Title: Something Different. 1/1.
Author: Zenamydog
Rating: NC-17.
Characters/Pairing: Sam/Dean.
Warnings: Spoilers for anything already aired in the U.S. Wincest.
Beta: jdsampson and winchesterxgirl
Disclaimer: Man, if I owned these boys… *winks*
AN: AND Summary: You will need to have seen episodes 4:15 and 4:16 for this story to make sense. While not really a Coda, both episodes are mentioned.
Sam and Dean come clean with each other. Is there really a way to settle their differences?
Sam listened to the water running. He was naked on the bed and Dean was taking a shower.
They'd just had sex. Angry sex at that, but the sheer intensity, told Sam that there were mountains of emotions behind it.
Dean had bottomed for him and that hardly ever happened. Usually only when Dean needed reassurance and even then only if Sam had been near death.
He needed that tonight. Both of them did. Their fight as a result of the Siren's song was bad enough. It had them both walking on eggshells for weeks, but Castiel's betrayal of Dean had them bonding again and this had been the manifestation.
It wasn't like they hadn't done this before. They had, on more than one occasion, but something fundamentally had changed between them and Sam knew it.
"Shower's free," Dean said as he walked out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist.
Sam got up from the bed. "Thanks." He brushed past Dean and walked into the bathroom. He turned the water on and got into the shower. After soaping himself up and removing Dean's come from his stomach, he sunk down into the stall. He sat and just let the water run over his face.
Time didn't seem real as his played the scenario over and over in his head. He sighed at the horrible things he'd said to Dean that day and felt hot tears prick at the corner of his eyes. He'd told Dean he was standing in his way. That he was weak. Damn Dean and his No powers, Sam! ideology.
Okay, so he knew his brother wasn't weak. He probably said that out of frustration, but unfortunately it was true that he was holding him back. With Ruby's training and the power the blood, gave him, he could do serious damage now. He could kill.
He remembered the look on Castiel's face when he had burned Alistair. A little bit more and he'd be ready to take on Lilith.
"Hey!" There was a heav- handed knock on the door. "You alright in there? You haven't turned into smoke and gone down the drain?"
Sam grinned. Dean was being a smartass, but it wasn't lost on him that Dean didn't mention a color. Dean didn't say, 'black' smoke.
"Yeah, yeah!" Sam called back and stood up shakily. His legs had gone to sleep and he fell against the shower stall.
"Hey," Dean shouted again and this time he opened the bathroom door. "What was that?"
Sam stepped gingerly out of the shower stall and grabbed a towel. He began to dry himself, but only felt self conscious, when Dean stepped into the bathroom fully.
"What are you doing, man?"
Sam was uncomfortable. "Can't a guy even have a shower in peace?" He'd said it off the cuff, but Dean's face hardened.
"Maybe I should just leave so you can have all the peace in the world. You and that bitch Ruby."
"What?" Sam squealed. "Where did that come from?"
Dean glared at him and Sam knew exactly. Of course he did. Dean was no fool. He knew he was still banging Ruby.
"Dude, do we have to talk about this now?" Sam walked out to the bedroom and grabbed his duffle. As he sorted through his clothes to find some boxers, Dean moved to sit on the bed.
They shared a look and Sam thought Dean looked tired. He looked like he wasn't up to arguing tonight. Which was a good thing, because neither was Sam.
Dean got under the covers and turned away from the middle of their shared King-size bed.
Sam slipped on some boxers and got under the sheets. He flicked his hair out of his eyes and droplets of water flung off, hitting Dean on the face.
Dean swiped his palm down his cheek. "Hey," he said, annoyed, but Sam laughed.
"Not funny," Dean said, but the annoyance in his tone was completely gone.
Sam took a chance and laid down facing Dean's back.
"What?" Dean immediately asked.
"I've… I've something to tell you."
"Hmm?" Dean didn't move.
"You're not going to like it."
Dean laughed, humorlessly. "Ya think?"
"I don't want us to have secrets, but…"
Dean turned over to face him at that. "But what?" he said surprisingly gentle.
"You're…" Sam hesitated. He would probably only get one shot at explaining himself here, before Dean exploded. "Before everything…" He started again. "You're my big brother. I keep secrets, because fundamentally…"
Dean looked at him and his face was half way between a question and a plea.
"I need your approval." He glanced at Dean for any sign he was about to mock him. "I know you won't approve so… "Like you, with Dad," he tried a new tactic. Like when he used to say no to you---,"
"Not even close!" Dean blurted out. "Sneaking out my window to get laid by Cindy Princle is nothing like sneaking out to get laid by Ruby."
There was a flash of something other than anger in Dean's eyes and Sam thought about probing. He could read minds now, but it was still one of the things that gave him a headache and sometimes a nosebleed. He grinned to himself. He was getting better at it, though.
"What are you grinning at?" Dean asked.
Shit. Okay… Maybe not to himself, so much. The grin slipped, quickly. "Ahh… nothing… Tired I guess."
Dean sighed into his pillow. "So what's the thing I'm not going to like?"
Sam second guessed himself about saying anything and hesitated. "The thing is… I didn't really mean to keep all of this from you. And I do have your back. I'll always have your back, Dean. You gotta believe me on that. Well… Not unless I'm under some sort of hex or spell." He grinned.
"That's the second time you've wanted to kill me, when you've been… hexed." Dean looked hurt.
Sam thought about that for a second. He flashed to the Asylum and Dean's face as he lay shocked and dirty on the ground. The look in his eyes when he'd asked, "Do you really hate me that much?" and Sam had pulled the trigger.
Instinct made Sam reach out and touch the top of Dean's hip.
Dean smirked. "Haven't you had enough for tonight, Sammy?"
Sam pulled his arm back and rolled away.
"Oh, no." Dean pulled him back by the shoulder. "Don't get cold feet on me now. Spill."
"My powers have increased," Sam blurted out quickly. "I'll be ready to take down Lilith soon."
"And?" Dean seemed to know that there was more to it.
Sam shrugged. "Castiel saw me take down Alistair… With my mind," he added softly.
Dean squinted and Sam could tell he was wondering why Castiel had said nothing.
"That's it. I'm strong enough now to kill." He hoped that being one of many truths, Dean wouldn't ask for more. Because really… It's one thing to admit to gaining strength and even being able to kill, but to tell Dean that strength was coming from drinking demon blood. What was he thinking?
"So… How are you getting all this power?" Dean sounded resigned. "I mean… Is it like… doing pushups with your mind?"
Sam knew he paled a little at the question, but Dean's response made him laugh. "Yeah, actually. Kind of like… struggling to learn to ride a bike. You wobble and you fall over, but once you do it once and get your confidence…" He looked closely at Dean's reaction.
Dean sighed heavily. "I'm not going to be able to stop you doing this, am I?"
"No," Sam said plainly.
Dean nodded and then did something that had never happened before. He rolled towards Sam and wrapped his arms around him.
Sam's eyes widened, but he returned the embrace. It felt odd to feel Dean this close and for him not to be hard. "What's this for?"
Dean pulled back and Sam wished he hadn't said anything. The sad look on Dean's face made him wish that, double.
Sam felt Dean shrug against him. "I'm gonna lose you. Or… maybe you'll lose me."
Red flags went up in Sam's brain. "And cuddling me is… is?"
"Does it matter why, Sammy?" Dean said offhandedly and started to roll back towards him.
Sam pushed at his chest. "Dean?" Sam wasn't gonna complain about the cuddling, but he was really concerned now. "What's going on with you?"
Dean sighed again and looked Sam deeply in the eyes. "This will end badly. We're gonna end up going our separate ways. One way or another. You know that, right?"
"What? Why?" Sam was aware of the screech in his voice.
Dean didn't say a word, just continued to look at him and the pain behind Dean's eyes, got to Sam and then he understood.
"Once Lilith is dead, I'm gonna stop all the powers, Dean. I promise. This is only until---"
"No you won't." Dean halted his words.
Dean leaned forward unexpectedly and kissed him. It was passionate and gentle and so unlike anything he'd ever felt from Dean before. He became lost in the moment, so overwhelmed that, when Dean shifted his body to half lay on him, he was grateful. He didn't want the moment to end.
Sam scrunched his eyes shut as Dean kissed his cheek and then started to nibble at his neck. He felt the start of a headache and then…
Dean was touching and teasing his nipples with his tongue. God you're beautiful, Sammy. Maybe I should tell you that?
It took only seconds for Sam to realize that Dean hadn't said anything out loud. What the…? Dean's thoughts were bleeding out and he could hear them.
He'd asked Ruby once, why he could hear and read some people better than others. Her reply was to grin and say something about the heightened state of the person. The more emotional the person was, the more easily Sam could tap into those brainwaves.
He hadn't completely understood until she added, "Joy, anger, fear… lust. They're all strong. It makes it easier for you to grab hold of and twist."
Sam looked down at Dean just as he took Sam into his mouth. He was so hard it hurt and Dean's warm mouth was such a relief.
God… I love how you taste. Please work. It's pretty clear I can't live without you.
"Please work?" Sam mused out loud.
Dean looked up at him with his eyes, but his mouth was still doing obscene things. "Huh?" he said around Sam's cock.
Sam responded by half sitting up and grabbing Dean by the shoulders. He pulled his flailing and disgruntled brother to lay flush on top of him and looked up into his eyes. "What was that all about, Dean?"
Dean smirked down at him. "You like?"
Sam couldn't help but grin. "I'm not talking about the fellatio, Dean."
Dean rolled his hips into him. "Then what?" He grinned suggestively.
"Are you using sex to get me to do something for you?"
Dean's smirk dropped. He lifted up and looked between them at his failing erection. "Way to kill the mood, Sammy," he said and climbed off of him.
"Do something? Like what?" Dean asked with a harsh edge. Shit. Why did you ask that? "Well?" Dean pushed for an answer from Sam.
"This…" He pointed between them. "Your… this… it's really… different."
Dean's face softened. "Look… I told you."
Sam nodded curtly. "Yeah, that we're gonna go our separate ways after we get Lilith." He was suddenly angry. "I used to think you wanted her dead just as much as I do."
"I do! I really do, Sammy, but it's not her death that worries me. It's your method of execution."
Sam sighed. "Yeah, I know." They were going round and round.
And your secrets. I can't stand the secrets between us.
"I don't want to keep things from you, Dean. If this is about Ru…" Sam trailed off when Dean looked at him strange.
"What? I was just thinking that?"
Sam played dumb. "Thinking what?"
"That the distance between us… the secrets… they… they hurt."
Those simple words crushed Sam as the guilt weighed heavier on his shoulders. "I'm sorry."
Don't be sorry, Sammy. Just…
Sam looked at him and bit back the question… 'just what?' Dean hadn't said that out loud either.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" Dean asked.
Sam sat up in the bed. "A proposal."
"You want to get married?" Dean grinned. "I think there are laws against that kind---,"
Sam rolled his eyes. "Deannnn," he whined in frustration.
"Okay, so…" Dean crawled across him and got back under the covers. He threw the other half of the blanket over Sam's legs. "What have you got in mind?"
"Something really different."
"Such as?"
"Honesty. Complete, unadulterated, uncensored honesty."
"I've always been honest with you, Sammy," Dean said quietly.
"Not when you think it's better for me if I don't know. You weren't going to tell me about your deal."
Dean's face hardened, but he reluctantly nodded. "True."
"Tell me, Dean. Be honest. What's with the sudden affection?"
Dean seemed to be studying him. He eyed him with quiet contemplation.
Sam only wondered for a brief second, what he could be thinking and then Dean's thoughts were echoing in his head.
Have I got any chance of influencing you?
"Dean?"
"Part of its true," Dean confessed. "I think… I know… that if you survive Lilith, you won't just give this up. This power… it's like a drug. I can see it, Sam. Now…"
Dean put up his hand to shush Sam when he started speak.
"We've… I don't know… It's like you and I have swapped personalities or something. The love 'em and leave 'em attitude. The one-eyed, single mind set, to go after Lilith. It's me and yellow eyes all over again. I'm telling you, Sam. It can only end badly."
"Bloody or sad," Sam reflected on his brother's words.
"Exactly."
Sam leaned up on his elbow. "Well then if that's our only options, then it makes sense to take her down with us."
"Jesus, Sammy. You just don't get it, do you?"
"Get what?" Sam really didn't understand. "What's this got to do with your sudden need for chick flick?"
"Because I'm supposed to be a righteous man and if I could pull…" Dean blurted out and then stopped suddenly. God… who am I kidding? He took in a deep breath. "Never mind."
"Finish that sentence," Sam demanded and then grinned. "Or there won't be any pulling, ever again."
Dean acknowledged the joke with a small, "huh, very funny, Sam," and rolled away hugging his pillow. "I don't want you to leave me again, Sam , okay? And… I figured if…" You won't 'get' this.
"If?" Any hint of anger in his tone, gone. "Just spit it out," Sam encouraged. "I might even 'get' it."
Dean turned over to face him and narrowed his eyes. I just thought that.
"I can read minds sometimes," Sam confessed out of the blue.
Dean's eyes immediately widened and he whispered, "What?"
"That's what I need to tell you." It wasn't a lie. The blood issue was something else entirely. "That's why I brought up the subject of being honest."
Dean suddenly looked self-conscious. "What do you mean, sometimes?"
"I haven't probed once, Dean. I swear---,"
Liar! "Oh really?"
"I'm not lying about this. You bleed out, when you're emotional."
Dean rolled out of bed and reached for his jeans.
"What are you doing?" Sam asked as he watched Dean pull on the denim.
"What's it look like?" Dean snapped. "And what do you mean, bleed out?" He looked around for his T-shirt and then stomped towards the bathroom.
Sam sprung to his feet and intercepted him at the bathroom door. "Dean, please?"
00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
Dean was seething inside. How long had Sam been reading his thoughts? ' Bleeding out', my ass. "Like I said, Sammy… It's the little things." Dean grabbed his T-shirt off the bathroom sink and slipped it over his head.
"I'm not keeping secrets anymore. I told you. I wanted to come clean with you tonight."
"Well I was right," Dean said and moved to grab his jacket, but Sam snatched it off the hook.
"About what?" Sam held Dean's jacket close to him, out of Dean's reach.
Dean shook his head and smiled sadly. I'm not strong enough to pull you back. I don't think Castiel is either.
"What does that mean?"
"Stop reading my fucking mind!" He screamed into Sam's face.
"I can't help it!"
"You can't help it?" Dean rolled his eyes in exasperation.
"I can't, Dean and that's the truth."
Dean let himself breathe. "And did this just come on all of a sudden, or…?"
"A couple of months ago," Sam said guiltily. "But I swear, Dean. Tonight's the only night I've been able to read you. I haven't even tried."
He didn't want to, but Dean believed him. "How?"
"Ruby got me to see if I could push inside some of the demons' minds. See if I could get information they didn't own up to," Sam explained.
"So you've only used it on demons?"
Sam sighed. "No," he confessed. "Sometimes I think I'd hear people say things and…"
"They were bleeding out." Dean finished the sentence for him.
"Yes. Then Ruby told me to latch onto someone I could hear and… well, I…"
"Yeah, yeah, okay." Dean didn't want to hear anymore. He 'got it'. He knew he was pacing, but he was pumped with adrenaline and beyond edgy.
"I've come clean, Dean. Your turn."
"Okay," Dean snarled as he took two steps forward and shoved Sam hard. When Sam stumbled backwards, Dean advanced and pushed him again, causing Sam to fall back onto the bed.
Dean wasn't sure what was going through his brain at that moment. It was a mixture of anger, betrayal and concern, but to be truthful, it was mostly fear.
He followed Sam onto the bed and pinned him there by straddling his hips. "You wanna know what my plan was, Sam? Huh?" He tightened his thighs. "It was to make you want me…. love me enough that when the time comes for you to stop." He looked fiercely into Sam's eyes. "Then maybe I'd have a chance of convincing you. Maybe I'd have a hope in hell of pulling you back from the edge," he said softly. "And…"
Sam stopped struggling. "And?"
"And if not... At least…" Dean felt himself blush, but he had wanted this for a long time. "At least then I've… we've…"
Sam frowned in question.
"Maybe we really have done a role reversal, or maybe I've just turned into a girl, since I got back from hell, but… At least we will have had this time. Quality time. And when we go down… It'll be together. On the same side."
"My legs are going to sleep," Sam complained quietly.
Dean didn't want to move. He found the closeness… Nice? His brain couldn't quite find a word for it. To be on top of Sam and not be hard or angry. Okay, he cuddled up to him before, but… This is weird.
"Something different, alright," Sam agreed and looked up at him. He'd read his mind. "Weirds a good word."
Dean shifted to lay down with one leg thrown over Sam's knees. His head on Sam's stomach. "I don't want angry sex anymore, Sam… And considering we are both going to hell for it anyhow. I figure it may as well mean something."
Sam shifted his pillow and got comfortable. "You really think I'm gonna turn evil, don't you?"
Dean sighed. "Honestly?" He lifted his head to look Sam in the eyes.
"Of course."
Dean nodded reluctantly. "Yeah, I do, Sammy and I wanna stick around and help try to prevent it, or… "
Sam looked at him and frowned. "Or?"
"Like I said. Pull you back. If you keep using and developing these powers, you're gonna go dark. No ifs, buts, or maybes. We could go our separate ways for a bit, but if we're on opposite sides of the fence, then…" He could hear his own voice breaking as he realized the truth.
Tears started to well in Sam's eyes. "Then, what?"
"I said it once before, Sammy." He looked at Sam, holding back his own tears. "I'd rather die."
"Work with me to get Lilith," Sam said with hope. "We're a good team and with what I have inside me. What I can do now---,"
"We'll be unstoppable," Dean said sadly as he put his head back down on Sam's stomach.
"Exactly," Sam said with a yawn. "We're a good team. We can do this."
Dean sighed with resolve. "And then you give it all up?"
"I swear, Dean… Ruby. The powers… Everything," Sam's hopeful tone was replaced by a sleep-filled one.
Dean didn't exactly know why Ruby was still on the list, but he was too tired to ask and judging from the quiet snore coming from beneath his ear, so was Sam.
Dean closed his eyes and relaxed to the rhythmic feel of his brother's breathing. He was only half a man now. He knew that. Sam had seen it weeks ago. He was weak.
And why hadn't Castiel told him about Sam taking down Alistair? That bothered him. A lot.
Dean blinked and lifted his head quickly when Sam drew in a shuddering breath and moved in his sleep to turn on his side.
He smiled down at the peaceful look on Sam's face and couldn't help the question that slipped into his mind. Did you tell me you'd killed Alistair, just because you knew Castiel would?... Eventually.
Dean rolled away from his brother and settled in. His mind was a jumble and still too active to sleep, but he was determined to try, anyhow.
He was chilly and he concentrated on the body heat that always radiated from Sam, shifting slightly closer. He'd told Sam the truth and he guessed he had to admit to using sex as a way to bind them together, but…em
"It's true," Dean said softly. His words less than a whisper. "I'm sorry that I'm weak. I'm sorry about so much, Sammy. Things have changed since I got back from hell, I know that… and…" Dean could hear the tears in his own voice. "I once promised you, Sam. I once told you that if it's the last thing I do, I was going to save you. I meant it then and I mean it now. If it takes me torturing a thousand Alistairs… I'll do it. It's…" Dean stopped himself from even whispering it. It's kinda like riding a bike " I have to be strong. At least about this. I can pull you back from the brink, Sam. I know I can. "
Dean's instinct was to turn over and move up against Sam's back. He initiated 'cuddling' earlier, but he still hesitated. It was also true that if they were going down, then they could have this, at least for a while.
Dean turned over and moved slowly to lay close to Sam. He could feel the radiant heat from Sam as he spooned him and thought briefly about energies and auras. He wrapped a tentative arm around Sam's waist. When Sam didn't move, he relaxed and closed his eyes.
Dean must have drifted off to sleep quickly, because he woke startled at Sam's voice.
"You know, Dean?" Sam's voice was quiet and yet commanding. "If… If after all that has happened, you're willing to carve up demons to protect me. Knowing there are real people inside of those demons. Then… then maybe we're not so different after all."
Dean slowly drew his hand away, but Sam latched onto it with his own. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." Sam swiped his thumb softly over Dean's knuckles.
Dean sighed sadly and nodded against Sam's back. They were opposite personalities now. Dean the 'caring' one and Sam had taken on the 'if it's evil we kill it' persona.
"Sam," Dean started to say, but frowned and blinked hard when Sam suddenly turned to face him.
"Dean," Sam said with tears in his eyes and Dean put his arms back around Sam's waist.
"What?"
Sam looked fearfully into his eyes. "What if I'm not the one that needs to be pulled back? What if I'm not the one that goes dark and needs to be saved?"
Something bee-lined it's way to the pit of Dean's stomach as he considered that and Sam shifted closer in response.
Wow, Sammy, Dean thought purposely towards Sam.
Tears filled Sam's eyes as he squeezed Dean's thigh.
Dean looked deeply into Sam's eyes. Now that really is… something different.
The End.
Hmmm? Hope you're not too confused. Let me know if you liked. *Hugs each and every one of you!* Zxx