Home of Phil and Elaine Ceretta
Oyster Bay, NY
February 4, 2006
7:30 pm
"Did you have enough to eat, Mike?" Phil asked, handing Logan a bottle of beer and then sitting down on the sofa.
"More than enough," Logan agreed, "Don't tell Kate, but Elaine's stuffed shells are my favorite."
"Your secret's safe," Phil nodded, then, "Looks like married life is agreeing with you."
Logan smiled, "Yeah, it is."
"I'm not gonna lie to you. When Donnie Cragen called to tell me that you got hitched, I thought he'd gone back to the bottle," Phil laughed.
"Sometimes, I have trouble believing it myself," he admitted, taking a drink of beer. After he swallowed, he said, "Every now and then, it hits me."
"Second thoughts?"
Logan shook his head, "Not for me. She kinda freaked out a few times in the first couple of days."
"Well, shit, Mike, she must've been in shock. After all that time, you pop the question and then actually go through with a wedding? I don't blame her one bit."
'It's funny. Last time, I didn't want to commit, even though we weren't seeing anybody else. I didn't even want to think about moving in together. This time, I'm the one who brought it up."
"Times change, people change."
"Shit, ten years on Satan's Island is enough to change anybody," Logan sniffed.
"Ah, you know what they say? You gotta hit bottom before you can rebuild."
Logan laughed. "You reading fortune cookies or something?"
"Or something," Phil agreed. "Sitting around here, looking out at the water makes you think. Sometimes you think too damn much."
"You do need a hobby."
"That's what Elaine keeps saying." Phil drank a mouthful of beer. "You know, me and Elaine are going to celebrate our 35th Anniversary this year."
"Shit, that's amazing. How the hell do you do it?"
"My father-in-law told me that the secret to having a good marriage is all in the "double D's"."
"Double D's? Let me guess, your mother-in-law was stacked?"
"I'm not talkin' tits, Mike," Phil laughed. "My father-in-law used to say the two things you need to remember to keep your marriage working were details and dedication. You pay attention to the details, the little shit that she doesn't think you notice. Remember the stupid little things. And have the dedication to keep working at the day to day shit." Phil studied his former partner. "You two are still on your honeymoon. Wait til the pipes burst, or the heater goes or something like that. That's the true test."
Realization hit Logan between the eyes. "Come to think of it, we haven't really fought lately."
"You will," was Phil's knowing reply. "Give it time."
"Great, something to look forward to…"
"You guys plan on having a family?"
Logan opened his mouth to speak, but Phil stopped him.
"Yeah, I know the story, Mike. What about Kate? She want kids?"
"We don't talk about it," Logan replied, refusing to let his mind wander down that road.
"Don't you think you should?"
"You know Kate, if it was important to her, she'd bring it up."
Phil laughed. "Okay, education time. You know you're walking around on egg shells trying to make her happy, aren't you?"
"No."
"Bullshit," he dismissed. "It may not be that dramatic, but you're worried about pissing her off, admit it. You don't want to be the one to burst the bubble on this happy little thing you've got going."
"Well…"
"Ever think she was doing the same thing?" Phil smiled fondly. "Look, Mike, I'm not telling you this to scare you. I'm telling you this out of experience. You guys need to stop trying to be the perfect Mr. and Mrs. Logan and go back to being Mike and Kate. Blemishes and all."
Logan studied his beer bottle for a second. "You ever get tired of being right all the time?"
"No, but you'll be the first one I call if I ever do," Phil laughed.
"So now what? I go pick a fight with her to get it over with?"
"Nah, just relax," he knowingly said. "It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that you guys are good together. You guys have a long history; you've been through a lot. It's not all going to fall to hell because you argue over the credit card bill or who drank the last of the milk."
Logan shook his head, "I'm gonna call you when she chews my ass out for drinking out of the milk carton."
"Yeah? You do that. Elaine's been chewing me out for doing it for 35 years."
"Why don't I doubt that?"
9:30 pm
"You sure you're okay driving?" Kate asked as they drove onto the Long Island Expressway.
"I'm fine," he said, squeezing her hand.
"Good," she smiled, kicking off her shoes and stretching out her legs, "Cuz I ate enough for three people and am pretty damn uncomfortable right now."
"So the huge piece of chocolate cake was a mistake?" he teased.
"Oh, hell no," she laughed, "Chocolate cake can never be a mistake."
"Phil looks good, doesn't he?"
"Yeah, retirement's agreeing with him. Now, if only his retirement would agree with Elaine."
"He needs to find a hobby."
"Or something," she mused, then, "Can you picture us like that, Mikey?"
"Retired to a big old house on Oyster Bay?" he shrugged. "Or with me getting under your feet all the time."
"Both. We never talk about the future. I just wondered how you pictured it. Or if you even think about it."
"I don't know," he admitted, "I don't really think about it." He pulled his eyes from the road for a moment and studied her. "You do, don't you?"
"I do," she nodded. "I never used to let myself, but since we got married, I figured I can get away with it."
"So, let me guess," he said with a smile, "You picture us in some nice house down on the Jersey shore."
"No," she laughed, "I picture us living in the city, just the way we are now."
He raised a brow, "Really?"
"Really. I wouldn't dream of taking you out of Manhattan."
"I'd go, you know. To the Jersey Shore."
"You would, but you wouldn't be happy." He opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off, "Admit it, Mikey. I know you want to say you'd be happy to just be with me, but come on. After four days in Vegas, you were itching to get home to your familiar haunts." When he didn't respond, she went on, her tone soft, "I'm not saying that's a bad thing. I'm just saying that's what would make you happy."
"And what about you?"
"I'd be happy," she said, with a smile. "You'll retire a good ten years before me. By the time I retire, you'll be settled into your routine and I'll have missed all that walking around lost and looking for something to do part of the program."
He looked at her out of the corner of his eyes. "Can I ask you something?"
"What?"
"Do you still have second thoughts about getting married?"
"Where did that come from?"
He shrugged.
"Mikey, I'll admit that I was in shock for the first day or two, but I don't doubt our decision at all." She stopped, suddenly concerned that maybe he was the one having second thoughts. "Why? Are you having second thoughts?"
"Me? No," he quickly said, then, "Some of the stuff Phil said got me thinkin', that's all."
"About?"
"Nah," he turned and gave her a smile, "You know what happens when I think too damn much." He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it.
"Nice try, Detective Logan," she softly laughed. "This is me you're talking to, here. What's really bothering you?"
"I gotta ask you something," he began, still looking straight ahead. "And I want you to be honest with me."
"Okay."
"Do you want kids?"
"Do I want kids?" she looked at him, confused.
"Yeah, do you?"
"Mikey, we're not having kids," she dismissed.
"Why not?"
"Because you…"
"Me," he repeated. "Because of me. What about you? What do you want?"
"Mikey…what the hell's going on here?"
Logan pulled the car over onto the shoulder and put it in to park. "I asked you a question. Do you want to have children?"
"Why are you asking me that? I know the way you feel…"
"Forget me. Forget what I feel. What do you want?" he insisted.
"I can't forget you and what you feel," she returned.
"So you're going to put what you want aside because of me and my problems?"
"Why are you jumping my shit over this?" she shot back, "Jesus, Mike. Yeah, I used to want kids. When we were younger I'd picture us with a couple of kids. But then we broke up and my life went on. I stopped thinking about it, just like I stopped thinking about being a movie star and marrying Sting." She massaged her temples. "I don't get this. We were fine with this issue…shit, it wasn't even an issue. Now you've gone and made it one."
"Katie," he began, "I'm just trying to tell you that I don't want you to put what you want aside for me."
"I don't," she protested.
"Do you want to have kids?" he repeated.
Kate took a deep breath and released it. He was frustrating the hell out of her and she was losing her patience. "What do you want me to say, Mike? That I do want to have kids? That I'm going to hate you til the day I die because you're robbing me of my chance to have kids?"
"If it's true, yeah."
"Well it isn't true," she shot back. "If I wanted kids so goddamned bad, I'd have had them by now. You don't need a husband to raise a kid and I've known enough men I could have used as sperm donors."
"Oh, that's just lovely," he rolled his eyes.
"What do you want me to say, Mike? I'm telling you the truth. For God's sake, I'm 40 years old and you've got 10 years on me. We've just got married, we're just figuring out what we want to do with our lives together."
"And that's my point. If you wanted to have a kid, you don't have much time left to do it…"
"Stop!" she snapped. "Please? Don't do this to me, Mikey."
"But…"
"No, no buts. Please. We've had a nice dinner with Phil and Elaine. I was looking forward to just going home, getting into bed and watching the rest of the Islanders game." She looked out the window.
"Whatever," he dismissed, putting the car back into drive and pulling back out onto the highway.
Apartment of Mike and Kate Logan
10:30 pm
Kate lay in bed watching the hockey game. She'd had a pounding headache since the ride home and contemplated getting out of bed to get a Tylenol. Logan had decided to take a walk after they got home. He said he wanted to clear his head. She wished she could clear hers.
"So," Logan's voice began, causing her to look at the doorway. "I thought maybe, you'd want to share some ice cream with me while we watched the game." He held up a pint of Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia and two spoons.
"Where'd you get that?" she asked, a hint of smile playing on her lips.
"I walked down to Izzy's All Night Deli," he admitted, sitting on the bed next to her and handing her a spoon. He took the lid off of the ice cream and sat it on the nightstand, "Here you get first spoon."
She looked at him with a dubious smile, and then dug out a large spoon of ice cream out of the container.
He watched as she placed the ice cream in her mouth and chewed on a large chunk of chocolate. He'd done just what Phil told him not to do. He provoked them into a fight. He'd picked a subject he knew would work and pushed her right into an argument. Of course, he didn't realize what he was doing at the time. If he had, he'd have stopped himself. Now, he felt like a jerk.
"I thought we were sharing," she said, digging out another spoonful. "Come on…" she smiled, bringing the spoon to his lips, "You know you want it…"
He allowed her to feed him the ice cream, watching as a smile spread across her features. "I'm sorry, Katie. I was being a total dickhead in the car and I'm sorry."
"Well," she mused, "You pissed me off…but it's been a while since you've done that. I was starting to wonder if we both got soft or something."
"Why didn't you say something?"
"What was I supposed to do? Come home and say, "Oh by they way, Mikey, we haven't had a good argument in a long time, why don't you do something stupid to provoke one?" she wryly asked.
"That's what I did anyway."
"True," she allowed. "But I think we needed it. We were kinda bordering on nauseating in the romance and fluff department."
"We were, weren't we?"
"Yeah," she nodded. She placed another spoon of ice cream into her mouth. After swallowing it, she spoke. "Not to bring it all back up again, but, if I would have said I really did want kids, what would you have done?"
He thought for a moment, "If it was that important to you, we'd have kids."
"You mean that, don't you?"
He nodded.
Kate leaned over and kissed him. "And that's why I love you."
"Hm…that's the only reason?" he kissed her again.
"No, there are more reasons…"
Reaching back, he set the ice cream on the night stand and pulled her into his arms. "If you change your mind," he began.
"Have you changed your mind?"
"No," he honestly replied.
"Well then," she smartly returned. "Why don't we get a dog instead?"
"A dog?"
"Yeah, it's like having a kid, only I don't have to carry it for nine months," she laughed.
"And infants don't exactly deter thieves."
"No, not at all," she agreed, laughing.
"So, we're good?"
"We're good."