OS Blindspot
Title: Do it for me
Summary: Zapata wants to help Reade solve his problems
Story:
At the end of the day, agent Weller's team had just completed an investigation and they just had to fill out their reports. The deputy director had taken advantage of this lull to speak to his colleague. Since she had seen her teammate there, Zapata kept looking at her boss's office. The discussion seemed lively and it worried her a lot. The young woman knew that she had to talk to Kurt because Reade needed help. Moreover, she knew that he could help him discreetly. But all these certainties did not prevent her from worrying. Edgar's behavior, his aggressiveness, and his distance were not due to the drug. Cocaine was just a symptom. The uneasiness was much deeper and more complex. Her best friend went wrong, and it doesn't matter if he rejects her or not, Tasha planned to help him. The pretty brunette jumped out when she saw him come out. That went wrong, she was sure. She wanted to meet him, but he rejected her. The "get out" that was out of the young man's mouth hurt her heart. They were so close in the past. She didn't want to lose their complicity. Tasha couldn't bear it. The policewoman decided to go see Weller for more explanations.
"What happened with Reade?" She asked when she came back into the room.
"I tried to talk to him. I offered him my help and told him that he could take leave to solve his problems but he got angry," Kurt replied aware of the anxiety of his friend.
"You must not denounce him he needs not to support a letter of dismissal," Zapata added angry.
"Tasha I'm not going to denounce him and he's not going to get fired."
"It's good."
"No, you don't understand he just gave me back his badge," Weller confessed sorry for the situation.
"That is not true?" She questioned him shocked.
"Unfortunately it is indeed true. Listen as Deputy Director I can't ignore that. At one point or another, I will have to file a report."
"Give me twenty-four hours," the police interrupted.
"What?"
"Give me twenty-four hours. I have to try. Reade is part of the family; we can't let him down. Believe me, if he is like that it is for a good reason," the young woman implored.
"Well, I give you your day but if tomorrow in the late afternoon it is not settled I would be obliged to refer to the hierarchy. I have no choice," he justified.
"I understand. I'm going to go see the girls and then I go."
"Tasha if you need anything, please warn me. He's also a part of my family. I would do my best to help him."
"Thank you," she said by going.
The Hispanic went out of the office of her director, mortified. She could not believe that Edgar had returned his badge. The FBI was his whole life and if he gave up it was that the situation was far worse than anything she could imagine. However, Tasha did not give up. She would not abandon her friend. So, she went to Patterson's office before she left. The brunette knew that her friend had doubts about Reade's behavior, and she thought the blonde would be a good adviser. Perhaps she would also ask Jane if she was there. Lately, the two women had regained their complicity and although she could not reveal everything Tasha was going to need all the support available.
"Tasha, how are you doing?" The computer scientist asked.
"Obviously you are not very well," the young tattooed added by remarking her colleague's head.
"I'm going to need your help girls."
"Explains," they asserted with one voice.
"The thing is that I can't tell everything. It's personal and it doesn't really concern me."
"It's about Reade, isn't it?" Patterson asked.
"He quit," the brunette confessed on reflection.
"Why the hell did he do this?" The two young women replied in shock.
"He can't resign. This job this is his whole life," Patterson added.
"I'm going to go talk to Kurt to give him a second chance. We can fix this," Jane confirmed.
"That's nice but I already convinced him to give me some time to fix this. Only I don't know where he left after their fight. I don't want to square the city if he's not at his apartment. I would not ask you that in normal times, but I do not have time to lose. Can you locate him please?" Zapata asked her colleague.
"Of course, I have for a few minutes," the blonde assured to her friend by launching the process on her computer.
"You know how you're going to convince him to get help?" the brunette questioned.
"Honestly, I have no idea but I have to try. He can't leave. I know he's going through a tough time right now and I understand but I don't want to let him down. I can't lose him," she admitted with sobs in her voice.
"I seized, one thing is for sure, it is that if there is one person on this earth who can help him it is you. You're so close. Your relationship is special. In any case, we're here if we need to."
"Jane is right you will succeed I am convinced. I just checked he's at his apartment. Now, I'll let you in the event of a change," Patterson added.
"Thank you, girls, I honestly do not know what I would do without you."
"There is no what, now go ahead and bring it back to us," the brunette encouraged.
"I'd do anything to," Zapata finish on the start.
"I do not know what will happen tonight but there is a change in the air," the pretty blonde declared once her friend left.
"In any case, I hope that it will bring them together because even if they are not yet aware they are meant to be together," the young tattooed continued.
The young Hispanic went to her friend with thoughts full of her head. She did not intend to do her job without Reade to cover her back. She could not imagine not seeing him every day or almost, not joking with him at the slightest occasion and especially she did not see herself endure the horrors of their job without Edgar to support her. Tasha thought back to her friends' talk about their special relationship. She couldn't help thinking that maybe she felt a little more than friendship for her teammate. Nevertheless, she quickly drove away from this idea. This was not the time to think about this. Anyway, whatever she felt it could not be reciprocal. After a ten-minute drive, she arrived at her teammate's apartment.
"Reade open me, please. We need to talk. Open up I know you were there," Zapata shouted by knocking on the door. She continued to drum for several minutes and then stopped, demotivating. The young brunette stood in front of the entrance for a while looking for a way to convince her colleague. Only she did not know that he was behind the door to seek the courage to open to the woman who had done so much for him. He was scared, afraid to ruin everything, to hurt her. He cared so much about her but at the same time the idea that Jones could have, it made him completely insane. He couldn't do this to her. This past, this anger that animated him, destroyed him slowly and he was out of the question to train Tasha in his fall. Edgar was ready to keep her away from him, at all cost. She might suffer at first but, in the long run, it would be better for her. His teammate had taken so much risk he couldn't let her save him again. He would not bear if something happened to her because of him. Reade decided to open the door when he heard his friend sniffing and holding her crying. He saw her in front of him leaning against a wall, with slightly red eyes. She seemed worried.
"Reade," she whispered by straightening herself.
"Tasha come in," he tells her the hoed voice.
"I was worried about you," she said.
"You should not. I am fine and you should not have spoken to Weller," he expressed himself by feigning anger.
"No, you're not well! You're taking cocaine, Reade, cocaine! So, don't tell me you're okay I know it's false," Zapata gets mad.
"It is not your business Tasha and it is not Weller's neither," he continued by raising his voice.
"It's none of our business! But I'm worried about you, Reade. Maybe I shouldn't have talked to Kurt but all that matters to me is that you're better. What would you have wanted? That I let you keep working under the influence of drugs, that I let you get killed without reacting. I can't see you destroying yourself like that and doing nothing. I care about you," the young woman declared moved.
"You should go. Believe me the best for you is that you stay away from me. You shouldn't be so bad. I am not worth it," he confessed, broken. He felt cracked. Suddenly he regretted opening her because he knew Zapata was going to make him talk. She had always had the power to move beyond his barriers. Reade didn't want him, far from it. She wanted to help him, and it touched him, but he had to try to keep her away, for her own good.
"Reade talk to me. What happened to get you there? And do not tell me to leave because it is out of the question that I leave you in this state," Tasha asked stunned and extremely pained by the little self-esteem that he showed. She realized that he was going to confide when she saw him take his head in his hands and turn around in circles.
"What happens is that I kept the tape since the murder of Jones. Two weeks ago, I watched it. I finally looked," he confessed, shouting under the effect of the suffering that this confession produced. He could not keep it to himself, but it was so difficult to formulate it aloud.
"Oh my God, Reade," Zapata whisper, guessing the contents of the cassette. Now she understood much better the behavior of her friend. All she wanted at this point was to appease his pain. Seeing him like this, imagining the hell he had to live, would return her heart. The young woman approached him and took his hands trying to capture his gaze, but Edgar pushed her back not to appear weak in her eyes.
"What this monster did is despicable but what you saw in this video does not make you someone less wonderful. You are still Edgar Reade, a formidable agent, a teammate and friend, and gold and an extraordinary man. I doubt that I can't imagine how you feel and how hard it must be, but I am here for you all," Zapata said in a voice that wanted to be gentle.
"Please, Tasha you are going to tell me that we are a family, that we can count on each other and that I can tell the team without it changes anything. While we're at it I'm going to go see my parents and tell them "by the way I got abused when I was a kid, but I never told you because I was so traumatized that I didn't remember anything." Whether in my family or at work there are too many untold and lies so it's not now that I'm going to start being honest. Besides, if the others knew they would see me differently. I couldn't do my job anymore. That would be too hard. I know you're trying to do well but forget it Tash' it's better, believe me."
"You really think that feeling emotions and pain would make you less good at your job. It is not your empathy and your sensibility that is what makes you what you are. The team won't judge you. We all have a past, strengths, and weaknesses and it is not by isolating you that you will be better. "
"But who tells you that I want to get better. Anyway, I have no reason to fight after all I disappointed Patterson and Weller. I hardly ever talk to Jane. I see my family once every two years and I managed to lure you so much annoying that you almost went to jail. You'll all be better off without me. I have no one Tasha, no one. Then why should I fight?" Reade asked angry and sad.
"Don't say that Reade. I beg you don't say that. You're not alone. I can't speak for your family, but with the team, we're here, we all care about you. I spoke with Weller when you left. He told me to do everything to help you and that he would be there. When Jane and Patterson, they were really worried. They told me they would be there too. No one knows what happened, but we all have enough experience and pots to know that this kind of self-destructive behavior is caused by a really horrible event. We care about you Reade and you may be strong sometimes you can't get the head out of the water alone. Asking for help is not evidence of weakness but of strength. You need it. Please don't give up. I don't care if I get into trouble I did what I did because I wanted to agree. I don't want to lose you, Reade. You are my best friend and I care too much for you to abandon you no matter what it costs me. So down you Edgar, if you don't do it for the team or for your family, do it for me. I lost too many people I loved I could not bear to lose you," she confessed, exhausted, in tears and at the end of the nerve. Tasha came, at half-word, to admit her feelings to her partner and she did not know how to react. The brunette had been taken from an impulse and had not thought of the consequences. The young woman was afraid to suffer that is why she had previously pushed Reade but tonight she had not resisted.
When Edgar saw the state in which his friend was and understood the hidden meaning of this statement he could not resist. She was so beautiful, intelligent, obstinate. She was a wonderful woman. He approached her abruptly and without warning, he laid his lips on hers. He kissed her passionately but without rushing it, as he had dreamed for months since he had understood how much he loved her. Tasha was surprised by the reaction of her partner but after a few seconds, she was allowed to wear his delicious assaults. Since all these years his teammate had succeeded in breaking the emotional walls that she had built during childhood and little by little she had fallen in love. Only Zapata knew from experience that love could hurt. So, she deliberately chose to ignore her feelings by needs to protect herself, but tonight, after all, they had endured, she could no longer pretend. It was too difficult. Their embrace became more and more intense. The idea of losing him had completely shaken her. She was in an unimaginable state just thinking about what life would be like without him. A single kiss had turned into several and the passion of the beginning was an intense brazier that nothing or no one could stop. They were no more than frustration, anger, anxiety, desire, and love. The two lovers felt extremely strong but contradictory emotions. As if expressing feelings buried for so long allowed them to chase away the horror of the last weeks as if their union was saving. Tasha who was leaning against a wall to enjoy the caresses of her partner surrounded her waist with her legs. Edgar took it as a signal and while continuing to embrace him he took the young woman to her room where they spent long hours loving each other. They slept tenderly several hours later after having ended months of unfulfilled desire and repressed feelings.
When Tasha woke up in the arms of the man she loved the next morning and saw that he was observing her tenderly, she smiled. She was terrified because she knew nothing of Reade's feelings and what was going to happen afterward. Nevertheless, she had spent one of the most beautiful nights of her life and nothing could erase that.
"Did you sleep well?" He asked.
"I have very good and you?"
"Wonderfully, it's been months since I slept as well," he replied smiling. He bent over to her, passed her hand behind the neck and kissed her delicately as he had dreamed of doing it dozens of times in the past. They parted after a few minutes and looked in their eyes, drowning in the other's gaze. There were so many emotions, they understood each other without having to talk.
"We need to discuss what happened last night?" Reade declared.
"I know," she replied.
"Listen about what happen last night."
"If you ever regret I would understand you know. It is not my case, on the contrary, but I would understand it perfectly," she interrupted.
"Tasha, I would never regret what happened last night," he said abruptly and without hesitation. He stroked her tenderly to the cheek and continued.
"You're really amazing, I hope you know that. You are the most wonderful woman I have met. You're funny, smart, incredibly beautiful and stubborn like a mule. Know that I love you too. I was sincere when I told you that I would not bear if something happened to you and I was even more so when I kissed you after the raid. If I wanted to get away from me afterward it was to protect you but last night, thanks to you I realized that this was not the right solution."
Tasha was really happy. Her feelings were reciprocal, and she was finally with the man she loved. She kissed him for several minutes and then breathless they had to separate.
"I'm sorry I pushed you back after the operation against sandstorm it's just that I was scared, afraid to lose you and suffer, lest everything changes and you realize that I was not as wonderful as you thought."
"We all have our past and our fears. I think what has happened in the past few weeks has proved it to us all, but I will never leave you in agreement? "
"Now what do we do?" She asked when she spoke of the future.
"I'm going to go make breakfast then once we get prepared we will go to the FBI where I would do everything to convince Kurt to give me some time off, then to restore my place afterward. After all, I have a very good reason to fight now. You said it yourself I am not alone far from there," the young man announced by looking at her lovingly.
"I think it's a great idea," she replied by kissing him.
"It's not going to be easy; you know?" He added, talking about the fight he was going to commit confronting his past.
"I know but believe me you will not get rid of me easily. Some things are worth fighting for."
The two lovers kissed, prepared, ate and then surrendered to the FBI. Arriving at the locals Tasha sat down at her post and watched her boyfriend go to their Chief's Office. A few minutes later she was joined by Jane and Patterson, who sat beside her and watched without question. They only saw Reade and Weller arguing. Unlike the day before they were both very quiet.
"Weller, I am really sorry for all that has happened lately. I learned things that I would have preferred never to know, and it put me in a bad state, but I really want to get better."
"I'm glad to hear that. I was really worried about you, as the whole team."
"I am aware of that and I also wanted to apologize for saying that you were just colleagues. I didn't think it was just that I was really bad but I'm much closer to all of you. You, Jane, Patterson, and Tasha, you're my real family."
"It's nice to hear that. Listen we all went through a bad pass at one time or another and it's not always easy to ask for help. I understand, and I'd be more than happy to return your plaque. But you're aware that I can't get you back on the field without being sure you're okay."
"Obviously and I would never ask you that. I'd like to take a leave of absence to get my ideas straight and talk to Dr. Sun. I think it will do me good given the situation."
"It's perfect for me. Reade, I did not report you to the hierarchy so if you come back to 100% for me all will be as before."
"I really appreciate sincerely, and I would return to 100% be sure but I do not think things could be like before. I think you need to know. A few weeks ago, I learned that being one of Jones' victims," Reade confessed hardly.
"Now I understand better why you were like that lately. It was really horrible. I am sincerely sorry but know that what you have just told me will remain strictly between us and that it won't change anything, said Weller understanding and pained to learn such terrible news."
"Thank you I sincerely appreciate it. Tasha knows too," he said, rising.
"I suspected. Well, I see that the girls are reunited I let you announce them for your leave and especially takes the time you need. Your place will always be there when you come back," Kurt added by squeezing the hand of his friend.
"Thanks, it really touches me."
"As far as you don't break Tasha's heart. She really loves you and I know it's mutual so it would be a shame to spoil it."
"But how can you know that?"
"Everyone knows that. You'd have to be blind not to notice that you love each other. That's also why I sent her, and I didn't come myself. There was only Tasha to convince you to let us help you, a real mule. She would never abandon; she cares too much for you. I am delighted for you and as long as you are professionals it will not be a problem for your partnership."
"Thanks, Kurt and don't worry I love him too much to make her suffer."
"I know it was just in case."
Reade went to join her friends to announce her decision. By far the deputy director was able to see Jane and Patterson tighten Edgar in their arms as a sign of encouragement and when Tasha laid her hand on his shoulder the two young women began to harass them to find out where they were. As an answer, the policeman tenderly kissed his girlfriend. Kurt couldn't help smiling when he saw his two best friends so happy. He knew that it was not going to be easy because of their work and the trauma that Reade had to accept but he was convinced that these two were meant to be together. Weller was sure that whatever happened they would get out and maybe one day he would have the guts to do like Reade and Zapata and confess his feelings to Jane, the young woman who occupied her heart and his thoughts since the day he had met him but it was a whole other story.