NOT AGAIN- or "An Unsent Letter To You"


How do I tell you what's on my mind?

Right now all I have is an older brother who tries to take care of me.

Before you I was violent, strong and fearful. But you came into the picture and changed my nature.

I had always been soft and lonely inside but never showed it around until you found out who I was. I somehow became more complete in you because you helped me see who I really was. I discovered myself.

I use to hide away, downing myself in my masculine clothing, trying to hide what was meant to be shone. I was accepted between the boys and everyone caught me an s a boy before seeing the 'Gabriella'

I asked myself many times before, what was the point of staying on Earth, what was the point of living, the point in breathing. I didn't ask to be made but I did ask to be destroyed.

Who would miss me anyway?

Aren't you the one that left me? Once again?

You knew though how hurtful it was to see my parents walk away from the responsibility that it took to raise two children. You knew because you discovered that this was the only sad aspect in my life, but it was profound enough to shape the rest of my life.

But you still left. You said you had to go and you broke me. I never thought you would leave, but I knew at first I couldn't trust. So many turn downs but I think this one is the worst.

My best friend left me after promising not to. How painful is the sorrow I feel. It's burning my lungs and my heart so much that I can't cry or scream, but I do want to.

I waited a few days in front of the phone, at the door, by the window, waiting for you to come over and tell me it was all a joke, just a nightmare that didn't apply to my life, just something of my imagination. But none of that came.

You were gone, happy, and I was left alone, weeping.

I missed you.

You carefree smile, your loving hugs and soothing words. You beautiful eyes and your smooth skin. Your shaped muscles and your tanned skin.

Most of all I missed your loving and caring heart. I miss you.

I wonder if this pain will ever go away. Some people have never been able to really forget about what people did to them.

All the things that hurt and things that made you happy are both unforgettable.

You can never forget, you just learn how to live with the idea.

Not once though, since you stepped out of my threshold, have I asked this feeling to take over me for me to forget. I know that it would hurt more. Maybe…

I thought my mom and dad were dead, dead in this big accident, but they weren't. They left us, for real. And Gabriel is the only one that has authority around here. Plus he was made my guardian.

I can only rely on him now. But how can I fully trust someone else after all the disappointment I received from you and my parents. How then do you expect me to live my life?

You have left me broken. More than ever, my heart is in pieces. Will I ever be able to mend it?

Did you even think of that when you left? Did you think on what you were leaving behind when you decided to 'follow your heart'?

I guess that love was not on my side. Or meant for me at all.

Because my heart bet for the living of yours from the moment you came over and saved me. But even in the silence, I can't hear your voice, thought your words are engraved in my heart, mind and soul forever.

How painful it is when someone you love more than a friend tells you "I'm sorry, I got to go. I found someone and I just got to follow her".

Left all alone and miserable, for the search of another, making your happiness.

Was I not enough for you? Was I just too low? Too low for you to see how my pulse spend up when you came near, how my body would relax if you held me close, how I would feel my eyes sparkle at just the sight of you, how I wanted to mold myself in you so that I may feel you closer, so that I would be safer?

It's not easy to be the daughter of escapers…because she ends up being the one broken when the people leaving are all happy.

So I'm sitting here weeping, and I'm wondering if this is all worth it. I'm wondering if I need to care, if you leaving me should have such an impact on me.

My life shouldn't be devoted to you. You are human aren't you? Which means you will never ever never ever be perfect and therefore, will never be able to satisfy me like you needed to.

I'm about to build a bigger tower than the one my heart was captivated in before you destroyed the castle. Not even you will be able to break it down.

It will be so much stronger.

Invincible.

Seriously? Has this ever happen to you? That you write something down that is so powerful and great that you don't even know what inspired you to write it?

I was just looking over at the folder in my laptop "not fully written stories" and I found this. Title and everything. And I surprised myself when I read it today. I seriously have NO idea what the context of this was. But it's so sad and well- written!

I went back to the folder and checked at when it was written and it says "1rst april 2009". So that is exactly 9 months ago! Wow! Amazing.

This story is just deep.

The disappointment is probably from Troy. I found it funny that Gabriella's brother is named Gabriel. But I won't change the name. I left the story just the way I first wrote it and I'm not changing it.

Hope you like it. And please, don't copy this.

It was the fruit of my imagination, and I love it very much.

I don't own Disney's High School Musical.

Thank you! And leave a review!

Xoxo

Prettykouka

PS: i think i'm going to get 'Once In A Lifetime'deleted again. I just don't have time to write it anymore. i promise i will update other things because i have a lot of one-shots to be finished. Today i was inspired for something, so maybe i'll post it, but i'm not sure.

If i don't delete OIL, i will be finishing it over christmas break!

Love you all!