"Bones."
"No."
"C'mon, Bones, please?"
"No. I won't get fired."
He leans into the face of his best friend, faces too close together to be casual, but because it's Jim, it is casual. Much to Leonard McCoy's distress, everything with Jim is casual. He's actually rather sick of it. despite it all, McCoy likes Starfleet, and he likes his job and he likes his privacy and his sanity and control on his emotions, but somehow, James Tiberius Kirk manages to fuck with all of those things.
And it's casual.
"It's just one pill, Bones. Who's gonna know it's missing."
" Jim. No. No fucking way. You're a guy. Whoever she is, let her take care of it. she's the one with ovaries, and she's the one who'll have to jeopardize my career, because I'm not doing it for you."
"C'mon Bones, jesus! If I don't get it to Uhura, then Spock'll know something's up! It's for Spock, c'mon Bones, you gotta help or she'll castrate me!"
McCoy senses that by the 'oopsfuck' face that Jim makes that he has just released a Big Damn Secret, and he wonders how on earth Uhura was stupid enough to entrust her baby drama with Kirk, of all people, who has the biggest mouth of anyone (a nice, full, bow shaped mouth that McCoy does NOT notice, because he's not fucking gay. Right? Right. After all, he has a daughter.). He definitely needs to have a talk with her.
(It bothers him that Uhura clearly only went to Kirk because he always makes Leonard McCoy break in the end. No one else can do that, and Uhura knows it)
Kirk's now down on his knees, which is not at all alarming to Bones, because if Kirk and his not-full, not-perfect mouth move a foot forward, then they will definitely be much too close for comfort(but that's not alarming, remember), and Bones has bigger things to worry about than the fact that his stomach clenches when Jim Kirk smiles (such as first leutenent Uhura's need for a morning after pill.)
(Which he also doesn't want to think about)
"Bones. C'mon. I'll start singing."
Bones rolls his eyes and drags a gleeful James Tiberius Kirk to the med lab, where he sits on the table and whistles and hits on the nurses (who hit back) and acts, once again, completely unappreciative.
Bones tells himself that Kirk's going to hell.
Startrek Fanfic The First Ever. I'm rather too hyped up on The God Of Life aka coffee right now to truly care if I get reviews, but when I crash later, I'll be very sad if there aren't any, so please review if you like. Special thanks to LadyElaine-a for editing.