Author: Existinnon

Pairing: Asami/Akihito
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: none
Warnings: Crack, PWP, slice-of-life, language, maybe OOC
Word Count: 500

Disclaimer: VF characters belong to Yamane-sensei.

Summary: Morning calls are annoying. Akihito is tired of them. Tables need flipping. Crack slice-of-life one-shot written as a gift fic for a friend (from AO3).

A/N: I wrote this as thanks to Yamiga for writing such a cute one-shot as a result of our conversation. It really made me smile. Go read her fic "The Morning Call" This is the first time I'm writing a fic in present tense. *shifty eyes*

Warning: Profanities. Lots. And PWP (non-smut). Written off the top of my head.

The phone rings twice...or is it thrice, it doesn't matter. It's freaking 4 am in the morning. Who in their right mind calls at this hour? It's been like this for two straight mornings already. It's so damn annoying that Akihito can barely control his anger. He wants to flip out right now. In fact, fuck it, he's going to flip. He doesn't give two shits about punishment.

In one swift move, Akihito brings his hand down on Asami's ass in a karate chop. He makes damn sure it is hard and fast.

Asami jerks awake and his hand immediately reaches for a compartment near his pillow for a gun. He whips the weapon at his attacker, eyes fully alert, and finger ready to pull the trigger.

Akihito looks at him with a semi-shocked expression. Ok. He doesn't expects that.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"What do you think I'm doing? Answer your damn phone."

"Just leave it."

"Then turn the stupid thing off!"

The phone stops ringing. Asami narrows his eyes on Akihito. If there is an appropriate soundtrack most fitting for such a moment, it'd be an old western cowboy duel one, except Akihito is the good, Asami the bad, and the phone the ugly.

Asami puts his gun back in the compartment and lies back down on the bed.

"Just go back to sleep, Akihito."

Akihito stares at him in disbelief. After debating over it in his head for a few more seconds, he decides it's too bothersome to deal with it right now. He wants his sleep too. But the moment his head hits the pillow, the phone rings again. 'Son of a...'

With the brevity of a trained ninja, he kicks off the duvet, rolls off the bed, and makes his way to the phone on the nightstand by Asami's side. Before Asami could stop him, he grabs the phone.

"Hello? Who is this? Actually, don't bother answering. It's four goddamn am in the morning. Stop calling, you moron! Call again and I'll post your number on some dating website for overly eager lonely men. I dare you, jerkface!" Akihito hangs up and gasps for air.

Asami looks at him, semi-amused.

"What?"

"I didn't know you know about those websites. Are you lonely, Akihito?"

"What?! The fuck I am, bastard!" Akihito marches into the bathroom.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the line, Kirishima stares at his phone, disturbed and dumbfounded.

"Jerkface? Lonely men?"

Suoh turns to his friend, "What?"

Kirishima clears his throat and adjusts his glasses. "Nothing."

And the two men continue to stand next to the limo in front of the penthouse in awkward silence. Kirishima's morning call to alert his boss of their arrival results in failure. Again.

Suoh breaks the silence after 15 more minutes of waiting, "You should call Asami-sama again."

Kirishima quietly protests, "No, you do it."

Suoh eyes him suspiciously. "Ok..." The bodyguard searches for his phone.

Kirishima turns his head to hide his smirk.

tbc

A/N:

- I blame me listening to GD's song Crayon while writing this XD.

- None of my fics so far has this much profanities lmao. I cuss a lot when I'm pissed though.

- Exactly 500 words. Lucky number today!

- To everyone else: *runs away*