A/N: This is the sequel to 'Auld Lang Syne.' This can be read by itself, but will make slightly more sense if you read the aforementioned story first. /smiles/ It wasn't originally a song fic, but I have been listening to the song for a while and I think it fits A/O perfectly. 45th fic too.
Disclaimer: Alex, Olivia and SVU belong to Dick Wolf and NBC. 'Come On Get Higher' belongs to Matt Nathanson. I'm just borrowing them. No harm intended, just pure and unadulterated admiration.
Warning: Two women crushing on one another. I hope you enjoy. But if you don't, you can't say I didn't warn you.
Home
By Melissa
I miss the sound of your voice
And I miss the rush of your skin
And I miss the still of the silence
As you breathe out and I breathe in
Olivia shuffled her feet outside the door of Alex's apartment. She wasn't quite sure what it was she was doing there. A plastic bag she was carrying crinkled slightly as she shifted her weight back and forth.
That's really a lie. The detective was there because of a date and time written on the back of one Alex's business cards; that the blonde woman had somehow managed to slip into her pocket when they had ran into one another on Christmas Eve.
Liv shook her head. Alex had missed her calling as a pick pocket. She had no idea the card had made its way into her possession and hadn't discovered the card until several days after their chance meeting.
Alex wandered around her apartment, not really sure what she should do with herself. Her heart was palpitating far faster than she was sure was healthy. She couldn't help it though. Seeing Olivia had always had that affect on her. Even after all this time.
"Stop fluttering about, Cabot," she growled to herself. For a second there she had just been channeling her grandfather. She shook her hands a few times in an attempt to get rid of her jitters.
A moment or two later, she thought she heard something outside her front door.
The detective had tried to knock about half a dozen times already, but her knuckles had yet to make contact with the wood of the door. Olivia had dressed casually, as was mandated by Alex. The older woman wore light blue, boot cut jeans and a forest green colored mock turtleneck under her leather jacket. After running her fingers through her hair one last time, she raised her hand again to knock.
Only to be saved the trouble as the door swung inward.
If I could walk on water
If I could tell you what's next
I'd make you believe
I'd make you forget
"How long have you been standing out here?"
Alex was also dressed casually. Dark blue jeans that flared out slightly at the ankle, accompanied by a light blue sweater, and her hair pulled back in a ponytail. Olivia would have bet her paycheck it was cashmere. It made the counselor's eyes appear one of their lighter shades. She was wearing her infamous black glasses and smiling. Honestly, the woman would still look gorgeous in a burlap sack.
"Not long?" Olivia's voice went up at the end of the statement, an obvious sign that she was fibbing.
Alex stood back and allowed the detective to enter her apartment. Her arched left eyebrow and small smirk suggested just how much she believed her friend.
"You didn't have to be fashionably late."
Olivia shrugged off her jacket, allowing Alex to hang it up.
"I've never been fashionably anything," she replied while looking around. "You kept your old apartment?"
"Yeah," the younger woman replied as she closed the hall closet door. "My mother couldn't bear to part with it. After she passed away, when I was able to return to New York, I got it back as part of the estate. I had been subletting it to a doctor friend of mine. She is returning to the UK though. Plus," she paused, "I thought a pseudo neutral meeting place would be in order."
Olivia smiled at that. When she had seen the address written on the business card, she was more than a bit surprised it was the apartment Alex had had before she went into the WPP.
The apartment, like its owner, was immaculate. Olivia stood in the extremely large living room, taking it all in. It had been many years since she had been in this spot. Some of the furnishings had changed.
Alex stepped beside her and placed an arm around Liv's waist. Her fingers came to rest on her hip. The detective felt her heart speed up and her lungs stop working.
"What are you thinking?" Alex asked, completely innocently.
'If you don't breathe I will make you say foolish things! Or pass out!!' Olivia's brain screamed at her.
Clearing her throat, she responded, "I was just thinking how both familiar and foreign this feels."
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love
The lawyer smiled at her friend. "Tell me about it." Removing her hand from Liv's waist, she went to the kitchen. In a few moments she returned with two full wine glasses. After handing one off, she saluted with her own.
"Here's to chance meetings."
"Here's to not drinking in your gorgeous car."
Alex almost snorted her glass at that statement. She recovered quickly enough. "Should I be jealous, Liv? Are you just visiting me for my wheels?"
Olivia winked at her former ADA, before sipping on her wine. Part of her wanted to respond with a wisecrack. Another part of her wanted to sincerely tell Alex just how much she had missed her. And yet another part wanted to kiss her senseless.
The lighting in the living room was softer than the rest of the apartment. There was also soft music playing from unknown source. Alex led the way to an overstuffed, sand colored couch. Both women made themselves comfortable. Olivia crossed one booted foot over the opposite knee. Alex tucked her long legs under herself in the opposite corner. She reached behind her head and pulled out the tie holding back her hair. She shook her head and the lovely strands fanned outward.
"Any chance you will be interrupted?" The blonde's eyes strayed to the cell phone on the detective's hip.
"Nah. I called in a favor Munch owed me. So unless the world ends, I am all yours." The older woman left out the fact she also had tomorrow off as well.
Alex smiled. She certainly liked that idea.
Now it was Olivia's turn to ask the blonde the same question. "Will your husband be joining us?"
"No. He's away on business. It's just you and me."
This gave the detective pause. She didn't know whether she should be concerned or elated. She opted for elated.
They talked about current events in their lives for a little while. This time it was Alex's turn to take the plunge first into deeper conversation waters.
"Just like old times, huh?"
Olivia nodded. There were a few things missing, but for the most part things were the same.
I miss the sound of your voice
Loudest thing in my head
And I ache to remember
All the violent, sweet
Perfect words that you said
Alexandra traced the lip of her wine glass idly with a fingertip. 'Here goes,' she thought.
"I wanted so badly to come back to New York, and have everything be the way it was before. Somewhere along the way though, the puzzle piece that was my life no longer fit here."
"There world never stops when you want it to. I suppose that I am preaching to the choir," Liv responded with a sad smile.
"Did you know that some people who enter Witness Protection don't go back to their old lives? An agent told me that and I couldn't believe it. As time went on though, I began to see why someone would choose to stay."
Olivia's right eyebrow went up in surprise and tried to keep her voice level. "You're sorry you came back?"
There was conflict storming in those beautiful eyes, but the older woman couldn't quite bring herself to look at them; fearing the answer to her question.
"Sometimes I do. It would have been easier, in a lot of ways. I couldn't live that lie though, no matter how tempting."
Alex reached out and took the detective's free hand with her own.
"But it's like I traded one lie for another. This isn't who I am."
"How do you mean?"
"It's surreal. I came back and I became a Bureau Chief. I blinked and I was married. Two things I have wanted forever, yet I felt like I didn't deserve them."
I miss the pull of your heart
I taste the sparks on your tongue
I see angels and devils
And God, when you come on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
"Everyone deserves to be happy, Alex."
"But I'm not happy. More than a small part of me wishes I was still your ADA."
The detective grinned. "You'll always be my ADA. In my mind there is no other. I may not go to you for warrants anymore, but sometimes I wish I still could. I even miss the way you used to kick us in the ass."
"No you don't." They smiled like idiots at one another.
"Of course, when you were my ADA, you were also available." Liv threw her another wink.
Alex sighed. "Well, I am sort of in the process of rectifying that."
Olivia stared at the younger woman, her grin gone. "What do you mean?"
The blonde woman held up her left hand. Her ring finger was free of her engagement ring and wedding band.
Olivia was struck speechless for several moments. 'How the hell did you miss that??' her mind yelled, all the while celebrating. She eventually found her voice. "What happened?"
Alexandra sighed slightly. 'You did,' she thought.
Out loud, she continued. "I realized that I wasn't being fair to Benjamin…or myself. I didn't love him. Not in the way he deserved to be loved." She sighed and looked away for a moment. "It was probably the second most painful conversation I've ever had. There were a lot of tears, on both sides. When he gets back from Japan, we will proceed with the divorce."
The detective gaped a little. "He's not going to take you to the cleaners, is he?"
"Surprisingly, no. Before we got married, he said that if things didn't work out, he wouldn't go after my money. He even made up, and signed, a prenuptial agreement." She laughed morosely. "I don't think I could have been as charitable. I would have taken me for everything I could get."
Olivia's brow crinkled in sympathy. Inside, her heart seemed content to try and break her ribs with all the rapid pounding.
Both sipped on their wine as silence surrounded them.
"What was the most?"
"Huh?" The brilliant prosecutor was confused.
"You said the conversation with Benjamin was the second most painful conversation you've had. What was the first?"
Alex visibly gulped. Either she didn't realize she had said that or she had been hoping Liv wouldn't catch it.
The counselor looked away, trying to collect her thoughts.
"When I had to say goodbye to you," her voice was so soft it barely even qualified as a whisper. In her head, it came more like 'goodbye to us.' "I don't know if those few sentences counted as a conversation, especially since our favorite agent did most of the talking."
The detective snorted. Agent Hammond was certainly not her favorite person. "Lex, no one blames you for choosing to live…"
Cerulean colored eyes snapped up. "I blame me."
"At least you're still here. That's more than I can say about those bastards who went after you."
"Am I though?"
Olivia wasn't sure what to say to that, and it broke her heart a little to see her once so confident friend be so unsure. She couldn't even begin to fathom what Alex had gone through. Maybe she could communicate better with a gesture. She changed tactics.
"I have something for you."
Alex looked at Olivia. "You didn't have to bring me anything. I believe my explicit instructions were to just bring your self."
"Pffft. You know me better than that." Olivia smiled as she reached for the plastic bag she had brought with her. From it's depths she produced a bottle of wine. Alex made a comment about getting her drunk. Liv ignored it for the time being. After setting the bottle on the table, she took out an ornate wooden box. It wasn't terribly large, fitting in her hand. The detective passed it to Alex, letting her fingers brush against the blonde's skin in contact.
"It's beautiful, Liv." Alex turned it over in her hands.
"Open it."
She did. Inside was a beautiful blown glass sphere. The glass was thick and was flat on the bottom. It was also various shades of blue. Next to it was a small, thin piece of rope threaded through a small piece of round, thick medal.
Olivia gently removed the sphere. From the bag she picked up a bottle of lamp oil and a small funnel. Pouring some in the globe, she then put the piece of rope through the small opening. She then placed it on a coaster on the table, to let the wick soak for a few minutes.
The younger women looked at her friend. She went to speak but Olivia beat her to it.
"I have a similar one in my bedroom, on the window sill. On the nights I actually got to be home," she smiled ruefully, "I would light it." There was a slight pause. "For you."
Now it was Alex's turn to forget how to breathe.
"People usually place candles in the window for soldiers off at war. But it can symbolize the warmth and security of the family hearth and loyalty to loved ones who are not present in the home." The detective picked up her glass of wine and downed the rest of it quickly, needing a bit more liquid courage. "I like to think it can also light the way home."
She then produced a zippo lighter out of the small inner pocket of her jeans and lit the wick. The soft light reflected off the blue glass, as the small flame danced slightly.
Olivia took a deep breath and brought her eyes to meet Alex's. Soft brown locked with deep blue, each shining with unshed tears.
"It's silly, I know. I was just hoping that the sentiment would traverse the miles, even if the light couldn't. That someone was thinking about you, hoping one day you would come back."
The brunette inched closer and placed her hand gently on Alex's shoulder. Right over where a bullet had ripped apart their live so many years earlier. The meaning of the gesture was not lost on either woman.
"I've missed you so much, Alex. The only times in my life when I felt at home was when I was with you." She took a deep breath. "When I am with you."
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love
With a sigh bordering on a whimper, Alex closed the small distance between the two and kissed the detective with all she had. One hand had a death grip on the shirt the older woman was wearing. Olivia's hand ventured up to tangle itself in the counselor's beautiful hair, while the other found purchase on a soft cheek.
It was just how they remembered. Soft lips fitting perfectly together, even after all this time.
It couldn't be certain who broke the kiss first.
"I missed this the most." Alex's voice sounded foreign to her ears. "I haven't felt something this right in very long time."
So wrong, so wrong,
so right
So come on, get higher
Come on, get higher
'Cause everything works, love
Everything works in your arms
Soft words of love were whispered in between tears and kisses; as the small firelight chaperoned.
The End
A/N: Thanks for reading. Let me know what you thought? I may do a sequel to this one as well, but one that takes place in the future. I all ready have ideas.
Quote: "Sometimes, no matter how much faith we have, we lose people. But you never forget them. And sometimes, it's those memories that give us the faith to go on."