Their whole world is dark, there's no laughter, no smiles, no happiness. You put on this act because that's what they want, right? They don't want someone ruining their party, they want to ignore all the problems because, nothing is their fault… In their eyes they're perfect and that kills you.
You blame yourself, it's your fault, you did this, you messed up.
You become angry, then sad, and finally you're numb.
When you become numb that's when it gets easier you stop hating them, you stop hating yourself… But it also can be scary to the people around you, the friends who notice the cuts on your skin, your failing grades, and when start ditching them for the druggies you hangout with.
You stop caring which means you stop caring about yourself, you start drinking, smoking, and doing drugs. This becomes your normal… And that continues until you get sick of that one person who always tries to argue and to hurt you, pushes to far. So when they go out for an hour you write some notes, get a bottle of pills, run up to your room, you take all of them knowing this time it was too much, and you go to sleep with a smile on your face thinking this nightmare is finally over.
Yet you wake up in the hospital wanting to cry because somehow your plan didn't work, but instead you put a smile on your face, and pretend to be happy because you know that things may change, but you'd be a fool to believe that it will last longer than 3 months.
J.S