Clueless Herbivores
Summary : Just because Dino doesn't have a girlfriend or is married, doesn't mean his student shouldn't be the same either. It's time Dino helps Hibari find his ideal wife.. Or at least a girlfriend. And somehow the others are also helping him.
Rated : T
Characters : 10th Gen, Dino, Mammon, Reborn.
Pairing(s) : 1896, mentions of 2795, 5986, 3387.
Warning(s) : Maybe some OOC with some characters. I hope none are though.
Timeline : TYL
Disclaimer : I do not own KHR!
Edits : I fixed up some grammar errors. Hope it's better now.
Hibari saw this useless. Completely, utterly useless.
"What about her, Kyoya? She's cute." Dino said pointing to a blonde haired woman dancing on the dance floor clad in very little clothing - as Hibari put it.
"No." He immediately said with disgust noticeable.
Where were they? Simple enough, the two were at a dance club. Dino had literally dragged him to come with him, stating that they could do some tutor/student bonding time since Hibari had been busy with the Foundation and Dino was busy with his own Family problems.
Dino sighed, "C'mon, Kyoya! I'm trying to help you get laid here!"
Hibari grunted at him, he wasn't interested in 'getting laid'. He was much too busy with the Foundation and with his other guardian duties. He was kinda surprised though that his idiotic tutor had found a way to drag him here.
Oh well, at least he wasn't wearing his Yukata. Because it would be ridiculous to be in a club wearing one. He sighed and decided to get another glass of coconut juice since he doesn't drink.
He motioned the bartender over and said, "Another cup."
The bartender nodded his head and got to work on making another cup of coconut juice. As he absent-mindedly got to work, he wondered who the hell drinks coconut juice in a club?
"Eh, what about her? She looks cute." Dino pointed towards another woman, Hibari lazily looked over at where Dino was pointing then said, "No."
Dino sighed, it was gonna be a long night.
"Eh, you want to help Hibari-san get a woman?" Tsuna held a disbelieving look on his face.
A few moments ago, Tsuna was doing paperwork like a good boss he was (with some threatens from Reborn) until Dino came in and slammed the doors open. Telling him he had some big bad news. Tsuna had tensed up until that is, Dino had said it that he finally calmed down.
Dino nodded his head. He thought Dino was crazy for second. Who in their right mind would do such a thing? Oh yeah, Dino would.
"Please Tsuna!"
Tsuna scratched the back of his head, "I don't know, Dino-san. I really admire you, I do. But.. Please tell me why you want to help him? And does he actually want help?"
"Because, just because I haven't gotten a girlfriend yet, -Tsuna muttered a, nor married- doesn't mean Kyoya shouldn't have one either. Don't you see Kyoya is so lonely?"
Tsuna sweatdropped, "I-I guess.. But wouldn't Hibari-san be able to find a woman on his own?"
Dino put raised his hand and put it on Tsuna's shoulder, "Kyoya isn't capable to finding a woman. Every time someone, much less a girl, who approaches him, he would be wary and tense. Always keeping his guard up 24/7..." And Dino rambled on and on.
Tsuna sighed, "Okay okay. Fine, I'll help you."
Instantly, Dino grinned and sparkled, "Arigato, Tsuna!"
"But, how do I help?"
Dino laid back in his chair that was facing Tsuna, "First, we need some help from others as well."
"Others?" He had a bad feeling about this.
. A couple of minutes later .
"So what are we doing to the extreme?!"
"You're so loud, Lawn head!"
"Why is the pineapple herbivore here? In fact, what are you all doing here?!"
"Kufufu.. I find it amusing that the Hibari Kyoya needs help finding himself a woman. Kufufu.."
"Care to repeat that, stupid pineapple?" Hibari growled.
"Maa, maa, well none of us has girlfriends, besides Gokudera, Senpai and Tsuna. So don't get so worked up, okay Hibari?" Yamamoto grinned. Gokudera is now dating Haru, Ryohei and Hana are now an item and Tsuna finally had gotten the woman of his dreams, Kyoko.
"Kufufu.. I still don't understand why that loud-mouth Miura had accepted you, puppy dog."
Gokudera slightly blushed and looked away, "Mind your own business!" He didn't even bothered nickname Mukuro for that.
"Yare, yare, Hibari, if you want, I can tell you some of my secrets to picking up womans." Lambo suggested.
Hibari glared at him and Lambo quickly got the message. "But why are you herbivores crowding in the Foundation?!"
Gokudera displayed an uncaring look, Yamamoto grinned, Lambo looked uninterested, Ryohei is just.. Extreme as usual, Mukuro held an amused look, Tsuna was kind of fidgety and Dino grinned.
"We're here to help you like we said, Kyoya!"
Hibari growled, "I don't need any help."
"Kufufu.. With an attitude like that, I think at most 1% of the woman population would fall for you." Mukuro mocked him.
Hibari glared even harder at his so called rival. But before he could say one more word, the sliding door opened revealing Chrome in a black blazer, purple dress shirt and black pants.
"Kyoya, you completely forgot what day today was!" Chrome yelled at him.
Now, all of you are wondering, why would sweet, shy and innocent Chrome be yelling at Hibari and calling him 'Kyoya'. Simple to say, she had grown quite a lot in 10 years. She wasn't the shy Chrome any longer and had developed a strong, mature character with the help of Mammon and Hibari training her. (Hibari had allowed her to use his name after 2 years training her.)
Hibari looked up and glared at her, "No I haven't, Dokuro. These herbivores won't leave my place."
Chrome then realized that the others were also around, "Eh, Dino-san, Bossu, why are you all here?"
Tsuna rubbed the back of his head, "Etto.. Dino-san could explain that."
Chrome looked over to Dino, "Well you see, since Kyoya doesn't have a girlfriend yet, I thought we should all help him. Ne, why don't you help too, Chrome?"
Chrome gave Hibari a look and he replied back with a cold glare, she turned back to Dino and shook her head, "Gomenasai, but I can't. I promised Kyoya that I'd do all of his paperwork this week in return for.. Something."
"Eh, Kyoya asked you-"
"Demanded." She corrected.
"Demanded you to do all of his paperwork for this week?!" Dino held a shocked look. He turned to Hibari and scolded him for treating a woman like a slave.
Chrome shrugged as if it was nothing and faced the others, "Well since you all seem busy, I'm going to finish up the other paperwork. I'll talk to you later, Kyoya. Ja." She said and walked out the door.
"Kufufu.. I hope you're not treating my dear Chrome as a slave, Skylark-kun." Mukuro said darkly after Chrome left.
"Hmph, of course not. She's merely doing me a favor."
Dino sighed then smiled again, "Okay, let's get started! Operation : Get Kyoya Laid is on the way!" He cheered.
Now Hibari wanted to bite his childish and idiotic tutor and boss to death. As he knew he'd have to go through a lot of embarrassments after this.
First try : Attitude Adjustments
"Okay, Kyoya. First off, we need to change that attitude of yours."
Hibari's left eye twitched, "Meaning?"
Tsuna sensing that his cloud guardian was emitting a deadly aura, quickly came up with something, "He just means that well.. Some woman doesn't like their man.. Biting them to death. So here, Dino-san just wants you to try to change your attitude towards others just a little bit. Okay, Hibari-san?"
Hibari 'hmph'ed then thought about what if he were to change his attitude towards others. If he were to not bite everyone to death, would people like him? Nah, he doesn't need the fame. All he needs is a good fight and then he's satisfied.
"So to change it, I've called up the Varia's mist guardian, Mammon to create a real illusion of a woman." Dino moved aside for Hibari to see a woman with blonde curly hair and green eyes, she was wearing some make up and wearing a fancy red dress. Overall, she looked pretty..
"Ugly." Hibari said.
The woman who was a real illusion gasped and ran away with tearful eyes. Dino, Tsuna, Lambo, Gokudera and Ryohei's jaws dropped.
Mammon sighed, this was pretty idiotic but she was being paid by Dino to do all this. So how could she say no to that? But atleast she found this kind of entertaining besides from all of the Varia's own idiotic problems. She's making sure to record this in hoping to sell it.
"K-Kyoya! That's not how you greet a pretty woman at all!" Dino yelled at Hibari who just stood there, unaffected at all.
He yawned as Dino kept giving him more and more advises to say to a woman.
Tsuna sighed and looked over to Reborn, "Do you think Hibari-san would absorb all of that?"
Reborn chuckled, "Who knows? But this is free entertainment so don't complain, Dame-Tsuna." (oh btw, the Arcobaleno's curse is broken here too.)
Second try : Flowers
Another real illusion was being casted by Mammon, this time was a brunette woman.
"Okay, Kyoya, instead of changing your attitude, how about try these instead." Dino said handing over a bouquet of flowers to Hibari who glared at him.
"I won't do it, herbivore."
Dino sighed, "C'mon Kyoya, if you do, I'll let you fight Tsuna all day tomorrow."
Tsuna's jaw dropped, "Dino-san! Don't decide that for yourself!"
Hibari thought about it then sighed, "Fine."
He walked up to the brunette woman and presented the flowers to her, "For you herbivore."
The woman blushed and said, "T-thank you."
Dino's smiled brightened up in seeing that Hbari could actually do something right without making a total-
"Achoo!"
mess.
The woman gasped and soon faded away into mist. Oh yeah, Hibari has an allergy towards roses. And he didn't have enough time to cover his mouth.
Dino slapped his forehead, this was going to be much tougher than he thought.
A couple of hours later,
"Kyoya, have you even learned anything from today at all?!" Dino was getting frustrated.
Hibari looked unaffected at all and prompted to look at his phone to check the time, 6.35 P.M. He should get back soon.
Dino has tried all possible ways to help Kyoya in courting a woman, knowing his preferences, except all he got was failure and words like, "She has to be carnivorous, smart, and not ugly."
Mammon had long gone left already, Belphegor had come to pick her up as she was needed on a mission also because, "Ushishi.. The prince was bored and froggy was not entertaining the prince that well."
He sighed, "What am I gonna do with you, Kyoya?"
Suddenly, all of them heard light footsteps approaching towards them and turned to find Chrome walking towards them.
"Hey, Chrome!" Yamamoto greeted.
Chrome smiled at him, "Hi, Yamamoto-san."
"Oh Chrome, why are you here?" Tsuna asked.
"Oh well um, I'm supposed to meet Kyoya in front of the Foundation earlier on but since he took awhile, I decided to come here myself." She then turned to face Hibari, "Well, are you done, Kyoya?"
"Hn. Let's go, herbivore." Hibari said and walked away while holding Chrome's wrist.
"Wait, Kyoya!" He stopped and turned to look at Dino, "I'm... Sorry we couldn't help you find a girlfriend." Dino looked down in ashamed.
Hibari stood there for awhile before smirking, which gave confused looks towards everyone, "Stupid herbivores. You are all clueless."
Chrome scoffed and whacked his arm playfully, "Kyoya, tell them properly if you're gonna tell them."
"Tell us what?"
"Hn.. I'd rather show you." Hibari pulled Chrome and cupped her face and pulled her into a kiss. And mind you, it was not very innocent. In fact, quite forceful that it had made Chrome moan unintentionally after responding to him.
After the kiss, Hibari smirked devilishly and Chrome blushed a bright red, she turned her head towards the others and found them either passed out or their jaws dropped. (The passed out one was Mukuro.)
"N-n-n-NANI?!" Dino and Tsuna both screamed.
The End
Well I had fun writing this :) I don't know how OOC they are but I needed them to be like that. Well tell me if you want a sequel of this or not. Maybe I might write one but for now.. Please review and tell me what you think =3
Thankies~