The tears burn in her eyes as she looks at the ring he's holding out to her and then she looks at his beautiful face, his bright whisky eyes looking down at her with anticipation. She's always seen everything in those eyes, she's always imagined a lifetime of looking in those eyes and she's had half a lifetime with him already. And his words are true, she wants more. She wants them to get unstuck and she can see that this is what he thinks will help. He even said it. And she wants more than anything to say yes. But for some reason, she can't bring herself to say the words she knows he and possibly the rest of the guests in the apartment wanted to know.
"Rachel," he whispers. "Say something."
She blinks a few times as tears well in her eyes before she reaches forward to place her hand on his cheek.
"Yes, I'll marry you," she whispers with a half giggle when he looks down at her with a grin on his face. She smiles wide when he leans his head down and captures her lips with his. She's breathless when she pulls away, his hands are on her cheeks by this time and he just can't stop looking down at her. Even after 19 years he's still looking at her like it was the very first day. And she loves him all the more for that.
"Want your ring?" he whispers against her head once he's pulled her into his arms again.
She gasps before she chuckles a little and rests her head against his chest. She nods as he pulls the gorgeous princess cut ring out of its holder before he pushes it onto her left ring finger. She can't help but admire the gorgeous ring as it catches the flickers of candle light, glittering in her eyes. "It's beautiful."
"Not as beautiful as you," he murmurs once more.
She tears her eyes away from the ring to look up at him again; this time she is the one to press her lips to his in a breath stealing kiss. They barely pull away from each other when he whispers a few words against her lips.
"Marry me tonight," he whispers, more in a statement than a question. She pulls away enough to look at him, her left hand resting on his chest as she looks at him. She doesn't have to hesitate, she doesn't want to wait another moment. Waiting has never served them any good.
"Okay," she whispers before he picks her up enough to swing her around in a circle as she squeals.
Sophie whisks her away moments later, a grin wide on her face as she tugs Rachel off to her bedroom where the dress he had charged her with picking out is hidden, while he walks into the living room where everyone that is important in their lives is sitting. It's a small gathering, but both him and Rachel have talked about it over the years - a small wedding was always in the cards for them - whenever that card would have been drawn. He grins when he walks into the room; his mother is up from her seat and bounds over to him immediately.
"So?" she questions as she places her hands on his cheeks. The grin is permanently on his face, and he's sure his mother can tell how happy he is.
"She said yes!"he exclaims as his mother squeals. He hugs her once more before starting to move around the room and greet the people who have gathered. But more than anything, he can't wait to see his girl.
She's in a daze as she lets Sophie tug her back through the apartment to her bedroom. She cannot stop staring at the ring that now dons her finger, the light of the candles catching it and causing it to glitter. She's glad that Sophie has her hand, because if she was alone and left to her own devices she's not sure she would be standing upright right now. He's finally proposed, she's finally gotten her chance to say yes and now...now they're getting married. She can barely catch her breath as they get to Sophie's room and she flings open the door to reveal surprise number 2. She can't help but allow the gasp to leave her lips as she takes in her surroundings. The most beautiful, yet simple dress is hanging on Sophie's door, and the entire room is outlined with everything she'll need to get ready for the impromptu ceremony.
"Sophie," she whispers as she walks slowly over to the dress. It's white, of course, and sleeveless but not low cut. It's simple with a cinched waist, but what she loves about it most is the drapery in the back. There's a slit down the middle that allows the two pieces to flow and there's no other word for it except perfect. She touches the fabric gently and smiles at the light fabric.
"I just picked it out," Sophie smiles from behind her. "Finn gave me some pretty explicit instructions when it came to finding everything."
Rachel smiles as she looks back at her stepsister, and opens her arms to the younger woman. Sophie smiles as she walks into her arms and hugs her older sister close.
"Thank you," Rachel whispers as she closes her eyes.
"Don't thank me," she grins when they pull away from each other. "Thank that hunk of a boyfriend of yours." Rachel has to laugh, because in the last ten years, that's all she's heard from Sophie - how attractive Finn is and how lucky she is to have him. "Now let's get you ready, everyone's waiting!" she claps with excitement.
He doesn't change much of his own clothes, but Sophie had made sure he had a different tie and one of those flowers to clip to the lapel of his sport jacket that he was already wearing. He's starting to get nervous, even though his plan has so far gone without a hitch and he doesn't hear any screaming coming from Sophie's bedroom down the hall. He makes his rounds, talking with Will and Emma, high fiving their kids before turning to Puck and his wife Olivia, who made it at the last minute despite living all the way out in Kentucky now and Olivia being 6 months pregnant. He's glad everyone they care for most in the world has made it, because he wants more than anything for this to be special.
When he gets the signal from Ray, who went with Hiram and Leroy to check on Rachel's progress, he stands up from his spot where he was chatting with Sam and Mercedes who made it in from Los Angeles, he stands up at the makeshift altar in front of the fireplace beside the minister who was an old friend of Leroy's. His nerves start to get the best of him as he waits, crossing his hands that are shaking in front of his waist several times over.
But then the music starts, provided by Blaine on the piano that Hiram and Ray already own.
She wants to cry. As she looks in the mirror at her completed look, Rachel can't believe that this is what all the days and nights of worry were ultimately about. As she adjusts her dress one more time, she tries to take a deep breath but the lump in her throat is making it impossible.
"Before we go out there," Sophie interrupts. "This is from Finn."
Rachel turns to look at her, and sees her holding out a long, black box. She can't imagine what would be in there, he's already given her everything she never imagined she wanted. She gingerly takes the box from Sophie and takes a step back to sit on the bed for a moment. Both Hiram and Leroy are standing off to the side watching, and Sophie takes that moment to go over to where they're standing as well. Rachel slowly opens the box and tries not to cry when she sees what's inside.
It's a delicate bracelet, so delicate that she's afraid to touch it. The chain is thin, but every so often there's a little stud, in the center of it all is a star shaped stud, with a sapphire in the center of it. But it's what he's written on the inside of the lid of the box that causes her to bring her hand to her mouth to stop the sob she's trying to hold back.
Baby,
I love you. It's our turn. Meet you at the altar. I can't wait to see you.
Love,
Finn.
The message is simple, but does everything to allay every fear, every nightmare she has had for the last few weeks.
"Need some help putting it on snowflake?" Hiram asks with a grin as he steps forward. She looks up with tears in her eyes as her Papa steps towards her. When the bracelet is fastened around her wrist, he helps her up before grabbing the bouquet of red and whites roses from the bed and handing it to her.
She offers him a watery smile, before opening her arms and giving him a hug. As she closes her eyes while she hugs him, she whispers into his ear.
"Thank you Papa," she murmurs before pulling away.
"You're welcome," he smiles as he kisses her cheek. "But I didn't really do anything, Finn did it all. I just offered him the location."
She smiles as she pulls away before turning to her Daddy. She gives him a soft smile, before approaching him as well and offering him a hug. It's been awhile since both of her father's were in the same room, and while she always knew that when and if this day came they would be able to be in the same room, together, for her. But now that it's here, she's happy and relieved that her dreams are coming true. When they split it was amicable in front of her, but she knows there was some turmoil but now to see them put it aside for her, well it makes her happy beyond belief.
"I'm so glad you're here Daddy," she whispers against his cheek before allowing him to gently push her so she's standing at arm's length. The smile on his face among the laugh lines and wrinkles is contagious.
"Nothing would have been able to stop me," he laughs before pulling her in for one more hug before it's time to go.
Rachel takes a deep breath as she stands behind the double doors that frame the living room. She's suddenly nervous, for no reason whatsoever. She wants this. She needs this. She craves this. She hadn't realized how much of her happiness hinged on a piece of paper. When she was younger, she had dreamed of happily ever after. But when her parents' marriage fell apart, she had resolved never to become that. She had everything she wanted in Finn, they didn't need a piece of paper. Until she realized they did.
"Ready?" Sophie asks before she goes to open the door. She's going to walk first, as both maid of honor and best girl.
"I was born ready," she winks before Sophie turns on her heel and goes for the door. Rachel takes one more big breath before she links both her arms through one of each of her fathers and waits.
He grins the moment he sees her. Sophie was adamant about not letting him see the dress the day she bought it. He should have known she wouldn't disappoint, because she didn't. Rachel looks spectacular, and the grin on her face he's sure resembles the one on his own and he just can't take his eyes off of her. She's gorgeous and she's his. He doesn't realize he's holding his breath until she reaches him at the top of the make shift aisle and it all comes out in a rush with a whispered, 'wow'. She blushes, much like he expected her to.
"I love you," he whispers as she comes to a stop in front of him, once she's gotten a kiss on both of her cheeks from both of her fathers.
"I love you too," she sighs, and he knows it's her happy sigh by the way her words leave her breathless as she looks at him with her big brown eyes. He takes her hands and brings them both up to his mouth, placing a kiss on her soft and warm skin. It's a substitution for what he really wants; to kiss her breathless but it'll do for right now.
The minister, a good friend of Ray's, gets the service going but he really can't hear what's being said. Instead, he's staring at Rachel with intent, his eyes connected with hers in a way that is so familiar and so new at the same time. As he stares, he's taken back to moments that hold just as special a place in his heart as this one; the first time they met, the first time they said I love you, the first time they made love and the list goes on and on. 19 years worth of memories flood his mind as the minister talks about love and devotion and commitment. There's a joke in there, because the group around him laughs and Rachel does too. A laugh that crinkles the skin around her beautiful eyes and he wants more than anything to just have that memory etched in his mind, like every other one. He smiles at her at that moment, because his heart is about to burst.
And then it's his turn to talk.
He squeezes her hands in his as he looks at her, a small smile still remaining on his lips before he begins to talk. She's still staring at him intently, but the laugh has died on her lips and a small smirk still remains. "Rachel," he breathes at first. She squeezes his hands in response to his whisper, almost a nod to urge him to go on because she's waiting and listening. "I've loved you for a very, very long time," he starts. He promised himself he wasn't going to read off a paper, but as he stares at her he's wondering if that was a very good plan. Because as he's staring at her, his words are slipping away and he just doesn't know how to properly articulate what he has to say. So he decides to just let it go, say what he can and what he wants. "And not only that," he swallows. "But I've loved you from the very first moment I laid eyes on you. I can remember it so clearly, you were wearing that sweater -with the white unicorns, and that plaid skirt that I came to love so much," he grins. "And every day since then, through all of our ups and downs I've loved you and I'll continue to love you each day, because as they pass - I find new and exciting reasons to love you just a little bit more than I ever thought possible," he pauses to squeeze her hands. "Like how you sing in the shower, and you fold all of my clothes just the way I like...and baby, we just...we've done so much life together but still, every day I get so excited because I get to do just that - and I'm so looking forward to what the future has in store for us. I can't wait to see what comes next for us baby, I love you," he whispers. He raises her hands again and places a kiss on her hand, just above her engagement ring that she has only proudly worn for under an hour.
Tears burn in her eyes as she looks at him, her lip trembling as she tries to keep it together. He reaches his hand over and wipes the one or two tears that have managed to fall from her eyes.
"Don't cry," he whispers.
She chuckles a little as the minister prods that it's her turn.
"I always thought I would have weeks to get my vows together," she chuckles as she rubs her thumb over his hands. "You know, when the time came..." she pauses. "Oh Finn, what can I say?" She stares at him intently as a few tears trickle down her cheeks. "You've been my rock, my knight in shining armour, my hero, my soul mate...ever since we met what seems like a lifetime ago. When I think about it, I honestly can't imagine my life without you in it. In every dream, every reincarnation, there you are. In the last 19 years you've been my biggest cheerleader, the biggest supporter of every dream I've ever had no matter the size, and most of all you've been mine," she pauses once more, this time to lick her lips. "You are my backbone. I am so lucky that every night I get to go home to you. You make even the most mundane of activities fun again. Lately I've thought that we were stuck, that although the adventure was so wild and so much fun, that we were missing something. Like our puzzle wasn't quite complete. And then you do this - you take me by surprise and remind me, though it is hard to forget - why I am so incredibly lucky to have you. I know I'm rambling but baby, I just want you to know how much I love you, love what we have done together and what our life is like. I am so proud of you, of us and to be your wife." She offers him a small smile, one that barely piques the corners of her lips. He gives her one back, his fingers once more squeezing her own.
"Now the rings," the ministers interrupts. Sophie moves from where she was standing off to the side and brings the boxes that hold the wedding bands towards them.
"Finn, I want you to repeat after me," the minister gently orders. He nods, running his thumb over her knuckle while he waits. "With this ring, I thee wed."
"With this ring, I thee wed," he repeated as he slides the thin, silver band down her finger to meet her engagement ring.
"And Rachel," the minister smiles. "Repeat after me. With this ring, I thee wed."
"With this ring, I thee wed," she murmurs, sliding the simple silver band down his finger.
"With the power invested in me by the great state of New York, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Finn, you may kiss your bride."
He immediately lets go of her hand before grasping her cheeks in his hands and pulling her as close as possible. When their lips meet its explosive. It's almost like the rings were what they needed, what they craved to allow them to be as intimate as possible with each other. He forgets instantly that they're surrounded by all of their family and closest friends as his hands journey down her back and slip to her bottom, pulling her impossibly closer until they have to gasp for air. When the moment comes he leans his forehead against hers and simple grins as their family cheers around them. Nothing feels better than this.
His parents gift to them is the honeymoon suite at the Four Seasons Hotel. As they stumble through the door, their hands and mouths fly everywhere at once. He's unsure what to do first, where he wants her or how he wants her, he just knows he needs her. He's overcome with his need for her as he pushes her up against the door once it slams closed behind them and her answering moan as his hands find her butt and his mouth finds her neck are all the assurance he needs that this is what she wants too.
"I love you," she breathes when there's a break in the kissing and she arches against him as his hands maneuver under her dress and come into contact with the center of her thighs.
"I love you too," he whispers as he slips his lips along her neck, leaving behind a wet trail of marks that are just not hard enough to bruise her throat. She whines when his fingers still, her hips lifting to meet his frozen hand. Instead of indulging her, he removes his hand and pins her against the door with his hips, her own legs being the leverage she needs to stay up right. "God I love you so much," he mumbles before his lips attack her neck once more, this time travelling to the neck of her dress as his hands peel it away. "And I love this dress. But it's got to go," he moans as it slides down her arms and another moan of approval leaves his lips. She's not wearing a bra.
"Oh Rachel," he almost whimpers. It's not something that he likes to admit outside of the privacy of their own bedroom, but there's something about Rachel's body, something about getting intimate and getting to love on her over and over that brings him to his knees each and every time. 18 years later (since it took them a year to reach what a 17 year old him considered the Holy Grail) and he's still brought to his knees each and every time he's brought face to face with her intimately like this. It's less than manly to whimper and moan the way he is, but just the sight of her makes him hard as a rock and he can't imagine ever feeling this way about anyone else, ever. She's always been it for him and now, after today's events he just can't wait to physically show her.
She moans loudly as his lips wrap around her nipple, and her hands find purchase in his hair as he sucks and tugs on the bud with his teeth. She's halfway there already and if she doesn't have him soon, the burning that's coiling and quickly expanding in her belly is going to take her over. She thrusts her hips against his as he switches breasts, and at that moment she becomes desperate to feel his skin, desperate to feel him under her bare hands so she reaches for his dress shirt and tries to tug at the material as the fire starts to rise.
"Finn," she mumbles incoherently as his kisses finally leave her chest and head for skin of her ribcage. "Finn, please," she whines as her hips raise off the door enough to rub down on his hard erection through his pants and she wants to cry from want.
"Please what?" he smirks as he lifts his head. She bites her lip as she looks at him as his hands wander to the apex of her thighs once more. He's watching her intently, his eyes are dark with lust and want and at that moment she knows he's just waiting for her to say the word. His fingers are dancing around where she wants them most and even the briefest touch sends her teetering on the edge.
"Please...I need you," she breathes. She manages a deep breath as his fingers dance away, but he keeps staring at her."Make love to me husband," she whispers.
In a flash he pulls her away from the door and suddenly she's on the bed that minutes ago seemed so impossibly far away but right now felt like half a step. Suddenly he's naked on top of her and as she widens her legs so his hips can drop between hers she's breathless and emotional all at the same time. She brings her hands to his cheeks as he takes a few quick breaths, his own hands occupied with positioning his member at her sensitive entrance.
Everything today has culminated to this. As she stares in his eyes as his hips snap back and he enters her, an impossible moan tumbles from her lips as she arches into him, her legs wrapping around his waist to pull him close.
He's her husband. She wants to cry as he pumps into her, head buried in the crook of her neck as he sucks on the sensitive skin there, his hands dancing along her hips and behind to her butt to pull her closer as he makes love to her passionately. She closes her eyes tightly as she arches into him, her own hands digging into the skin of his back as she tries to just get closer, be closer. He's all she's ever wanted, all she's ever needed and although she's had him for years, this intimacy, this knowing that he's hers forever has sent her high enough that she just can't get enough.
Somehow she manages to push him over onto his back as the snaps of his hips seem to slow, and there's a confidence that comes with sitting astride her husband. Her husband. She places her hands on his chest as she rolls her hips, his answering moan all she needs. She stares down at him as she continues to move over him, the coil in her own stomach tightening and tightening as she stares down at him. His hands on her hips, helping her move and his eyes are boring into hers. It's moments like these that leave her breathless; breathless from the emotions of it all. She gasps when she feels his thumb travel to her pulsing bundle of nerves while she continues to roll her hips into his and suddenly she's rigid as the tidal wave of pleasure rips through her and she just can't move. He sits up in a flash to pull her towards him as he lets her ride out her orgasm, before gently rolling her onto her back to catch her breath before he continues. She can see it in his face, he's so close, and she wraps her legs around his waist once her high has tapered and edges him on. His thrusts are sharp, and soon the pinch on his face is appearing and she know he's close. Until they become even sharper and suddenly he's collapsing on top of her, both of them needing to catch their breath as the feeling of being so connected leaves them spent.
He's long ago overcome his fear of squashing her after they make love, and this position with him on top of her, still buried inside of her with her limbs wrapped around his has become his favourite. There's lazy kisses to give and receive, and in this exact moment he feels like he couldn't possibly love her any more. He rolls onto his back after a few minutes, taking her with him but in the process slipping out of her. She cuddles on his chest, her head buried under his chin and her left hand splayed across his muscles. He runs his fingers through her messy hair as they both just lay in the still of the moment, taking in everything that's happened in the last hour, the last day, even the last weeks. He hears her blow a breath between her lips as the dust settles around them, the air still thick with the need and urgency of a few minutes ago.
"I'm so glad you said yes," he murmurs against her hair once the words come back to his mouth after another few minutes. He feels her lift her head off his chest. He lifts his own slightly, so he can look back at her and he just feels everything in her stare. He's always felt everything in her eyes. He just loves her.
"What else could I say?" she sighs. "I can't believe you planned everything. And here I thought..."
"You thought we were over," he completes as his fingers get tangled in her hair. She can only nod, and he sees tears burning in her eyes suddenly. "Don't cry." All she offers is a slight smile as he gently wipes at the tears that threaten to spill. "Rach, you're it for me. You've always been it for me. Do you know how long I've actually had this ring?" He picks up her left hand and holds it up, running his thumb along her rings, paying special attention to her engagement ring. She bites her lip as she looks at him. "Ten years." The gasp escapes her lips that causes him to wince.
"Ten years?" her lip trembles as she looks at him. "What..."
"What was I thinking?" he swallows. "There was never the right time. When I bought it you were just getting into the rehearsals for Elphaba and the time never came. Then I was going to ask you when we went to Mexico, and I thought that was cheesy and you would expect it. Then you broke your ankle and I got the transfer and...babe, life just got so busy and I know that isn't an excuse but I've been carrying this around for so long, but one thing never changed. I always wanted to give it to you. I did change it a bit over the years, upgraded the diamond and added the inscription, but it's always been your ring. I always wanted you to be my wife and share life with you and..." he starts to ramble as she stares at him, much like he always does and always has when it comes to her and big speeches like this. He's waiting for her to say something, waiting for her to do something so he knows she's not mad he didn't ask years ago or that...
"I'm glad you waited," she whispers. His jaw hangs open as he looks down at her and waits for her to complete her thought. "Today was perfect. I couldn't imagine it going or feeling any better. Even though all of the lead up, the last few weeks have been some of the most emotional and nerve wracking because I truly thought you had found someone else..."
His heart breaks when he hears her admit that out loud.
"Never. You've always been it Rach and I'm so sorry that I made you think that I could possibly even look at someone else, let alone love someone as much as I love you."
She smiles gently, but still brings a finger to cover his lips. "I know. But Finn, I'm so glad you did it this way because I don't think I could have waited much longer to be your wife," she grins. "Today was perfect. You are perfect. And I love you so much."
He grins before he leans in and captures her lips with his, his mouth moving slowly over her lips as the kiss builds until he's turning her on her back once more. She smiles up at him as her fingers play with his hair.
"You're stuck with me," she giggles as his lips find her neck.
"Happily," he laughs into her neck.
Merry Christmas!
I experimented with the style of writing for this one, so please (constructively) let me know what you think!