This chapter brought to you by: PlaidMonster-

Here is a fic, made by me
for me and my friend
(who is trapped in
Italy for a while)
so I made this
fic for her
pleasure
and mine
so… bear with
me, I hope it tickles
Your funny bones in all
the right (and wrong *JK*) ways.
Btw, this takes place in the year 2011.

"EILEEN!" My best friend called me from across our favorite store, Hot Topic, "Come here NOW! I NEED to buy this Ravenclaw shirt!"

"As long as you get me a Slytherin one," I called from across the room.

"I CAN'T AFFORD THIS!" She yelled in disgust and I heard he loudly put the shirt on back on the rack and storm to my side, "Each one is like $20!"

I rolled my eyes and said, "Well, buy it on eBay or something," as I looked through some clearance items.

"Hello!" She said, lightly slapping my arm, "This is when the GOOD friend buys it for me,"

I snickered and replied, "I'm in Slytherin, remember? I don't always do the right thing,"

"You can't keep using that excuse!" Alison laughed and walked back over to the Harry Potter section, "How about I buy my shirt and you buy yours?"

"Deal," I laughed and walked over. When I finished browsing I huffed in disgust and said, "They don't have that Snape shirt anymore!"

Alison shrugged, "Sucks for you then,"

I laughed, "Some friend you are!" I turned to leave the store when Alison held my arm and said, "Wait! Aren't you going to buy something?"

"No," I sneered, "If this place doesn't have my Snape shirt, than I am NOT buying ANYTHING. Traitors!" I screamed the last part and some people in the mall stared. I laughed. Some people really don't have lives.

"Fine," She said, "I'm buying my Ravenclaw shirt. Meet me near the bench over by the exist,"

"Sure, sure," I waved and headed over to the bench.

Let me explain. Alison and I live in Virginia, in the United States, and we both are witches. I am a half-blood, and Alison is a Pureblood. We both are 16. I am a year and about a month older than she is.

My mother is a witch (a very good one as well) and my dad is a muggle (a very good one as well) and a middle school teacher. I'm one of the lucky Half-bloods.

When my mother told my father that she was a witch, my mother thought he would scream off and tell her magic isn't real and put her in a mental institute. But, my father responded with one word,

"Wicked,"

My father isn't jealous that he isn't a wizard, he is actually happy. He has always wanted to be different, and being the only Muggle in our family definitely makes him different!

Even though I am a half-blood, I still grew up in the muggle world. My mother taught me and Alison everything magical at home, but we still went to muggle events, had muggle friends, and did typical muggle things—like going to the mall.

Alison, on the other hand, was not as lucky.

Her parents were strict Muggle-born and Muggle haters. They believed only Wizards and witches should walk the earth.

The only reason why they could stand a Half-blood like me, was because my father understood us, and truly loved my mother.

Yeah, yeah, whatever. I don't believe it at all (not the dad and mom love, but Alison's parent's).

Mr. and Mrs. Blair hated everything muggle. So it was very suspicious as to why they liked us so much.

Then it hit me. Money. If there is one thing muggles and wizards have in common, is their lust for money.

But, as much and her parents loved money, they loved Alison next. So, when Alison's parents died, they left her to stay with my family and me.

Of course, my parents were more than happy to take Alison in, as was I, but my parents did know that the two Blair parents were scumbags and "money whores" as my mother says.

"Spends money, just to get money" She says.

Alison and I were already best friends, but not just because we were both witches, living in a muggle world, but because we both shared a love for a series of books.

The best books in the world. The Harry Potter books.

We would read and re-read, then read the series backwards, as we did with the movies.

We loved them. Unfortunately, so did all the muggles.

You see, when the books came out, wizards across the world were trying to put the witch, J.K Rowling "in her place" for writing a book and accidently published it to the muggle world. She was also a bit…psycho.

So yes, the beloved Harry Potter books are real.

Actually, the story line isn't real. Just, everything about wizards and witches and a magical world are.

Luckily, Muggles ate up the series, but still don't believe in the magical world. Morons, sometimes. I mean, really!

We spit right in their faces and they think it's an accident. Honestly.

Anyway, so Alison and I are the only two witches that we know of, who actually read the series.

I know they were published years ago, but they were panned from Britain, where the story takes place. So, none of the wizards and witches there know of this story.

Sad, actually. The books are phenomenal.

Anyway, back to the present!

Today is July 16, 2011. Yes, we saw Deathly Hallows part two at midnight on the 14th.

Duh. We are the ultimate Harry Potter fans. I cried when Snape died. Alison cried when she saw Remus and Tonks dead, hands almost touching. I cried there, too.

By the time I reached the bench, I saw Alison running at top speed, Hot Topic bag flaring everywhere. She really is an embarrassment sometimes.

"What's wrong?" I asked the panting Alison.

"Your…parent's!" She exclaimed through pants and sat down on the bench in a heap, "Your mom sent…her patronous to me… in the middle of my…checkout!"

I ran a hand through my hair and said, "What did the cashier say?"

"Nothing, he didn't notice. Luckily," She added.

"Well, what did the patronous say?"

"I was trying so hard to shoo the dog patronous away, that I only heard a 'come home',"

I sighed and said, "Alright lets go to the bathroom," and stood up.

"But the bathroom is disgusting, Eileen!" She whined. I just rolled my eyes and grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the bathroom across the hall.

As soon as we walked to the bathroom, we walked over to the sitting area. After all the women left and we were all alone, I said,

"Alright, grab my arm," I said.

"It's so gross in here," She complained and pinched her nose with one hand, and with the other, grabbed my arm.

We Apparated to my house.

Here in America, we can Apparate at the age of 15, and we can be a registered Amnigus at 16. I am a registered White Tiger, and Alison is a registered Black Panther.

"Hey, mom! We're home!" I called as soon as we walked inside the house. I usually Apparated in my backyard so none of the Muggles would see us.

"Mom?" I asked and stepped into the kitchen.

"Hey, Eileen, come look at this," Alison called from the living room.

I walked over and she handed me a note. It read,

Eileen and Alison,

Your father (and god-father) has been taken by some wizard investigators in Britain, Aurors, and they believe that your father is a dark wizard. It's preposterous I KNOW, because he is a muggle, but we can't fight it right now. The hearing is late tonight, so we may not be home until tomorrow because we may stay in a hotel.

Send a patronous if you need to,

Mom

We re-read the letter aloud, and Alison sat on the couch laughing her head off.

"Stop it, Alison!" I chided angrily, "This is serious! It's like the wizard police have my father!"

She replied after her fit of laughter, "They must be mad! He's a MUGGLE! Not that that's bad or anything, it's just…Sweet Jesus can't they tell the difference between muggles and wizards? My God!"

She had a point. It's so messed up.

"Anyway, so we got the house to ourselves," Alison raised her eyebrows suggestively and said, "Shall we throw a party?" But she pronounced party Par-Tay.

I laughed and said, "No way. I have homework that I need to do,"

"Homework? Psh! It's Saturday!"

"And?"

"Do it tomorrow," She whined. I laughed and replied,

"No thanks, Ali. You stay here and watch a nice Harry Potter movie. I think there is popcorn in the pantry and there is chocolate in the fridge,"

"You got me at Harry Potter movie,"

I laughed and through Half-Blood Prince on the couch next to her.

"Thanks Eilee," she called as I headed up the stairs to my room. I grabbed my books and through them on the floor and began reading a book on Poly Juice Potion.

"Easy," I said.

I was taught how to brew Poly Juice when I was 13. Piece of cake. It was funny. I brew it in secret on April Fool's day and turned into Alison.

The look on her face when she saw herself—Priceless.

I walked over to my potions supply closet next to my bathroom and pulled out all of the ingredients to make a Poly Juice Potion. I had a test on it this Wednesday, and the potions should be completed on Monday.

Grabbing the ingredients I needed to add to my almost-completed potion, I set them on the table and hit the "play" button on my iPod and "Uprising" by Muse began to play.

I'm more of an Alternative Rock and early 2000s kind of girl than a super pop diva. Eww. Gross.

Humming the melody, I add the last bit of ingredients, and then put the potion away to let it simmer until Sunday night.

After everything was put away and my homework was done, I realized how late it was. 10. Hmm. I thought I started at around 7.

Well, you know what they say. Time flies when you're having fun.

I grabbed my wand out of my combat boots that I wore everywhere and pointed at my fireplace and softly said, "Incendio" and the wood caught fire.

I smiled and curled up with a nice potion book and started reading.

Potions was my favorite (and best) subject. Transfiguration and Charms were Ali's best (and favorite).

Just then I heard a soft knock on my window. Grabbing my wand in hand and mentally thinking of some offensive and defensive spells I made my way indirectly toward the soft, slow, but continuous tapping.

Then I remembered something from the Harry Potter books that always made me laugh. Something that Mad-Eye Moody would always say. I would also scream it out of the windows to scare passing neighbors.

Constant vigilance.

I held my wand tightly and spun in circles dramatically and edged my way toward the window. Constant vigilance, constant vigilance, constant vigilance. I kept repeating over and over in my head.

When I finally got to the window, I opened it and had my wand right at my side. Sticking my head out, I looked around.

I heard a swishing noise around my head and I instinctively pulled back. My heart raced fast in my chest, and I looked around.

Nothing. Odd. It felt…like an odd sensation. Like, a ghost passing through me. Not that I have actually ever felt a ghost passing through me.

I dared myself to move closer to the window, and I cautiously stuck my head out the window again. All of a sudden, the same sensation came over me, and I was forced back a few feet away.

My wand flew out of my hand, but I was frozen in fear on the floor in my bedroom.

Two men Apparated into my room. Well, through the window I guess.

The taller one was tall (at least 6'2) and had thin, shoulder length black hair and a long, slightly hooked nose (Yes, yes I know I am giving an almost perfect description of Severus Snape, but I couldn't place who it was). He wore long black robes and matching jacket and pants and shoes. They guy must either be a black fan, or emo.

The shorter one might have been a little taller than I was (so about 5'7) and had untidy, black hair. I knew who he was just by looking at his forehead.

But…how? Harry….Potter? He…he didn't actually exist did he?

I…I would have known…right? The boy-who-lived? The idiot child who never died? And…was that…Severus Snape next to him?

I groaned and held my throbbing head. This didn't make any sense. I would call for Alison to see if this was some prank, but she would have been here by now, laughing her curly brown head off.

I looked into the Alan Rickman look-alike's eyes and said, "Are… Are you Severus Snape?"

He looked at me oddly before saying in the voice that I feel in love with in the first Harry Potter film, "Yes. And you are Eileen Chatzi, right?"

The only thing that didn't keep me from passing out was his stare. He looked me dead in the eyes, and didn't move them.

I broke eye contact when I could finally breathe evenly and turned to whom I believed to be Harry Potter, "And…you're that Potter boy right?"

I never liked him. I'm a Slytherin, and I don't like big-headed morons like Potter… even if I can be a bit big-headed myself.

It's the Gryffindor "courage" that I really hate. Some Gryffindors are truly courageous, and others are just stupid.

Like Potter.

"Harry Potter yes," He said with a small smile. DAMN HIM! He's trying to get on my good side…

I probably looked like an idiot sitting on the ground, looking up at the perplexing strangers, so I stood up and staggered toward Severus.

"Excuse me," I said and touched his face, "I have to make sure you're real,"

"What?" He asked blushing. Aww. I blushed a bit, too but kept my ground and said,

"You…you aren't supposed to exist," I said.

"I assure you, Miss Chatzi…I exist,"

I paused a bit…wait…if…does he…Urgh! This makes no sense! Okay, let's say, for arguments sake, that these to people in here aren't hallucinations and J.K Rowling's wonderful world of Harry Potter is real. I mean, like the characters and plot line is real. Then…wouldn't Severus be…dead.

"You're… you're alive!" I said in moronic belief, before I realized how idiotic I sounded.

"I went over this. Yes. I am alive," He muttered, annoyed.

"No! I mean, yes, you're alive, but…you're not supposed to be…you…you're supposed to be dead! Killed by…" I zoned off and stared past them.

My head was pounding with all this new information, but I realized one other thing.

"Potter! How old are you!" I shouted at the boy. He looked surprised that I shouted at him, and used his last name, but said,

"16,"

Ok…Half-blood Prince….I read that book. Well, of course I did, I am the ultimate Harry Potter fan…but…

"What happened to you! Like, in the days before you came here, or when things were normal. Normal for you,"

He paused and said, "It's summer but Dumbledore called me—"

"That's all I need to know," I quickly shut him up, and received a curious look from Severus. Sure, that didn't happen in the series, but hey I wasn't in the series! My head throbbed painfully again.

"Wait!" I said when I felt him come into my mind. Legilimens. Damn him, "Don't use Legilimens! I know your future and it be best for you not to know,"

Come one, people! You've seen the movies…every time the person knows their future, bad things happen…

He nodded and Potter looked at me oddly. I looked at him and sneered, "Have you ever cracked open a book? Seriously,"

Severus snickered and Potter blushed. He he. Loser.

I looked at Severus and said in an authoritative voice, "Why did you come here?"

"Dumbledore sent us," Severus answered.

"Ah…that old coot is still alive," I muttered

"WHAT?" The two shouted.

"I mean, um… my old boots still…thrive," I thought quickly on the spot. I don't think they bought it, but I quickly changed the subject and said,

"Let me get my friend—"

"No this mission is only for you. It's bad enough that you're a muggle," Severus muttered.

I raised my eyebrows. He did NOT just call me a muggle. I fumed as I went over to grab my wand and said, "I HAVE A WAND DUMB ASS! I'M A WITCH!"

"Watch your tone young lady," Snape sneered. He may be attractive, but my GOD is he oblivious and moronic.

"You're in America now, Toto!" I seethed back at them in my New York/Virginian accent. Yeah, I'm different, "We're known for our sarcastic mouths and dominoes pizza!"

I didn't think he would understand half of what I said, but he responded with just as much anger, "Show respect you filthy muggle,"

"I'm a witch dumbass and I only show respect to those who earn it. Not scum bags like you who prance around taking points from Gryffindor and hold terrible long grudges on loved ones. And enemy's"

He looked at me oddly as if I wasn't making any sense, "Don't pretend like I don't know what I'm talking about!" I shouted.

"You don't" He seethed.

"Really?" I asked, going into one of my look-out-I-feel-like breaking-something-made-of glass phase, "I will tell you, but I don't think boy Wonder here can take it. And besides… He needs to be told everything. At. The. Appropriate. Time, right?" I said, trying to quote what Dumbledore said in Snape's memories. I probably got it wrong, but I think Snape got the message and replied,

"We'll talk about this later. Now, muggle, I need you to—"

"GOD DAMNIT EXPELLIARMUS YOU BASTARD!" I screamed and Snape's wand flew out of his hand.

Potter looked like he was going to pass out laughing. He looked like better company now, against Snape. Moron.

He gaped at me and looked like he was going to say something but I talked before he could, "Don't think I'm a witch yet, jack ass. You know, we Americans are known for our tongues , too. Well, at least, my town is. And," I ended and turned into my Amnigus form, White Tiger.

The two morons jumped back in fear, and I stalked toward them, menacingly. Suckers.

When the two both looked like they shitted their fair amount of bricks in fear, I returned into my human form and said, "Muggle? My ass,"

I walked over to where I chucked Snape's wand in my rant and hucked it back at his flabbergasted face. I laughed.

"I'm a Half-Blood. My father's a muggle. I'm not sure what kind of punch Dumbledore is drinking, but it's defiantly not Pumpkin Juice because I am defiantly a witch. Right boys?" They nodded like two little elementary school boys getting caught for starting a food fight, "My friend, Alison Blair, is a Pureblood. Better not insult her and tell her she's a muggle. She'll be shitting bricks. Her parents are dead, too. Call her a muggle or an orphan and I will personally help her skin your sorry ass's while having you shit the living poop out of your systems and YES," I added next, "Poop is living. I had a long discussion and poop is IN FACT alive. Are we clear, boys?"

I said it in such a serious voice, but I couldn't believe none of them caught the bluff I added towards the end (Not the poop is alive, poop is INDEED alive, but I will probably not want to get near any of their asses. And neither would Alison), so I turned and marched out the door to grab Alison, not before snorting and snickering a bit at their stupidity and….dupeness.

Idiots.

"Alison!" I shouted from the top of the stairs.

"WHAT?" She shouted back, "I'M WATCHING HALF-BLOOD PRINCE!"

"SNAPE AND HARRY POTTER APPARATED INTO MY ROOM!" I said casually. I almost laughed.

"Yeah, and Alan Rickman showed up while you were gone and confessed his love to me," she snickered. I never understood her raw humor sometimes.

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, can't you just come up here and check!"

"No! Bring them to me!" She still didn't believe. Not that I'm surprised.

"Get off your sorry butt and get up here!"

"No! Dumbledore's about to get it with Minerva!"

"That never actually happened I was kidding! And we all know Dumbledore is GAY!"

"I never said he'd go through with it with McGonagall!" She shot back at me. I loved our conversations.

"Whatever. Just come up here! I'll give you five bucks!"

"No way, Eilee! I'm having fun watching my movie!"

"You're enjoying watching Dumbledore and Minerva going at it? Well alright! Just come up here when it's over,"

"'Kay 'Kay!" She responded with what sounded like a mouthful of popcorn.

I sighed when I walked back into my room, "She's too busy watching Dumbledore and Minerva. She'll be up here when the movie is done,"

Their horrified looks made me laugh and say, "Don't worry, Dumbledore is actually gay,"

"WHAT?" Potter said disgusted.

"Actually, it explains a lot," Snape muttered and I snickered in response.

"So…why are you here?" I asked, getting down to business.

"We need your help," Snape said.

"With?"

"Defeating the Dark Lord,"

I groaned. I thought it would be cooler. But I didn't want to help for bigger reason,

"Not my problem," after I said that I rolled over and hopped onto my computer.

"What?" Snape sputtered out, flabbergasted. Idiot.

"Not my problem," I repeated again.

"Of course it's your problem!" Potter spoke up.

"No it's not. Now shut it, boy," I snapped and he shut up. He He.

"It most certainly is your problem, Miss Chatzi," Snape spat back at me.

"No it's not. I'm in America, and you're problem is in Britain. My country, the wizarding part, is at peacetime. I'm not getting involved in your country's problems,"

"We need your help though!" Snape said, almost begging.

I rolled my eyes and said, "Look. Everything works out in the end. For you, Snape…not so much. Well, I mean, unless you wanted to…never mind. Anyway, Everything works out, Voldy gets defeated, yay, yay, happily ever after,"

"Dumbledore said you would say something like that," Snape muttered, "But listen. You need to come with us. Please. We are begging you,"

His gorgeous, black orbs stared into my dark brown ones, with a sense of need. I sighed.

"Fine. But, my mom will need to know where I went. So, you guys will need disguises."

"That's fine," Snape said in a bright mood. Hmm… must have thought that persuading me would take a while, "I know a few spells to—"

"No," I interrupted, "No magic,"

"Why, I thought your mom is a witch, you know, since you are a Half-Blood and your father is a muggle—"

"Thanks, Sherlock. But I mean my mom doesn't want me to go with you guys because she will throw you through a waterfall that washed off all enchantments,"

"Don't they have that at Gringotts?" Snape asked.

"Yeah,"

"Then…how do you have one,"

"My mom has her ways…unfortunately"

"Why doesn't she want us to know we are wizards," Potter asked.

"I had a …a run in with one," I cringed at the memory.

"What happened," Snape inquired,

"Do you really want to know?" I said raising my eyebrows

He paused and said, "For this case, I think so yes,"

I sighed and said, "A boy my age asked me out. He went to meet my mom and my mom said he acted 'old-fashioned'. He was a muggle , well I presumed so, but my mom was still a bit suspicious. To make a long story short, she washed off all enchantments, even though she did believe him a muggle, and it turned out he took Poly Juice Potion and was an 80 year old man. No need for my father to ask what his intentions were for that night,"

Snape looked like he was going to vomit, and I chuckled humorlessly.

"So, we are going to have to do this the old fashioned way,"

Snape sighed and said, "Fine, but we half to leave by Tuesday,"

"Perfect my mom should be back from the trial tomorrow,"

Snape raised an eyebrow and Potter looked at me curiously and raised an elegant eyebrow. A normal fan-girl would have squealed in delight (and believe me I wanted to) but I just blushed slightly and looked away saying,

"For my father. The Aurors took him away for some reason, even though he is a muggle. I don't even know why,"

He nodded and then Alison barged in saying loudly, "I think I'm going to go for a run. Unless Remus Lupin is here with Snape and Potter. Then you know I'm staying. I like my sexy werewolves," she said suggestively. I stifled a laugh.

She caught a glimpse of Snape then screamed bloody murder.

This is going to be a long night.

Review OR DIE

Lol

Jk

…

Sorta…

Ignore any grammar mistakes, please! Next chapter will be better edited I promise!

But if the spelling is HP related, you can fill free to yell and scream at me (nicely).