Externalism of You and I
Dear Kurt,
The other side of the bed is left empty and cool. I'm still dreaming of you. I miss running my fingers through your hair and looking into your eyes. I miss holding your hand for hours. I miss being around you. I would do anything just to get you back. There are moments when I forget that it is over, I think that you'll just walk through the door with a smile on your face. Maybe that is because you have that special place in my heart that no one can replace.
I feel like nothing. I wonder if you are happy being free. I also wonder if you stop to say "I miss him". You look at the cover and see a smile. You look at the pages and you can read the war that I am fighting. Why won't the tears stop falling?
I don't want to burn a single word that I've written down on paper. I'm going to push myself to do just that though. I want to let go and I know I have to. If I'm strong enough to keep holding on…then I'm pretty sure that I am strong enough to let it all go.
Remember our final kiss? Your lips were soft, sad and delicate. I didn't mean it as a "goodbye" but it felt just like that.
I also want to say that I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I ended up falling in love with you, but it was worth it. I'm also sorry it I gave you any sort of pain, you didn't deserve it.
I won't forget a single moment that we spent together. Those moments that meant so much to me even though we practically did nothing.
There is just two things I need to ask of you:
1. Please believe me when I say "I love you"
And
2. Will you please take me back because I love you?
Sincerely,
Blaine