1Okay so I've already posted this story before but I've decided to post it again but combine it all together so It's
a bit longer I'm still looking for constructive criticism as I am a fairly new writer and I'm only what, 14 years old.
So tell me how you like the story and how you think my writing style is.
Hope you like it, Echo x3
P.S. sorry I haven't been writing I've been very busy with school and some issues have come up. I hope I'll get to write some more as soon as possible.
Character Descriptions
Jayfeather: Thunderclan/ Tom/Medicine Cat(Apprentice) - Grey pelt. Icy sapphire blue eyes. Blind.
Lionblaze: Thunderclan/Tom/ Warrior - Golden pelt. Amber eyes. Resembles Tigerstar just like Brambleclaw.
White tipped tail.
Leafpool: Thunderclan/She-Cat/Medicine Cat - Light brown pelt. Amber eyes. White cheat and four white paws.
Shadowstorm: Loner(Abandoned)/SheCat/None - Solid black pelt with grey stripes. Sparkling blue-grey eyes.
Prologue
I found myself wondering aimlessly through the forest brambles, wandering alone through the thick undergrowth.
I knew I must of been dreaming - the reason I could see! I was searching for something which by this point I knew was searching for me. As I searched for this "something". . . . Or someone I started to see what I needed to find. A strange looking she-cat, her pelt was black and she had grey stripes lining her fur. Her blue-grey eyes staring back at me, longing for something. I then realized what I was looking for and it too was looking for me. Just like I had imagined before. I had to find this strange beautiful she-cat whatever it took!
Lionblazes Pov
I felt the pain instantly, but this couldn't be real I was dreaming and he was dead. I knew I felt it though, the pain. I could see the gash his claws left behind on my bloodstained pelt. I could also smell the salty tinge of the blood slowly draining from my body. It truly felt like it was real, then I heard him say, "Next time you won't be so lucky, follow the plan and reign as the true leader of the forest you have the power of the stars don't you!?" Then I realized it was Tigerstar, he said he would come for me and now was the time. Tigerstar was just going to keep coming back for me unless I could do something about it.
Later
I finally woke up from my nightmare and confirmed what had happened WAS real. I could see it, feel it and smell it. The gash left behind on my pelt by Tigerstar's claws was real. I screeched in horror. . .
Jayfeathers Pov
It was the weirdest, strangest dream I ever had .
I laid there in my moss covered nest in the medicine cat den letting the aroma of the herbs surround me while I wake. When I was fully awake and beginning to regain my consciousness from my deep sleep I noticed that Leafpool my mentor wasn't in her nest this morning. She must of been out collecting herbs, I decided I should go look for her maybe she needs some help. While deep in my thoughts I hadn't noticed the screeching noise that came from outside possibly from the clearing. I better go check that out it sounds like Lionblaze!
I got to the clearing and saw him his back right leg had a huge gash. Automatically I began to think a thousand thoughts at once. Was there a war going on between the clans, an invasion from ShadowClan? What was happening??? All was still quiet, as quiet as it could be anyway when there's a cat standing in the middle of the clearing with a gash in his leg. Without thinking I ran swiftly to Lionblaze's side while making sure I didn't trip on anything and checked how bad the wound was. It was deep but nothing I couldn't fix, I was a great medicine cat wasn't I ? That's what Leafpool had told me anyway. Which reminded me I still had to go look for her, I had a question about that dream I had. So I helped Lionblaze back to the medicine cat den and patched up his leg and went on my search to go find my mentor Leafpool.
As Soon as I could finally get away form camp I went to start my search for Leafpool, just like I had thought
she was by the stream near the WindClan border. I was really bored the past few days so I decided to have some fun, and this was just too much the perfect timing to pass up the offer! Leafpool, just sitting there quietly by the STREAM when it was too not deep, or the current not too strong. The stream was just muddy enough that I could get her dirty but not hurt. I was planing my ideal ambush, sitting very quietly while trying to pin point where she was, which direction the wind was blowing and how fast I should run so she couldn't smell me coming. It was perfect! I got ready bunched up my hunches and then took off and crashed right into her! The funniest thing I've ever done, though she didn't seem to happy about it . . . I could feel Leafpool glaring at me and it wasn't good. Looks like another speech coming on.
So just when I thought I was going to get the biggest speech of my life Leafpool jumps out of the stream, mud soaked and playfully bats me into where she had just fallen. I thought "Wow she's actually in a good mood right before I realized my pelt was soaked in mud ". Just great. "I'll get you back!" I called but she just laughed but the weirdest thing was I laughed to. I was actually having fun for once. Leafpool finally spoke again through her laughing "We've got to go wash ourselves up before we go collect the poppy seeds, come on we don't have all day!"
Back to the old Leafpool again I thought, I knew It wouldn't last for too long. So we went off on our walk to go clean out pelts at the lake. My tongue was sore from madly licking my mud splattered fur but it was defiantly worth the reaction Leafpool had when she fell into the stream, I bet her tongue was sore too though. Anyway after cleaning ourselves we finally got the chance to go look for the poppy seeds we were desperately running low on. I was getting hungry by the time we finished collecting the seeds so we hurriedly walked back to camp before all the best fresh kill was gone. Another thing was the dream I has was really starting to make me wonder, who was the she-cat and why would I dream of her??
Finally when we got back to ThunderClan Leafpool let me go get some fresh kill. I picked out a thrush and decided I should bring leafpool something to eat too since she's taking the habit of not eating all the time, so I brought her a big juicy squirrel since she look hungry. I brought Leafpool the squirrel and she must of noticed something was distracting me because she asked me what was on my mind I didn't know if I should tell her about the dream I had but I had to tell somebody who could understand so I began to tell her about the mysterious black she-cat from my dream and what I thought it had to do with Lionblazes trouble with Tigerstar and the place of no stars.
Flashback
I was wondering aimlessly through the forest brambles, alone in the thick undergrowth. I knew I was dreaming because I could see. I was searching for something, I didn't know what I was looking for but I knew I had to find whatever or whoever it was. It's like I had this gut sensation and I knew it was what I had to do. Then I seen her, a strange looking she-cat. Her pelt was as black as a night with no moon and she had grey stripes lining her entire body and sparkling blue-grey eyes. She was staring at me with what looked like sincere longing in her eyes. It was then I realized what I was looking for, it was the black and grey pelted she-cat from my dreams. She looked like she was from StarClan, it must of been her eyes for they looked like they could pierce right into the very fabric of your soul. I knew right the dream must of been from StarClan and she was the one who could help me stop Tigerstar from torturing Lionblaze and banish the place of no stars from his dreams. I knew because the look in her eyes was that of StarClan itself. She was the one who could help me and I needed to find her. If only Leafpool would have courage in my and trust that I was able to make the journey to find this unknown she-cat wherever she was, and whatever it took I wouldn't fail . . For StarClan and Lionblazes sake!