In Sickness, In Health, This I Promise

Pairings/Characters: Doumeki Shizuka/Watanuki Kimihiro, Kunogi Himawari, Maru-Dashi, Moro-Dashi, Mugetsu, Doumeki Haruka, Original Characters

Warnings/Tags: Marriage of Convenience, Slash, Yaoi, Shounen Ai, Alternate Universe, No Magic, Yuuko is still just as manipulative, Doumeki is a Lawyer, Also uncommunicative, He lets Watanuki control the show, Watanuki has an irrational fear of squishing spiders, Or is it, These boys are painful, This is turning out so much longer than I thought, Slow burn, Kind of, Watanuki attracts assholes, Rough sex, Mugetsu!, Implied past abuse, Pretty heavily implied, Explicit derogatory language, Attempted sexual assault, Watanuki has an oral fixation, Something may or may not come out of that, Doumeki has a Butt Fetish, Ass Appreciation, I don't know anything about Japanese weddings, It shows,

Summary: Watanuki Kimihiro is the heir to Ichihara Incorporated, a massive company peddling a wide array of high quality products internationally. When his predecessor disappears one day without warning, she leaves only a will and testament behind, naming him owner and CEO on one condition; he must find his destined partner.

Naturally, fate steps in.

Notes: This Doumeki likes to get the last word in apparently. And Watanuki apparently spent some time in Britain at some point or another. He tends to use some British slang.

Somehow this grew chapters...

XX

It was cold, it was late, and it was dark. Dark, heavy clouds had rolled in as soon as the sun had began to drop, ruining a wonderful, clear day just when most desk jockeys were getting ready to enjoy what was left of a beautiful day. Trust the weather to crush the fondest hopes of corporate workers.

Ah well, it was probably more than they deserved. If he wasn't aware of just how many services Ichihara Inc. provided for not just their employees, but for families living below the poverty line, and how much money they donated to various charities and put back into the community, several communities, then Watanuki would be tempted to dissolve the corporate beast Yuuko and her mysterious partner had built from the ground up.

It wasn't his place yet anyways, even if he did want to. When Yuuko had taken him in off the streets four years ago, he hadn't been expecting to stay for breakfast the next morning. Being all but officially adopted and groomed to take over one of the biggest business empires in the world had never entered his wildest dreams. But, here he was, leaving a massive, modern building after a painfully long day, long past the time when everyone else had deserted their posts, wearing a brand new, specially tailored designer suit and making his weary way home to an apartment he was proud to call his own.

It's funny how life works sometimes.

Watanuki smiled to himself, just a tiny upturn of his lips despite his exhaustion. He was proud of the things he was accomplishing with Yuuko. They had made a lot of progress on so many projects designed to help people that he couldn't muster any regrets about his life. He would happily sell his soul to the devil to help people.

It felt good. He felt good. So, naturally, fate decided it was time to take him down a peg. Couldn't get too comfortable and all.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here boys?" Watanuki froze. The shortcut he used to get home after the unbearably longs days took him down a series of alleyways, and while he was always on his guard he hadn't had any problems yet. Just figured that today would be the day the thugs came out. "Where're you off to pretty boy?"

Fuck he hated when they called him that.

One of them stepped brazenly out of the shadows and into the dim street light, tapping a bent length of metal on his palm. Glancing out of the corner of his eye, Watanuki could count at least three more in the immediate vicinity. Knowing this type as well as he did, there were probably one of two more that he couldn't see further back, and one look-out on either side of the alley that wouldn't get involved unless things got desperate for some reason. Scum like these were pack hunters.

Double fuck.

"Not a talker? That's okay. We can work with that." Jerk-off number one took another step to a chorus of chortles from his cohorts. "That's a pretty nice suit you got. Looks expensive." One of the minions called out a vulgar suggestion that Watanuki carefully chose to ignore. "I like that, but we ain't got time for that tonight. This here's gonna be a quick job." The leader stepped close, close enough that Watanuki choked on the stench of B.O and tooth rot, but it meant that he got a good view of the thugs ugly mug. Clear enough to distinctly describe him to a police artist when he reported whatever they were about to do to him. "Much as I'd like to take this prissy fudge packer down to his appropriate level. But hey, maybe if you're a good boy we'll have enough time that I can make a proper little cock sucker out of you. What say you?"

A hand grabbed his. Watanuki could feel the grease and dirt coating thick, powerful fingers. Bile rose in the back of his throat, but he didn't resist, resolutely kept his body lax.

Waiting.

The more you baited dick heads like these, the harder they were on you. The streets were full of the toughest lessons to learn when it came to dealing with the dregs of humanity. The more you fought, the harder you'd fall. But if you could time it just right, then you had a chance of dealing some real damage and slipping away mostly unscathed.

Watanuki's hand was pulled forward. B.O was already hard.

"If you try to put that tiny tally-whacker in my mouth, I'll be sure to bite it off."

Triple fuck. Sometimes he hated his mouth.

It was a fist that broke his glasses almost clean in half. He was half expecting to take the pipe for that one, so he was honestly grateful. Watanuki stumbled, nose throbbing from the punch and from the broken wire jabbing through the skin. The lens' shattered on the ground, not in his eye. Another lucky break.

"Get him boys. Maybe we'll make time to really work him over after all."

God dammit.

Watanuki straightened up just in time to take another blow, this one to the cheek and hard enough to actually send him sprawling. Something hard connected with his thigh, the angle all of to snap the femur, but it wouldn't be long before a massive bruise formed. He's not entirely sure how long they took his perceived insolence out on his hide for, but he was still conscious when they stop so it couldn't have been too long. Something made them pause before they could break anything, even, so it'll only take a few days to get back on his feet.

He vaguely heard the roar of multiple footsteps pounding against the pavement, heard muddled voices yelling at each other to, "Fucking run, Holy Fuck!"

He wondered what could have made them react to severely.

"Oi. You okay?" Something prods his side lightly. It still sends pins and needles stabbing along his ribs, back and hips and Watanuki manages to hold in his instinctive whine of pain. He yells instead. Maybe posturing and shouting would make his mysterious saviour think the damage wasn't as bad as it actually was.

"Are you retarded?! You don't just kick someone while they're down! Jesus, a little common sense if you would please!" Watanuki tried to shift, to get is arms under his body and heave himself up, but those head shot must have been worse than he'd thought. The world swam violently, then tilted alarmingly as he collapsed back onto the ground. Nausea was his least favourite part of concussions. Jesus.

"Oi. I'm calling an ambulance."

"Don't!" He waved a desperate arm in the direction Watanuki guessed this guy was standing. His hand connected with a solid calf. A very solid calf. "Don't call a hospital. It's not as bad as all that. A good nights rest and I'll be perfectly fine."

"You're slurring."

Fuck. Is this guy obstinate, or just stupid?

Watanuki fumbled in his jacket, digging around until he located his cellphone. He tried three times before he keyed in his pass code properly and then held it face up when the screen swam too much to decipher anything.

"Here. Call Yuuko-san. She'll arrange something," he mumbled, waiting for the slight weight to disappear from his hand to relax. He didn't remember passing out.

XX

"Quite the dashing knight in shining armour you found yourself."

"Nng, Yuuko-san?" Watanuki opened his eyes, only to slam them shut again against the searing light that shone through the window. A pounding in his head started, a slow ache that gradually worsened until it felt like his skull was going to explode. "Ugh, what happened?"

"The most curious thing. One of my employees called me on your cellphone late last night asking for assistance. I sent a driver to pick you up and imagine my surprise when you're carried into my home, unconscious and bleeding. Do you have something to tell me, Watanuki-kun?" Yuuko stared at him, her eyes piercing and inescapable in their scrutiny. Watanuki glared hazily, squinting through the headache and his own bad vision.

"It was not. My. Fault. What, you think I left work with a sign asking to be mugged?" He huffed indignantly and waved his hand around for his glasses before deciding that the swollen mess that his nose had become was far too sore to support them. He set them back with a weary sigh, his anger drained abruptly. "I'm not suicidal. Nor, contrary to popular opinion, am I seeking punishment for some sort of crime I think I've committed. I lost track of time and thought that I could get home before the thugs came out. I was wrong. It happens. Besides, I've gone home late by myself plenty of times and never had any trouble. There's been no prior evidence of gang activity in that area before now. The attack was unexpected."

"You're babbling," Yuuko stated, taking a leisurely pull of her pipe. The tobacco smoke had stopped bothering him years ago, but he didn't let that stop him from waving it away from him. "I understand and accept your explanation. However, that wasn't what I asked." A sly grin crossed her face, erasing her earlier severity. "I asked about the handsome lawyer you were cozying up to last night."

"Wha- Excuse me?! I wasn't cozying up to anyone! I was passed out and concussed! I was being carried against my will!" Watanuki spluttered, flailing until a very quick, very painful reminder of his injuries asserted itself. He groaned and pulled the heavy quilt over his head. "You know what? I don't have to explain anything to you. Just let me go back to sleep."

"As you wish. Just remember; Doumeki-kun may well have saved your life. I think you should seek to repay him." Watanuki felt, for one heart stopping moment, that Yuuko could see his blush from beneath the covers. He could almost feel a plan beginning to hatch in her brain and he didn't like it. Not one bit.

But.

As much as he hated to admit it, she had a bit of a point. But only a bit of one.

Dammit.

XX

"Here." He thrust the bento he'd spent all morning painstakingly arranging, hoping it would be enough even as he knew it wouldn't be. A single lunch wouldn't be nearly enough to cover the debt he'd unintentionally incurred.

"What's this?"

... Okay, maybe this guy was just as stupid as he looked and Watanuki hadn't been imagining it last night. He stared into those narrow, lazy eyes and that blank face and felt a level of irritation that he hadn't felt since he was a teenager. It made him want to hit this dumb ass with his crutch.

"What does it look like." Watanuki huffed and shook the bento a bit, careful not to be too rough with it. "It's lunch." He gestured to the processed monstrosity sitting on what's-his-names lap. "Better than anything you have."

Those weird hazel eyes blinked at him, then at the soggy plastic wrapped sandwich, then at the bento in front of him.

"I can see that. Why?" Watanuki twitched.

"It's a thank you. For last night," he said, slowly and deliberately, as if it weren't obvious. Although, if this guy had as many mental issues as Watanuki suspected he might, maybe it wasn't that obvious.

"Sure. Thanks." The sandwich was discarded carelessly and the weight of the lunch disappeared from Watanuki's hand.

"What, that's it?" Hazel eyes peeked up, broad hands busying themselves with unpacking the food. Then the chopsticks came out and food began to disappear. Rapidly.

"Hm?" What, was this guy a garbage disposal or something?

"Don't talk with your mouth full," Watanuki chastised. "You don't want anything else? One boxed lunch, and you're happy? You saved my life. Most people would be demanding money, or, or- I don't know, favours or something."

"Food's fine." It was mumbled between bites, but somehow nothing came back out. Most people would have spit something out half of their mouthful if they had tried that. Maybe this guy had a vortex for a stomach and everything was simply being sucked down his oesophagus.

"Sure. Fine." Watanuki shook his head, disbelieving. This would come back to bite him in the ass. He just knew it.

"Oi." Already? Seriously?! He whirled around, ready to chew this ass hat's stupid head off for- something. He could find an excuse to rip into him easily, surely- "My name's Doumeki."

"Ugh, what do you think, that I'm stupid? I know your name dumb ass, you told me last night. Besides, I have access to all of our employees records."

"You remember that? I thought you were unconscious by then."

"Apparently not, although I wish I had been," Watanuki grumbled, glaring at Doumeki's stupid face. Why the fuck was he so emotionless? Was he a robot? An android? Did he have to start worrying about an AI staging a hostile takeover of the company? Although if that were the case, maybe he could be bribed -although whatever it was an AI might take as a bribe, Watanuki wasn't sure, but- to disband the current board of directors- No. Not the point. The point was, Watanuki could remember glimpses from last night, blurry little chunks where he was in a car and Doumeki was asking inane questions or apparently spewing random information about himself.

"You looked up my file? That's kind of weird."

"What?! You- Ugh! Never mind!"

Watanuki whirled around and hobbled away as quickly as he was able. He tried to slam the door after himself, but the only thing that came of that was a throbbing toe and a new bruise from his crutch hitting his jaw.

It was another three days before he saw Doumeki again, too swamped with a new contract to emerge from the main conference room before then. When he finally did come out he was exhausted, sore and hungry and totally unprepared to be ambushed by a blank faced lawyer shoving his empty and clean bento back into his arm and demanding lunches indefinitely.

He watched Doumeki walk away with his hands in his pockets, too tired to muster anything more than a vague sense of bemusement. Tonight he would go home, sleep until morning, shower, and then get angry at the presumption of this- this peon.

Yeah, that was a pretty decent plan if he said so himself.

XX

"Hey Himawari-chan, have you seen Yuuko-san? I need her to look over some paperwork for this afternoon."

Himawari, as lovely as ever this glorious morning, smiled brightly and shook her head, curls cascading gracefully over her shoulders. "Sorry, I haven't seen her yet. Maybe she's sleeping off a hangover? I'll let you know as soon as she comes in!"

"Thanks Himawari-chan! You're the best!" He grinned back, cheeks warm and his stomach all fluttery. A day that started with that pretty smile was a wonderful day definitely!

"Of course! Oh, I'm afraid I can't make it to lunch today so it will just be you and Doumeki-kun. Sorry." Her grin turned apologetic, but he wouldn't let that get him down! No way. Regardless, he drooped a little.

"Ah, no problem Himawari-chan. Tomorrow for sure!"

"Mhm!"

Watanuki pouted as he walked back into his office. Lunch with Himawari-chan was the highlight of his days, especially since Doumeki had begun to impose himself on Watanuki's break times with increasing frequency two years ago. She was a little spot of sunshine in an otherwise bleak day since they had hired her as his receptionist.

He threw himself onto his chair, indulging in a little bit of personal drama. If Yuuko-san didn't show up soon the deal they were in the middle of securing would be in danger of falling through. Watanuki needed her to look over the clauses he'd added, to make sure that it was air tight. They didn't have to settle this account, but it would mean a nice bonus for some of the employees involved and he wanted to make sure everyone received their due for their efforts on this account-

Now he just needed Yuuko-san.

XX

Yuuko-san was gone. Disappeared. For a week. He had had a steady stream of employees through his office, all talking and none of them making sense. There were lawyers, personal and corporate, saying something about retirement and legalization of ownership and the transfer of possessions and a will-

He nearly fainted when one of them had first brought up Yuuko-san's will, immediately thinking worst case scenario. Thankfully they didn't leave him in suspense for long, clarifying that Yuuko-san had retired. Retired. Abruptly.

He couldn't really deal with this.

A piece of paper sitting in the middle of his pristine desk caught his attention. He never forgot to put away his paperwork, even in the midst of this shit show, so what on Earth-

Watanuki-kun!

I'm sure by now you've discovered that I'm retiring. But never fear! I'm leaving Ichihara Incorporated in your capable hands. However! Before you can inherit the assets, I have a little task for you.

Kimihiro-kun, since I took you in, you've been the closest thing I've had to a son. As such, I'm sure you understand that, as your surrogate mother, my dearest wish is your happiness. Now, given your history, I'm not holding out hope for you finding someone on your own.

So! Before you can inherit the company, you must find your destined partner, trust me, you'll know them when you find them. And it's not your Lady Luck either, so don't even try it. Before you can assume complete control of all assets in my name, you must assure your happiness. You know what I mean.

Eh?

Eeeeehhh?

May Cupid's arrow strike true! I believe in you!

Love and kisses,

Yuuko

Watanuki stared at the paper in disbelief. All of a sudden, his tie felt constrictive, like it was about to come to life and strangle him as surely as if Yuuko were in the room with him and tightening her own hand around his neck. That was it, she wanted to kill him. That was why she took him in, so that she could assure his slow, painful death. Death by stress. Honestly, of all the immature, sadistic, ridiculous-

Marriage?!

She really wanted, nay, expected, him to get married? Just up and out of the blue?! He hadn't had a real relationship for years! Hell, he couldn't even remember the last time he'd been laid and-

All right, so maybe she had a little, tiny, miniscule point about his private life, but, a) that did not in any way effect his blood pressure or his stress levels, and b) marriage was an extreme solution! He was perfectly happy caring for the company, he didn't need someone telling him to work less, or messing up his tidy, clean space, or horning in on what little me-time he managed!

And besides, finding the right person could take years! Who's to say any of the blood thirsty board members wouldn't try to usurp him, to steal the company right from under his thumbs, to insist that he was too young, too inexperienced to lead them, to do anything except bring them all to ruination, never mind his shady past-

No. There was no way. He needed to bring this issue to a close, and since Yuuko decided it was a good idea to flounce off who-knows-where and leave him with this stupid ultimatum (she didn't come right out and say it, but he could read very well between the lines, thank you much!), he would have to take matters into his own hand and put this to bed.

He would present the next person to walk into the room with a deal they couldn't refuse. And who knows, he thought with a blush, smiling dreamily, maybe Himawari-chan would walk through the door and he could drop to one knee to-

The door handle rattled and slowly opened. Watanuki swallowed, straightening his tie hastily and resisting the urge to fidget. But the person who was reveal was not, in fact, his personal assistant, but the jackass from Legal who insisted that Watanuki owed him lunches for the rest of his life just because he stopped a mugging. Two years ago now!

Doumeki.

"No," Watanuki muttered, ignoring Doumeki waving a folded sheet of paper and saying something about Yuuko. "No, no, nonononononono! I refuse! I absolutely refuse! Leave! Get out! I'm calling a redo! There is absolutely no way that I am-"

"Oi," Doumeki interjected, as annoyingly deadpan as always.

"Don't you 'Oi' me! I have a name! And what do you even want?!" Watanuki screamed, ruffling his painstakingly tamed hair into a crows nest. Doumeki mutely held out the piece of paper he'd been waving about. Watanuki took it with growing trepidation, skimming over the handwritten note. The same handwriting as the one on his desk...

The words on the note were deceptively simple, but Watanuki could read between the lines.

Oh. Oh, that witch.

"Okay," Watanuki said, trying desperately to massage away the headache pounding in his temples and failing miserably. "Okay, here's what is going to happen."