The custody case was over and all Arizona could do was stare at her daughter, memorizing her every feature. Sofia was oblivious to her haze, currently putting on the most extravagant imaginary tea party of all time.
They only had a few more weeks together until she and Callie move to New York.
They hadn't told Sofia yet. Callie asked if they could explain it to her together, arguing it would be easiest on their daughter if they both told her how great this was. As devastating as Arizona knew it would be to hear Callie sugarcoat the situation, she agreed — for Sofia.
Callie would arrive at her house any minute for that dreaded conversation and pop this pretty pink ignorant bubble her daughter was in.
Out of guilt, Callie offered that Sofia could stay with Arizona until the move. She took a leave of absence from the hospital to spend every last waking moment with her when she wasn't in school.
She was trying to pack all of their favorite things to do together into the time they had left, hoping to make special memories that would last until they saw each other again.
The light knock on the front door drew Arizona out of her thoughts.
Here we go.
Arizona paused by the door, stuffing down the sobs that threatened to burst out of her as she felt the weight of this moment. This was the moment their family would officially change forever.
She took a deep breath and opened the door to find a somber looking Callie on the other side. She moved out of the way so she could come in.
"You can wait in the living room. We were having a tea party in her room. I'll go get her," Arizona said softly, not able to look Callie directly in the eyes.
As Callie waited, she took in the house. She'd only been inside this house a few times when she came to pick up Sofia on one of Arizona's days off. Since she had moved in here, they got into a routine of mostly hospital handoffs or just picking up Sofia from school on their scheduled nights.
She saw cute pictures of Arizona and Sofia everywhere and a couple with all three of them. Callie felt a tightness in her chest as if this change was finally sinking in for her.
"Mamiiiiiiii," Sofia said happily as she ran down the hallway towards her.
"Mija, I missed you," Callie said wrapping her up in a hug.
"What are you doing here? I thought I wasn't going to see you for a few weeks," Sofia said plopping down on the couch next to Callie.
"Well, Mama and I have something very important to talk to you about, so I came over," Callie said with a soft smile on her face.
Arizona sat in a chair on the other side of Sofia. Callie glanced at Arizona for physical confirmation that she could continue. Arizona gave her a soft nod.
"Mija, you know Mami's friend Penny? Well, Penny got a job in New York City and she invited us to come with her," Callie said excitedly.
"Like a vacation?" Sofia asked.
"No, we're going to live there and you'll get to go to this amazing new school and make all kinds of new friends. You're going to love it there. They have one of the world's biggest zoos and the world's biggest Build-A-Bear. Doesn't that sound like fun?" Callie said.
"Yes! Mama, can we get a pass for the zoo so we can go whenever we want like we do now?" Sofia asked assuming Arizona was coming with them.
"I can get you a pass and Mami can take you," Arizona said regretfully.
"Why can't you take me?" Sofia asked confused.
"I will be able to take you when I visit, but I won't be there all the time. You and Mami are moving to New York. I'm staying here in Seattle," Arizona said trying to put on her best fake smile.
"Is New York close by here? Will you just pick me up there when it's time to come to your house," Sofia asked Arizona and they could see the wheels spinning as she tries to understand what's happening.
"No, baby. It won't be like it is now. New York is really far away. You won't come to my house anymore and you'll be with Mami most of the time. But, I'll come visit you and we can FaceTime like you do with grandma and grandpa all the time," Arizona said softly as she reached out and held her daughter's hand.
Sofia was getting the picture and her tiny little face scrunched up with sadness. Callie sat there silent, following Arizona's lead.
"But, we can't do goodnight cuddles on FaceTime. Or dance parties. Or or or bubble bath fights." Sofia said breaking down in full blown tears.
Arizona pulled her daughter into her arms and cradled her head, rocking them back and forth as tears streamed down Arizona's face as well.
"I love you so much, Sofia. There is nothing that could change that. You are my special girl. When we see each other it's just going to be extra special, alright. We'll just have to have three times as many hugs and kisses to last until I can visit again," Arizona said pulling back to place a few kisses on Sofia's tear stained cheeks.
"But, whyyy don't you want to seeeee me anymoreeee?" Sofia asked through her sobs.
"Of course I want to see you. I want to see you all the time, but my home is here. Your home will be with Mami there," Arizona grasped at what to say in the moment, of how to explain this without blaming it all on Callie.
"Sweetie, you're going to do so many fun things and you can call Mama anytime and tell her all about it," Callie said trying to help.
"NO. I don't want to go without Mama," Sofia yelled swiftly removing herself from Arizona's hold and running off to her bedroom.
Callie and Arizona just sat there for a moment in silence, neither one able to look at the other. Arizona wiped the tears from her face.
"I'll go check on her," Arizona said after the silence became too unbearable.
15 minutes later she returned to the living room to find Callie in exactly the same spot.
"She cried herself to sleep. Maybe you can just call her tomorrow when she's had some time," Arizona said with a defeated tone.
"I guess I expected her to be a little upset, but I wasn't prepared for that," Callie said and Arizona didn't even justify that answer with a response.
Arizona found it slightly comforting that her daughter thought more of her than a trip to the world's largest Build-A-Bear, even though Callie thought that'd be all it would take to win her over. She wondered how she couldn't have envisioned that their daughter would be devastated.
"Do you want to talk? We haven't really since the hearing," Callie said softly.
"What's there to say?" Arizona asked.
"A lot. I think we've got to start again somewhere. I know things aren't going to go back to the way they were overnight, but…"
Arizona cut her off gently, "I meant what I said in court. I really did, but I don't think things can ever go to go back to the way they were."
"We still share Sofia and we're in this together for the rest of her life. That hasn't changed," Callie said as a look of shock spread across her face.
"Yes, we share Sofia, but… I'm not part of the plan anymore," Arizona said somberly.
"What?" Callie asked.
"When you told me you were pregnant, you asked me if I was in. You told me you wanted me to be part of your plan… You know, I've never told you this. After the accident, Mark and I had this terrible fight. We disagreed about your care. I knew with all my heart that you'd want to do everything possible to give Sofia her best chance to be healthy and he thought we should give you the best chance and roll the dice with her. I understood his point, obviously I couldn't imagine losing you, but I felt so protective over her already. He told me that my opinion didn't matter — that I was nothing because you were her mother and he was her father." Arizona paused searching Callie's stunned face.
"We made up, of course, and he apologized before you woke up, but I think I've always held that inside of me — might explain one or two of my insecurities. When you told me about this move — like it was no big deal for me — I don't think I've ever felt more like nothing since that fight. Like I said in court, I want you to be happy. I'm so sorry that I ever caused you pain — it's my deepest regret. I'm not the same person who did those things. What I wouldn't do to go back and do it differently. To tell that bitter person, you shouldn't push the love of your life away. But, I can't and I don't want you to be stuck because of me again… You said this is what will make you happy, so go with Sofia and Penny and I'm…," Arizona paused holding back more tears.
"You're not nothing. Penny could never replace you. You can see her whenever you want to come. I'd never keep her from you," Callie said.
"Occasional visits and holidays… I'm going to miss so much and no matter what I do, my relationship with her will change because of this. I'll still be her Mama, but Penny will become the one she relies on as much as you. You three will be a family. I'll be a visitor. She'll stay with me in a hotel room. My home will not be her home. And there will always come a point where I have to leave and it will rip my heart out every time, but I will do it — for her. I will deal with my fear of planes. I will deal with the swelling and pain in my leg from the altitude. I will take the emotional beating when I have to leave her behind. I'll try my best to make sure she knows I'm there for her emotionally, if not physically. I hope that this is everything you want it to be. But, this is the last thing I can do for you. Because I have nothing left."
Callie was floored by her speech. Arizona wasn't being malicious or screaming at her. It was much worse — she was calm and defeated. It felt like the room was spinning as she tried to process everything that came out of her mouth from her confessions about what happened with Mark to calling Callie the love of her life.
Callie was ashamed to admit to herself how little of Arizona's feelings she took into account— partially because she didn't realize that Arizona cared about her own happiness until the custody hearing.
"I don't know what to say. I really didn't do this to hurt you," Callie said as her eyes glassed over.
Arizona nodded gently in acknowledgement. "I'll have her call you tomorrow when she's ready to talk. Text me your flight details and when you'll want to pick her up. I'll have anything she wants to bring with her packed up or I can ship it if I need to."
"I want to talk more about this," Callie said.
"We can talk logistics when you come pick her up," Arizona said softly before walking her out.
Callie walked out of her ex-wife's house feeling like a zombie. Once she got in her car, she couldn't move. She just sat in the driveway staring at the house, frozen by her emotions. By the time she snapped out, she wasn't sure how long she'd sat there. Felt like hours, but it could've been minutes. The pain in Arizona's eyes ignited something in her, a protective instinct, she hadn't felt in a long time. Now she was left to question… everything.