Written for the Hobbit Kink Meme Prompt: ho bbit - kin k. livejournal 4373 . ht ml? thread= 8709653 #t8709653

At All Costs

Bilbo is not stupid. Nor is he blind.

And he knows Bofur well. Very well.

He can tell the dwarf's every mood by simply looking into his eyes. He knows what the miner prefers talking about, how he likes to spend spare time (as little as they have of that, being on a dangerous quest) and which meals can make him ridiculously happy.

He knows that there is something Bofur is not telling him.

And it pains him that, obviously, his dwarf does not trust him. Because there is nothing he can think of that he has not told the other about. Bofur also knows everything about Bilbo, knows his mind and heart better than anyone else. And until a few days ago Bilbo would have claimed that it were the same the other way round, but, clearly, it is not.

And he has no idea why.

Bofur is still being his adorable self – the cheerful soul Bilbo has fallen for so hard; in love with life and ever quick to smile, always a joke or a kind word on his lips. He never hesitates to whisper soft words of love into Bilbo's pointed ears when they lie down to sleep in the evenings, and he wakes the hobbit with an affectionate kiss and a bright smile in the mornings, all whiskers and dimples and making Bilbo's heart stutter.

Because how can somebody so beautiful – beautiful on the inside and on the outside – love someone like him? Bilbo Baggins, a not-even-burglar and mere gentle hobbit, who has nothing but a lost respectability and quite a lot of bookish knowledge? What could he be to a dwarf?

Still he does not doubt that Bofur's love is true and sincere; he has seen it in his eyes and heard it in his voice.

Thus he understands even less why Bofur feels the need to keep something from him. Something important, if the unusually brooding expression is any indication.

And the hobbit cannot help but wonder if any of the others know. If they are trustworthy enough to be told something that is being kept secret from him.

He has taken to watching his beloved. Observing his behaviour (because that is something he is rather good at, he never really manages to take his eyes off his dwarf anyway), listing to undercurrents in his words or looking for abnormities in his movements. And he sees the way Bofur shies away from his company in the mornings – a time of day they used to spend huddled together, enjoying being close and safe before running into more dangers – and keeps to himself, off-camp or (during their stay in Laketown) in his room instead of joining the others for breakfast. He sees the way the dwarf wrinkles his nose as if smelling something unpleasant, does not miss the way Bofur avoids some subjects he had never minded talking about before, how his emotions seem to be stronger, always trying to take him over.

And Bilbo worries.

Because whatever it is, the reason for all this, it obviously troubles Bofur greatly.

He has found his dwarf sitting in the treasure hall, but not even noticing all the gold, looking through it and brooding.

It is not like Bofur to be brooding, that is Thorin's field of expertise.

Bofur is supposed to be cheerful and happy and talking and always being there, being everywhere, so that Bilbo never forgets his presence. Because that is what Bofur is like. Someone whom you cannot miss in a crowd, someone whose voice you hear over all the others', whose smile shines brighter than everyone else's. At least for Bilbo. There is no way he could ever not think about his dwarf, because usually said dwarf is close to him and talking to him and touching him in some way and being there.

Now he seems to be gone.

Bilbo has been in relationships which had been exhausting and he had not managed to spend too much time at a stretch with his partners, because as much as he had loved them – after a few hours they had tended to become really annoying. With Bofur, however, it is easy, and he never gets tired of him.

It seems, though, as if Bofur has gotten tired of being with Bilbo all the time.

And it makes the hobbit freak out.

Because battle is approaching, he knows it, and he will have to do something, something that will make Thorin hate him and he needs to know that Bofur's love will not dwindle. He needs to know that Bofur will still be there for him, after what he is planning to do. And he needs to be close to his dwarf because they are going to fight and he might lose him forever and he cannot throw away what could be the last days they will have together.

But if Bofur does not want to be with him Bilbo will not force his presence upon the dwarf. At least Bofur will kiss him good-night softly every evening and hold him close through the night, and he will be with him through the days, just… not all the time. It has to mean that he still loves him, right? Perhaps he just needs a little distance.

Thus Bilbo thinks that, maybe, Bofur will be relieved when he finds the hobbit gone in the morning. And maybe he will be worried. But maybe… maybe a little time apart is just what the other needs. And everything will be fine again when Bilbo comes back.

If he comes back.

He wishes he would not have to go, but this – this is the only solution he can think of. The only way to save everyone's lives, including Bofur's. And knowing that is the only reason he can bring himself to lift his beloved's arm and crawl away from his warm body, sneaking towards where Thorin is sleeping.

He is going to do the title 'burglar' credit today, and he is going to be hated for it.

Even if it saves some lives.

He can only hope that Bofur will not share the ill feelings Thorin is surely going to rage with.

And thinking about those fingers entwined with his, a flap-eared hat on his own head in cold nights, and soft kisses is what gets him through the scary darkness towards the tents of the elves, and through the meeting and negotiations with Bard and Thranduil, and through dangling above an abyss, seeing nothing but hatred and madness in Thorin's eyes.

And he does not dare to look at Bofur when Gandalf comes and saves his life, for without this hope he is not going to make it through the battle that is sure to come.

However, he need not have worried, for it is Bofur who finds him when the evening has come, having stolen away from the company and wrapping his arms around the hobbit the second he sees him, holding him tight.

"I was fearin' for yer life," he confesses and Bilbo kisses him, fervently, desperately, with everything he is.

Because Bofur will still be there for him. Afterwards.

"I can't stay long. I know why ye did it, but the others don't and they'll miss me. I…" He looks away. "Take care of yerself."

Bilbo nods and basically tries to crawl into him, but then he feels the trembling in the body pressed against his own and when he looks up he is shocked to find tears pooling in Bofur's eyes.

"'m sorry," the older one mutters, voice too coarse. "'m bein' overly emotional these days."

Bilbo squints his eyes – since when? – but smiles. "Of course," he answers. "But I ask the same of you!"

Bofur laughs quietly, the tears gone. "Ye needn't have asked that." Then he lets his eyes roam over Bilbo's body, changing the subject rather suddenly. "Ye'll need new clothes when this is over."

Bilbo coughs. These unexpected changes of subject are one of the things that have come with Bofur's strange behaviour. He is always reluctant to talk about battles and the dangers they come with these days, whereas a few weeks ago he would not have shied away from the matter.

Bilbo decides not to address it, but to enjoy the short moment of closeness and sure enough Bofur is on his way back much too soon and he is left alone again. Alone with the night and alone with his thoughts.- ... Did Bofur put on weight?

He does not see his beloved again before the battle and when his eyes fall upon the well-known hat he thinks his heart drops to his boots, because it hurts to see his dwarf here, in this danger, but he cannot send him away, for he himself is much more vulnerable than Bofur, and invisible on top of that.

He watches Thorin and Dwalin rage and fight like maniacs, and Oin, Gloin and Dori slice through the enemies like knives through butter, and Fili and Kili fighting with way too much enthusiasm, and Balin being a force to be reckoned with, but seeming so tired of all this, and Nori, Bifur and Bombur fighting back to back, and Ori struggling, being protected by some of Dain's warriors.

But most of all, as he dodges blows and stabs enemies, he makes sure that Bofur is okay, never losing sight of him.

And he fights his way towards them. Even if he should not be here. Even if the only reason that he is still alive is a ring that makes him invisible. Because he has never been trained to battle like all those of Durin's blood, and he has never learned it by necessity like his beloved's family and the brothers Ri. But he cannot just stand by and to nothing, he has to try and protect them, even if half of them hate him now.

He has to try and protect Bofur. At all costs.

Because he needs someone to come home to. Someone to fight for.

And it is only because he barely takes his eyes off his beloved – not for anything else than trying to make sure he is not in the way of some blade or arrow – that he sees Bofur flinch when an orc-sword nearly hits his stomach, that he does not miss the way the dwarf's hand instinctively moves to protect his belly, before he freaks out and basically slaughters the orc, rage bright and wild in his eyes.

And then Bilbo knows. And he thinks his heart stops. And- …

Why in Eru's name did he not realize that not only the males of elvish and hobbit blood can carry children, but those of the dwarves as well? They should not have- … he had thought it a bad idea, to change positions for this one night, but he would have never thought- … and it had been awesome, although he likes it better the other way round and- … he had taken his herbs, but obviously Bofur had not, and anyway, they are of different species! How in Ilúvatar's name is this possible?

He does not have time to think about that now, though, for the battle is still raging around him and Bofur is fighting alone now, separated from the others. (As are Fili, Dwalin and Dori, but they are not pregnant with his child and, as bad as he is feeling for it, it is easy to prioritise.)

There is something in Bofur's eyes he has never seen there before, something that may be panic, because he is being surrounded and freaking out.

Those with child should never be found in battle, not only because they could endanger their unborn child's life in so many ways, but also because their bodies and minds are not working as normally. A pregnancy is an exceptional state, and has no place on a battlefield.

Bilbo is close to panicking himself now.

Because he is not fast enough, unable to fight his way through so many foes and allies without hurting the latter and being accidentally killed by any of them, not as fast as he wishes to be, needs to be.

However, somehow, he manages to get to his beloved and then he is touching the older one's arm in a calm second, Bofur shaking violently, but realizing who it must be within seconds.

"Bilbo?"

"If you survive this, I am going to kill you," Bilbo growls and he knows that his grip around Bofur's arm is a little too tight, but there is no way he is letting go now.

"Why's that?" the dwarf asks lightly – at least he attempts to – while he spins around, letting his mattock crash into an orc skull.

Bilbo buries Sting in the back of the goblin in front of him and then turns back to Bofur. There is no way of expressing the emotional turmoil he is in right now – something between utter bliss and utter panic – with words, so he just presses his fingers against Bofur's belly for a second and then moves away, cutting off another goblin's arm.

Bofur freezes and Bilbo is the one to behead the orc behind him.

"Because of this," he hisses, shaking with the panic surging against his mind in heavy waves, "you don't react the way you should! Why didn't you tell me?"

The dwarf flinches but moves again, killing two more orcs. "'m sorry," he mutters between two strikes. "I knew ye wouldn't let me fight, the others too."

"Well, of course not!" Because Sting is still buried in the head of a goblin he kicks the orc in front of Bofur into the knees with all the strength he can muster, and his beloved, who has turned around in the meantime, lets his mattock crash into his chest, using the momentum of whipping around.

"Well, ye shouldn't be here, either! Ye can't fight!" Another orc scull is crushed under the force of the heavy mining instrument.

"I've got a magical ring. You've got mood swings." Bilbo separates the next goblin from his arm.

Then their conversation ceases, for a great deal of orcs suddenly seem to concentrate on killing Bofur and both of them are occupied with fighting them off. Bilbo has to dodge Bofur's blows as well, for his beloved does not see him but has to fight with everything he has got.

Whenever he manages Bilbo touches Bofur's arm or back in order to show him where he is, and that he is still there.

The battle wears on and Bilbo sees many an elf or dwarf fall victim to the enemies' attacks, but they hold on, they keep fighting, because there is a promise of family in the air that he can cling to, that gives him hope and strength.

The hope, however, seems to vanish into thin air when a horrible cry of agony breaks through the battle sounds and Thorin rages as he has to watch Fili fall to the ground, pierce by a long orc spear.

For a second Bilbo's heart stops and he thinks that he could have, should have saved the prince, but Bofur would have been fighting alone then, and he would not have made it. And as guilty as he feels for it, he does not regret his decision.

Family.

He keeps fighting, not caring about the tears running down his cheek, or those mixing with the blood in Bofur's moustache.

He keeps fighting through the darkness of the night, when all he sees is Bofur, because he is close enough, and the shadows of those attacking in this eerie world of the ring.

He keeps fighting when he sees Kili fall in the distance, an arrow in his lung.

He keeps fighting, and so does Bofur. Fighting and hoping.

Then there are loud cries and cheers – "The eagles are coming!" – and for a second Bilbo thinks that maybe they really can do it. Maybe it will soon be over.

Until he realizes that the orcs and goblins are fighting even more fiercely than before.

He runs into a goblin who would otherwise have cut Bofur's head of, both of them tumbling to the ground and Bilbo manages to stab him into the chest. It has its advantages to be invisible, however, not for long. Their enemies are raging, coming upon them with such a force that Bilbo has to remove the ring, because it is too dangerous if Bofur does not see where he is.

Now they fight back to back, only in defence, because there are too many of them to attack and maybe the eagles will kill them, if they just manage to keep them off long enou-

He knows the sword is there before he sees it, getting past Bofur's blocks and towards his belly and he breaks away from his position and, somehow, manages to get between the goblin and his beloved.

Then there are razor-sharp claws cutting through the tight circle of attackers around them as his world erupts in pain, all devouring white hot agony, and he thinks he hears his dwarf scream but he is too occupied with staring at the blade in his chest and trying to breathe and he distantly is aware that he is falling, being caught, and there are strong arms around his shoulders, shaking, and drops of water falling on his face – is it raining? – and Bofur whispers his name again and again, sounding desperately, and then he realizes that this is no rain, that Bofur is crying – his Bofur, who should laugh and joke and cheer, not cry, never cry – and he knows what Bofur knows as well, that he is not going to make it out of this, because no one can survive a sword slicing through their lungs, no matter how hard he is holding on – and holding on he is, trying to stay with Bofur as long as possible, his Bofur, because he is not going to see him again after that, not anytime soon, and he has been fighting for a future – why can't he have one? – but then he imagines himself being the one crying, and Bofur the one dying, and he knows that this is right, because he has managed to protect his family and-

…

…

…

Bagin has never met his other father.

Neither has he heard his living father talk about him, nor his friends.

The only thing he knows is that he had died a heroic death in the Battle of Five Armies, and that Bilbo Baggins will always be there in his name. Bagin.

He also has seen the tomb, of course, the sarcophagus next to those of King Thorin Oakenshield and his nephews, that says in Angerthas Bilbo Baggins, Hobbit of Erebor, a short elven sword lying on the stone lid.

And Bagin never dares to address the matter, because it makes his father's eyes grow sad and his smile vanish into thin air and sometimes only come back after weeks. He knows that his father is meant to smile, and he wants him to be happy – as happy as he can be, grieving as he still is – thus he does not talk about Bilbo Baggins of the Shire but does his best to make his father happy. Because Bofur is only living for him these days.

And one day, when Gandalf comes visiting again, maybe with news from Moria, he will ask for the whole story.