Fire and Feline

by OpalWings

A one-shot companion to "It's All To Make Us Shine" (but can be read on its own.) Merle and Celena have an unlikely heartfelt conversation about their inner demons, perched atop a castle wall as night falls in Fanelia. Like the fic that spawned it, it tak

Title: Fire And Feline

Author: Jessica Lynn S. (starsapphirez@aol.com)

Rating: PG-13 for some groping (No, despite the way that makes it sound, this *isn't* a yuri fic!)

Disclaimer: I do not own or claim to own Escaflowne, or anything from it. However, I have worked hard on this story, so please do not take it for any purpose without my permission. MAJOR SPOILER WARNING FOR THOSE WHO HAVE NOT SEEN ALL 26 EPISODES OF ESCAFLOWNE.

Summary: A one-shot companion to "It's All To Make Us Shine." Merle and Celena have an unlikely heartfelt conversation about their inner demons, perched atop a caste wall as night falls in Fanelia. Like the fic which spawned it, this occurs only a few months after the close of the series.
________________________________________________________________________________

The sun sank beneath distant treetops, painting the sky in a tangerine glow. Thick billows of smoke rose upward in to the chilled air and a few dark clouds littered the horizon. The heavy stone wall of the castle's tower was in the process of being rebuilt. It only reached about a third of the way up the wooden skeletal structure which the construction crew had erected around it. Merle scampered up the planks effortlessly and leapt to the top of the wall. Celena followed behind her, slowly inching her way along while clinging tightly to the frame. "Are you sure it is safe to be here, Merle?" she asked with urgency. It wasn't the first time she had asked the question since they had began their climb.

"Probably not for a clumsy human girl like you." Merle laughed with a hint of arrogance, "But as for me, I have climbed much higher." She perched herself gracefully on the wall, dangling her bare feet over the edge. Celena's violet Asturian dress snagged on splintered wood and a strip of it tore off. She cringed at the ripping sound. Allen would not be pleased, that was the fourth ripped dress in three months. She was still not accustomed to the concept of wearing one.

Eventually she made her way up beside the cocky little cat girl, balancing herself with meticulous care. She silently looked out across the half-rebuilt city, taking in the sights of the dusk. Tents and other temporary shelters had been erected outside the growing frames of buildings, where families could reside until their homes were restored. People bustled in front of large glowing fire pits, cooking their dinners. The dancing, twisting flames caught Celena's eye and held it for several moments.

Fire was what had destroyed the beautiful country of Fanelia; liquid metal had sliced through its bravest soldiers. An Alseides guymelef had led the Zaibach forces on their path of chaos. Celena had been the one in the cockpit, the one setting the fires -- at least in a way. Allen had already countered her time and again with the argument that she hadn't had any choice in the matter. She had been altered by Zaibach to become the twisted and bloodthirsty killer who was Dilandu. Dilandu had served merely as a vehicle for the achievement of Zaibach's ideals. But Dilandu was gone, leaving only a confused and frightened wisp of a girl buried beneath a lead-heavy weight of guilt. Dilandu's memories returned to her slowly, like drops of water from a leaking pipe. She saw the faces of the people he had killed and heard their screams of pain. She remembered the joy he had taken in inflicting such pain.

She had not wanted to come to Fanelia. She wanted only to stay at the Schezar estate - alone in the privacy of her bedroom - where she did not have to face the past she lost behind a pair of blood-shade eyes. She did not want to face the immeasurable hurt and suffering caused by her alter-ego. She did not want to face the people whom he had almost killed; the people who's kingdom was held at the mercy of and destroyed by her pale and slender hands. She definitely did not want to face Van Fanel. Dilandu Albatou saw Van's steel glare of anger as a blatant challenge to rip the young king and warrior apart. But Celena Schezar broke and fidgeted beneath that same glare. She did not see how Van would ever be able to forgive her for all that had been taken from him.

Allen had made her come to Fanelia with him, despite her protests. He said she couldn't run away from the past forever, insisting he knew this from experience. He suggested that she confront her memories head-on in order to make peace with them, only it was more of an order than a suggestion. He wanted only what was best for her, but she didn't care what was best for her. What if she wanted to run forever? She frowned and looked over at Merle, who seemed oblivious to her. She didn't think the cat girl liked her much. She was barely tolerating Celena's presence, to appease Van and Allen. They had wanted the two girls out of their hair while they discussed political matters and toured the construction.

Celena had smiled when she first saw Merle, sparked with the memory of the kindly Jajuka. Beastmen were a comforting familiarity to her. She had attempted to scratch behind the little feline's ears in a friendly gesture, Merle had smacked her hand away with disgust and scampered off in to the depths of the castle. Thin, fading claw marks still stung her skin. Merle was nothing like Jajuka, and would not show her the same compassion and understanding as he had. She had been a fool to think otherwise. Tears welled in the corners of her eyes.

Merle was watching the birds which fluttered past the wall. A pale blue feather fell and drifted on the breeze. Merle reached out her hand and closed her fist around it, then turned to look at Celena. "Why are you so gloomy, anyway?" she asked, suddenly taking note of the girl's pained expression.

"Fire..." said Celena. "It's beautiful. But it destroys everything in its path. Fanelia fell to fire, yet her citizens keep it in their midst. Only it is smaller now, more controlled. Sometimes I feel like fire. But what I wouldn't give to be ground or sky or forest instead. I particularly like the forest." At every chance she got at her home, Celena would slip out the door and wander through the nearby woods unescorted. She could marvel at the plant and insect life for what seemed like forever. Allen always scolded her for her rashness and carelessness, but he never scolded her too sternly. Her gentle smile had a way of breaking through the Caeli Knight's almost impenetrable demeanor. In Fanelia she had been permitted to explore the forests all she wanted, provided she kept up with Merle, which was a near-impossible feat.

Merle opened her fist and studied the feather, turning it around in her hand. "What I wouldn't give to have wings." she said after a long pause, with a contemplated air to match Celena's. It caught her by surprise. She had expected no less than a response which was chock full of insults and attitude.

"Do you know what a Draconian is?" asked Merle. Celena shook her head to the negative. "They are people with beautiful, white wings." Merle explained. "I wish I had beautiful, white wings; that I was a Draconian instead of a stupid little cat girl." The wind reclaimed the feather from her hand and sent it dancing gracefully to the ground far beneath them. Merle bowed her head, watching it's descent.

"I think you are wonderful the way you are." said Celena. "I like pointy ears and tail better than a pair of wings any day."

Merle sighed, not raising her eyes. "If I was Draconian, I would better understand Van. I would be like Van. I wouldn't be such a burden to him.."

"Van has wings?" asked Celena.

Merle started, realizing how much she had unintentionally revealed about her beloved master. She fluffed her tail, and stammered, "No! What I mean is..." She couldn't finish the sentence. Thankfully it seemed that the human girl's mind was otherwise occupied.

"I do not think Van has forgiven me." said Celena. "I don't think he ever will."

"Forgiven you for what?" asked Merle, cocking her head in puzzlement. "Van hadn't even known you before you and Allen arrived! I know, I have lived here with him for all my life."

"You mean you don't know about me?" asked Celena, surprised.

"No." Merle grumbled in annoyance, "I am not some kind of all-powerful psychic, who can tell someone's past just by looking at them. That is the girl from the Mystic Moon's expertise. So why don't you just tell me?" Since Merle seemed to dislike her as it was, Celena figured the truth would not have much impact. It was obvious that Van thought she was a horrible person, she could see it in his eyes. He would bow and exchange the pleasant formalities required of him with her, but he was always watching her with suspicion in his peripheral vision. At times she wished he would just come clean and tell her he hated her and that she should die, instead of all the unspoken tension. Merle, on the other hand, was outspoken enough to give her that brutal, reprimanding honesty. There would actually be some strange sense of comfort and validation in it.

"Well..." she began, choosing her words carefully. She managed to speak rather eloquently about a subject which caused her much pain, without so much as a single sniffle, surprising herself. "The Zaibach sorcerers did some horrible experiments on young children. I was one of those children." She indicated to a neat surgical scar which rested below the place where her shoulder blades met. It was where the dark red wedge of energist stone implanted by the sorcerers had been tucked in to her skin. For fear that his sister would revert back to Dilandu, Allen had taken Celena to the Princess Millernia, who wasted no time removing the gem.

"They stole me away from my family when I was very young. I can't really explain what they did, because I don't totally understand it. But...they turned me in to a boy."

"A boy?!" Merle's asked. Baffled, she reached out her hand and roughly squeezed one of Celena's breasts.

"Merle? What are you doing?!" Celena demanded. Merle ignored the question and palpated the fabric of Celena's dress where it gathered between her legs. Celena's features contorted in an expression of complete and utter shock.

"No," said Merle, crossing her arms with an air of expertise, "You're not a boy! You might not be very well-endowed, but you are not a boy."

"I'm not a boy anymore!" exclaimed Celena, her face red from embarrassment.

"Oh." said Merle She folded her ears back, suddenly feeling a bit embarrassed herself. "What happened, then?" she asked.

"Well, the boy...his core personality was my own. But they altered and conditioned him in to a monster. They made him - made me - in to someone who liked to destroy anything he possibly could. Do you remember anything about a boy named Dilandu?"

Merle chewed on her fingernail. "Hmm," she said, "the name sounds familiar."

"He was the leader of an Elite Zaibach military force called the Dragonslayers." Celena said. "In the Zaibach empire, we referred to your Lord Van as 'the Dragon.' The purpose of the Dragonslayers was to hunt down and capture Van. But Dilandu wanted to do more to Van then capture him. He wanted to kill him...in the most painful ways that he could think of.." Merle sat silently, and Celena could not ascertain whether or not she was putting together everything she was saying.

"He went against his orders, and tried to kill Van many times. Obviously, he did not succeed. But he hurt Van in another way. He did not hurt just Van but an entire country. His guymelef had a special adjustment which no others had; a flame thrower. He used it to burn down Fanelia."

Merle was silent, still.

"Merle," said Celena "that boy, Dilandu, was me. I could have killed you all. I would have, too, if Allen and Van wouldn't have stopped me. If I wouldn't have went back to who I was before..."

"How did you change back?" asked Merle. Celena studied her curiously. If Merle was angry with her, her posture and expression showed no sign of it. It was merely the body language of someone who was listening; taking in information.

"When Zaibach kidnapped me - before they changed me - they left me in the care of a dog man named Jajuka. He was very kind and gentle to me. After one of Dilandu's fights with Van, I started to break down. I suppose I was starting to revert back to me. The sorcerers took me away to 'fix' me. After that, Jajuka was assigned as my only servant. He was the one link I had left to who I was. He encouraged me to return to my true self when the war was over and Zaibach had fallen."

"You do not want to kill Van now?" asked Merle. It was doubtful, but she had to make sure. If Celena still posed a threat to her oldest and truest friend, Merle would rip her the shreds with her own claws.

"No, certainly not. You cannot even begin to imagine how painful it is for me to live with the memories of everything Dilandu has done. You can't imagine the sorrow I feel when I think of the suffering caused by my own hands."

"It was Zaibach's fault, though." said Merle with a hint of anger which was not meant for Celena. "They are the ones who caused the horrible things. You are no different than us. You, Van, and I...and all the people out there." She gestured with her hand to the good people of Fanelia below them, most of whom had settled around the fires with their meals.

She looked in to Celena's eyes, holding her gaze for a long time. Celena shifted nervously. "Your eyes..." said Merle, finally. "Sometimes I go and I play with the children down there. They laugh and they smile, but they all have the same look in there eyes. It is a sad look. You have it too, you are like those children. We all bare the scars of Zaibach's actions."

"Allen says the same thing." said Celena. "Only, it is nice to hear it from someone else. Allen is my brother, and he would love me even if I were holding a knife to his throat." she smiled slightly.

"Van is the same way with me." observed Merle. "He is so much like a brother to me, and I haven't always acted very grateful." Night was falling fast, and she cast her eyes up to the pale white spheres of the Mystic Moon and it's own satellite, which hung low in the blue of twilight.

"Van fell in love with the weird girl from that moon." she said. "I did everything I could to keep the two of them apart. I was mean to the girl, I stole from her, I made fun of her at every chance I got. Meanwhile, she saved us all time and again. I could stake no claim to Van, he had never thought of me as anything more than a little sister. She made him so happy, and he deserved that happiness. But I was insanely jealous."

"Well, you meant well." offered Celena. "A little bit of jealousy is nothing in comparison the destruction of entire countries. But I am curious, are you in love with Van? Is that why you were jealous?"

"It is not a question of whether I love him, it is a question of how I love him." said Merle. "Cats get very attached, and not always nessicarily in a romantic sense. Van was all I ever really had, the royal family took me in when my own family was killed. I was only a baby, I cannot even remember my real family. Van and I grew up together. I always looked up to him, and I suppose that sometimes I thought of him in that way. But my feelings were childish and possessive. Van loves Hitomi, Hitomi loves Van. She loves him just as deeply as I do but differently, in a way that I can't describe. It is the way it should be, and I cannot interfere. I don't want to interfere. Why do you ask?"

"It is just that have yet to totally understand the matters of romance. Dilandu had more lovers than I would care to admit, but it was not out of affection for them." Celena said.

"Were they girls or boys?" Merle asked with curiosity.

"I don't think that really matters..." said Celena. Despite Merle's further inquiries, she left it at that. Finally Merle gave up on the topic and went back to the previous one.

"Van is always telling me that I depend too much on him. He wants to see me make friends." She paused. "I really have trouble being nice to other people. I guess that after all these years I really just don't know how. I want to hang on to the way that things have always been, so I automatically resent anyone unfamiliar, without taking the time to get to know them. I was mean to the girl Van loved and I was mean to you too. I really shouldn't have been. You've had it very hard." She looked at Celena with big, tear-filled eyes.

"You would have every right to hate me, Merle. But if it is any consolation, I still think that you are wonderful." Celena said.

Without warning, Merle crawled into Celena's lap and laid her head on her shoulder. Celena was amazed by the sudden change of character. The cat girl's tough front had been lowered completely, baring a basic need for closeness and comfort. Celena returned Merle's embrace, and rested her head on hers. Merle purred softly.

Celena watched the stars come out bright and silver across the Gaean sky, listening to the shallow rhythm of Merle's breaths. She had found a small pocket of unexpected acceptance in her unlikely friend; a brightly glowing beacon for the future with took away some of the pain of the past. She smiled with gratitude and sheer happiness. It had taken a lot of courage for Merle to muster the honesty she had just shown -- and the apology which came along with it. Perhaps it was time she found the courage to do the same. There was a king she knew who really deserved it.
________________________________________________________________________________ Closing Note: My next fic still desperately needs a title, but I can reveal the title of the prolouge/first chapter. It will be called "Fated Proposal" and it will probably be up to read in a week or so, give or take a few days. Please take the time to check out my Esca fanworks site --> http://opalwings.com/esacflowne

I am willing to host other writers' Escaflowne fanfiction.