It was the kind of love that you seen coming but no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't run from it.

It wasn't like you didn't have the strength, like you were scared. Its like you didn't want to. You're body wouldn't let you run from him even though you know he was dangerous.

But that was just it. Even though you knew the outcome could be bad, you looked forward to the in-between.

You knew if you took that chance, even in the future, you wont regret that little infinity you had with him. It would be worth it.

He would be worth every heartache.

All this, I knew all this by the end of that first night.

I did this to myself.

Entry 1- Infinity

I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know what to think or even what he really looked like. I mean he had sent my a picture but what if he got there and that wasn't really him. And his face was turned i an odd direction so he didn't look that attractive at all. I don't mean to sound shallow but the first thing you see when you meet a person is their face and from right then its like your mind judges them already, without you even meaning to do so. It decides for you if you are going to find them attractive or not. We are all shallow by nature.

Anyway.

I was nervous. I didn't know what I signed up for. I've had sex in the past but it was never planned. I went on this meet and greet site for basically hits and quits. Yeah, dumb but there I was, pacing back and forth in my room. My makeup was very natural. I threw on cover-up and very light mascara with highlighted brows. The added blush on my cheeks was the finishing touch and with these four items I was flawless yet untouched it seemed. My hair was brushed but also puffed. I, not at all, wanted to make it seem like I INTENTIONALLY spent hours preparing for this. Upon giving my mirror one last pass, as I approached the door, I turned and faced my reflection with a disappointed stare. I had no idea what I was doing. I felt so low and so...whorish. I looked to my door with a gaze off into the distance as I remembered JUST the night before my roommate had allowed another man to penetrate her once more from the same site I had. I groaned and smirked. We were going to be whores together. Was that it? I thought about it. That was just my first time so I wasn't that all bad.

The sound of the doorbell felt like gongs in my ears. My heart had jumped and I was lightly startled. Even though I was sure I wasn't going to look into the mirror again, I backed up and looked again. I know, so dumb. As I approached the door, before I even GOT to the frame of it, he was there. That scared me too. I gasped lightly with wide eyes and stepped back, just staring at him fro what seemed to be like forever.

God he was sexy.

The door closing was what caught my attention and brought me back to earth I parted my lips even wider to greet him, literally about to introduce myself, but the man didn't even let me got out a peep. He had cupped my cheeks into both palms and stepped towards me. I can still feel his lips.

Was this a thing? No names or anything? What do I shout in bed?

All these questions ran through my head in just a mere mili-second and he had wrapped his arms around my waste and pulled me against his chest. I remember grabbing his shirt as he was walking with me to the bed behind me. I did a pretty good job, given what just happened, with walking backwards and not falling on my ass. When I sat on the bed, he pulled from the kiss and by that time I wasn't even thinking about asking those questions anymore. I was ripping the shirt off my body as he was throwing his to the corner. Before I knew it, he was naked and I had my legs around his waste. My arms thrown around his neck and my back arched upwards, pressing against his chest as he stayed mounted on all fours above me with penetrating hips. I gasped and moaned each time he pushed into me. This man was huge and he wasn't showing any mercy. He let me have it like there was no tomorrow. Literally. We went 5 times that night and when we finally ran out of energy, we glanced a the clock that read 3am.

I laid there next to him, on my back with the Christmas lights outlining my walls and the white, tool like canopy draped and hung over my queen size bed. We didn't say anything. Not that whole time, not the times in between and even then, laying there we were so silent. it was the best silence and I will never forget it because even though we weren't talking, I felt like it wasn't awkward at all. My heart was pounding so fast, from the sex and the nerves in my stomach, I was sure he heard that. I remember the silence even more so because of the words that came after that. It pierced me and that's when I knew I was in deep shit. I felt like I was in a movie it was surreal.

With his big brown eyes and messy, fire orange like hair. He has pale white skin that was painted with different worded tattoos and pictures of meaningful things. 17 covered his body so subtly. If he wore a long sleeve (or even an elbow cut) shirt and shorts, you wouldn't guess he had them at all. His face was so particular. He has a strong jawline and his cheekbones are perfectly shaped for his manly face.

"You're pretty..." Was the words that pierced my heart like any sharp object would. It was just as shockingly painful as it was scary. Yet even knowing this for that split moment, I felt warm.

It was that feeling I got, just then.

The feeling of knowing you should back away but you don't want to because you're curious as to whats around the corner.

He left that night. I offered him to stay the rest of the night. I kind of wanted him to but he refused. After he said that I thanked him and he cuddled for another 20 minutes before he got up and announced he was leaving. Yeah I felt a bit upset but I as I watched him walk away from my place, and down the long alley to his car, I knew it was a long shot he would have stayed anyway. I turned and walked back into my place. I locked the door behind me and immediately went to shower. I think that was the longest shower I had taken but it was also the first of many to come if I kept seeing him. The whole time I was in there, my mind was focused on him and him alone. We said but a couple words to each-other yet he was all I could think about.

He is so handsome...

I think what it really was, as I laid in bed that night, I wondered if maybe my mind was scared that this man would leave. What if he got what he wanted and he wasn't going to ever come back. I sat up in bed just then and grabbed my phone off the charger, assuring I had probably snatched the charger from the outlet. I didn't care. I unlocked my phone and went to my messages. I pulled up our conversation and was ready to ask but paused. I plugged my phone back in and laid back under my blankets. Somehow I knew that this orange haired man was not like that, and that was going off of one compliment. None the less, I drowned myself in my thoughts till I passed out.