Daycare Days Chapter 1: The Start of a Disaster, a hamtaro fanfic

Once again (To the dismay of some of you), I will be TRYING to write a humor story. Flames are welcome, but remember that I'm going to seriously wound you if you do!

This story is PARTIALLY based on the story written and long, long, long, time ago. It was called "The hamhams and Little Ham Daycare". Oh, gosh, that was a mouthful, but the idea kind of goes to the author. I've changed it though, a lot of it. The only thing that I actually copied was how the ham-hams went to daycare. Just to let you know, they ARE human-hams. I'm SORRY, but it DOES fit more. Curse my stupid ideas! Anyway, this idea was to show you how good I am with kids.

Disclaimer: NO one on this site owns Hamtaro. What makes you think that I do? I do not own Hamtaro or any of its characters. Except Laura, whom I based on me! And this Laura is NOT from the Hamtaro series!

Chapter 1:

The Start of a Disaster

The day care lady laid back in her seat, shuffling her shoulders a little before trying to doze off. She had dark hazel eyes with dark, brown hair whose long bangs swooped over her right eye. Her hair reached a little past her shoulders with a red shirt with white letters that stated "Lifeguard". She was wearing faded jeans with white sneakers. Overall, she looked like an ordinary person (For those of you who know me, you know I'm anything BUT ordinary!), but her life was about to be flipped up side down when a small boy walked in the room and tugged on her jeans.

She yawned and looked down at the little boy. He had two hair colors, to her surprise, with orange and white. He had orange hair on the right half of his round head and white on the other, with navy blue eyes to mix with the entire appearance. She chuckled at the thought of him looking like an obsessive bronco fan. He was wearing a sleeveless collar shirt that buttoned with blue Nike shorts, hands shoved into his pockets. Then, she realized that he was smiling a big toothed grin, the front one missing.

"Ham-ha! I'm Hamtaro!" he yelled out, nearly deafening the girl. She shook her head and gave him a dirty look.

"Oh, ok. So you're one of the kids I have to take care of right?" she asked not enthusiastic at all, bending down to see Hamtaro eye to eye. Hamtaro vigorously nodded his head, bangs jumping up from his forehead.

"Hamtaro!" Said a male voice.

"Hamtaro, don't you ever run away from us again!" Yelled a woman.

A man and woman ran into the room, panting and sprinting towards Hamtaro. Hamtaro looked down, him tugging on his shirt nervously. These looked to be Hamtaro's parents.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," the woman huffed. The day care lady raised up a hand, showing forgiveness. It looked like they had a little trouble maker on their hands, and this happened a lot.

"Hey, no problem. He was fine, right?" she said in a monotone. The two nodded and the man said, "Aren't you a little young to be a dare care person?"

She nodded her head, swiftly replying, "Yeah. It's just a summer job. I'm Laura, by the way."

Laura extended her arm for them to shake, but was surprised to see that Hamtaro was shaking her arm in some kind of cute way to greet her.

"Ham-ha!" he said again. Laura looked at him and sighed while biting her lip, "Aw. He's a little angel."

The parents nodded with a smirk smile on their faces and turned towards the door. Before they left, the man reminded his son, "Hamtaro, be good now."

Hamtaro jumped up, pumping his fist up in the air while yelling, "I will! Here I come, adventure!"

Laura looked at him funny and then returned to her desk, but couldn't when a vicious tug on the bottom of her shirt and she looked down to see Hamtaro with huge puppy eyes. She carefully patted his head with two fingers, ready to make a dash for her desk when a fat looking boy walked in. He had a mix of grey and white hair and grey eyes with a huge sweatshirt and sweatpants on. He seemed to be holding a cupcake and waving goodbye to his parents. Hamtaro squealed with glee that Laura had thought was only from a little girl, but to see that she was finally free from the grasp of the child, she waltzed over to her desk and started to sleep. (A/N: Am I responsible or what?)

"Ham-ha! I'm Hamtaro, who are you?" Hamtaro immediately yelled out at the chubby boy.

"I'm Oxnard," he replied stiffly. Before Hamtaro could say anything more, two more little kids came in, a girl and a boy walking side by side. Hamtaro grabbed Oxnard's wrist and pulled him over to the two.

"Hey there! I'm Hamtaro and this is Oxnard! Want to play?" Hamtaro greeted, his arm way over his head as he tried his best to give a full wave. The girl smiled while the boy gritted his teeth. The girl had a head of thick, white hair tied in short pigtails and she was wearing a white dress with little boots. The boy was dressed with a moldy brown shirt with a dragon on it matching his brown eyes, hair, pants, and shoes. He had on a yellow hard helmet hat with a green stripe and red moon on it.

"Wow! Is that a dragon?" Hamtaro shouted, touching the dragon's head. The boy swatted away Hamtaro's hand and growled, "Don't touch it. It shows that I'm a warrior!"

"Do warriors have hard helmets? Because my mommy says that hard helmets are for people with issues-" Hamtaro started, but was quickly silenced by the kick in his shin. Immediately, Hamtaro started wailing out in pain, falling on the floor and crying as he held his leg. He quickly looked at Laura, but she was fast asleep with her feet on the table. Snoring loudly. Not wanting to disturb her, Hamtaro quickly got back up and said, "Meanie Butt!!!."

He turned to the girl and flashed a huge smile with his little teeth smile. "What's your name?"

"Bijou." The girl was blushing as she said it and put her hand on the other boy's shoulder. "And zis is Boss."

Hamtaro laughed at her accent and shouted, "You talk funny! Say more words!"

Bijou stuck out her tongue and looked at Oxnard's cupcake. She pointed at it and said, "I want some."

Oxnard shook his head and ran over to a corner, scaring the three children. Then, he started chanting, "Mr. Cupcake. Mr. Cupcake. Mr. Cupcake."

This freaked out many of the people in the room (except Laura, who was out like a light.) and Hamtaro straightened up, saying, "Who wants to color?"

Bijou raised her hand, but Boss said, "I want to play doctor!"

Hamtaro smiled at the idea and said, "Gee, that's a great idea! Good job, Boss."

Boss puffed out his chest proudly and said, "Let's start!"

5 minutes later…

"NO! THIS ISN'T WHAT I MEANT!" Boss screamed, thrashing around like a madman in the straightjacket he had on. It was just one of the shirts from the dress up place, but it was tied pretty well for Boss to act like this. Then, Hamtaro entered with a long lab coat that flew past his feet by a mile accompanied by Bijou who was wearing a nurse's cap. Boss withered around some more, screaming at the top of his lungs, hoping that the stupid day care lady person would help him, but she just kept sleeping.

"Okay, so say ahhhhhhhh!" Hamtaro cheered as he stuck a popsicle stick in Boss's mouth.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HACK, COUGH, HACK!!! UGHHHHHHHH!!!"

Then, entered three other kids entered to see two people holding a boy in a straightjacket down and a fat kid in the corner, whispering something to his cupcake.

"My, my. Scary isn't it?" one of the new boys said as he adjusted his glasses. He had on a blue collar shirt with a sweater vest and a red bow tie on his neck with black pants. He had grey hair and blue eyes. The boy next to him had on black sweatpants and a moldy brown sweater, matching his hair and maybe his eyes, but they were so tiny that you could barely see them. He brushed his red apron and cackled, "Yeah! Just as scary as you, Dexter!"

"What was that, squinty?"

"You heard me, four eyes!"

"Oh, will you two stop it?" the girl right next to them said, covering her ears. She had on a white blouse with a pink miniskirt and pink sandals to match her pink scarf. Her hair was long and layered, fluttering down her back as her golden brown eyes burned with rage at the two's arguing.

"Hey, let's see what they're doing!" she exclaimed and led the two boys towards Hamtaro. Hamtaro looked up from trying to reach down Boss's throat and waved, yelling, "Hey! I'm Hamtaro! This is Bijou and Boss! And there's Oxnard over there!"

He pointed out each ham and stopped uneasily at Oxnard who was rubbing his face with his cupcake, letting to frosting go down his shirt.

"He has some issues," Hamtaro explained calmly. All three nodded in agreement. The girl with long hair pointed out, just as Hamtaro did, her own party.

"I'm Pashmina. And this is Dexter and Howdy," Pashmina introduced. (Penelope isn't here. She's too young to be in a five year old's day care.)

"Hi! You want to play doctor! We're going to operate on Boss now!" Boss gave a wail of despair, but was quickly silenced as Bijou stuck a thermometer in his mouth.

"Sure! I'll let you operate on Howdy! He has issues, too!" Pashmina yelled, twirling around in happiness. Hamtaro jumped up in excitement, shouting whoops of happiness. Boss looked up at the others, spat out the thermometer, and said excitingly, "Hey! Does that mean I'm out of this?"

Bijou placed her hands on her hips and argued, "No! You are deathly sick with zee common cold! Vee need to operate on you!"

Hamtaro giggled, "She still talks funny!" He rolled on the ground in excitement

"Cuz I'm French, non?" Bijou yelled back at him defensively.

And Pashmina wrapped Howdy arms around with another 'straightjacket' and pushed him next to Boss.

"I'll never talk!" Howdy shouted.

"You know you can never do that!" Dexter yelled. Hamtaro stood up on his spinny chair (You know, at the doctor's office that doctor's hog when I want to sit on it.) and yelled, "He's crazy! Bijou, hit him in the head to knock him out!"

"Oui!"

"WHAT!!!???" Howdy was just about to make a run for it, when a tall boy came it, his nose buried in a book. He had brown hair that was gelled so his bangs kept getting longer and longer from the middle of his head and had dark brown eyes. He was wearing a plaid collar shirt with dark blue jeans. He waltzed in, his eyes still glued on his book and didn't pay attention to the scene that involved two boys in a straightjacket, three others trying to stuff sticks down the other twos' throats, and an obese boy in the corner kissing a cupcake. Hamtaro coughed purposely to get some attention, but the tall kid just kept walking to another corner by a chalk board, sat down, and remained silent.

"Uh, ham… ha?" Hamtaro pointed to the door to see two kids walking together, one boy and one girl, but they looked exactly. They each had honey blonde hair and emerald eyes. But, the boy had on a green shirt with a white collar and black pants while the girl had a green turtleneck with no sleeves and jeans with a ponytail tied in hair with a ribbon. They were both pushing and hitting each other, looking as if they were about to tear each other up.

"Stan! You ate my cookie!" the girl whined. Stan wiped his mouth and belched right in her face.

"AGHHHHHHHHHHHH! STAN, YOU'RE SUCH A POOPYHEAD!" she yelled. Hamtaro, being the nosy one he was, butted in their business.

"Ham-ha! I'm Hamtaro! And this is-" He once again pointed out each different person, Oxnard still in the corner, munching on his cupcake.

"Yo, I'm Stan. And this is my twin, Sandy, dude," Stan said, not comforting his younger sister. Hamtaro turned his head to the side and said, "Dude?"

"Yeah, man. You playing doctor?" Stan asked. But, once he caught sight of Bijou and Pashmina, both in nurse's hats, he let out a low whistle and ran over to them, putting his arms around the two of them.

"Hey, there, ladies. Dr. Stan Man is in session!" Stan said, pulling them closer to him to get a slap in the face by Sandy.

"Like, stop it! You are a total pervert, you flirt!" Sandy hissed. Stan rubbed his cheek and stuck his tongue out as Sandy stormed off, turning around and making faces at him. She went off towards the tall boy's direction. Stan shrugged and turned around.

"So, we playing doctor here?" he asked, pointing at Hamtaro's light strapped onto his forehead. They all nodded, even Howdy and Boss who were both on a table, a long piece of duct tape covering them. Stan smirked and crossed his arms.

"Oh, please. What you guys need to play is Terminator," Stan said in a bored tone.

"Heke? What's terminator? Is it about termites? Or about time? Because to me, terminator sounds like time. Oh! This one time- see I used time- I was in my room and this dog went smashing through the window and I got out my Nerf football and-"

Dexter smashed his hands against Hamtaro's mouth while Stan said, "Is Red like this all the time, dude?"

They all nodded and Stan clapped his hands together.

"All right! So to play Terminator, we need a machine gun…"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sandy walked over to the boy whose face was buried in a book. By the looks of it, it seemed that he could read to Sandy. She smiled and waved.

"Hiya! Like, I'm Sandy!" she greeted. She stared at the boy for a moment to realize that he didn't say anything.

"I said, HI! LIKE, I'M SANDY!" she yelled. Nothing.

"Hello? Are you listening to me?" Sandy tapped on his head to see that he wasn't moving, just his eyes were scanning the book. Then, Sandy started to circle him and wave her hands in his face. It didn't do a thing.

"Let's see. Daddy told me that when something is wrong with someone, you need to go to the doctor," Sandy mumbled as she pondered every option. Then, she snapped her fingers, finally realizing the idea.

"I got it! You need to go to a dentist!" she yelled, giggling to herself. She looked around for a dentist, but there was none. She sighed and twirled her blonde hair that was pulled back into a short, layered ponytail. When she glanced at Hamtaro, arguing with Stan in a lab coat, she grabbed the boy's wrist and pulled him over to the group.

"I want to wear this though!" Hamtaro said as Stan tried to pull off the coat.

"C'mon! If you want to play Terminator, you have to like, get that thing off!" Stan yelled, tugging on the coat more. Soon enough, it was a tug of war and the kids watched, their heads tossing back and forth as Stan and Hamtaro pulled on each side of the coat.

"Stop! He needs a doctor!" Sandy shrieked, pointing the boy next to her that was as stiff as stone. Everyone looked at her and Hamtaro gasped, "I'll be right in!"

He gave the coat one last pull, knocked Stan off of his feet, and ran into a closet to get ready for the 'operation'. Soon, he leapt out with two separate extension cords in his hands. He joined them together to get a spark of light and the room was filled with 'ooohs' and 'ahhhs'.

(Kids, don't try this at home. I'm not even sure it works, but for my sake, DON'T try it.)

"Here we go! Strap him down on the table!" Hamtaro cheered, making the two cords zap again. Stan and Dexter, grabbed the boy's arms and, to their surprise, he woke up from his trance.

"What! Hey, give me my book back!" the boy yelled at them. Stan and Dexter just looked at each other before they tossed the brunette boy on the table and Pashmina and Bijou taped him down like they did with Boss and Howdy.

"Okay! Ready-" Hamtaro zapped his weapons again. The boy looked wildly around, his eyes bulging at the improper use of electricity.

"Hey, wait! What are you doing?!" he asked frantically.

"Set!"

"Wait! I'll tell you my name! It's Maxwell, Maxwell's my name and getting out of here is my game!" Maxwell yelled, trying to find a way out.

At her desk, Laura stretched and yawned, finally waking up. She let her legs fall to the ground and wiped her eyes, still a little tired. She looked over at the group of children and her mouth dropped.

"Hey, wait!" Maxwell and Laura both yelled. Hamtaro zapped the two cords together once again before letting them hover over Maxwell's chest.

"CLEAR!!!"

ZAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!

"AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

As the lights bright blue lights flickered before their very eyes, Stan whispered to his sister, "That kid is screwed."

"Maybe I should have brought him to a chiropractor instead," Sandy realized as she put her index finger to her cheek in thought.

"OH, BIG BROTHER BORIS, WHAT DID I DO!? WHAT DID I DOOOOOOOOO?!" Hamtaro was yelling Bijou and Pashmina unwrapped the tape and Maxwell hastily got up, staggering towards a chair. His hair was all messed up, sticking on end. He was a little burned on the forehead and cheeks and he was swaying back and forth, looking as if he was drunk.

"No! Everyone stay back!" Laura announced, throwing kids out of the way. She patted Maxwell's head and whispered, "You okay, little guy?"

Maxwell nodded and solemnly said, "I-I believe I'm fine, I just-"

Laura clasped her hands together and declared, "That's great! Now, you all leave me along while I make a phone call. No more doctor, you hear me?"

She stared at Hamtaro when she said this and Hamtaro gave a sheepish grin. Then, she whipped out her phone and started pressing the numbers rapidly until a 'Hello?' could be heard.

"Hey, Kennedy! What's up?" Laura laughed into the phone, careless of the bewildered ham-hams.

"Really? A guy named Elder-Ham fell asleep on the counter and started drooling on your paycheck? That sucks. I have to be this daycare person and take care of the little kids around here. Yeah, I know, I know. Drives you crazy doesn't it? There's this scary little fat kid in the corner who won't stop kissing his cupcake." She started to laugh hysterically into the phone, "And then, this kid tried to play doctor and shocked this other tall dude with a cable."

And with that, she walked out the door and locked it, probably going into the kitchen. Then, Stan jumped on top of a chair and yelled, "We're free!"

Then, two more kids came in, both looking away until they caught sight of:

Boss in a straightjacket, moving rapidly around to get if off.

Howdy in a straightjacket and now falling on the floor, trying to rid the moldy shirt away.

Maxwell, burned and shocked, with a little flame sparking on his head.

Oxnard making out with his cupcake.

The older looking one had black hair and black eyes. He was wearing a long sleeve black shirt and pants with an unzipped white vest on with little pockets and such. He was also carrying a tool box.

The other kid was smaller and waddled instead of walked. He had brown hair that was barely noticeable since he had a green stocking cap on his scalp. He had bright green eyes and a green jersey that said 00 on with emerald shorts. He placed his fingers on his hat as if someone was about to snatch it.

"Whoa. What happened here?" the one in black and white asked.

"It's a long story," Dexter sniffled. Hamtaro, being the idiot he was, introduced each ham, ONCE AGAIN.

"Hey, I'm Panda. And this is Cappy!" Panda said as he patted Cappy on the head. Cappy gritted his teeth at Panda and started to bite him.

"Youch! Stop it, Cappy!" But, Cappy was chasing Panda around the room now, chomping his teeth and causing Panda to crash into Oxnard. Oxnard looked away from his cupcake, frosting covering his nose and chin as he looked down at the trembling Panda. It was like a sumo wrestler in person when Panda was on the ground and as soon as Cappy got a good look at Oxnard, he bolted towards the hams. (Okay, I have nothing against Oxnard. He's just fat, ok?)

"Ain't nothing coming between me and my cupcake," Oxnard hissed. Poor Panda opened his mouth, but the words came out slurred.

"Run, Panda! Run for your life!" Cappy cried from under a table. Panda whipped out a hammer from his tool box and held it over his head, treating it like a gun as Oxnard stomped towards him.

"S-Stay back!" Panda stuttered, the ham hams just staring at the unfortunate 5-year old. Oxnard tackled Panda, scraping the wall of the beige color. The others looked away, not wanting to see the rest. Then, Panda's hammer flew up in the air and it squished Oxnard's cupcake.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Oxnard yelled, leaping off of a now half unconscious Panda and holding the remains of his cupcake. He started sobbing uncontrollably, tears seeping through the frosting. The other kids moved at least five steps away from the scene.

"Why? WHY?!" Oxnard yelled. Hamtaro walked over and placed a hand on Oxnard's shoulder.

"Don't worry, we'll hold a funeral for cupcake!" he promised. Oxnard held back a tear and fell at Hamtaro's feet sobbing, "Oh, thank you!!! Thank you!"

Hamtaro kicked Oxnard off and he went to go get the funeral settled. He picked up the cupcake, treating it like it was the most important object on the face of the earth. He carried it over to the window, everyone else following him.

"I'm sorry for this tragic loss and we hope that Cupcake will rest in peace," Hamtaro said, bowing his head as everyone did the same, Oxnard choking on his tears.

"We'll miss you," Hamtaro sighed. Then, in a flash, he threw the cupcake out of the window. He wiped his hands on Howdy's apron, treating it like a towel, and held out his arms. Howdy shot a glare at the leader of the group.

"Well? Who wants to play big city madness?" Hamtaro yelled. Everything pumped their fist in the air except for the girls, Maxwell, and Dexter.

"That is so childish," Pashmina complained.

"I agree with you, my dear Pashmina!" Dexter yelled out to her, releasing his crush on her once again. Pashmina rolled her eyes and gagged.

"Okay, well you guys go play in the corner or something," Stan jeered. Sandy immediately grabbed Maxwell upped arm and said while smiling sweetly, "Can you teach me to read, Maxwell?"

"Uh, s-sure," Maxwell said, blushing as he did so and the two walked to the corner. Stan made little kissy faces at them and the rest of the kids laughed.

"Okay, so look what I made!" Panda yelled out from the other of the room. The rest of them turned around and saw a beautiful city that Panda had been building.

"Awesome! Now we can play Hamzilla!" Stan cried out, hopping up and down on the chair as he held onto its top. Boss yelped with happiness and immediately picked up a car.

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWR! I'M HAMZILLA!" he yelled as he chewed on a car. Panda screamed at the sight. "NO, MOLLY! NO, NOT YOU!"

With the car still being slobbered on, Boss gave him a confused look. "Who's Molly?"

Panda looked up with watery eyes. "The one you killed!"
Boss shrugged and threw the car to the other side of the room, hitting Howdy in the head. Howdy yelled and started storming over towards Boss.

"Why the heke did ya do that to me?" he screeched in his usual southern accent. Boss moved his shoulders up and down again and Howdy madly threw 'the mayor' at Boss's head. Panda gasped and threw his hands up in the air.

"No! Not city hall, Boss!" he shouted, but was knocked over at Boss's attempt to hit Howdy in the stomach with "City Hall". As the ham-hams, including Sandy and Maxwell, looked on, shocked and awestruck, they saw that Howdy had stuffed a tiny toy elephant down Boss's throat. Soon enough, the poor boy was turning blue and gasping for breath.

"Ha ha! What do ya think about that one right there!" Howdy cackled as he pointed and laughed at Boss who was crouched on all fours, gagging and flinching. After about five seconds of not answering, Dexter yelled, "What did you do, Howdy?"

"Nuthing, I swear!" Howdy protested, little hands in front of his face. Maxwell walked over with Sandy, his book clutched to his side. He circled around Boss, stroking his chin in thought as he did so.

"Well, taking in his symptoms, he is either a) choking or b) exploding," Maxwell stated, proudly crossing his arms as the hams looked in awe. The ham-hams, with their little known vocabulary, asked, "What's an exploding?"

Maxwell sighed and translated, "It means he's going to blow up."

It took a while for the ham-hams to get it, but they were screaming in frustration and fury as Boss's face got more maroon by the second. Hamtaro, ran into the closet and sprinted back out with his full doctor suit on. As he walked over to a hacking Boss, Laura opened the door.

"Okay, talk to you la- HOLY SHIT, WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT KID?!"

She dropped her phone, staring in distress as Hamtaro checked on Boss's heartbeat.

"She said a bad word! She said a bad word! Be gone, sinner!" Stan yelled, pointing and jumping up and down.

"Wow, Boss! You must be really scared if your heart's beating that fast! It's going BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM like a machine gun!" Hamtaro yelled, oblivious that Boss's heart wasn't supposed to do that.

"What happened to him!?" Laura shrieked.

"Boss swallowed an elephant!" Panda gasped.

Cappy, looking as if he was about to pull out his hair, screamed, "HE'S GONNA 'SPLODE!"

Laura opened her mouth to speak when Hamtaro started to tackle Boss, slapping his back and punching his stomach.

"I'LL SAVE YOU! DR. HAMTARO TO THE RESCUE!" Hamtaro yelled.

"Wait! I said you couldn't play doctor!" Laura said before Boss gurgled up the plastic elephant in Bijou's hair. It was now coated in a sticky, mucus substance that no one dared to touch.

"AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Bijou waved her hands above her hair, screaming like a maniac as she ran around the room, the rest watching her. Howdy quickly got a broom and started smashing it in Bijou's face, knocking off the elephant, everyone screaming in the process. Then, a little rat came up, saluted the people in the room, and carried off the disgusting elephant. It was very quiet then.

"Okay, let's go outside!" Laura called out and the ham hams sprinted out the door as fast as their little legs would carry them.