(A/N: Even though I'm only fifteen, I could never resist South Park. My big brother showed me the famous "How would you like to suck my balls, Mr. Garrison" scene when I was about six [my brother is seriously such a jackass], and my slightly older sister and I would innocently reenact the scene with each other for a good laugh. I called a girl a jew once because I thought it was an insult. Needless to say, when my mother heard those words come from our mouths, she was not pleased. She banned us from watching South Park, as well as any other shows above a Y7 rating [for then, of course], and my hopes of learning that scene's context were dashed...
UNTIL RECENTLY. This summer, my sister and I got South Park crazy! We're really big fans and we love the show! We vowed to never swear again, but typing doesn't count, lol. Though my sister has yet to see the series in its entirety, I have seen every episode at least once, and we both watched the movie. Twice.
But enough history! GOSH! This is my first time writing for South Park, and it's a Stan X Wendy story because that's my favorite pairing, I think.)
Wendy never was the"party girl" type.
The loud music, inappropriate dance moves, food stains in the carpet, and the kids always trying to sneak beer into the party. Root beer, that is. Besides, who had time to party all night when there was so much wrong in the world that needed fixing?
It wasn't even like those other times Bebe or Heidi or somebody had begged her to accompany them. She had attended on her own terms this time.
It was fair of Wendy to say that her previous attempts at romantic interactions with Stan had been...less than successful.
Stan had a weak stomach, and something about love, specifically Wendy, made him especially queasy.
South Park Elementary had recently begun showing students the horrors of drinking alcohol at parties. Those videos had managed to at least scare the children out of drinking beer with actual alcohol in it...however, there was one thing Wendy noticed about them: a boy and a girl ALWAYS ran off into the bedroom and made out. And nobody besides the actually drunk kids ever vomited!
That made this the perfect situation for she and Stan to finally have at it! It was basically the party setting from those videos, but minus the alcohol! (There were still cigarettes from the goth kids, who only showed up to express their disgust for conformists, though)
Wendy figured this might be her only chance...!
She blushed slightly at how much she paid attention to the make-out scenes of those videos, as well as the fact that she was so intent on this, she'd show up to a party at all, but she was here now, and it was time to make her move.
The thing was, Stan had brought Kyle along. Godammit.
It was difficult enough convincing Stan to come to the party in the first place; no amount of eyelash fluttering would make him leave his best friend out of it.
"Isn't this great?" Stan beamed from his seat on the couch between Kyle and Wendy."My two favorite people, a party atmosphere, and juice that's 20% juice." He swished it around in his plastic cup.
"Uhn!" Tweek ran up and snatched the cup from Stan. He promptly set it on the table's coaster."Stan, pl-please don't spill anything on my parents' loveseat! It's really, GAH, expensive!"
"Your parents are out of town the entire weekend, Tweek," Stan reminded him."You have plenty of time to clean up any messes. Like Clyde spilling the dip on the carpet over there."
"OH, GOD!" Tweek turned abruptly and stormed over to Clyde, murmuring."Guh, how did I let Craig convince me to throw a party? Jesus, this is too much pressure...!"
"...Stan, no offense, but this party is really gay," commented Kyle."Why'd you want me to come again?"
Wendy furrowed her brow in irritation at Kyle's ignorant insult."Don't use the word 'gay' as a negative expression. If anything, it means 'happy', but it's also insensitive to homosexual people."
Kyle looked at her with equal agitation in his eyes. It sort of annoyed him how Wendy always corrected people."How?"
"It's like...what if people started using the word 'jew' as an insult?" she suggested."Wouldn't you, as a Jewish person, be offended?"
The Jewish boy rolled his eyes at this. He'd heard that one far too many times from a certain classmate with a fat ass."Sure, whatever."
Stan decided to break the rising tension by hopping off of the Tweak family's couch."Come on, guys. We should try to have a little fun, right?"
"Right." Wendy immediately joined her boyfriend."Come on, Kyle, all three of us should hit the dance floor!"
"Alright," Kyle reluctantly complied."Just don't start making out or something around me."
Wendy flinched, but to her surprise, Stan laughed at the remark.
"Don't be gross, dude! Let's go!"
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The dance floor wasn't very packed. Tweek had only worked up the nerve to invite about half of the children in Mr. Garrison's class; no inviting Kenny or Butters, because they would just tell Cartman, and he was a big...NO at parties. It made movement easy.
Stan, Kyle and Wendy silently integrated themselves into the crowd and started dancing lazily. None of them were really into it.
"Now seems like as good a time as any..." thought Wendy."But how do I distract Kyle for a second?"
Moments later, she got an idea and executed it without hesitation. (Had she known that Eric Cartman did the exact same thing before, she likely would have thought twice.)
Wendy pointed past Kyle and asked, "Hey, is that Tim McGraw?"
Kyle turned, and Wendy took this opportunity to tug Stan to a part of the room that was out of Kyle's field of vision.
"Uh, he's not..." Kyle saw that Stan and Wendy had gone."Dammit, why do I always fall for that?"
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"Hey, uh..." began Stan, confused. He silenced himself as Wendy circled him.
She planted a kiss on his cheek and he didn't throw up his mouth. So far, so good. Wendy motioned for Stan to follow her. He looked around, worried that Kyle would discover them missing, but Wendy simply pulled him away and assured him that what she had in mind would only take a minute.
The two giggled as they hurried upstairs. Wendy found the master bedroom and closed the door behind them.
"So, Stan, you were paying attention to those videos in class, right?" she asked, grinning.
"I guess so, dude."
"Hehe, then you know what the couple that sneaks away to the bedroom ALWAYS does, right?"
"...we're gonna get high?"
"No, dummy!" Wendy cupped Stan's face in her hands and leaned in, tilting her head a bit.
Stan tensed up, but he didn't quite feel like throwing up...
Could this be it? He and Wendy could FINALLY-
Knock-knock!
"Hello?"
Knock-knock!
"Stan, Wendy, are you guys in there?"
Kyle again.
"Godammit," muttered Wendy. She opened the door."Yes, Kyle?"
"Okay, first of all, Tim McGraw IS here, but he's very disappointing. Second, is Stan in there with you? Why'd you ditch me? Bebe spanked my ass and nobody was there to tell her off!"
"Uhm...can't you give us...just a second?"
Kyle gave her a hard look."You guys are going to make out?"
"...yes," sighed Wendy. This was really embarrassing for her to admit."Please, I- -"
"It's okay."
"It is?"
Kyle put his hands behind his back."Yeah. I mean, I learned something today. Couples are couples, and you can't prevent two people who...'like-like' each other from doing those gross little things that almost every person does at some point. PDA for life."
"...when did you learn THAT?"
"It's a long story. You see, Bebe spanked my ass, so Tim McGraw- -"
"Yeah, yeah, okay."
Kyle turned and walked toward the staircase. "Good luck!" he called back.
Wendy blushed and closed the door again.
"Stan?"
He was gone.
The only room connected to the bedroom was the master bathroom. Wendy opened its door to find...
Stan watching Big Gay Al and Mr. Slave make out.
"What?!" she cried."Tweek invited you two?!"
Stan covered his eyes."I just came in here to take a dump!"
"Oh, Jeezus Chrizt," moaned Mr. Slave as they broke the kiss.
"Let's take this thing to the deep end!" Big Gay Al declared. He and Mr. Slave rushed into the bedroom and...got busy. In seconds, their "pleasure noises" were heard through the bathroom door.
"AHHHHHHH!" screamed Stan and Wendy, who immediately shut and locked the door.
"JESUS, dude!" shouted Stan."We can't get out of here with the two of them having gay sex! We're trapped!"
"GODAMMIT!" Wendy stamped her foot."This isn't at ALL what I wanted!"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I only came to this party so that I could make out with you, Stan! We never made out before, and it was supposed to be the most sensually romantic moment of our relationship, and now we're trapped in a bathroom with two guys having sex outside because this party is SO FUCKING GAY!" she said in one breath and fell to her knees.
"Je...! Jeezus Chrizt!" Mr. Slave broke the silence.
Stan stepped over to the noirette. Poor girl just wanted some sweet lovin' by the fire and things kept getting in her way. She didn't deserve this.
"I mean...dude, just because this isn't the most romantic setting doesn't mean we can't make out." Stan lifted her chin."We just have to...y'know...make the moment."
Stan had never made the first move before, but he leaned in.
Oh, fuck yeah, he was gonna do it. Wait until Kyle and the guys heard about THIS! He was FINALLY- -
"That's it!" Wendy suddenly stood, causing Stan to fall on his back.
"What's it?" he croaked.
Wendy rummaged around the cabinet under the sink and found a bunch of scented candles. Ecstatic, she wiped frustrated tears from her face."MAKE the moment, just as you said! We'll spruce up this bathroom, and then it'll be perfect to make out in!"
"Hurray..."
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The two tried to ignore the sick noises emitting from just outside and set up their dream make-out room. They put bath salt in the sink (for a good smell), sprinkled rose petals on the floor, draped some toilet paper around, lit all the candles and turned out the light.
They sat on their knees, facing each other on the bath mat.
Wendy took Stan's hands."Are you ready, Stan?"
"Um...I think so," he replied.
They leaned in, tilted their heads a bit, and...CONTACT.
HAAALLELUEAH!
Stan and Wendy made out for exactly fourteen seconds. When they were done, they just looked down at their legs, smiling uncontrollably.
"S-Stan, are you okay?"
"Yeah, I think I'm fine," Stan glanced aside."You know, it's sort of a good thing we did this in the bathroom."
"Why?"
"Because I kinda have to- -!" Stan dashed over to the toilet and started vomiting into it."BLEAUUUGH!"
Wendy smiled at him, then got up and patted his back.
None of the vomit got on her that time.
(A/N: Not the best, not the worst, I just really love Stan and Wendy. Don't ask me to write the Kyle, Bebe and Tim McGraw thing, the joke was that you didn't get to hear it. Get it? HA! ['Cause I was too lazy to write a B plot too. This thing is long enough as it is.] Also, if you're wondering when Cartman did the "Hey, is that Tim McGraw?" thing, it was in part 1 of "Cartoon Wars". Definitely one of my favorite episodes.
By the way, go read my sister, King Koi's story, "Kenny McKormick Is A Whore". It's sweet. WEST SI-EE-DUH.
Please review, fave and check out my profile! More to come! Thanks for reading, and I shall see you next time!
PS, for any idiots reading this: "I find a story about two ten-year oldsmaking out tobe grossly pefverted!1!" Oh, shut up. I didn't describe anything nasty, and the show has had Cartman put Butters's dick in his mouth, Kyle suck Cartman's balls and that one fifth grade girl give Kenny a blow job. It's not perverted, and I'm tired of hearing this complaint. HUFFF.)