A/N: Valentines oneshot, will be longish. XX Cliche warning, do not hold me responsible for it XX its late yeah, but this is one of my more heartfelt oneshots, and random packets of sugar warning. --enjoy--

I hate Valentines Day. You think I'm joking? My dad died when I was 5 years old on valentines day. My mom met Ben on valentines day when I was 10, and married him when I was 11 on valentines day. I came out to them on valentines day when I was 15, and was almost disowned. And now, we moved out to stupid LA in stupid California on... you guessed it, valentines day when I was the age of 16. Oh, and my girlfriend of 6 months broke up with me last month, so even though thats not on valentines day, I still blame it on valentines day. So like I said, stupid holiday.

"Spencer!!!"

The shriek is enough to break glass, and I know its broken many a ear drum in the past. I sigh and come out of my music induced coma.

"What mom??"

I see her pop her head in, her eyes never making contact with mine as she speaks.

"Ben and I are going away for the weekend, so we're leaving you here alone, ok?"

She doesn't even wait for an answer as she quickly removes her head from sight, and I can already hear the engine of the family 4Runner starting up, and several minutes later, a slamming door and then... silence. Utter and beautiful silence, followed by more uninterrupted silence. I sigh loudly, throwing my headphones to my bed, still emitting loud techno I can hear from my doorway as I stand up. I pull the headphones out of my ipod jack and let the bass shake the house and drown any thoughts I might have started forming. This was how I liked things, me left alone on weekends where I could blast my brains out with loud and obnoxious music without anyone to bother me. I hear a door open and shut.

"Hey baby sis!!!"

...Except for when Glen actually comes home. I grumble slightly, about to retreat into my domain when I hear him stomping up the stairs and jogging to me, catching the door before I can close it.

"Hey there kiddo!"

Why is he so damn happy? I narrow my eyes at him, willing him away. Unfortunately, my brain waves fail to reach him seeing as he has no brain for me to control.

"Wanna come to a party?"

I roll my eyes.

"No Glen, I don-"

"Its a pool party, you can hook up with some chick in a bikini!"

I pause. Then I pause my pause as I realize I almost considered going to a party with him.

"Ummmm, no."

I make to close my door only to have him push back harder.

"Look man, I know its hard since Kels broke up with you, but come on, its been over a month now, we need to get you a new girl!"

I sigh, the mere mention of Kelsey's name deflating me upon hearing it. I'd been able to build up a small barrier at least to her, but I still found my defenses reduced to nothing whenever I heard a song we'd heard together,(half of my songs on my ipod being ones that reminded me of her), all the things I see reminding me of her, and somehow everyone's voice taking on her own, making me feel small and weak, and usually finding me crying into my pillow on a daily basis. I'll tell everyone I'm fine and dandy and doing just great without her, but they know I'm lying, I know I am, but I think if I say it enough, maybe I'll finally get over it.

"So whaddya say? I can't stand seeing my Spencie all broken up bout a girl, we'll find you a new one ok?"

I laughed, wanting to believe him, wanting to believe that there was someone out there that could even possibly hope to fill this gaping void I had in me, but I knew it was useless. I still agreed anyway. So I now find myself sat beside a happily chattering Glen, vaguely reminding me of one of those screaming monkey things with how often his voice rises and falls. I'm also surprised we haven't crashed with all the waving of his hands he's doing. We eventually came to an apartment complex, buried deep in the heart of the hustle and bustle of LA, nestled in the midst of the giant skyscrapers and office buildings. I just thought it'd be another one of those incredibly cramped apartment parties. Turns out they got a whole floor, the roof, and the pool. This improved my mood a little bit, and my mood further improved upon seeing the throngs of girls running to and fro, some in bikini tops and shorts, others in what I wouldn't really call a bathing suit, and other just in giant tshirts of sorts. I feel a hand pound me on the back.

"See? Look at all these girls, take your pick!"

A group of girls strut past in their barely there bikinis, and Glen almost starts drooling.

"...Just not those girls ok? See ya!"

And like that, I was left alone amid a whirlwind of scantily clad girls and guys and never ending river of alcohol. I quickly take in my surroundings, my mind buzzing from the activity and noise being generated. I locate the pool, the underwater lights beginning to shine as that oh so famous California blood orange sunset begins to paint the sky in all sorts of reds and oranges. I sigh, this time of day usually found me and Kels up on my roof, watching the sunset until the sky became dark, then resorting to starwatching until we both fell asleep. I'm telling you, memories suck really bad sometimes. I brush these thoughts away, hoping to find something, someone, hell, anything that will make me forget, if only for a while. Now most of you would say alcohol would be a great answer, but I do not do alcohol. It's part of the reason I'm single right now, and I have a fierce hate and distrust of any form of alcohol, whether it be jello shots or that yummy Smirinoff vodka.

Anyway, I made sure to stay away from the free flowin' booze river that threatened to turn into a flash flood and made my way to the pool, the lights increasing as the light outside decreased. I sat gingerly down, dangling my legs in the warm water, watching the laughing and screaming mass of girls and guys swimming/wrestling/tickling each other in the pool. I zoned for a while, my eyes flitting here and there amidst the turmoil of the pool, my thoughts having no real reason or rhyme to them. I suddenly tuned back into the waking world, hearing a loud screech. My head craned to see who it was working the tables tonight, probably some macho buffed out guy who was drunk off his ass and decided to play with the pretty buttons. I stood up, deciding to relieve the super idiot of his post and try my hand at spinning, missing the feel of the turn tables beneath my fingers.

I arrived in time to find a very drunk man slumped on the platform, a half empty bottle of tequila in his loosely clenched hand. I nudged him off with my foot, quickly retrieving the headphones, somewhat wet from god knows what. I quickly wiped it off, perching them around my neck, one on my ear as I looked around the system. I felt bad for whoevers laptop was hooked up to the tables, that thing was as good as gone by the end of tonight. I flipped through the music library, pleasantly surprised at the music selection, clicking on one of my favorites and re-adjusting the knobs. I heard a collective scream from the crowd, them noticing that someone who actually knew what they were doing was not manning the tables. The floor cleared in front of the tables soon swelling, the token grinding and sex on the dance floor dancing commencing without missing a beat. I put both earmuffs over my ears, losing myself in the music coursing through my head and shaking the ground beneath me, hitting subwoofer switches here and adjusting the tempo there.

Each song melded into the next, my mind becoming a virtual music player, recalling old favorites, predicting tempos that needed to be changed, bass that needed to raised and lowered, and I entered my music coma, becoming another extension of the music, letting it flow through me, controlling my movements and thoughts, and even dictating when I breathed. My flow remained uninterrupted, all else just a blur on the border of my vision, bright colors filing past me, the shouts just whispers to my ears, and the warm night setting in nothing more then a light blanket on my shoulders.

I suddenly feel a light tap on my board, my trance breaking as my eyes meet with brown ones, startling me, but not for reasons I'd think. I quickly slide the headphones off, my ears assaulted by screams and laughter accompanied by the music. Her mouth moves, but I hear nothing, my ears beginning to buzz now.

"What??"

I have to scream just to be heard, my voice sounding dull to me. She leaned over my setup, her face coming right up to mine. Her eyes were beautiful. A dark brown, yet light somehow, becoming an almost auburn color, something I'd never seen before. I felt more then heard her words.

"I said, could you play a slow song??"

I frowned momentarily, I hated slow songs, just another way for the couples of the world to strike at the single and lonely kids.

"Why??"

She smiled at me.

"Cause there's this blonde I wanna dance with!"

I roll my eyes, she can't be serious can she?

"If that is your best attempt at a pick up line, I'm gonna have to no!"

She pauses, her eyes dimming slightly as her brow furrows. Its pretty damn cute if you ask me. She leans back to me, closer this time, until I can feel her breathe on my lips, smelling like mint and beer mixed with something else, completely alien to me and my senses.

"Ok, how about..."

She pulls out a small pack of sugar from seemingly nowhere, handing it to me.

"...Did you lose your nametag, cause I think I found it."

I can't help the laugh that bubbles up from me, soon causing me to double over, my eyes beginning to blur from the tears. I look up to see she's not kidding.

"Your not kidding are you??"

She shakes her head, a huge smile on her face. I have to say, extra points right there for keeping a straight face and saying that pick up line. I would've cracked before I could get the punchline out. I take another look at the brown eyed girl. Aside from her brown/auburn eyes, she had beautiful curly brown hair, tumbling down every which way in a manner that hinted that she had probably just woken up, but looking so beautiful, you knew it was kind of that "oh look, my hair is good today, and I haven't even brushed it" situation. She was small, probably no more then 5'4 and small build, but I could see from her outfit (short shorts and a white wife beater) that she was built in the feminine sense, and she had an eerily perfect tan, one that I couldn't believe that the California sun could actually paint on a human being. My eyes traced back up to her face, her smile still there, and a glint of mischief flitting through her eyes. How could I resist?

I turned to the laptop, going over genres, and to my delight finding several cds from one of my favorite artists on it. I clicked the play button and took off my ear phones, still reluctant to leave the tables unattended. Brown eyed girl picked up on it and darted around the tables, grabbing my hand in hers. I couldn't help the smile as her skin pressed to mine, her hands were small as well, but strong and smooth, and as soft as soft could ever hope to be. She smiled too, the same smile, the same one that told me she understood, and that it was just a dance. With a tug to my hand, we were walking to the center of the dancefloor, now swarming with pairs, guys and girls, girls and girls, and I think I even caught some guy and guy couples. The opening notes swirled around us, and though I was compelled to look at the ground as the lyrics hit me like a kick in face, I found myself only staring into her eyes. I felt like I was being drawn forward and upward at the same time, giving me slight vertigo.

"Love is a sadness, love is a madness, and we are all addicts.

What are we if we're not in love?
What are we if we're not in love?"

I felt brown eyes arms slide around my waist, pulling me in closer until I felt her hands resting on the small of my back, and her front pressed to mine. We fit, and it was a strange feeling. Like slotted parts manufactured to fit each other, like puzzle pieces meant to interlock and create an image, like two pieces of a broken heart re-inserting themselves into their old grooves and spots, and working again. My hands drifted to her neck, my fingers interlocking behind her neck, all the while keeping the eye conversation flowing. She was still smiling, but it was a different kind now, soft and sweet, telling me she knew what I was feeling, could read it all in my bloodshot and tear stained eyes, and that she understood. And somehow, I felt so complete in that moment, I almost had to turn and run, this feeling so unknown and scary to me. But I stayed, our bodies moving together.

"See? Dancing with me's not too bad."

Her voice wasn't higher then a raspy whisper, as light as the air around us, a pleasant breath tickling my ear. I couldn't help the smile once again, blushing slightly as I felt her arms tighten a little around me. She leaned back to my ear.

"Nothin's gonna get you DJ, I promise."

I laughed at the nickname, finally surrendering into the urge to let my face fall to her neck, fitting perfectly in the crook of her shoulder and the base of her neck. I inhaled so hard I thought I'd pass out, the smell of light vanilla and lilacs assaulting me and making me smile even more. The songs played one after another going through the cds on the playlist, finding me and her still swaying, me singing silently into her skin as tears stung at my eyes, memories of Kelsey and I coming to me as the music flowed from the oversized speakers.

"She said;

'Friend, all along, I thought I was learning how to take,

How to bend, not how to break,

How to live, not how to cry,

But really, I've been learning how to die,

Been learning how to die."

"Good music choice DJ, its been a while since I've listened to Jon."

"That laptop yours?"

I can feel her smile even though I can't see it.

"Yeah, its my party too, my friends made me throw it, try to get me over my girlfriend leaving me."

I raise my head up, and look deep into her eyes to see that same pain written in them, that they were still slightly red and bloodshot from the crying she's done, and the crying she will be doing. And I tell her silently that I understand. I smile.

"Well you have a great taste in music."

She laughs, her eyes shining.

"Great taste in women I'd say too."

I blush at this, knowing where this is heading. I pull away, hoping to walk away without wrecking too much havoc, only to find her arms securely around my waist.

"Where you running off to DJ?"

Her eyes are full of questions, and I know I have them too, those same questions, those same tears, those same feelings, and I feel overwhelmed. I do the only I know to do.

"No, this..."

I point to us.

"...This shouldn't be happening, we're both still reeling, and these feelings are natural cause we're trying to deal and..."

Her soft finger on my lips makes my train of thought derail and crash into a barn, her eyes brimming with tears.

"Stop trying to hide DJ, you've been hiding behind your music all night."

She removes her finger, placing her lips there instead. Their soft. So, so soft. I have to grab onto her shoulders to keep from floating away or falling down, maybe even both. She tastes like summer, like chlorine pools and salty oceans, like a melting chocolate ice cream, like laughter, like the cool breeze on a cool night, like the soft kisses shared underneath the starry sky, wrapped up in blankets and each other, on a bed of the softest grass. She tastes like... happiness. She pulls away finally, and I can see the tear tracks on her cheeks, and I know I'm crying too.

"If you love her let her go,

If you love her let her go,

Cause she's beautiful as love,

A tune that only caged birds know."

I know the healing is just starting for both of us, and the road before us is stretching out as infinite as space itself, and as unknown as the other galaxies in the star studded sky, but as hopeful as new love, and as sweet as chocolate on Valentines Day. Maybe this isn't such a bad holiday after all.

A/N: Lil late, I really don't like Valentines Day, but what the heck, with all the spare emotions running rampant in me, seemed as good an idea as any. Jon Foreman songs (in order) The Moon is a Magnet, Learning How to Die, and My Love Goes Free from his Winter and Fall EP's, beautiful music, strongly recommended. Hope it was a good Valentines Day/SAD, peace all.