Summary: Angel reflecting upon his life and the end to his relationship with Buffy after leaving Sunnydale in Graduation Day Part Two.

Genre: Angst, gloom, doom, and general despondence. It captures the beautiful tragedy that was Buffy and Angel. Ah, as all love should be.

Disclaimer: I have no claim to the characters of the Buffyverse (they belong to Joss Whedon & Co.) or the song "Muzzle" by the Smashing Pumpkins (it belongs to Billy Corgan & Co.)

Feedback is always appreciated. Thanks for reading.

Muzzle

He stands tall, regarding the sky stretched out before him, the twilight drying along his skin and leaving behind only the slow burn of the impending sunrise. And he understands the way he always does when the mounting dawn lights the shadows of his face, that he was never a hero. And he retreats into the darkness, the dusty smell of his death lingering all around him.

And he remembers the girl that was.

I fear that I'm ordinary, just like everyone
To lie here and die among the sorrows
Adrift among the days
For everything I ever said
And everything I've ever done is gone and dead

And the centuries that have come and gone dance along his eyelids every time he closes them. Years scattered into oblivion after a brief existence in a place between life and death; a blur of malice and guilt and emptiness and sorrow. And really, none of it matters to him but her.

As all things must surely have to end
And great lovers will one day have to part
I know that I am meant for this world
My life has been extraordinary
Blessed and cursed and won
Time heals but I'm forever broken

She insisted that all she sees in her future is him. He knew that there was no future to speak of. He could offer her nothing more than a lifetime of hollow years and empty promises.

The girl with the smell of dusk to her hair and the broken glimmer in her eyes. Anything heroic he has ever done has been for her.

By and by the way...
Have you ever heard the words
I'm singing in these songs?
It's for the girl I've loved all along
Can a taste of love be so wrong

He watches from afar, hidden in the obscure corners of her eyes as she wonders why it is she can save the world time and time and again, but she cannot save him.

He wishes, the way he always does, that he understood it himself.

As all things must surely have to end
And great lovers will one day have to part
I know that I am meant for this world
And in my mind as I was floating
Far above the clouds
Some children laughed I'd fall for certain
For thinking that I'd last forever
But I knew exactly where I was

She watches him leave her behind and weeps over a love lost. He reminds himself that it is only the lingering ache of a dying tryst, and really she'll forget all about him soon enough.

And I knew the meaning of it all

When he has dissolved into the sunlight, she will understand that he was never a hero.

And I knew the distance to the sun

He will simply hold the memory of her for as long as he can.

And I knew the echo that is love

He'll hold the pain even longer, the ever persistent stake teasing at his heart.

And I knew the secrets in your spires

The years that dwindled away into nothingness.

And I knew the emptiness of youth

The memories that collapsed into loneliness.

And I knew the solitude of heart

The broken glimmer of her eyes.

And I knew the murmurs of the soul

He stands tall, in his cove of darkness and watches the morning swallow the dusk away. Another day of another year of another century.

And all he really remembers is her.

And the world is drawn into your hands
And the world is etched upon your heart
And the world so hard to understand
Is the world you can't live without
And I knew the silence of the world