At night, she was still haunted by dreams of Emily. Ambassador Prentiss had not looked back on the child she'd never understood, going so far as to not even attend her funeral. Erin found her guilty conscience wouldn't allow her to disturb the intimate graveside service her team, her real family, had for its fallen member.
The months passed, her guilt did not. And so, when she'd told Agent Hotchner that he would need to take over her duties for some time, she'd not told him she was taking a sabbatical to France. She had to get away from the memories of her failures and mistakes. They'd become too numerous to name in the last few years.
"When are you going to be back, Mom?"
"In six weeks, Chloe. I'm sure the time with your father will go quickly. And I promised to bring you back a Chanel handbag, remember?"
Her youngest daughter nodded. "I still don't see why I can't go with you. I have my passport, after all. And Paris must be beautiful in the spring."
"I need to be alone, sweetie. When you graduate next year, we'll spend the summer in Europe, doing an old fashioned Grand Tour, I promise. Now be good for your father. I love you."
"I love you, too, Momma." Erin smiled at the endearment and reached over to hug her child. "Call me from the top of the Eiffel Tower and send me pictures of Notre Dame." Chloe kissed her and then got out of the car. As Erin pulled away, Chloe waved to her. She waved back until her daughter was out of sight.
Sighing, she drove to the airport and had her Bentley valet parked while she went inside. Erin took the claim ticket from the young man and slipped it into her purse. After checking in and sending her bag off, she got in the security line. Surprisingly, it went quickly and she found her gate with ease. She pulled out her iPad and began to read Ark by Stephen Baxter. While Aaron might think her magazine choices mundane and overweening, she chose to keep her personal reading preferences to herself.
Today, however, Erin found herself unable to focus on the story and put the tablet down, staring out at the planes in the night. Over the loudspeaker, she heard her flight announced and stood up. One of the perks of first class was first seating, and she was grateful for that tonight. She situated herself in her seat and reset her watch to Paris time while the other passengers filed on. As soon as the plane took off, she will her body to sleep, knowing it would be morning in Paris when they landed.
After she'd went through customs, she hailed a taxi and told the driver which hotel to take her to. She had rented a room in this one precisely because it was within walking distance of Notre Dame. Checking in was relatively easy, and she stumbled over her French only a few times. Once she'd set her bags down, she went outside and briskly walked to the Cathedral.
As she entered the doors, she accidentally bumped into someone. "Excuse me," she softly said, not looking up at the woman.
"That's quite all right, Ma'am," the other women said before melting into the crowd. Erin looked around quickly, recognizing the tone and timbre of that voice. But the woman was gone. Shaking her head, she made her way inside the building and crossed herself as she made her way down the aisle.
Finding an empty pew, she slid in halfway before kneeling to pray. The earlier encounter still weighed heavily on her mind and she quietly wept as she prayed for Emily's soul to find the peace in death she had never found in life. Time passed, she didn't know how much, but she was startled to feel a hand on her shoulder. Looking up, she found herself staring into the warm brown eyes of a priest.
"Tout va bien?"
She shook her head. "Parlez-vous anglais? Je ne parle pas bien le français."
"Is everything all right, my child?" he asked, sitting next to her on the pew.
"I've just come to pray, Father." She looked away from him, unable to bear the kindness in his eyes.
"I hope the Lord hears your prayers. If you need to talk, we're available from three until seven." He made the sign of the cross over her and then left.
Sighing, she stood and left the Cathedral, her heart still heavy. Her stomach growled and she found a little café close by. In halting French, she ordered a sandwich and tea and stared out at the passers-by. The food and drink came quickly, and she ate, her mind a thousand miles away, focused on Emily.
"Why is Strauss in Paris?" Hearing her name, her ears pricked up and she strained to catch the conversation. "JJ, are you certain no one else knows I'm alive? Then how'd she end up here? I ran into her at Notre Dame today. I don't think she recognized me, after all I'm dead." The kissing couple in front of her stood and left, wrapped up in each other. And Erin had a clear view of the woman who'd made a requiem of her dreams lately.
Their eyes met and she could feel the anger and rage radiate off the woman as she ended her conversation. Quickly, Erin paid for her meal and tried to melt into the crowd, much as Emily had done earlier. This was too much, her brain couldn't process the truth staring her in the face. She tripped over a loosed stone and would have fallen had not a strong grip righted her. "Thank you."
"My pleasure, Ma'am. Let's head back to your hotel. We need to talk." There was steel in her voice and Erin nodded reluctantly. Emily surprised her by clasping her hand tightly, as if she knew Erin would disappear, given the chance.
Once they were in her hotel room, Emily bolted the door, making escape impossible. Erin found she couldn't meet the other woman's eyes, and she sat on the bed, staring at the floor. "What do you want?"
"Who sent you here? Was it Hotch? Did he tell you my secret?"
"No. I came here of my own volition. I had no idea you were alive until now." To Erin's horror, she felt her eyes well up with tears, and she tried to discreetly wipe them away.
"You're getting soft, Ma'am."
"Stop calling me that!" Erin stood and went to the window, looking out over Paris. "I know what you mean and I know that I am. I don't need you to remind me of my failings." She began to weep and she wrapped her arms around her stomach. "Just go, please. Leave me to the Hell I've created for myself."
Erin felt her hand on her shoulder, and she flinched away from Emily's unusually tender touch. "I've never seen you cry before, Erin."
She looked into Emily's eyes. "I don't do it often." Erin never saw the stinging slap coming and she looked down at the floor once more as she covered her cheek. "Do you feel better now?"
"No."
"Then hit me again."
"What? No!"
"Do it, Agent –" Emily shocked her again by cupping her chin and lifting her face, covering her lips in a bruisingly sweet kiss. "What was that?" she gasped out.
"Erasing the requiem for my dream. Mother told me you were kind, loving. When you got me into the BAU, I figured it was because of your friendship with her, not to use me as a pawn. Even though you used me, I was still –"
"Still what?"
"It doesn't matter. I'm dead, after all." Emily sighed, wrapping an arm around Erin's waist. "You looked beautiful going into the Cathedral this morning. If I never see you again, I want you to know that."
"They'll catch him and you'll come home to be a thorn in my side once more. I'll make certain of that."
"Why, Erin?"
"Absolution." She turned to look at Emily once more. "I have to find a way to make things better." Erin touch Emily's cheek tenderly and then went back to staring out the window.
"How long are you going to be here?"
"Six weeks."
"That's long enough."
"For what?"
"For this." Emily extended her hand. "Hi, I'm Rachel. My friend Emily said that I might see you here. Would you like to go out to supper tonight?" Erin was just about to answer when Emily's phone rang. "Hey Jayje. Yeah, it was just a false alarm. I'm just getting homesick, I suppose. Talk to you later." She hung up and looked at Erin expectantly.
"I'd love to spend time with you, Rachel." Erin clasped her hand and shook it firmly, never taking her eyes off the other woman. A warm smile spread over Emily's lips and she leaned forward and kissed Erin once more.
The last coherent though Erin held was Did a requiem for a dream always sound so joyous? before she lost herself in the feel of Emily's lips on hers, Emily's hands in her hair, Emily's body against hers. She tasted like the absolution Erin craved and she found herself wanting to hold onto this precious moment for as long as she could.