Arrancar Dreamtime
Note: I do not own Bleach. I got this idea from a Naruto story called "The Dream Machine." I'm sorry since it's nowhere near as funny though. Dreams will be in italics.
Morning in the world of darkness is as dreadful as always. Szayel wrapped up his new invention with many different tapes. There was one for each Espada and many more for their Fracción and others. He also had a tape with a big purple "Aizen" on it. He laughed his heart out and left to Aizen's meeting.
Aizen spoke, "Welcome, all of the arrancar, to our meeting. We will now show 8th Espada Szayel Aporro Granz's invention and its results."
Grimmjow snored off as Wonderweiss stared into the middle of nowhere. Mila Rose and Apache argued in a corner.
Szayel stepped up and spoke, "These are the results of my latest experiment. Using my new memory recorder, I have recorded all of your dreams last night.
A very pissed off Apache screamed, "That's invading our privacy! Get over here! I'm going to punch you in the-."
Szayel coughed and placed the first cassette into the TV.
In Coyote's dream, there was a sea of beanbags and pillows with barely moving clouds. There was only silence as clouds floated by. The entire group stood hypnotized for 10 minutes before Lilynette and Nnoitra attacked Szayel, smashing him into a wall.
"C'mon! Give me a break! I don't want to watch this boring $#!+!" yelled Nnoitra.
Lilynette complained and Szayel inserted the next cassette.
In Lilynette's dream, there was Coyote being beaten up and mutilated in various ways, from his crotch being hit by a basketball to his hair being incinerated with a cero. Lilynette cried out war cries throughout the dream as blood erupted from Coyote. A giant axe smashed into his chest and blood spurted out in various directions.
Coyote wondered what his other half was really thinking and yawned.
Szayel then prepared the next set.
Baraggan's dream erupted as a desert full of blood, mutilated bodies, and a dark night sky full of chains and other sharp weapons coated in a layer of red blood. The sand was dripping and the bodies of Aizen, Gin, and Tosen were under guillotines. The chains snapped and their heads were lopped off.
Gin shivered and a drop of sweat dripped from his forehead as he watched.
Aizen's head laughed in a creepy manner and blood pooled out onto the sandy ground. Gin's head was left in its infinitely insane smile with eyes still in their fox shape. Then a giant cero vaporized the three and blasted the rest of the machinery into the black sky.
Apache, Lilynette, Mila Rose, Sun Sun, Wonderweiss, and Dordonii stated at the carnage and tried to ignore it. Zommari commented on how unethical it was. Cirucci turned her head away and waited for the others.
Szayel stated that he was missing Findor's and those of Ggio, Nirgge, and Poww. He inserted Aviramma's.
Aviramma danced naked, screaming various cries of carnage while staring at a pole with a stuffed doll attached to it, as if praying. Many equally disturbing arrancar watched him, including shinigami such as Kira, abeit without any muscle and with pudgy arms. He twirled in a rather awkward way and bowed down to the ground.
Gin wondered if that was truly how Aviramma saw Kira. The girls looked away and Aviramma smiled before asking a random arrancar if he was sexy. She replied, "No! Get away from me, you creep!" Aviramma collapsed and Grimmjow stated, "She likes me more than she likes you." Aviramma demanded to know why Grimmjow was better than he was. Ggio sarcastically explained, "It's because he's an Espada and you're a weak Fracción like me." Aviramma shut up as Cuuhlhourne's dream entered the TV.
Many roses bloomed in a world of flowers. Cuuhlhourne in his Resurrección danced in the field like a ballerina and his ugly face crowded the screen. Yumichika then appeared. Cuuhlhourne blew a flower to him and it exploded in his face, blowing him into a thorny bush. Cuuhlhourne gave a disturbing laugh and danced away.
Apache retched in disgust as Cuuhlhourne himself began to dance. A kunai then ripped his hair off, leaving him bald.
Grimmjow held the knife and sat back down. Szayel momentarily coughed and inserted the next tape.
In Harribel's dream, an ocean awaited and the sun shone. Nothing happened for the next 20 minutes. Fish swam.
Szayel blinked and inserted Apache's.
Apache and Mila Rose argued in the woods. "Hey, you. I will protect Harribel-sama better than you will." "No, you flat-chested idiot, I will." The two continued to argue throughout the night.
Apache blinked and frowned. Szayel had lost Mila Rose's and Sun Sun's, so he inserted Ulquiorra's dream.
In a pitch-black area, Ulquiorra talked to himself. "What is a heart? What are feelings? My eye sees all, so it must not exist. Yet it does. Why? If I cannot see it, …"
Ulquiorra wondered why he was still acting as if he was an emotionless being with no personality whatsoever.
Szayel put in Nnoitra's next. He smiled patiently.
"DESTROY EVERYTHING!" "DESTROY!" "CERO!" The wide ray killed off an army of shinigami. A series of bala smashed Grimmjow into a wall, wiping his crotch out and making him bleed. Nnoitra laughed maniacally, firing ceros at the other Espada.
Baraggan and Grimmjow stared at Nnoitra and then Grimmjow jumped off, slashing Nnoitra across the chest. He demanded to know why Nnoitra did such a thing. Nnoitra's answer? "Because I felt like it."
As half of the wall caved in, Szayel put in Grimmjow's. Unfortunately, it malfunctioned and the tapes for his Fracción smashed into Nnoitra's face. Tesla watched as his tape was bashed against Cirucci's head. She slashed it in half immediately and Zommari's went in.
Meditation. Meditation. Meditation. Meditation. Meditation.
Once the fighting ceased, Yammy asked if Zommari had always been so dull. Aaroniero's was next.
Aaroniero waited in the Forest of Menos, killing and absorbing thousands of hollows and menos. He happily took in an Adjuchas and cackled as the meat flowed into his body. His disgusting body blowed and wiggled in a very strange manner.
Aaroniero blinked and Szayel stated that Yammy's dream consisted of eating and sleeping.
Wonderweiss was next, and his was just a dull series of nothingness. The Privaron Espada had nothing worthwhile to see, so they left. Their dreams consisted of dancing and destruction. Rudobone's consisted of nothingness as well, except with laughing in the background and white trees scattered all over with heads dangling instead of fruit.
Finally, Tosen's went in. There seemed to be a malfunction and it exploded. Gin chuckled as his went in.
A world of blood dripped from nothingness as Gin laughed on and on. Then he jumped out into…
Szayel turned blue.
…Matsumoto Rangiku's supersized watermelons!
Grimmjow ignored the tightening in his pants as Szayel's dream went in. Szayel, wondering what his dream was like, eagerly awaited.
In a secret laboratory, Szayel carefully examined the corpses of the Espada and their Fracción. He gave Harribel a poke and flicked Grimmjow's perfect body in a way so that it looked more like Aaroniero, who looked like a mutant because of his head. Aaroniero had no real structure and Szayel took him down for experimentation, first cutting the head open and pulling things out of the body. He poked the fat covered body and chuckled before stabbing Ulquiorra with a finger. He gave a horrifying laugh as he took Grimmjow's body down and began to play with it in a very ... interesting manner.
-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-CENSORED-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-
Grimmjow asked how Szayel knew exactly what they looked like, sword behind his back. He jumped out and the other Espada soon joined in with the fight. As curses erupted, Aizen picked up his own dream and left with Gin and Tosen. Grimmjow landed a massive wound on Szayel's head and Szayel attempted to poke his sword between his legs. Grimmjow dodged and Aaroniero smashed Nejibana into his face. They continued to massacre Szayel and Sun Sun chuckled far off.
The End
To my viewers,
I'm sorry if the fic wasn't very funny. I do have a Bleach adventure fic called The Resurrection. There is also a poll for it and a forum for Kido hidden deep in the pile. Thanks for reading!