A/N: Been kicking around in my head for a while, just hadn't gotten around to it. Songfic to 'Better Than Me' by Hinder. I'm looking at the song as wishful thinking on Miley's part, i.e.: she and Lilly have never dated...though it can be read that they did. Lyrics are single spaced. Past events are in italics. First HM fic. Please be gentle.

Disclaimer: Hannah Montana and related characters or the song do not belong to me. I wish they did. I'd make Liley real. The only things that belong to me are the mistakes :)

Warning: One sided girl/girl crush. Turn back now if this disturbs you.

Better Than Me

By Melissa

[Miley's POV]

I think you can do much better than me
After all the lies that I made you believe
Guilt kicks in and I start to see
The edge of the bed
Where your nightgown used to be

I have been avoiding my bedroom.

I haven't slept in it for many nights, instead turning the couch into a make shift bed. I am always up before Dad and Jackson, so they won't know I've been camping out. I hide the pillows and comforter in the morning and drag them out each evening after they have gone to bed.

It's just too soon for me to go back.

I realize that I have to grab a stupid book from the shelf in my bedroom for some homework. Sighing deeply, I prepare myself. I stop at the threshold and survey the scene.

The room is exactly how I left it. The bed sheets are still rumpled and unmade, the only reminder left of the last night she spent here.

I want to fall into those sheets and inhale, pretending that there is still some semblance of her scent there. Hold the pillow like I long to hold Lilly Truscott in my arms.

The lower left corner of the bed was a spot she used to shed her night clothes in the mornings after our sleepovers. It was one of many constants when it came to Lilly. A smile ghosts across my lips, but it is quickly replaced by sadness. Out of my peripheral vision, I could almost swear the garments were still there.

I told myself I won't miss you
But I remember
What it feels like beside you

Things had been going south for a while. My alter ego is mostly to blame. In a way, I am surprised we held our friendship together as long as we did. I know the only reason for it was how much we loved each other.

And how much I was…am in love with her.

I told her she would always come first. I tried…I tried so hard.

She was so patient with me too. More than I deserved.

The last time she walked out, I promised I wouldn't miss her at all. It was just easier to lie to myself about something I knew could never possibly be true.

I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

I miss the way her hair would tickle my face when we would lay next to one another in my bed. I would be so close that I caught the scent of her shampoo and body wash.

Sometimes, when I knew Lilly was absolutely fast asleep, I would place a small kiss on her cheek. She's the best thing I have ever tasted. I never had enough nerve to do it while she was awake. I wish I could have.

Do you know how many hours of sleep I lost just watching her slumber at my side? It would be too many to count. I would cuddle into her and pray for unconsciousness. But my body was too interested in torturing me with her closeness.

While looking through your old box of notes
I found those pictures I took
That you were looking for
If there's one memory I don't want to lose
That time at the mall
You and me in the dressing room

I can't help looking through these old photographs of us and notes we'd pass together at school. I taped the damn box shut so many times, but just as surely would cut it open again.

Once again ripping open wounds that had only barely begun to heal.

I smile slightly as I come across a picture of my best friend in dress, one of very few in existence. We had gone to the mall, much to her dismay. But I wasn't going to let her go to the school dance in anything else.

I waited while she tried on a few of the dresses. I practically had to barricade her in there with threats of getting even more dresses.

"Miles?"

"Yeah, Lil?"

"Could you help me for a second?"

'Oh God,' I think. I'm caught somewhere between wanting her to be decently dressed and wanting her to ~not~ be decently dressed.

I enter the cubicle she was in after a soft knock on the door. Her back is to me, and she is holding up her gorgeous hair. The dress is a royal blue, with thin straps and a length that came down to mid thigh. The color will make her eyes stand out even more.

I feel myself gulp audibly as I reach for the zipper. My fingers were shaking of their own accord, and there was no caffeinated beverage I could blame it on. I stop momentarily to give them a violent shake.

I slowly zip her up, trying in vain to contain the fluttering mass that was once considered my heart. And the desire to ravish her neck and shoulder. Or just wrap my arms around her midsection and never, ever let go.

Lilly turned around and looks slightly sheepish. She never felt comfortable in dresses or skirts. I think my jaw fell open slightly.

"That bad?" she asks.

I blinked a few times, trying to put what I was feeling into a coherent sentence.

"You look…wow… Lil, you look stunning." I meant it more than she could know.

My blonde friend arches her eyebrow. There wasn't many a time in my life where I had trouble with words.

I take out my cell phone and take a picture with it before she can protest. I need to capture this moment.

When I had time, I printed it out on photo paper and stuck it this box that I was now softly crying over.

She had asked me for the picture once, saying she had wanted to give it to Oliver. I lied and said I had lost it. Now I hold it gently in my hands, like I am afraid it would disappear.

I told myself I won't miss you
But I remember
What it feels like beside you
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

I miss her as much as I miss my mom. She deserves better than me, though. Someone who is always there for her, not just when it is convenient.

The last time we spoke it had just been the latest in the long line of bickering and arguing. I had thrown myself into Hannah's work so hard I had been neglecting her. I figured if I had Hannah to distract me, I wouldn't focus on how much I was in love with her. And how much I was hurting her.

"Miley!! I thought we were best friends!"

"Maybe you should just find a new one," I say bitterly. I don't want to fight either, but somehow I can't help it.

"W-What?" Her voice sounds so broken that I die a little inside.

"Lilly…maybe we…we shouldn't hang out anymore. All we do is fight…"

"Then let's not! Miles, I don't want to lose you…Tell me what's wrong! If I did something then I'm sorry. I'll fix it…"

She thought it was her fault. My sweet, wonderful Lilly thought it was her that wronged me; instead of the other way around.

"Just leave, Lil. Forget it." In a softer voice, "Forget me."

'What the hell is wrong with you?!' my mind and heart scream at me.

She's crying now, and I am close myself. She walks out of my room, and possibly out of my life all together.

The bed I'm lying in is getting colder
Wish I never would've said it's over
And I can't pretend... I won't think about you when I'm older
Cause we never really had our closure
This can't be the end

I fall forward onto the bed, the sheets are ice cold; and my tears are hot.

I wish I could take back every word I said in our last fight. I don't want her to leave. I do need her. I do miss her.

I am in love with Lilly.

I think about her all the time. I know it will fade, but never completely. She's called a handful of times, and I want so desperately to pick up the phone.

I won't though, because she's better off without me.

I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

The End

A/N: Thoughts? I might do a sequel to this. I've been reading so many happy ending Liley fics lately...