The Jurassic Park Survival Guide
Simple Edition
I was sitting at the airport. I had to wait another hour. My flight to Cape Town was a bit behind schedule. I took a deep breath and stood up. I remembered passing a small bookstore here in the airport. I picked up my bag and walked into the direction I thought the bookstore was in. Ten minutes of walking later I had found the bookstore. I entered. It wasn't a big store. There were mostly magazines. I looked around that was when something caught my eye. A small A5 book, dark red with the words The Jurassic Park Survival Guile written in dark gray, rested in the corner. I walked over to it and picked it up. The book wasn't very thick, about 20 pages. I smiled. This could keep me busy for a while, I wasn't a very quick reader but I wasn't that slow ether…just so you know.
I paid and walked back to my seat. It was 5am SA time, South Africa not San Andreas. I was headed to Cape Town to go get something. What it is isn't important. I sat down and opened the book.
Chapter 001
Know you environment
Going to Jurassic Park? Thinking of taking the family to Isla Sorna or maybe Isla Nublar? Well think again. Those islands are haunted. Haunted by scaly ghosts that feed of fear…and flesh.
Dinosaurs! That's right. These islands are home to creatures that lived 65 million years ago. This guide will hopefully help you when you somehow manage to get your ass stuck on one of these islands
Thick jungles populate these small islands near Costa Rica. It would be wise to get some experience in jungle areas before you go into these areas. I'm not going to go into detail. It will get wet. It will be hot.
The islands also have nice, big, open valleys where huge majestic creatures walk tall and attract those other majestic creatures that eat meat.
There is much known about these islands. You have to be there or had to be there to know about it. I was there!
I walked over to the vending machine. Got myself a Coke. I had to smile. The book I was reading was interesting, funny interesting. I wonder who wrote it, Weirdo!
Chapter 002
Dinosaurs are everywhere
Jurassic Park is home to large number of dinosaurs but only half of them are actually a threat. I'm going to explain 2 dinosaurs that are the biggest threats you will encounter. Remember this is the simple edition
First is the mighty Tyrannosaurus Rex
Tyrannosaurus meaning "tyrant lizard" from Greek (tyrannos, "tyrant") and (sauros, "lizard"), Rex meaning, "king" in Latin.
The Tyrannosaurus is a bipedal carnivor with a massive skull balanced by a long, heavy tail. It has large powerful hindlegs and small forelimbs, though the forelimbs are unusually powerful for their size. The forelimbs bore two clawed digits, fingers if you didn't know. This creature is one one of the largest known land predotors, measering up to 12.8 m or 42 ft in length, 4 m or 13 ft tall at the hips and up to 6.8 metric tons or 7.5 short tons in weight.
Tip: T. Rex can see you even if you stand still. The dinosuars has perfect vision. It also has a nose
Tyrannosaurus rex may be a apex predotor, preying upon anything meat. Although some experts have suggested it was primarily a scavenger. The debate over Tyrannosaurus as apex predotor or scavenger is amoung the longest running debates in paleontology.
Apex predotor or scavenger? Well shit if a 7 tone, 12 m tall, dinosuar ran rowards me I would acutally give thought about what it could be. No I wouldn't! Fuck that! I would get my ass out of there. If a bunch of eggheads couldn't figure out what sort of behavior this thing has then we are all screwed
Tip: If you ever encounter this beast and your in the open. You can kiss you ass goodbye. Maybe you could finally put a stop to this conundrum…if you survive that is.
Now we come to those bastard Velociraptors
Velociraptor meaning "swift seizer" is a genus of dromaeosaurid theropod dinosaur that existed approximately 75 to 71 million years ago during the later part of the Cretaceous Period.
Tip: Using the internet to find information on the raptor will confuse the crap out of you.
Don't use the internet to find information on the Velociraptor.
Internet raptor
Smaller than other dromaeosaurids like Deinonychus and Achillobator, the turkey-sized Velociraptor nevertheless shared many of the same anatomical features. It was a bipedal, feathered carnivore with a long, stiffened tail and an enlarged sickle-shaped claw on each hindfoot, which is thought to have been used to kill its prey. Velociraptor can be distinguished from other dromaeosaurids by its long and low skull, with an upturned snout.
This is inforamtion you will find on the internet, a website like Wikipedia.
The Raptor in Jurassic Park…and nearby islands.
Light brown, no feathers, standing 6ft or 1.81 meters high. These raptors are very intelligent, they are able to open door. They can jump high; they can jump over a wall twice their size.
They work in packs. I think that's the only thing these raptors have in common with normal raptors. We need to keep in mind that these raptors are infused with frog DNA. I doubt frog DNA will change a raptor so dramatically. John would know what other mutations were formed but the old goat probable wouldn't say anything about it.
Bottom line: you can't drop kick these raptors.
I cam back from the toilet. Who ever wrote this had a few screws lose but it was intresting nonetheless. I sat down on my seat. I still had 20 minutes before my flight. I check to see if my bagf was still with me before I opened the book again
Chapter 003
Guns are your best friend
Guns. You got to love it. Before going to these islands it would be wise to find out if there are any weapons available. Here a group of guns I highly recommend.
AA-12/Atchisson Assault Shotgun
Type: Combat shotgun
Place of origin: United States
Specifications
Weight: 5.2 kg less magazine. 7.3 kg with loaded 32-round drum
Length: 991 mm
Barrel Length: 457mm
Cartridge: 12 Gauge
Action: Selective fire, forced gas blowback operated
Rate of fire: 300 rounds per minute
Effective range: 100 m (12 gauge slug)
Feed system: 8 rounds in box magazine, 20 or 32 rounds in drum magazine
Spas-12
Type: Combat shotgun
Place of origin: Italy
Specifications
Weight: 4.4 kg (9.7lb)
Length: 1041 mm, stock extended
Barrel Length: 546 mm
Cartrigde: 12 guage 2 ¾ inch shells only
Action: Pump-action / gas-actuated
Rate of fire: 4 rounds per second
Effective range: Dependant on ammunition used
Feed system: 8 rounds, internal tube magazine
Benelli M3
Type: Shotgun
Place of origin: Italy
Specifications
Length: 1200 mm
Barrel length: 500 – 660 mm (depending on model)
Cartridge: 12 or 20-gauge shells or slugs
Caliber: 12 – 20 gauge
Action: Pump action or recoil operated
Rate of fire: Semi-automatic
Feed system: 7 round tubular magazine
We now get to the rifles
AK-47
Type: Assault rifle
Place of origin: Soviat Union
Specification
Weight: 4.3 kg
Leight: 870 mm
Barrel length: 415 mm
Cartridge: 7.62 X 39 mm M43/M67
Action: Gas-operated, rotating bolt
Rate of fire: 600 rounds per minute
Effective range: 300 meters full automatic. 400 meters semi-automatic
Feed system: 10, 20, 30, 40 or 75 round detachable box and drum style magazine
Rifle, 5.56 mm, M16
Type: Assault rifle
Place of origin: United States
Specifications (M16A2)
Weight: 3.5 kg
Length: 1,010 mm
Barrel length: 508 mm
Cartridge: 5.56x45mm NATO
Action: Gas-operated, rotating bolt
Rate of fire: 12-15 rounds/min sustained, 45-60 rounds/min semi-automatic, & 700–950 rounds/min cyclic
Effective range: 550 Meters (point target), 800 Meters (area target)
And finally
RPG-7
Type: Rocket-propelled grenade launcher
Place of origin: Soviet Union
Specifications
Weight: 7 kg
Length: 950 mm
Caliber: 85mm
Maximum range: 920 m
These are the guns I would take to Jurassic Park. But if it was possible I would also like to take a Minigun. Now that would be fun.
I got up and grabbed my bag. I walked in the direction instructed to me by the voice booming from the intercom. I got into line with ticket in hand. While I waited I took out the small book and began to read. It was finished anyway and I would wait here a while anyway.
If I could give you any tips to surviving the madness of JP. I would say this: Stay together, work as a team and follow your instincts.
I would like to thank my psychologist
And thank you for buying this book
I closed the book and shook my head. Weirdo.
I showed my ticket and walked down the tunnel towards the massive 747. I guess anyone can write a book these days. But what if Jurassic Park was real and all those dinosaurs were running around. Who knows?
Disclaimer: I do not own Jurassic Park
This was written for the fun.