A/N: Hello all! This is Pheep, the author, Lord and Master of you ALL.

...Or, not. But still =D; Close enough. Anyway, I'm going to fill you all in briefly on the fic that you are about to read. It was spawned one day several months ago when I got the idea to send my friend's cynical, antihero zaffy character into the land of Harvest Moon, and write about his adventures there ^_^ As well as just to torture him. For those of you who aren't familiar with the Harvest Moon games, it's a video game where you play a farmer dude (default name being Jack, if you do a little research), who comes from his home in the city to a small community that I suspect to be semi-Amish. Here you must restore your late grandfather's farm, which you live on, and successfully woo a girl and start a family in three game-years. This fic is based on Harvest Moon: Back to Nature, the playstation HM game.

Another thing: Later on in the fic, there will probably be references/appearances of other characters owned by me and my friends, or the sake of personal amusement. I hope this won't confuse anyone too much. Anyway, have fun reading! XD *cackles*

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Of Corn and Phib: A Neo Harvest Moon Story for the Ages

Prologue: In the Beginning...

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One night, Phib the purple zafara, aged nineteen in human years, went to bed after a particularly exasperating fight with his younger brother, Shoyro. He tossed and turned for several hours before finally nodding off, head buried underneath his pillow, whilst he contemplated the annoyances and inconveniences that he dealt with each day, and, generally, how much his life sucked. Little did he know that soon, things would be very different in his life...And it may or may not be a turn for the better...

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Faint rays of sunlight pour in through a nearby window. Outside a bird twitters merrily, greeting the bright new spring day with a burst of song. Everything is peaceful and serene.

Suddenly, a continuous stream of shrill siren-like noises pierces the air! Phib twitches under his bed sheets, mutters incoherently for a moment, and then slams a hand down on his alarm clock, hitting it squarely on the 'snooze' button.

'Wait...I didn't set the alarm last night...' He turns over and glances at the clock to check the time, and his eyes widen.

"6AM!? The fuck!?" He then realizes that the nightstand his alarm clock is sitting on is not the nightstand that was in his bedroom the night before. He sits up and stares at his surroundings in shock. His bed is at the far left corner at the back of a very small house, only a little larger than his old bedroom. Nearby is a small square table with a pink tablecloth, and farther along at the opposite side of the wall are a couple of bookshelves and an old, dust-caked television set.

Phib's pupils shrink slightly. "...What the hell is going on..."

Slowly, he slips out of the bed, which had also changed considerably in appearance during the night. To his astonishment, he now notices that he is wearing a pair of jean overalls, a white undershirt, and a bright red bandana tied around his neck.

Phib stumbles back, staring down at his outfit speechlessly, before reaching to nervously run a hand through his hair. Instead of the shaggy purple locks he was expecting, however, his hands touch tightly woven cloth. Lightly, Phib feels it out for a few moments before concluding that it is a cap, currently turned backwards over his head. He yanks at it to take it off and get a better look, but for some reason it seems to be securely fastened to his skull. He pulls and pulls, but it simply will not budge. The bandana, too, is impossible to remove, for the knot it is tied in is so complex it would take hours - possibly days - for Phib to get it undone.

Discouraged and incredibly confused, Phib staggers over to the nearest window and looks outside. He is greeted by the image of a small wooden building with a stone silo attached, and what appears to be a stable next to it. Deciding he'll deal with these things later, he looks away from them, and his eyes focus on the vast field of soil covering quite a bit of the area, overgrown with weeds and littered with branches and stones, and even the occasional tree stump. At the top left corner of the field there lies a tiny white building, and between there and his home are a large pond of water and a single tree.

Phib raises an eyebrow, and blinks several times. His right eye twitches slightly, and he blinks again. This was not how he'd wanted to start his day.

He swings the front door open and half-heartedly steps outside, opting to explore a little before going back to bed for a few more hours. To his surprise, a yellow chia dressed in a red suit and top hat stands before him, beady eyes staring intently up at him. Phib gazes back down at him, and an awkward silence fills the air.

'He's so short I didn't see him from the window...' Phib muses, arching a brow quizzically down at his tastelessly dressed visitor. What a weirdo. Was that clown nose even a prop? He wasn't sure...

The Chia smiles coyly now, and tips the rim of his hat slightly with one pudgy yellow hand. "Hello, Jack! I'm Mayor Thomas, but you can just call me Mayor. Welcome to Mineral Town!"

Phib narrows his eyes at the Mayor in confusion. "My name isn't Jack. It's Phib."

"Right. Jack."

"My name, is PHIB."

"Jack."

"P-H-I-B"

"J-A-C-K. I heard you the first time, sonny, no need to spell it out!" The mayor chortles to himself in a way that suddenly compels Phib to rip 'that fucking clown nose' (as he would put it) right off of his face. Before he can make a grab for it, however, the Mayor is waddling along past him, over to a strange looking wooden bin Phib had failed to notice, and then taking a few steps toward the edge of the huge disheveled field. Phib shakes his head very slowly for a moment, then follows, hands tucked in his pockets.

"Do you remember, Jack?" The Mayor asks, staring dreamily out at the unkempt stretch of soil. "Do you remember that one magic summer fifteen years ago in the nudist colony, when anything seemed possible...Do you remember, Jack, that fateful night of nights, when you became a man?..."

Phib blinks and looks down at him incredulously. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Eh?" The Mayor glances at him for a moment, and blinks. "Oh! Sorry, I was thinking about someone else. You know what they say, memory's the first thing to go!" he says, and chortles again. "Anywho...Back to the other memory." He looks back to the field, and his eyes acquire a dreamy look again. "Do you remember, Jack?" he asks, "Do you remember that summer fifteen years ago, when you came to visit your Grandfather on this farm?..."

Phib edges away from the Mayor, now fully considering the idea that the old chia may be going senile. "Uhm, yeah, alright..."

The Mayor sighs (dreamily) before returning to reality. He spins around, facing Phib and saying in a business-like tone, "Now then, Jack, I must be going soon, but there's one last thing I need to tell you: We, the people of Mineral Town, have decided to watch your progress in restoring this farm over the course of the next three years. If you prosper, we will welcome you as a part of our community with open arms. However, if you fail to care for it properly, I'm afraid that you'll have to leave the town."

Phib stares down at him blankly for a moment, silent. His eye twitches again.

The mayor tilts his head. "Jack...?"

He blinks and snaps out of it. "Oh...uh, sure, 3 years..."

"Good, good. Would you like a tour of the town, perhaps?"

"No thanks..." he mutters, and blinks again tiredly.

"Oh, well, alright. I'll see you around, Jack!" The mayor chuckles, and tips his hat at him once again.

'What just happened here?...' Phib wonders foggily, not noticing as the mayor waves goodbye and waddles away. After a few more seconds of standing there quietly, he turned and stumbled back into "his" house, shutting the door menacingly behind him. He was going to back to sleep, and no crazed alternate universe was going to stop him.

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A/N: Ahh. There we are then. XD You know, I had fun editing this - I first decided to dust it off and post it here after I reread the part about the nudist colony, which I'd completely forgotten about n_n Yes, Pheep was a demented little bugger...And still is! =D

Reviews are welcome! I'd like to know what people thought of this, besides my insane little circle of friends. (So, move yo' mouse and get busy. Please.)

~Pheep