Author's note and disclaimer: This is based off of the episode "This Side of Paradise". I don't own Star Trek, I only own this idea of torture. Please read and review if you liked it. Might be a one shot, depends on how the story shapes up.
Sometimes You Never Know
You're a mutinous, disloyal, computerized half-breed. An overgrown jackrabbit. Spock thrashed in his meditative state, the voice of his captain, but more importantly his closest friend, hitting like a hammer and aimed at his emotions and his heart. The term half-breed is somewhat correct. Spock was remembering his own reply to the verbal barrage Jim threw at him. He twitched in alarm as the voice grew louder, and more mocking.
A simpering, devil-eared freak. The voice was positively gleeful in its mocking, and Spock felt the distraction break his concentration finally. He came back to the red ambience of his room with a startled gasp. Putting one hand on his side, where his heart was, he felt for his own pulse, and shook his head once to try to shake the voice out of his head. Since that was a futile gesture, Spock took a deep breath to steady his suddenly ragged breathing. "I am a Vulcan." His voice was not as strong as he had hoped it would come out.
He glanced at the monitor on his desk, reassuring himself that he had not missed Alpha shift while in his meditative state. "It has been three standard Earth weeks." He tried using mundane statements to bring order and logic back into his brain. "I am a Vulcan, I am the son of Sarek." He was finally able to slough off enough of the emotional barrage to clear his brain. He should have told Doctor McCoy about this, or maybe mentioned to Jim what had been going on. He was… apprehensive about bringing it up to the Captain or the Doctor. It was not really their business, after all, and there was not much that they would be able to do to help.
Spock glanced through the science station monitor and straightened up. "Captain, I believe that the planet you were seeking is six hundred light years away from us." His hands clasped firmly behind his back, Spock's face remained composed even though Jim's voice answering his brought the taunting voices from his meditation roaring back. "Yes Mr. Spock. Set course for the planet. You're" disloyal to the core. Spock blinked and furrowed his eyebrows as he realized that the Jim Kirk voice he had just heard was the voice in his head, not the Captain's actual voice. "Yes sir, setting course for the planet." He hoped he had not missed the rest of his directions, but was aware that he had when only stunned silence followed his affirmative.
"Mr. Spock, I said, prepare a landing party that includes a botanist." Jim repeated, frowning in worry as his Vulcan friend hesitated for a fraction of a second before nodding. 'Strange, Spock seems oddly agitated.' Jim thought to himself, then pushed himself upright and headed for the turbolift. He stopped when he realized that Spock was not following him. "Mr. Spock?" Jim sharpened his tone of voice, and noticed that his words seemed to penetrate the fog that Spock was in. "Spock, prepare a landing party that includes a botanist." He struggled to make his voice as normal as possible, and felt relief wash through him when Spock followed him into the turbolift.
"Spock, are you alright? You took a while to answer me back on the bridge." Jim snuck a glance out of the corner of his eye at his First Officer. Spock seemed to be shaking his head slightly, as though trying to dislodge some thought. "Spock. Computer, stop the turbolift." Jim turned to face Spock, then he lunged out to catch his friend as Spock started to crumple against the wall. "Computer, sickbay. Bones, medical emergency." Jim slapped the wall console and struggled against going down on the floor with Spock.
Spock was having an increasing difficult time seeing, and his knees were getting weaker. "Jim." His voice sounded a little bit desperate even to his own ears, and the look on Jim's face as he realized that Spock was going to faint told Spock everything he needed to know about what he meant to his Captain. Not that he didn't know, Spock thought contemplatively as his vision went completely dark and he gave in to unconsciousness.
Spock opened his eyes to see Jim Kirk sprawled in a chair sipping Romulan ale, his gaze focused on Spock. Aware that he was the reason that Jim was in sickbay, Spock tried to muster up strength that he did not entirely feel. He sat up carefully, and looked at Jim with an almost rueful expression. "Captain I-"He was cut off by McCoy, who came running into the room at the sound of Spock's voice.
"Spock where do you think you are going? Lay back down, I have some final tests to run." Bones cut off anything that Spock was going to say by pushing on the Vulcan's shoulder until he let himself be pushed back down on the table. McCoy ran a medical scanner over Spock's whole body then sighed angrily. "I don't know what's wrong Jim. His readings are all normal for him."
Spock arched one eyebrow at the Doctor then sat up. "As you can see Doctor, I require no medical attention." He made his voice as bland as possible to hide the fact that he was still shaken up from fainting in the turbolift. "Perhaps I was working too hard and skipped a meal." He offered as an excuse, knowing full well that he had not skipped any meals recently. He looked at Jim and winced as the Jim voice in his head thundered another insult at him. There is not a Vulcan alive that has an ounce of integrity. "I appear to be perfectly fine, Doctor." He waved McCoy off and put on his best Vulcan face.
"Spock, what's happening?" Jim sprang up from his chair in case Spock started to fall again. He padded across the ten feet that separated them and gazed up into Spock's eyes, reading the fine emotions etched in those eyes. He was used to reading the Vulcan by now and saw the tightening of the corners of Spocks eyes, indicating increased tension at Jim's nearness. Not sure what he had done to make Spock tense, Jim took a step back to give Spock more space. "Well then Mr. Spock, get some rest and food. Try to… relax Spock." He turned on his heel and headed towards the door.
"Captain, the away mission on the planet." Spock belatedly realized he did not know how long he had been unconscious in sickbay. "Well, I postponed it. We'll go down tomorrow, after you've had some rest." Jim said finally, after studying Spock for a minute too long. Since Spock knew he could not keep everything hidden from Jim, Spock bowed his head and strode out of sickbay.
Spock was kneeling in his quarters, struggling to get enough of that Vulcan calm around him so that he could meditate and try to figure out why he was feeling off balance. He knew his pon farr was approaching, and was already starting to feel his blood heating slightly in response to that ancient call. He was not surprised by the ding of the door chime, and didn't have to wonder who it was. It could be only one person at his door. The source of his distress, Jim Kirk. "Come in, Captain." He called out, and glanced up as Jim swept into his quarters.
"Spock, what is going on?" Jim was uneasy in Spock's quarters still, partially a result of the red lighting and the hotter temperature. "I can't help you if you don't tell me." He stood awkwardly in the doorway. Crossing the threshold he headed for the desk chair and settled into it, fixing his best captain gaze on Spock. He hoped he didn't have to make it official to pry it out of Spock, but suspected he might.
Spock rose to his feet easily and settled into a chair across from Jim. "Captain… Jim." He didn't know how to phrase what was troubling him. He knew Jim had not intentionally thrown insults his way, and normally he would not have taken offense to them. The residual of the Omicron spores influence and the beginnings of his pon farr was what was making him cloudy he guessed. "When you were attempting to free me from the influence of the Omicron Ceti III spores, you made several comments regarding my race." He said carefully, aware that his was an entirely emotional response.
Jim's eyes shot open wide, and his face expressed quite loudly what he felt about Spock's words. "Spock, I did that to provoke you enough to clear your mind. You know I didn't mean any of it." He said sitting up and reaching across the table, intending to touch Spock's arm. Spock flinched away from him, and Jim let his hand hit the table. "Spock." Jim's voice was frustrated then.
"Yes, I am aware Jim. For some reason, I have been hearing your voice repeating those comments. Specifically when I am trying to meditate, but now I am hearing it more frequently. I am not entirely certain as to why though." Spock glanced down at his friend's hand resting on the desk and felt the fever in his blood start to heat a little more. He took a minute to muster control over his emotions then his gaze met Jim's. "It appears, Captain, that your words are staying with me. Perhaps it is a lingering effect of the spores." He struggled to control his expression as Jim's voice thundered in his head again. Rotten like the rest of your sub-human race.
"Perhaps Spock, it's because I never apologized for saying those things." Jim said softly then laid his hand on Spock's arm, pleased that Spock didn't reflexively jerk away this time. "I am sorry. It was necessary, but I am sorry that it came at such an emotional time for you." Jim offered Spock a half smile. "Can you forgive me, Spock?"
"Already forgiven, although an apology is not necessary." Perhaps it was though, Spock thought, as the voice in his head quieted in the face of Jim's apology. "I am thankful for the offer Jim." And oddly enough, the last of the voice faded away. "I believe the voice is gone." He offered Jim one of his almost smiles and his posture relaxed a fraction on an inch. "I believe I will be alright."
Jim smiled in relief. "Glad to hear it Spock. Will you be alright to be on the away team tomorrow?" At Spock's slight nod, Jim sprang to his feet. "Excellent. Well then I suppose I should let you medi-"
"Captain, you do not have to leave. Perhaps a game of chess?" Spock offered quickly, cutting Jim off and waving him back to his chair. "I would enjoy your company right now."
Jim smiled then sank back into his chair. "Very well Spock. It has been three weeks or so since we've played." 'Sometimes you never know what will hurt a Vulcan's feelings.' He thought privately as Spock set up the chess board.