AN: so I've been thinking about whether or not I should publish this or not, seeing as I kind of gave up on my first story. But I liked the way this one-shot turned out. I hope you do too :)
Anna reclined on the sofa in Elsa's study, crossing her arms on top of the backrest while her head rested on them, watching her older sister working. Elsa, as always, was the very personification of elegance as she sat before their father's – her desk.
With closed eyes, she listened to the scratch of the quill on the parchment her sister was working on. If she tried hard enough, she could almost convince herself that it was her father who was seated before the desk revising council meeting notes, or signing treaties, or penning some new trade agreement.
Almost.
Elsa's writing was more fluent than her father's; it was more similar to their mother's writing. Anna scratched like her father did whenever she wrote something; short, crude scratches in a code that only she could read, just like her father had done.
The redhead opened her eyes and watched her sister again. If she tried hard enough, she could almost imagine that it was her mother sitting before her, save the platinum blonde hair. Even though there were many people who said that she, too, looked like her mother, her older sister always did resemble her mother more. Even the bun she occasionally wore was styled the way their mother had worn it. Elsa now wore her hair in her favourite braid, draped across her shoulder. She looked like she normally did wearing her ice dress, but today wasn't a normal day. Today she wore her ice dress, but today it was such a dark blue, it could've been mistaken for black. Her usually transparent sleeves were opaque and covered her shoulders, a bateau instead of the usual sweet neckline, completed the look.
Elsa frowned and propped her cheek upon her right hand's knuckles, her quill hovering in the air as she read whatever she was busy with. Anna would've smiled at the display, seeing the real Elsa instead of her usual regal persona, but today wasn't like any other day.
Gerda rapped smartly against the open door and walked in without hesitation. A soft sigh escaped her mouth as she watched the black clad woman walk towards her sister. Elsa kept staring at the page before her as the matron replaced her empty tea cup with a steaming one. A glance and a grateful smile was all Gerda received before she refocused her attention on the page again. The matron shook her head fondly and turned around to leave her Queen to her business. She caught Anna's eye and smiled softly.
"Would you like a cup of hot chocolate, Your Highness?" she asked tenderly.
Elsa looked up from her work to judge her sister's mood based on her reaction. The redhead shook her head and smiled gratefully. But both women saw that her smile hadn't reached her eyes when she did so. The matron gave the Queen a parting glance before she left.
When the sisters where alone again, Elsa lowered her quill and looked at Anna. She cocked her head to the side, a question in her eyes. Upturned lips, in that same smile she had just given Gerda, replied as she waved her hand dismissively.
Don't worry about it. The gesture said. The blonde righted her head and lifted her eyebrows slightly.
Are you sure? Elsa's gesture asked.
Yes. Anna's slow blink and lip twitch answered.
The elder sister smiled sympathetically and returned to her paperwork. Said paperwork was done more out of a desperate need for distraction than necessity. The Queen knew that she could leave her work for one day and focus on more important things. But today, she had to keep herself distracted.
If she allowed herself one second to think about the reason her dress was much darker than usual, or why her staff was wearing black instead of their normal green uniforms, or why her sister was also clad in black and as silent as the stones that sat on their parent's bodiless graves… She didn't think she would be able to be of any use to anyone. She had to be strong. For Anna.
She had to show her little sister that they could live their lives normally and move one. She had to show her that the anniversary of their parent's deaths didn't cause her heart to throb painfully every time her thoughts betrayed her into thinking of her father's guidance or her mother's love. She had to show Anna that she did miss them, but that they could leave the past in the past as well. She had to.
And with that reminder, she set her face into a determined frown as she tried to make sense of the minister of finance's crablike scribble on the monthly trade expenses.
Anna, never one for concealing her emotions, allowed her thoughts to wander towards her parents as she reminisced about it all. She sighed through her nose and got up from the sofa. Stretching with a satisfying pop, she walked over towards the window bench to the Queen's right. Even though Elsa was looking at the scribble before her, every fibre of her being was focused on Anna as she made her way to the window seat. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Anna sit and lean her head back against the wall as she gazed outside the open window. Elsa breathed in deeply through her nose and let it out softly, forcing her attention back on the report and ignoring her heart's painful throb in her chest.
Okay Anna, she thought glancing at her sister's slumped form, just let me finish this report and then we can grab some comfort food and cry, if we have to…
The blonde shut her eyes, fighting her own grief coupled with her magic before she opened them again to finished her summery of the trade expenses.
Anna stared out of the window and walked through her memories. Smiling wistfully, she gave her thoughts free reign to think about her parents. Her mother's melodious laughter echoed around her as they played in the snow. Strong comforting arms wrapped around her after she had a nightmare. Curled up on her mother's lap, she was being read to sleep. Feeling stiff and sore but beaming from her father's praise after a fencing or horse riding lesson.
A gentle breeze brushed Anna's bangs and filled her with the scent of sweet roses. Her smile fell away as she swallowed the lump forming in her throat. Her mother had always smelt of roses…especially after she tended her green house, filled with different types of roses that her father had imported for their 20th wedding anniversary.
Her eyes started to burn as her thoughts wandered to every little thing they would never see or get to do. Like meeting Kristoff or walking her down the aisle one day. She would never receive marriage advice from them, or get to tell them that they will be grandparents. She'll never know if they were proud of her or happy that she was reunited with her sister again.
Hot tears leaked from her tightly clenched eyes as she wept silently. Wept for the loss of her childhood with her beloved sister. For all the lies they had told her, to keep her 'safe'. For missed opportunities to be a complete family. For installing fear of her sister's magic in to Elsa. For the fact that they would never be able to see what an amazing Queen Elsa had turned out to be, in spite of her fear and what had happened almost a year ago. For never being able to trust anyone as easily ever again, because of what Hans had done to her. Anger, deep and menacing, rose in her chest.
This is all their fault! She thought bitterly, none of this would've happened if they had just been honest with me from the beginning! Elsa wouldn't suffer from anxiety attacks from thirteen years' worth of damage done by 'Conceal don't feel'…
Anna opened her puffy eyes and glared out of the window.
I hate them. She thought as her body trembled with rage. I hate them. They deserved to have died in that storm.
Tear filled eyes widened in realisation and shock at what she had just thought.
No…I didn't mean– She clamped her hands over her mouth to stifle a choked sob.
Elsa was almost done with the report when she heard a heart wrenching sound come from her right hand side. Her head shot up towards her little sister, who sat on the bench hunched in on herself shaking terribly. Both of her hands were tightly clamped over her mouth and her eyes were scrunched closed while tears squeezed out from under her eyelids at an alarming rate. Elsa's heart shattered. She had never seen her sister like this before. Anna was always, despite what happened to her, a bright ray of sunshine, but now… Now dark storm clouds hung over her as the weight of her grief threatened to crush her.
Elsa was out of her seat like a shot and beside her sister in an instant. She hesitated, seated next to her, at a complete loss as to what to do.
"Anna?" she asked, voice brimming with concern as she reached her hands out.
Without a moments hesitation, the redhead flung herself towards her rock and clung to her as if she was drowning. Elsa wrapped her arms around her sister's shaking form and drew her closer. Shifting to allow her big sister to drag her onto her lap, Anna released her pent up grief and anger in the safe haven that was Elsa's arms. Oh, how she had longed to feel this comfort the first time. Only four years later, was she truly able to grieve with the support she had desperately wished upon from every single shooting star she had ever seen. Elsa held her as close as she possibly could while the younger woman clutched at her neckline. They rocked back and forth gently; hiccuping sobs broke the cloud of silence and sorrow that hung heavily in the room.
"It-it's okay Solskinn," she consoled using the same endearment her mother had used. She felt her own tears start prick her eyes, "We'll get through this together."
Anna nodded against her chest and breathed deeply, trying in vain to still her hiccups. Snow materialised and hung suspended in the room while Elsa fought a losing battle with her own grief, which had only doubled because of her little sister's breakdown.
"T-they –" Anna began trying to explain what happened, "Y-you –" she sobbed, "I-I…"
Elsa held her closer, "You don't have to explain, j-just let it out. I've got you Anna."
The sisters held each other and cried. They cried for very different and very similar reasons. Rage and relief warred in the younger. Relief and despair warred in the other. After a while Anna's sobs quietened and Elsa felt her sister relax in her arms. She shifted, freeing a hand up to wipe her tears from her pale face. She sniffed and looked down at her redhead. She was completely still in her arms. Maybe she had fallen asleep?
Elsa shifted again, pulling her sister with her so that she could rest her back against the wall. She made herself comfortable, cradling Anna in her arms, protecting her from everything that could hurt her; for the first time since that fateful day outside her door after the funeral.
"Oh Anna," she breathed, "What happened, Solskinn?"
A sniff resounded, "I was t-thinking about everything that happened this past year…and what happened before that." Anna's eyes started to water anew, "E-Elsa, they're never going to walk me down the aisle…n-never going to m-meet K-Kristoff…n-never –never"
"Shh…" Elsa comforted as Anna's tears streamed down her cheeks, "It's okay…"
"N-no i-it's not." She sobbed, pushing herself up and away from her sister's embrace. Elsa sat up with her and waited for her to continue. She witnessed her inner struggle as Anna toiled to form her words and still her erratic breathing. It seemed that the younger had found something to say for she wiped her eyes and took a deep breath.
"We-we were robbed of our childhood." The redhead stated. Elsa frowned slightly at the bitter tone she was hearing in her little sister's voice. "They're the reason y-you still have panic attacks."
Elsa dipped her head in shame, "You know about those?"
"You can't hide everything from me, I'm too observant now…" Her bitterness rose up in her chest and tasted like bile in the back of her throat. Swallowing thickly, she stood up to pace like she had seen her sister always do when she had to think about a particularly difficult problem.
"If they hadn't locked you away, I would've never made that stupid mistake with Jerk-face!" She exclaimed with her hands in the air. She stopped pacing suddenly, lowered her arms, and hugged herself. Her back was facing her sister. "Hans was right."
Elsa's head shot up from studying her hands. "Hans was what?"
"When he revealed his true self to me in the library," she began by way of explanation, refusing to meet her sister's focussed gaze "he said that I was so desperate for love, being willing to marry him just like that and…I was."
The sisters had spoken in agonising detail about everything that transpired the night of Elsa's coronation and the days following it. Elsa knew how cruel Hans had been in the library, that didn't shock her like it did the first time. What shocked her was that Anna agreed with Hans the heartless.
"But Anna…" she started to argue, standing up. She hesitated again.
But Anna what? Elsa thought helplessly, she's right.
"That may be true…" she conceded slowly, "But It's not going to help one bit if we start to juggle all the 'if only's. The past is in the past. We need to move on."
"And what if I can't?" Anna countered turning to face her sister, anger flushing her face, "What if we can't all be perfect like some people?"
The blonde knew that her sister was acting irrationally and that her anger was only a manifestation of the hurt she was experiencing, but Elsa was hurting too and was in no mood to think psychologically about this whole situation anymore.
"You think I'm not hurting too?" Elsa refuted with a frown as she felt her own anger build, her magic stirred within her, making her falter but she pushed it down and it obeyed, "Y-you think I've never doubted Papa's choice? Never been angry at them? Never hated them?"
The silence that followed was heavy and oppressive. Elsa's suspended snow began its gentle downward descend, a warning of the storm brewing to anyone who had eyes to see. Anna's scowl softened to a frown.
"You hate them?"
"There were times, yes." Came the curt answer; she still upset about the younger woman's outburst. Anna focussed onthe falling snow and sighed.
"I'm sorry," she apologised sincerely, guilt pulling her eyes downward, "Sometimes… Sometimes I forget what you went through… It's just, ugh!" the redhead stomped her foot as if she was throwing a tantrum, "You know?"
When Anna raised her eyes, she saw a fond smile pulling at Elsa's mouth. Her big sister giggled and rolled her eyes, "Yes, I know."
The tension died instantly, the snow vanishing while the sisters returned to their seats on the window bench, facing each other with their backs resting against the opposing walls.
"I hate them too," Anna confessed after a while, gazing out the window, "but…I still miss them so. I just wish they could see how everything turned out, in the end…"
Elsa's only response was to rest her head against the wall and close her eyes in despair.
How am I going to fix this? she thought helplessly, My little sister hates our parents…I've learnt to accept it, what they've – we've done. But I've had many years to come to grips with this…Anna's has only known the truth for a year now. She's handling this much better than I did…
"You're handling this much better than I did, you know."
Anna inclined her head towards her sister, "What do you mean?"
"You should have seen my room after – actually no, I'm glad you didn't see my room." She opened her eyes and looked out the window. "It was a tundra in there."
Observant eyes looked past the smiling mouth into the sorrow floating in icy eyes like falling snow.
"I buried myself in preparation to become Queen. Running away like I always do." She closed her eyes again, "While you were left alone to figure it out on your own. You're so much stronger than I am, Anna."
A scoff opened her eyes.
"It's true." Elsa countered sincerely, looking at her sister who stared at her with an unbelieving glint in her eyes. "You were what kept me going for those three years. I worked harder to control my powers –"
"Suppress." Anna offered.
Annoyance flared up in Elsa as she narrowed her eyes, "Fine. Suppressed. But it was the only way I knew how to –"
"There were other ways!" Anna countered hotly, "You could've opened up to –"
"And risk hurting you? Again?" Elsa shot back, "For all we know, what happened at my coronation could've happened earlier, then what?"
"He could've at least taught you something else besides 'Conceal, don't feel."
Elsa regarded her sister before her: arms folded across her chest, shoulders stiff and stubborn, a comical pout pulling her lip upward.
"Anna," she began, cooling her temper, "Do you know why Papa taught me that?"
She shook her scowling head.
"He taught it to me, because he used it himself."
"Wait, what?" Anna's face morphed into a confused frown. Disbelief crossed it suddenly, "Wait, you don't mean that he…?"
"What?" Elsa asked in confusion, before realisation dawned, "Oh, no. No I don't mean that he had powers as well…"
Anna's mouth formed an inaudible 'oh'.
"As ruling monarchs," Elsa explained, using her infamous lecture voice. The redhead suppressed a groan at the tone, but listened nonetheless, "we cannot allow our emotions to show our inner thoughts. If Arendelle were to experience a sudden crisis, the King or Queen, must be calm and collected. So that panic and chaos doesn't spread throughout the realm. 'Conceal it, don't feel it, don't let it show' was as much my mantra as it was Papa's. I just applied it to something else as well. He taught it to me before the accident, that's why I took to it so easily."
"So Papa…" Anna ventured, trying to digest what she had just been told, "Papa used it as well?"
Elsa nodded and toyed with her braid as she thought of an example to give her.
"Do you remember that time we snuck into the throne room to see what Papa and Mama did every first Thursday of the month?"
Anna nodded her head. That was when the monarchs held open court. All manner of folk would come from across the kingdom to discuss certain matters that the populace deemed important for them to know. Some were minor disputes that they felt the King needed to unravel and some were major problems with corrupt lords or authorities. The King and Queen had welcomed them all, never displaying any hint of annoyance or conceit towards their subjects. Elsa had reinstated the practise after the thaw.
"We were hiding behind the drapes." Anna remembered with a fond smile.
The smile was mirrored by her older sister, "Yes, we were."
"It was kind boring but then…"
"Then a naval officer burst through the doors yelling about pirates attacking our major trade ships, sinking them after they were plundered." Elsa finished her sister's train of thought sadly.
The two princesses were struggling to restrain their giggles after they had successfully snuck into the throne room to find out why their parents couldn't play with them. They crept down the length of the room behind the blood red drapes on their way towards the thrones where their parents sat regally. Elsa pulled her giggling sister behind her as she clamped her own giggles shut with her free hand. When they reached the end of the drapes closest to the thrones, they peaked through the opening to see the King and Queen's focus on the people before them.
A man stood before them droning on about something or other. The youngest princess pouted, immensely disappointed.
"I thought dey were slindin' around in der socks'or sumthin'," the four year old stage whispered, "not playin' King 'n Queen."
"They're not playing, Anna" seven year old Elsa replied, excitement shining in her eyes "They're doing what I'll have to do one day."
"Booooring!" Anna whined. Elsa clamped her hand over her sister's mouth, hissing in her ear that she had to be quiet. Anna fussed under her grip, scowling adorably.
Before Elsa could pull her lips into a smirk, the door of the throne room burst open with a loud bang. Elsa was glad her hand was clamped over her little sister's mouth; otherwise her frightened shriek would've caught them out. Anna jumped and a muffled shout escaped Elsa's fingers, before they shot back against the wall, waiting for their father and mother to call their names.
"Pirates!" a unknown voice shouted instead, "Pirates are attacking the trade ships bound for Wesselton, sinking them after they take everything."
The room buzzed with panicked conversations as the people spoke amongst each other.
"Pirates?!"
"What about our winter supplies?"
"Will we have enough?"
"We need trade with Wesselton."
"They won't help us if we don't give them something in return."
The older princess looked at her sister's wide frightened eyes as the people spoke behind the closed drapes. Elsa placed a finger over her lips and raised her eyebrows. Anna understood what her sister's serious face said and nodded. Tiny hands released the four year old's face and opened the drapes slightly. Anna peered out at the commotion from underneath her big sister, while Elsa stood behind her doing the same.
A strange muffled sound broke through the buzz, turning their little heads towards a few women clustered together amongst the crowd. The sound became a loud wail as reality settled into the room. Anna shuddered while her big sister pulled her closer. Movement in the corner of their eyes turned their head towards their mother who stood next to the King.
King Adgar's face was a stone mask as he addressed the people in the room. All eyes turned to him, while the women tried to quieten their sobs.
"Citizens of Arendelle," His voice boomed, vibrating in Elsa's chest, "Do not fear. We have been tracking these bandits for some time now and already have a contingency plan to fall back onto that will ensure that Arendelle doesn't suffer this coming winter. Leave that to me."
A collective sigh of relief gushed out of the people. They were confident that their monarchs wouldn't let them suffer needlessly. His lack of panic quickly calmed them all down. The King turned his eyes towards the women huddled together, comforting each other. Elsa followed his gaze.
They had just lost someone in their family. They would never see them again. Elsa realised in shock, compassion settled in her heart for the people she would rule one day.
She returned her gaze to her father. Watching him closely, she soaked up everything he was saying and doing, storing it up in her heart to use when she will be in his shoes. She could see the compassion she felt herself, radiate off of him and their mother, even though his face was neutral.
She gasped softly, He was using 'Conceal, Don't feel'!
He softened his expression slightly and addressed the women.
"We are sorry for your losses." He said glancing at the Queen, who nodded with sympathy. "Your sons and husbands have done a great service to Arendelle, a service that is vital in keeping this kingdom running."
Elsa looked at the women and saw them hanging in his every word, tears cascading down their cheeks. A lump formed in her throat, her magic stirring in her chest. Anna felt the temperature drop in their immediate vicinity and grabbed her sister's hand. The seven year old jumped at the unexpected contact and looked down into concerned teal eyes. Love washed over the elder as she hugged the younger close; the temperature returned to normal and the sisters held each other as they resumed watching their father.
"They have paid a costly and unnecessary price, one for which I am deeply sorry." He placed his hand over his chest and bowed towards them.
The women struggled to stifle a sob at the King's display of sympathy and grief. Love swelled in the people's chest towards their monarchs. The King stood straight and fell into a respectful silence; his and the Queen's heads were bowed. The whole room was as silent as a grave, following their monarchs' examples. When he spoke again, his voice betrayed a slightly sorrowful tone.
"You and your households shall be taken care of by the crown from this day forth. We know that it will not be enough to replace the wholes that will be left in your hearts…"
"But we are willing to do whatever we must to repay you all for your own sacrifice towards Arendelle." The Queen Idunn continued, her own voice tinted with the grief her husband felt.
Elsa is still in contact with the families and asks them, whenever she sees them in the streets of town when she goes out with her sister, how they are doing. She has never forgotten that day and that was partly why she believed 'Conceal, Don't feel' would've worked against her powers. But they had continued to grow and the more she suppressed them, the stronger they had become.
"That's why you revert back to that mantra whenever you lose control." Anna said in sudden clarity.
A nod answered her.
"I've actually seen you use it before. Especially in council meetings when you've had a tough day."
Elsa smiled softly, relief washing over her because her sister understood why her father had done what he did.
"He still could've tried something else." Anna said suddenly. Elsa frowned at her stubbornness, "But I guess I understand why he did what he did." A teasing smirk pulled the younger's lips up.
Elsa scoffed in mock annoyance, "Stubborn mule."
"Impatient turtle." Anna countered with a grin.
"Wait, what?"
The sisters stared at each other for a beat before they broke into a fit of giggles.
"You goof." Elsa commented, wiping a merry tear from her eye. Love washed over the elder as she hugged the younger close.
"You're right, you know."
"Can I have that in righting?" Anna teased with a giggle. She felt her sister chuckle.
"Never." She snubbed before she continued, "You're right because you've already shown me that love will thaw way before we realised it on the fjord."
"Oh?" Elsa could almost see her sister's confused expression without having to look.
"Yes, remember, during that open court session, when I unknowingly dropped the temperature?"
"Kind of…" she said with a shrug, "Some memories are still a little…fuzzy."
"Oh." Elsa sounded disappointed.
"But if you tell me, maybe I'll remember?" Anna offered, a smile forming on the elder's face.
"When I realised what those women had lost, I felt really sad. I remember my magic stirring within me, causing the temperature to drop. But you took my hand in yours, looking at me with so much love and concern in your eyes; I just felt love for you fill me, bringing the temperature back to normal."
"Yeah," Anna agreed, "That does sound like something I would do."
Elsa shoved her sister away playfully, smiling at her as she giggled mischievously.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she apologised raising her hands in a helpless gesture, "I can't help it when my awesomeness decides to show face."
Before Anna could form a smirk on her lips, she felt something cold explode across her face. She spluttered and coughed, wiping the snow off of her.
"I'm sorry," Elsa began raising her hands in the same helpless gesture her sister had used, "I can't help it when –"
Anna lunged for her sister, but the blonde was too quick, having anticipated her response. Melodious laughs harmonised through the castle as the sisters chased each other around, flinging snowballs at each other. Anna would scoop up the fallen snow or simply catch her sister's snowballs out of the air before flinging it back at her. Eventually they ended up where they always did when Elsa's magic was involved.
Gerda and Kai stood by the entrance of the throne room, watching the sisters play in the snow. They glanced at each other with fond smiles before returning to their various duties. Gerda walked past the portrait of the King and Queen and paused, gazing up at them with longing.
"You would've been proud of your girls, your Majesties." She nodded once and continued on her path. "I know it, as sure as the dawn."