Thanks to stargazer for beta reading this for me over on WitS boards.
Disclaimer – Power Rangers is owned by Disney
As the sun set off to his side, Jason stood on the beach and watched the tide slowly roll in. His whole body felt numb, kind of shell shocked. For the first time in his life, he felt completely lost and really unsure of himself. Within a matter of seconds, one phone call had turned his entire life upside down.
He could still hear Zack's voice in his head, as if the call was just happening, Jase, man. It's Trini, Zack had told him, the pain in his voice could easily be heard, There's been an accident... She didn't make it.
Jason closed his eyes and slowly let out a long breath. He was still not really sure who he was angry with or even why, just that he was. Was he angry at himself for not being able to protect his best friend? Could he be angry at her for being so stupid as not to wear a seatbelt? Or maybe with the other driver for hitting her? The list of question were endless and did nothing but give him a headache.
Jason gently rubbed his forehead as the question once again rolled through his brain. Why? Off all the people, why did you have to take her? he asked rhetorically as he looked up at the sky. The question wasn't really directed at anyone or thing, it was just another question he had hard time accepting had no real answer to. "Why?" he mumbled to himself as he lowered his head.
What he did know was that no matter how you put it, no matter who was really at fault, she was gone and he was miserable. Out of everyone he had ever been friends with, Trini was one of the closest to him. Its hard to bury a friend but even harder to bury someone who was like family.
Trini had been the first real friend he had ever made. When his parents moved to Angel Grove when he was just a toddler, he instantly clicked with the shy girl next door and they had been by each other's side ever since. They seemed to bring something out of each other; Trini became more sociable and Jason became more focused.
While he had always been the one everyone else turned to for leadership and guidance, when he needed help, it was her who he turned to. They had always had a mutual respect for each other. While Trini was one of the smartest rangers, Jason knew she was also one of the strongest. Even though no one ever really believed him, Jason knew and really believed that Trini was an even match for him in battle.
But now, she was gone and Jason didn't know what to do. It was like his center had been thrown out of whack and now he was just bumbling around blind.
Jason had been with everyone else at Trini's funeral. It seemed like everyone had come. All of the old rangers had come with most of their families, even the Space Rangers had come to pay their respects. While almost everyone had shed a few tears, some more then others, Jason hadn't. He couldn't, he felt like he was frozen or having an out of body experience and it frustrated him.
It had been hard for him sitting through the funeral and even harder when he had to fulfill Mrs. Kwan's request and say a few words about Trini. It had taken almost all of his inner strength to just stand up, and he wasn't sure how he actually did it. As the funeral ended, it felt like the walls were closing in on him and he just needed to find a way out.
So while almost everyone else had headed to the Kwan's afterwards, he had taken off and after a directionless fifteen minute drive, found himself at the beach.
We used to come here a lot. Even before being rangers, Jason thought to himself with a sad smile as he remember all the good times they had had here. How they often came here to just unwind after a battle, doing nothing really but just sitting on the jetties and watching the water.
Suddenly a soft voice snapped him out of his trance. "Jase?"
Instantly recognizing it, he whirled around in surprise, cursing himself for not noticing her approach. "Kim, what are you doing here? I thought you'd be with everyone else at Trini's." He winced as he said Trini's name.
"I was," Kim told him as she walked up to him. "But I got nervous when you didn't show." She hesitated for a moment, not really sure how to approach the question she seriously wanted to ask. Jason had always been this infallible image to her and seeing him like this was unsettling and heartbreaking. "Are you ok?" she asked softly.
He forced a smile on his face. "I'm fine. Just a little tired after everything, I needed some space." he lied.
Not buying it for a moment, she stepped up to him and gently reach out and gripped his forearm, "Jase," she said softly again but this time, with a tone that said he was full of it.
Instantly, his guard fell and Kim saw the raw pain in his eyes. "Why Kim? Why her?" he snarled as he lowered his eyes. "What the hell did she do to anybody to deserve this?"
"Nothing Jase. Its just how these things work," Kim tried to rationalize. She had never really seen Jason this out of sorts before. Part of her was scared but the other part of her just wanted to hold him, stroke his hair, and tell him everything would get better, eventually. It was that last part that made her nervous.
Jason had always held a special place in her life but ever since that battle with Maligore and Divatox, when they were kidnapped and almost killed, she had been spending a lot of time reevaluating that place. Unfortunately for Kim, she had trouble deciding or maybe convincing herself of what she really felt for him. Its hard to suddenly realize that you have feelings for the guy who you've been best friends with for almost sixteen years. Plus the distance was a huge roadblock, she was still in Miami and he was in Angel Grove, but that wasn't going to be a problem for long.
She had been seriously considering moving back to Angel Grove before Trini's death, but afterwards, it had clinched the deal for her. The loss of Trini made her realize just how special these people, including Jason, were to her and she wanted to be near them again.
Bending down, Jason picked up a pebble and with all of his strength, grunted as he chucked it out into the water. Kim watched as Jason took a deep breath and as he slowly let it out, clenched and unclenched his fists.
She wasn't sure if he was going to break down, try to tear something apart with his bare hands, or possibly both. Gently and carefully, she put a hand on his shoulder and gently squeezed it, "It'll be ok Jase. I don't even want to imagine what you're feeling, but you can't keep it all bottled up," she silently added, "Let me in."
Jason ran both his hands through his hair and continued to stare out at the water. "This is the kind of stuff I used to go to her about," he mumbled after a few moments.
Frowning a little, "I'm here," she said softly, trying to keep the hurt out of her voice.
He smiled sadly at her, "I know. Its just…" he paused as he tried to come up with the right words. "Have you ever thought what'd be like if Tommy had died?"
The question threw her and it took her a moment to answer, "Sometimes," Kim answered truthfully. "I guess, I'd be a little lost. I love him and I used to be in love with him. It'd prolly hit me really hard. I don't know what I'd do. I," She stopped mid-sentence as something finally clicked in her head. "Jase? Were you and Trini…"
"Yea," he said softly and nodding slowly.
"When?"
Jason sighed, "During the Peace Conference," he told her. "While we met a lot of cool people and became friends with alot of them. But even then, me and Trini still just kinda of gravitate to each other. Since we weren't constantly getting called away to battle, we got to hang out like normal teenagers. One night, after we went for a walk, we were standing outside her dorm room talking when it happened, we kissed. Neither of us were sure who kissed who or that it really mattered, just that we liked it."
As Jason was talking, Kim looked down at the sand. When she found out that Trini and Jason had dated, a weird feeling passed through her and then when she heard Jason talking about their first kiss, her stomach tightened into a nervous knot. What's going on? Am I jealous? More importantly, am I jealous of something that happened over five years ago?
Jason didn't notice Kim's reaction and kept talking, "Everything was alright at first. But the newness slowly wore off and I started getting restless. After protecting the universe, its kind of hard being satisfied with just going to classes, lectures, and debates. The only thing I really enjoyed was being with Trini. Of course Trini being Trini, she knew it almost immediately. She refused to let me stay just because of her and told me to follow my head, not my heart. When I decided to leave and come back home, she was supportive but I knew, deep down, she was upset cause I was leaving."
"We decided it'd be better to break up then try a long distance relationship over two continents," Jason said as he flexed his hands in frustration. "It was one of the hardest thing I've ever done to leave her behind but we both knew it was the right choice. Then when I got home, everything happened so fast. Between the Machine Empire and dealing with the Gold Ranger powers, I got preoccupied. But even then, I was lonely and I still missed her….Then I met Emily and for awhile I started feeling comfortable, like I was home again. But after a few months, that stopped, and we broke up."
"When I found out she was coming to Los Angeles for her masters, we talked and agreed to meet and talk out some stuff. We had finally gotten to where we were comfortable with each other again," he growled softly in frustration. Jason then grimaced, "We were supposed to go out to dinner tonight."
"Jase," Kim said with sympathy as she gently rubbed Jason's arm. "Were you hoping to get back together?" she asked, and surprisingly, finding it hard to ask as her nervous stomach tightened as she did.
"I don't know," Jason said as he shrugged. "Deep down, maybe. But realistically, we had our chance. I just wanted my best friend back, that close bond back that we shared. It was so easy just talking to her about everything."
"If you need someone to talk to…I'm here," she then quickly added, "I mean we all are."
"I know. I'm sorry about dumping on you like this."
Kim stepped in front of him and looked up at him, "Don't be Jase," she told him. "I care about you. You are one of the most important people in my life." She swallowed the lump that formed in her throat as she starred up into his eyes. "Have you ever thought about just getting away for awhile?" she asked softly. "Maybe sometime away will help you clear your head, come to terms with everything and maybe grieve a little on your own time."
"A little but where'd I go?"
Kim gave him a small smile, "I know of a small condo in Miami."
Jason snickered, "But you're only gonna be there for another few weeks." Kim wasn't moving back for another month, until the lease on her condo in Miami had run out.
"So?" Kim told him sarcastically as her smile widened. "Think of it as a two month vacation. Just the two of us." She blushed slightly as she heard herself say the last part. Kim tried to keep herself together, This is great. We're supposed to be mourning Trini and here I am not just flirting with Jason but making an idiot of myself. What the hell is wrong with me?
For the first time in almost a week, Jason let a genuine smile, if small one, cross his face. "Maybe," he answered.
"Just think about it," she pleaded with him. Why is this suddenly so important to me? When Jason nodded, Kim stepped closer to him and hugged him. When Jason hugged her back, Kim felt a shiver shoot down her spine. Her natural instinct was to try and burrow deeper into his arms and against his chest but she fought against it and barely won out.
Jason was trying to ignore the feeling too. Kim had been his fist love, the first girl he had ever really fallen for. While he had never acted on those feelings and when Tommy showed up, pretty much figured any chance was gone, but like Kim, after the Maligore battle, he too had been reevaluating their relationship. He scolded himself, I'm supposed to be thinking of Trini, not Kim.
After a minute or two, they reluctantly let go of each other. Staring at each other, a strange but comfortable silence passed between them.
Kim finally broke it, "Its getting late," she mumbled. "Will you atleast come with me to the Kwan's? They really want to see you."
"Yea, I'll go," he said as he walked with Kim off of the beach.
"Jase," Kim said as they reached their cars, "If you need someone to talk to, promise me you'll call me."
"I promise," Jason told her with a small smile. "Kim," he called before they got into their cars. When she looked over, "Thanks Kimmy." Jason smile widened as he saw a smile practically light up Kim's face and her blushing slightly. Maybe things aren't as bad as I thought.
As he was about to follow Kim's car out of the parking lot, he paused for a moment and a sad smile spread across his face as he looked at what was left of the fading sunlight. He was grateful to Kim, she always had a way of making him smile even in the darkest of times. Even though he had wanted to be alone and sulk, she had helped him be able to do the one thing he really needed to do. Goodbye Trini.