The black feathers of the morning swirl in the breeze at my feet
Dancing with the long shadows
The black fingers that still covet them
Reaching futilely for them as they prance away
Shed from the daily flight of the ebony angel
That soars beside a majestic streak of gold in the pale sky
My mother
But what she is
I am not

I am the ashes of a phoenix
Shunned by light and embraced by darkness
Destroyed by my own flame
And born again
Something not quite the original
Different
No longer a brilliant bird of rebirth
Alone

Shreds of a dark memory haunt my dreams
The tale of a life I knew and lived
And now do not
Forgotten in the winds of time
Shrouded in darkness
Something I sense I must never remember
But is impossible to forget
My connection is not severed
Not completely

I still dream of blood
Flashes of gold against a cold gray sky framed in deep crimson
The black feathers furiously flying
Then falling
Resting forever in stained ice

I close my eyes against it
But I can still hear
I can still feel
The screams ring in my ears
Some my own
Some not
My body burns with pain
My hot blood rushing from it
Staining the ground beneath me where I lie
Waiting

I always wake then
My face stained with tears
But my body unmarred
No blood courses from my veins to the ground
It flows as it always has
And the scars I see in my icy reflection are gone
The cruel look in my eye
Replaced by my happiness
And my emptiness

My life is filled with golden light
While something inside remembers
Craves
Yearns
For the burning fires of life
As I once was
A phoenix
And I still dream

I dance with the shadows in reverie alone
Wreathed in flame and passion
My body alive
Soul consumed
By a burning whirlwind
A beautifully grotesque silhouette is my partner
A dark figure that hides his face beneath
Until my gleaming white hand reaches out to touch

I feel
And then the fires dim
Leave a deep, comforting light and warmth behind
And his pleasingly rough hand brushes my cheek
I look up at last into his eyes
No longer frightened by his blackness

"You play with darkness."
His voice is eerie
It echoes upon itself
It has been used cruelly

"It is what I am."
My answer is meek
My voice trembles
But I am not afraid

"Fire is light, and it shines on your black feathers."
His question startles me
But I find the voice to answer
"They are black because of fire."
I proclaim angrily
"Light has charred them so,
I am both."

Nothing more is said
And I fade away
I melt into shadow
Into his embrace

And then at last
I am safe
I can feel him

I feel the memories of a thousand nights
Glittering with the soft watching starlight
The smell of the wind and rain
His halcyon touch against my skin
As I run my hands through his wild, coarse red hair
And taste his lips upon my own

He is an untamed spirit of the night
He came to me
And we danced
Both shade in the crimson firelight
Cascading
Bounding
Flowing over all
Engulfing our world with our black euphoria

I should not be so happy
He is a monster
I have been taught well
I should know better!
But his passion entices me
Consumes me utterly
He becomes a part of me
Just as I am a part of him
Eternally

We make love in the blue dusty light of the stars and the moon
And his touch fills me with all I desire
Holding me close in the darkest hours
Whispering my name on his soft breath
He is my life, my savior, my lover

He is one moment
Suspended within the brilliance of a thousand points of radiance
Encased in a perfect purple velvet shroud
Then shattered into a thousand pieces
Murdered
Ripped from my grasp as I watched
Helpless…
We fall from each other's grasp
And I feel him no more
Only myself, grief, the darkness
And torment

He is gone…

I wake then to find only light
Breathless
My shadow fled to the new dawn
Alone again

But I remember the dark man with the wild red hair
Only as a shadow
A feeling
A shred of black as a dark feather
Drifting between the sun's and my fingers
Forever fleeting and just out of reach
Still dancing without a partner
Waiting patiently

Waiting for me…

Someday
I will