Hey guys! So this is just a quick little Salex one shot. It kind of sucks but the idea just wouldn't leave me alone! Also, I'm planning on writing another Salex fic what do you think? Not really sure what it'll be about yet but I've got a few ideas. ENJOY!
Alex woke up with a heavy feeling in her chest. Wednesday, it was now easily her least favourite day of the week. She got up and walked into the bathroom. Having a quick shower she quickly got dressed in sweat pants and a tank top knowing she would have to get changed again in a few hours. Walking into the kitchen she walked over to the coffee pot and poured herself a cup. Turning around she saw a note on the kitchen counter.
Went for a run. Be back soon.
The writing was obviously Sean. Thinking of him Alex felt a pang of guilt. She didn't regret her decision to save his life, and she would make the same choice again in a heartbeat if she had to but it didn't help the weight she felt. Sean had never said he blamed her, not out loud at least. She knew on some level he did. She just didn't want to think about it.
Breaking her from her thoughts was Sean's key in the door. It opened to reveal Sean in black shorts and a grey t-shirt. It was still early so he didn't have to worry as much about being recognized by someone. Alex didn't know what they were going to do as far as their living situation was concerned. She figured they'd just have to wait a few months until everything blew over and then figure it out from there.
"Hey, you sleep well?" Sean asked walking over to her and giving her a chaste kiss.
"Fine. How was your run?" Alex asked him. She wasn't going to tell him about the nightmares shed had about not being able to revive him and having to watch him die while she was powerless to do anything.
Sean looked at her, not quit convinced but didn't push her. "Good. It was nice and brisk."
A semi-awkward silence fell over them. They both knew what today was. It was Sean's funeral. Well, his funeral to the world. Alex would have to go and play the grieving girlfriend. The story was that Sean had been asked to be her bodyguard while she was making her comeback and while spending time together they fell in love. Alex didn't know how she was going to face his sisters. He had seen them just a few weeks ago when he had gone to help them look after the kids while they were sick. Katya had already called Alex to express her condolences. What was Alex supposed to say? 'No he's not really dead just don't tell anyone.' So she had thanked her mother and they had talked about what else was new. What Alex couldn't seem to figure out was that if Sean did stay with her and Division was finally shut down what were they going to tell her mother if they decided to get married, or have a family.
"Alex?" Sean asked again.
"Huh?" Alex asked as she brought her eyes back up to meet his.
"What's wrong?" He asked, his voice low.
"Nothing I'm fine. I have to go get ready." She said walking away from him and back into her bedroom.
Alex looked through her closet. 'What the hell are you supposed to wear to a funeral?' She thought to herself as she looked through her various black dresses. She finally settled on a dress that went to her knees and had short sleeves. She went to the bathroom and got changed into the dress. She put her hair up in a bun and put on some mascara and blush. Walking back into the bedroom she slipped on a pair of simple black heels and a black shrug. She walked into the main part of the apartment and grabbed her coat out of the closet.
"Alex." She jumped a foot in the air as she turned around to see Sean standing in front of her. "Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." He said gently placing a hand on her arm.
"It's okay. I'm going to go." She said putting her coat on and checking the clock. 10:30, she'd be right on time.
"Alex can you give these to my sisters?" Sean asked holding out two white envelopes. "Just tell them I wrote them and asked you to hold onto them, or something. I don-" Alex cut him short.
"I'll make sure they get them." She said. Alex hung her head and walked out the door, gently shutting it behind her.
Alex sat the funeral and did her best to hold it together. Part if it was acting but the other part if it was the feelings coming back from when she was in the morgue. All she could see in her head was Sean laying dead in front of her. She didn't know what she would've done had he not been okay. His sisters had gotten her a seat in the front row. Normally it was for family members only but Jill had told her that the way Sean had talked about her that she was practically family.
The hours ticked by as they went from the church, to the graveyard and then to Jill's house. Jill stayed close to her husband and Sandy clung to her boyfriend like a life line. The kids were playing happily in the backyard, unaware of the tragedy that was said to have taken place.
Every time someone came up to Alex and gave her their condolences she felt guilty. Guilty because no one here was ever going to see Sean again and she was going to go home and sit down and have dinner with him.
Finally it was time to go. Alex was physically and emotionally drained. She gave his sisters a finally good-bye, handed them their letters and walked out the door. She got into the car and drove back to the apartment she shared with Sean. Arriving at the door to the building she walked upstairs and into the bedroom. She quickly got changed out of the dress and took off her makeup. When she walked back into the bedroom her eyes landed on the picture on the bedside table. Sean had brought it over, it was of him, his sisters and his mother.
Looking at the picture and seeing Sean's smiling face hit her like a ton of bricks. She collapsed against the wall, her head in her hands and her knees pulled up to her chest. She couldn't remember the last time she cried. She didn't cry when Sean left, she figured it was because she was taking Sobelex.
She was crying so hard she didn't hear Sean walk through the door. He didn't call her name, didn't ask her what was wrong. He simply walked over to her and pulled her into his arms. She sat on his lap and her legs stretched out to the other side of his waist. She buried her face into the front of his shirt and let the tears fall freely. She felt his muscular arms wrap around her small frame. How was he ever going to forgive her? Or would he not. Would they eventually drift apart? Would he just become one more person Alex would have to add to the list of people she's lost? All these thoughts running through Alex's head caused her to become even more unstable. She began to hyperventilate as she continued to clutch to Sean shirt.
For the first time in what seemed like hours Sean broke the silence noticing her distress. "Alex, you have to calm down. You're okay. Just take deep breathes. Just breathe." He told her softly and he rubbed gentle circles on her back.
Listening to him Alex took a few deep breathes and got her breathing under control. After a few more minutes she was finally able to stop crying. She didn't move though, the closeness to Sean was calming her and if she was honest she liked the feeling of his arms around her. "I'm sorry. I got your shirt all wet." She mumbled into Sean's now tear stained t-shirt.
"Alex you have nothing to be sorry for. What's wrong? Did I do something to upset you?" Sean asked worried. When he had come back and seen how much Alex had been hurt he vowed that he would never do that to her again. It still ate at him everyday that Alex had started using again as soon as he had left. She said he wasn't the reason, that she had done it for her shoulder, but he could tell she wasn't completely telling the truth.
"I'm worried you'll leave me." Alex said in a whisper. She hated herself for being weak. Her father had taught her better than that. But she couldn't help it, the thought of Sean leaving wasn't one she would like to imagine. She didn't know what she would do.
"What are you talking about?" Sean asked. Clearly confused as to why she thought this.
Alex took a deep breathe and pulled away slightly so she could face him. "I did something that was completely unforgivable. You're never going to see your family again, or go back to the SEALs. And I'm the reason. I don't want you to resent me and then realize you can't be with me anymore because of I did." Alex said.
Sean looked at her sadly. "Alex, I don't blame you for what happened. I don't blame anybody. Except Amanda. Listen, you did what you had to do. If it wasn't for you I really would be dead. I know I freaked out a little on you when I woke up and I'm sorry. It was just a lot to take in. But if you had been in that situation I would've made the same decision." Sean told her.
"But who would I have lost Sean? My mother? For the past 5 years we thought the other was dead. It wouldn't make a lot of difference if we couldn't see each other anymore. And I would still have my family. Nikita and Michael who are pretty much the equivalent of my parents, Birkhoff and Owen who are like annoying older brothers and Ryan who's like my uncle. I would have lost nothing. You lost everything. And one day I'm afraid you're going to realize I'm the reason." Alex said the tears stinging at her eyes again.
Sean watched Alex for a moment. "Maybe that's true, but weren't you the one who told me I was part of the family whether I like it or not?" Sean asked smiling lightly at her. Alex looked and him and realized that this was the first time he had smiled since he had found out he was 'dead'. "And I didn't lose everything. I didn't lose you." He told her honestly.
"Alex I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will I miss my family? Yes. But they'll move on eventually, and both Jill and Sandy have each other. And you know what, I have a family here too." Sean kissed Alex's forehead and she leaned her head against his chest. His words soothed her and her breathing evened out as she listened to the strong and steady beat of his heart.
"I love you Sean." She said taking his hand in her own and lacing their fingers together.
Sean smiled and felt as though his heart would explode. He knew how hard it was for Alex to make commitments like that. "I love you too Alex. Always."
Cheezy I know. But hopefully it was still okay. Review!