This was it, the day had finally come and Kurt Hummel was officially a high school graduate and he was finally getting out of Ohio and going to New York to make his dreams come true. It was a bitter sweet moment though, as happy as he was to finally be leaving a place that had made his life miserable, he would also be leaving behind most of his family and friends. When he had first received his acceptance letter to NYU he had run around clutching it like a golden ticket, but at that time, he had not thought he would be going alone. No, when he had originally imagined this in his mind he was going to be leaving with Blaine, Rachel, and maybe even a few of the other members from New Directions. As their senior year of high school wore on though and college acceptance letters rolled in Kurt had realized that while more people than originally thought would actually be leaving the state for college, none of them seemed to be heading up the east coast.
When Rachel had announced her acceptance at Duke University Kurt had felt a sinking feeling in his stomach, then not long after Blaine had dropped the bomb on him, he'd been accepted at Dartmouth. It was huge news, Dartmouth is an Ivy League school and him getting in was amazing, but Dartmouth was in New Hampshire not New York. He had smiled and put on a brave face, congratulating his boyfriend and assured him that he understood that this was too big of an opportunity to ever consider passing up and saved his tears for when he was alone.
As graduation drew closer and plans were made he and Blaine had sat down and seriously discussed their relationship, in the end deciding that what they have was too special to end even if they were going to be five hours apart. They had agreed to call, text, and skype as much as possible and to spend their winter break together and laughed about how they were probably making a bigger deal of this than it actually was. Now it felt a little like the walls were closing in around him though, he was leaving for New York in two weeks and going to be living on his own in a place where he knew no one. He reminded himself why he was going there and made sure no one saw just how nervous he was. He could do this and more importantly, he and Blaine could do this.
His last two weeks at home went by way to quickly for his liking and suddenly he found himself hugging his family goodbye as they assured him that he would be way too busy to even miss them. Saying goodbye to Blaine had been the hardest though but after a few tearful kisses and reassurances that they would be okay Blaine had gently pushed him towards security telling him if he did not go now he would miss his flight. Now he wished he had missed it, the first few weeks there had been so much to do but now his apartment was decorated, or as decorated as the tiny studio apartment could be, he found himself missing his family and Blaine more and more often. It did not help things much knowing that Blaine was still in Ohio at the moment having fun with his friends so he couldn't really relate to Kurt very well though he still tried.
By the time classes started, Kurt had realized one very important thing; his monthly budget could not afford organic food and other healthy items that had made up his diet beforehand. He had also discovered that not only was fast food affordable, it was good. At first, he had insisted that he could find some way to cook for himself at least few times a week but once classes started, he had quickly discovered that unless he wanted to stay up twenty-four hours a day there really was no time for cooking. He could see the changes in himself almost immediately, as someone who had always kept such a strict diet all of the fast food seemed to go straight to his hips and midsection but between classes, barely being able to pay his bills, and missing his family and Blaine he could not really find time to care. It did not help that he hadn't thought to bring a scale with him and most certainly couldn't afford one but he didn't need a scale to tell him that his clothes didn't fit.
He misses his skype session with Blaine for the first time around Halloween and decides it's probably better that not Blaine see what he currently looks like anyways and decides to have his internet cut off, the money he saves there can go towards new clothes and give him an excuse for not skyping he figures. Then at Thanksgiving after a brutal week at school, the realization that he won't be able to go home for the holiday and finding yet another shirt in his wardrobe that no longer fit one of Kurt's classmates says something about ice cream always making her feel better. So Kurt buys a gallon of the cheapest brand on his way home that evening and an hour and three bowls later is crying on the floor of his apartment.
He makes it through Thanksgiving and two weeks before winter break he is finally starting to feel like he can keep his head above water when it happens. He finished his classes for the day and actually managed to get his homework done in a decent amount of time so he decides to take a nice long shower and just relax for a little while. Then right as he is stepping out the shower he catches a glimpse of what he has been avoiding all semester, his reflection, and now that he is looking, he cannot seem to stop. He does not even recognize himself anymore; his face is fuller, his hips wider, and his stomach soft and chubby poking out in front of him.
He has heard people talking about the freshman fifteen but this looks like so much more to him and he realizes that he is going to have to go home like this, see his family like this, and see Blaine like this. See Blaine who is all about going to the gym four times a week and he can feel it in his bones, Blaine is going to break up with him when he sees him like this. He does not think he could stand that and makes the decision that Blaine just cannot see him like this at all. That night he does the worst thing he thinks he has ever done when he sends Blaine a text message saying they need to break up, Blaine calls immediately after getting it of course but Kurt does not answer.
When he touches down in Lima the day after taking his last final his dad is there waiting, pulling him into a tight hug, and thankfully not saying a word to him about his appearance. He does however mention during the car ride home that Blaine has called daily trying to get in touch with him, Kurt just nods in response unsure of how to explain why he broke up with him. That night after his family has finished grilling him about life in New York, Kurt slips into the bathroom for a shower and while waiting for the water to heat finds himself standing on the scales and staring at the numbers in shock. After some quick mental math, he realizes that he has gained twenty-eight pounds in just under six months.
The next morning Carole wakes him early and insists on going shopping, saying that she needs his help with the last couple of gifts on her list. He quickly realizes though that the trip is not about gifts but about buying him new clothes and as much as it pains him that his family has realized he has gained enough weight to need a new wardrobe he can't help but be grateful. He had spent the last month squeezing into jeans that were a size to small and then bundling his coat tight to hide the way his stomach poked over the waistband they. When they stop for lunch, she gently tells him that she really thinks he should talk to Blaine, and when they get home, he realizes that his dad has taken matters into his own hands and not given him a choice.
There are not any extra cars out front and yet Blaine is sitting on the couch when he walks in and Kurt stands frozen in shock for a few minutes, trying to find the nearest escape when he realizes that Carol is right behind him blocking the front door. His resolve melts then and Carol pats his arm before disappearing upstairs with the bags from their shopping trip. He stands there for a few more minutes just trying to think of what to say before his feet finally move him forward to the couch, he slumps down on the opposite end from Blaine and stares straight ahead just waiting for him to say it, tell him how fat he's gotten.
"Why?" Blaine asks, his voice sounding rough, as though he had been crying.
The question startles Kurt and before he can process what he is doing he looks up and meets Blaine's gaze and suddenly Kurt can feel the tears coming as the words come tumbling from his lips before he can stop them.
"I thought it'd be better if I went ahead and did it before you had the chance to see me and do it yourself." Kurt sniffles and takes in the confused expression on Blaine's face.
"But why did you think I was going to break up with you in the first place Kurt?" There are tears in Blaine's eyes now and Kurt cannot help but notice that they are already red rimmed from crying.
"Why wouldn't you?" Kurt replies, now wondering if Blaine had somehow not noticed his appearance yet, "I've gotten so fat, why would you even want to keep dating me?" He sighs, rubbing fiercely at his eyes in an attempt to keep the tears from over flowing.
A look of shock crosses Blaine's face, "God, Kurt, why would you even think I would break up with you over something like that? I love you Kurt, I love you because of who you are not because of how you look."
Kurt breaks down completely at that, Blaine scoots across the couch gathering him up in his arms, and Kurt clutches on to him as if his life depends on it.
They stay that way for a while and when Kurt's sobs die down Blaine adds, "Besides have you even looked at me? I'm not exactly in any position to be talking about anyone's weight right now." He trails off with a chuckle.
Kurt looks up confused and finally really takes in Blaine's appearance, he looks miserable. His eyes are blood shot from crying, hair slightly longer and his curls aren't gelled down, it looks like he's got a couple days worth of stubble and Kurt realizes that his face looks slightly softer than it had the last time they'd seen each other. His eyes widen slightly at the realization that Blaine has been struggling just as much as he has and Blaine laughs softly and pulls Kurt in even closer.
"Freshman year is hell Kurt, between classes and homework I barely have time to sleep let alone go to the gym and I live in a dorm so the only option for food it takeout or fast food, I imagine it's the same way for you. I've gained seventeen pounds; you aren't going to break up with me over that now are you?" He asks but Kurt can hear the smile in his voice.
"Never", Kurt sighs and he can feel the relief seeping through his every pore. "I still gained more weight than you though." He says poking at Blaine's stomach and grinning up at him.
"I'm shorter than you though", Blaine replies sticking his tongue out at Kurt and they both laugh, "Are we okay now? The last two weeks have been the worst of my life; I don't think I can handle another day."
"I'm yours for as long as you'll have me Blaine and I'm sorry for putting us both through hell." Kurt says, guilt gnawing at his stomach.
"Just as long as we're okay now", Blaine sighs into Kurt's hair.
Kurt whispers, "Yeah, I think we are better than okay."
"Good, now come on I want to spend some time with my boyfriend and this couch isn't very comfortable." Blaine says kissing the top of Kurt's head before he pulls him from his lap to stand, leading them both upstairs to Kurt's room.
Blaine tugs off his coat when he enters the room and flops back on the bed with a sigh and Kurt just stares for a moment, Blaine is wearing jeans and a simple t-shirt and Kurt feels a smile tugging at his lips when he sees how the shirt clings to Blaine's midsection. He shrugs his own coat off and joins him, no longer embarrassed about the way his own belly pushes over the waistband of his jeans and out softly against his shirt.
"I need to cuddle, like yesterday." Blaine says turning onto his side and tugging until Kurt does the same and then throwing a leg over Kurt's and curling a hand around his hip and rubbing gently before trailing his hand up Kurt's side and then down over his stomach saying, "Kurt, please don't ever feel embarrassed about your body. I love you, and if there is a little more of you to love then I'm more than fine with that."
Kurt nods and shifts a little getting Blaine to lie on his back and Kurt curls into him resting his head on Blaine's chest and brings his hand up to rest on Blaine's tummy, feeling the softness there and smiling.
Blaine grins then says, "You always did say you wanted abs like mine, now we have matching bellies!"
Kurt giggles and snuggles closer, "Guess I should be careful what I wish for, though you do make a much more comfortable pillow now."
"I don't know if it just because it's been so long or if it's because of the extra padding but I think this is our best cuddle session yet." Blaine says, his arms wrapped tight around Kurt's waist.
A thought occurs to Kurt and he asks, "How did you get over here? There wasn't a car outside?"
"I flew in this morning and called your dad begged him to come pick me up. He was just going to take me to a hotel and leave me but I think I looked pitiful enough that he decided to have mercy on me and brought me back here." Blaine admits.
"Thank you," Kurt mumbles against his chest, "For not just walking away."
Blaine looks down and gently tilts Kurt's face up to look him in the eye and states, "I could never walk away from you," Before leaning down to kiss his boyfriend.
They spend the rest of the day and well into the evening cuddling and kissing, and when Kurt falls asleep that night he feels relieved. Relieved that he is not the only one struggling, feeling like they are barely treading water, and he realizes that even if he may be going to school in New York by himself, he is not alone.