!WARNING: DO NOT READ THIS UNTIL YOU READ THE NOW FINISHED BUFFY THE CLICHÉ SLAYER!
Author's Epitaph: Here lies Steve-0's story-telling ability "We never knew thee."
AN: Okay I swore to myself I wouldn't write a sequel but then again I'm not much for listening to myself. So enjoy.
Buffy the Cliché Slayer 2.0
Chapter 1
"No Log like a Prologue"
The night is dark and murky. Thunder and lightning split the sky asa dark mysterious figure hovers above the ground in front of Sunnydale high. The figure phases through the doors and floats through the barren halls. Finally, it stops abruptly in front of the school library.
"At last" It whispers with a raspy demonic voice.
It holds out an outstretched palm and the door unlocks and opens by itself. The figure enters the library and heads straight for the computer. Pointing a bony finger at the monitor, the creature shoots a spark from its fingertip. The computer suddenly is turned on, logged in, and has opened a web browser. The figure sits down at the desk and waves its hand over the keys. The words "http/www.wetnylons.c0m" appear in the bar. The creature waves its hand backward and the letters are deleted.
"Business before pleasure." It says to itself and then waves its hand over the keyboard again. This time the letters www. fanfiction.c0m appear in the box.
"Much better." The figure smiles, and with a crack of lightning, the figure sucks itself into the screen while Mephistophelean laughter fills the room.
Meanwhile…In a Dukes of Hazard slash fic.
"I wish I knew how to quit you, Bo." Luke said as he wrapped his arms around Bo's waist. The Duke boys ran away in fear. Suddenly the sky opened up and Steve-0 and Bob the Universal Janitor fell out.
Steve-0 scrambled to his feet and ducked behind the Robert E. Lee.
"NOT IN THE FACE! NOT IN THE FACE!" He pleaded as he dodged the mop being swung at him. Suddenly Bob stopped.
"Wait, do you feel that?"
"FEEL WHAT?"
"I sense a great disturbance in the force." Bob said quietly.
"YOU'RE THINKING OF THE STAR WARS FANFIC YOU CHASED ME THROUGH FIVE FANFICS AGO." Steve-0 said. Bob winced.
"No, you idiot, you don't feel that? Something really dark and evil has uploaded itself in the nexus." Steve-0 arched his brow as if he was trying to sense something.
"YOU'RE RIGHT. I FEEL IT TOO. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?" Steve-0 said seriously.
"Yes, I do."
"WE CAN DO ANOTHER CLICHÉ SLAYER SEQUEL!" Bob slapped his forehead. "MAGIC 8-BALL, TAKE ME TO THE BUFFYVERSE!" Steve-0 shouted as he pulled a magic 8-ball out of his pocket and used to open up a portal. He then proceeded to leap through it with a giddy laugh, and the portal closed behind him.
"Hey. HEY! You can't just leave me here!" Bob shouted at the sky. Just then a gunshot was fired at his feet. A portly man in a sheriff's uniform stood before Bob with a smoking shotgun.
"We don't take too kindly to fornicators here in Hazard County, boy."
The Magic Box.
Buffy, Anya, Xander, Willow, Spike, and Giles were lazing about inside the store. Times have been tough for the Scooby gang since Steve-0 gave them the happily ever after ending in his previous fanfic. There hadn't been any threats of vampires, demons, dark gods, evil politicians, or albino killer mimes, and so everyone was actually quite bored.
"Hey Spike. Are you thinking about turning evil again?" Xander asked anxiously trying to drum up some excitement.
"For the bloody thousandth time NO! Now if you ask me again…"
"You'll turn evil, and raise an entire army of vampires to take over Sunnydale?" Xander inquired anxiously.
"NO!"
"Leave Spike alone, honey. Besides if I had to pick which one of us snaps and goes evil again, I'd pick Willow."
"Why me?"
"Because you did it before."
"So did you! Plus you were evil to begin with!" Willow said defensively.
"Guys chill!" Buffy yelled. "Ugh, if I ever get my hands on that scrawny little twerp, Steve-0, for abandoning us here. I'll…" Just then a portal opened up and Steve-0 stepped out.
"HEY KIDS, REMEMBER ME!" Steve-0 smiled.
"Get him!" Giles shouted. Steve-0 quickly moved into his attack stance. (Cowering in the fetal position.)
"GAH! DON'T HURT ME!"
"Give me one good reason to not show you the wrong end of Mr. Pointy." Buffy growled grabbing Steve-0 by the short collar.
"I GAVE YOU GUYS A PERFECT WORLD TO LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER IN. DON'T BE SO UNGRATEFUL."
"Ungrateful, we're bloody bored is what we are." Spike grumbled.
"Yes, and some of us have acting careers we have to get back to…I mean, Willow has an acting career she has to get back to." Giles said
"It's okay, How I Met Your Mother is on hiatus." Willow shrugged.
"GOOD. BECAUSE I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT FOR YOU SIX."
"No way." Buffy said.
"Yeah, count us out." Xander concurred.
"BUT…"
"After the hell you put us through last time, what makes you think we'd go through that again?" Anya told him as they started to leave.
"ANYA."
"Yeah, find yourself six more suckers." Spike said as he snuffed out his cigarette.
"SPIKE".
One by one the six Scoobies left the Magic box, as Willow shut the door behind her.
"GREAT. NOW WHAT DO I DO?" Steve-0 sank to his knees. "WAIT, I GOT IT."
Flashback: Doodled, Doodled, Doodeedoo
"Yeah, find yourself six more suckers." Spike said as he snuffed out his cigarette.
"SPIKE".
End Flashback: Doodeedoo, Doodeedoo, Doodeedoo.
"I'LL SUMMON SIX NEW SCOOBIES TO FIGHT AGAINST THIS NEW EVIL. SCREW THOSE FAN FAVORITES! MAGIC 8-BALL HERE MY REASON SEND ME A REP FROM SIX OF THE SEVEN SEASONS!" Steve- placed the Magic 8-ball on the floor and it began to shake, hum, and glow with an eerie blue light. Suddenly a beam of light shot from the eight and opened up a portal. A young teenage girl adorned in jewelry and carrying a golden hubcap fell out.
"KLYPTOMANIAC SEASON SIX DAWN YOU HAVE BEEN SUMMONED."
Just then a nerdy, nervous English man carrying a copy of Tiger Beat magazine also fell out of the portal.
"PEDOPHILE SEASON THREE WESLEY YOU HAVE BEEN SUMMONED"
"I say, w-what is the meaning of this?" Wesley stuttered and then he caught a glimpse of Dawn. "Well, hello there. How old are you, little girl?"
"UBER-BITCH SEASON ONE CORDILLIA YOU HAVE BEEN SUMMONED."
Steve-0 said as a raven-haired girl clad in designer clothes fell from the portal.
"Nevermind. I just saw an angel fall from heaven. Excuse me, miss, do you need a hand?" Wes said as he made his way to Cordillia.
"Don't even think of approaching me, nerd." Cordy snapped.
Just then a scrawny grungy redhead fell from the portal.
"Ouch."
"JUST REGULAR SEASON TWO OZ YOU HAVE BEEN SUMMONED."
"I don't even have any powers, and I was hardly even on the show at that point." Oz said.
Just then another figure fell from the portal.
"FRESH OUT OF THE COMA SEASON FOUR FAITH."
"What the hell? I was only in like two episodes in that season! Why didn't you pluck me out of season three?"
"I ALREADY HAD A REPRESENATIVE FROM SEASON THREE."
"Then what about Season Seven? I was pretty big in that season." Faith said. Steve-0 pointed to the portal and a rotting corpse in a dress fell to the floor.
"SEASON SEVEN TARA YOU HAVE BEEN SUMMONED."
Faith sighed. "Anything for a lame joke. Huh?"
TO BE CONTINUED….