This is my Secret Santa response. It's for MoonlightGardenias and her prompt "Deacon goes shopping and stumbles across something he thinks Maddie would like. On a whim, he decides to buy it. What is it, and how does she react once it's given." I took a little liberty with the part about Deacon going shopping, but I hope you like what I did with it.
Special thanks, as always, to KarenES for her beta read and patience with all my grammar and wording errors!
When he heard the knock on the door, he smiled. He checked the clock in the kitchen. 4:15. She was always right on time. He chuckled a little to himself, because he knew she must have gotten that from him. Rayna was always running late and he was the one that would be waiting, not always patiently, for her. They were rarely on time for anything. One thing that could always make him antsy was being late. And Maddie was bossy, like Rayna. So he wasn't surprised that Maddie made sure Rayna was on time bringing her for her guitar lesson. Rayna's bossiness plus Deacon's timeliness equaled Maddie on time. He laughed again as he opened the door.
Maddie was standing on the porch, her guitar case in hand, a big smile on her face. "What's so funny?" she asked.
Deacon smiled at her, his eyes crinkling with pleasure. "Nothing, really. Just thinking about how prompt you are."
Maddie turned and waved at her mom in the SUV. Deacon waved as well. She had stopped walking Maddie up to the door. It made him a little sad, because he liked seeing her, but he knew she was feeling a little on the outside right now. He had mixed feelings about that, but he also thought it was probably good for her to feel a little bit of that right now. But he pushed thoughts of Rayna out of his head and focused his attention on Maddie. His daughter.
Maddie walked in and went to sit on the couch. "I have something I want to play for you," she said. "A little something I wrote, but I need some help. I'm not sure about the chords."
He shut the door and followed her, sitting across from her on a chair. He picked up his guitar and rested it on his legs. For the next two hours, they played together, he helped her with a difficult transition, and they talked. He always enjoyed this time with Maddie, getting to know her better. Oh, he'd known her all her life, of course, but he hadn't known her as his daughter. He was surprised at how little he really had known her before; how being a father and a daughter changed the conversation. He actually felt happy, really happy, when he spent time with her, and he thought she did too.
He had moved over to the couch so that she could watch his fingers on the frets, fingers still stiff and unable to hold their position for long, but long enough so that she could see what he was showing her. She surprised him by touching his guitar strap, tentatively at first, then rubbing her fingers over the engraved letters that spelled out his name. He looked at her with a question on his face.
"Where did you get this, Deacon?" She looked up at him. "I've always liked it."
Deacon's eyes softened and he worked his lip a little. "Uh, your mama gave it to me," he said quietly. Maddie looked a little surprised. "She gave it to me when we did our first arena show when she was a headliner. Kind of her way of saying we'd made it."
"Tell me about it. I like to hear stories about you and Mom."
Deacon thought about that. He certainly couldn't tell her the whole story, that Rayna had slipped out of bed that morning after a long, lusty night of lovemaking. When she came back, she had knelt on the bed, with her knees tucked under her, completely naked except for the guitar strap, placed carefully across her shoulder and between her breasts. It hadn't taken long before the guitar strap was on the floor and forgotten, at least for a while.
He cleared his throat, shaking off the memory. Thinking about Rayna that way these days seemed awkward. "Well," he said, his voice hoarse at first until he regained control, "she had it made just for me. I had an old strap that was worn and tattered and she thought that was a good time to give me something new, to celebrate something that important. So she went to a leather store and picked out the leather and the design of the engraving. It was really special because we didn't really have lots of money and we didn't really spend a lot of money on things. It was expensive and I knew it, but it was special because she was the one who had it made and gave it to me."
"And you've worn it ever since."
"Yeah, I have. I guess it's my signature."
"Did it always make you think about Mom? About when you were together?"
Deacon thought about that. "I guess when she first gave it to me, every time I went out on stage it made me think about her giving it to me. But after a while, I didn't think about it that way anymore. But sometimes, yeah, I do think about that. And it reminds me of that time."
Maddie cocked her head to one side. "Did it ever feel strange, back when Mom was married to Dad? When you two weren't together?"
Deacon gave her a wry smile. "A lot of things were strange when your mama and I weren't together. It was hard, probably harder for me than for her, because she had your dad and you and Daphne. But that's how it was. Still is."
Maddie looked pensive. "Did you ever wish that you had been the one to marry her instead of Dad?"
Deacon laughed a little self-consciously. "You ask hard questions, Maddie," he said without really answering her question.
Maddie looked at her hands. "I guess. But there's so much I don't really understand."
Deacon took in a breath. This was where he felt seriously out of his depth and he often wished Rayna were there to bridge the gap. "There's a lot that's confusing," he said finally. "Even to me."
Maddie seemed to consider that. "Well, I think it's nice that you still use the strap. Even now. It means something, right?"
Deacon nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah, I guess you're right." He watched her as she processed that. He had learned a lot about this girl who was his daughter, in a short period of time. She was a careful girl, thinking things through, not often impulsive, although she'd certainly had her moments recently. He could see the influence that Teddy had had on her and he could also see her straining against that. He wondered if it had always been like that and he was just now noticing.
Maddie looked back at him. "I'd really like to be on stage one day, like you and Mom."
"But you have been. What about that open mic?"
Maddie shrugged. "Anybody can do that. I mean, play in big arenas one day and sing songs people want to hear." She gave him that puppy dog look that he didn't recognize as being something he had done himself. "Mom just keeps saying no."
Deacon didn't want to contradict Rayna. This father stuff was still very new and very tenuous and he did not want to mess it up. "Why does she say no?"
Maddie rolled her eyes and huffed. "Oh, she says after I'm done with college, if I still want to do this, I can."
"Well, that's not bad advice. Your mama and I both never finished high school. I think we'd like to see you do better than we did."
Maddie gave him a pleading look. "But that's just it. Both of you did fine without college. I promise I'll finish high school, if that will make her happy, but I really want to be a performer." She smiled coyly. "Can't you talk to her, Deacon? I know she'd listen to you."
Deacon laughed. "You think so? I'm not so sure about that. And I don't want to get into an argument with her about it."
"But you agree with me, right?"
Deacon shook his head and smiled. "Don't be putting words in my mouth now," he said with a chuckle. "I do want you to do what makes you happy, but going to school is important."
Maddie sighed deeply. "I just really want to be like you and Mom," she said, with a hint of sadness in her voice.
Deacon rubbed his chin. It was hard for him to argue with her. His whole life was tied up in music. So was Rayna's. It was one of the things that had pulled them together and kept them together. After the accident, when it seemed like both of them would lose their ability to make music, he couldn't imagine what their lives might be like without it. Even if they no longer made music together, of any kind, he knew it was in their blood. It was what made getting up every day possible. "You know, Maddie," he said finally. "I think you need to follow your heart. I think you should finish high school anyway, your mama is right that school is important, but you can still work towards your dream."
Maddie beamed. Her smile always warmed his heart. He didn't know how to behave like a father should, but when she smiled like that at him, he knew he was doing something right. She surprised him then by putting her guitar down and leaning in to give him a hug. He reached his arm around behind her, tentatively at first, then awkwardly giving her a quick squeeze. "Thank you, Deacon," she said, smiling up at him. He really wasn't sure if he was doing it right, but he pulled her closer and just took in the warm feeling he had that he was hugging his daughter and that, more importantly, she was hugging him.
Just then came Rayna's knock on the door and Maddie jumped up to open it. Deacon stood up as Rayna came in and he listened to Maddie excitedly telling her mother about her lesson. He watched the two of them and their easy conversation, both of them looking over at him and smiling occasionally. Rayna's gaze seemed to linger a little longer as she watched him, maybe to see if he was feeling more comfortable. He found himself not even paying attention to their words, just reliving that feeling of closeness he'd had with Maddie. He knew he was smiling; hell, he thought he was probably grinning like a fool, but it had felt good. Long after they had left, he was still smiling.
It was early afternoon several weeks later when the knock came at the door. Deacon was working on some lyrics, relishing the quiet. Scarlett wasn't there but, as much as he liked having her there, she couldn't stay still and it messed with the calm. He was surprised to open the door and see Rayna.
She smiled hesitantly. "Hey."
"Hey."
She took a breath. "Are you alone?" He flashed back to another time she stood on his porch and it made him catch his breath. He had feelings of apprehension, confusion and an old familiar feeling of desire. She seemed to realize the meaning of her words and shook her head. "I just wanted to talk to you about Maddie. But I didn't want to interrupt anything."
He stepped back and ran his hand over his face. And acknowledged to himself that he'd been holding his breath, hoping just a little. But it was better this way. "No, it's okay. Scarlett's not here." He didn't mention Megan. "Come on in."
She gave him a tiny smile and walked in. She went and sat on the couch. He sat on the chair opposite her. He couldn't be sure, but he thought he detected the slightest bit of disappointment that he didn't sit next to her, but then it was gone. "I wanted to tell you how much Maddie enjoys spending time with you," she said. "And I…I really appreciate how careful you're being with all that."
He nodded. "It's been good. For me too. I'm still kind of feeling my way. It surprises me that for as long as I've known her, I still don't know her. To get to know her as my daughter is different than her just being the daughter of my…you."
She took a breath and looked like she might tear up. "I'm sorry about that, Deacon," she said softly. "I'm so very sorry."
He nodded. "I know. It's okay. The night of the crash, I understood. I don't blame you."
She gave him an appreciative smile. "I'm not sure I deserve that. But thank you." She looked at him carefully. "It's Teddy you're mad at."
He frowned and nodded. "Yeah." He took a deep breath and then leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. "You know, I wanted to respect the fact that he was the only father Maddie had known. And God knows, I didn't know how to be one. Or if I even could be one." He looked at her sadly. "I told Teddy I wouldn't interfere, but she wanted to see me, and I couldn't say no. I'm sorry about what happened at the open mic, but she and I are past it. I don't think he is, though, and I think she's the one who's going to be hurt."
She could see the tears in his eyes and her heart hurt. "That's what being a father is, Deacon. Thinking about your child first." She smiled encouragingly. "I think you're doing fine. I just wanted to tell you."
He smiled. "Thanks, Ray. I appreciate that." He cleared his throat. "As long as you're here, I wanted to talk to you about something." He noticed, as she widened her eyes a bit, how sad she looked. He knew nobody would notice it but him. She was really good at putting on her performance face, that smile that kept people from seeing the tinge of sadness in her eyes. The one he saw now. It reminded him of her vulnerability; he wondered what was going on with her right now. "You know Maddie wants to perform."
She rolled her eyes and smiled. "Yes. She's talked about it for at least a year now. You haven't encouraged her, have you?"
He didn't answer her question. "She's really very good. Even at her age. But she told me that you said she had to finish college first."
She made a face and shrugged. "I just want her to have all the options. I want her to have as many experiences as she can. I don't want her to end up like us."
He smiled. "I don't think we did so bad."
She flipped her hand. "You know what I mean. Neither one of us finished high school, even. I want her to have choices."
He smiled a little, thinking how strange it was for them to be having this conversation, about their daughter. "I think I got her to agree to at least finish high school. But we can help her, make sure everything goes smooth for her. I don't think we want to stand in her way. She's pretty headstrong. Like her mama." He winked at her.
She blushed. "She's stubborn, like her father," she said softly. "I don't know. It scares me, Deacon. It's not the same as when we were starting out." She looked thoughtful. "I don't want her to end up like Juliette Barnes. Or that contest winner that's touring with her."
"She's got us, Ray. I think we just stay close to her."
She shrugged. "I guess. I just want to be sure that we're the ones that help her be successful." It occurred to her that he was a lot better at this father stuff than he gave himself credit for. That gave her comfort where their daughter was concerned. She leaned forward a little. "So how are you doing? With your music?"
He nodded. "Pretty good. Working on some songs. Singing them around town."
"I'm glad you're going out on your own. I always thought you should."
He shrugged. "I kind of liked playing in your band. It was enough."
"I feel like I held you back."
He shook his head and frowned. "No, you didn't. I was where I wanted to be." He took a deep breath. "But maybe I should have tried. Things might have been better for you."
She shook her head sadly. "There was a lot that was good, Deacon. A whole lot." She looked away.
He was afraid she was going to leave and he wasn't quite ready for that yet. "How are things with your label?" he asked. "Scarlett seems happier."
She looked back at him and smiled. "Okay. Scary. I'm glad Tandy's there." She laughed. "I didn't realize how much work there would be. Finding artists is my main focus now." She looked at him a little shyly. "I might want to talk to you, as a matter of fact."
He smiled. "We could do that."
After a moment, she looked down at her hands. "So, uh, how are things with…Megan, isn't that her name?"
He felt a little uncomfortable and he thought she probably did too. "Yeah, Megan. Things are good. We have fun."
She peeked up at him. "Is it serious?"
He took a breath. "I don't know. It's just…nice. And comfortable. I've spent most of my life with one-and-dones or else just going all in. I thought I'd try something down the middle this time, for a change." She nodded. So he had to ask. "What about you? What about Luke?" He had worried about her with Luke. He knew Luke's reputation and it had bugged him to see her cozy up to him. A lot.
She rolled her eyes and smiled a smile that had a little hurt behind it. "Oh, it wasn't anything. Turns out he wasn't all that interested in anything more than just a casual thing. And I'm not good with casual, as you know, so that's over. Maybe I need to try down the middle myself." She looked sad. He didn't know what to say. She stood up and he did too. "I guess I should go," she said with a sigh. "I'm bringing Maddie by later, right?"
He nodded. "Yeah." He walked her to the door. "Thanks for coming by, Rayna," he said. "It was good to see you."
She turned to face him and squeezed his arm gently. "Just keep doing what you're doing, babe. It's all gonna work out."
He opened the door for her and she walked out. He stood watching her go down the steps and out to her car, conscious of the heaviness he felt in his chest, wondering where this would all lead.
Deacon was looking forward to seeing Maddie that afternoon. He thought it was a neat twist of fate that Rayna had stopped by earlier and that he'd had a chance to talk to her about Maddie's interest in performing. He understood Rayna's protectiveness, but he was glad that he'd gotten her to be a little more flexible. He had a gift that he wanted to give Maddie that day and now he had a great story to go along with it.
After the day she had asked him about his guitar strap, he had been at Gruhn Guitars. George, the owner, had asked him to come in to take a look at some guitars that had just come in. While he was there, the idea had come to him to get a guitar strap for Maddie. So he had gone to the leather store and spent time picking out just the right piece and how he wanted her name engraved. When he had stopped by to pick it up, he had smiled with pleasure. It had turned out even better than he'd hoped and he was excited about giving it to her. He hoped that it meant as much to her as the strap her mother had given to him.
When Maddie got to the house, he felt unexpectedly nervous. Up to this point, they had just spent time together. He'd never given her anything and they had never talked about that kind of thing. What if she didn't like it? He didn't think that would be the case, but it was a big deal for him. They went into the kitchen and he poured them both root beers. Maddie talked about school and her friends and he listened, soaking in all the things he was learning about her. Rayna was letting her stay and have dinner with him that night, so they had more time to spend together. He typically let Maddie determine how they spent their time and he was glad that she seemed to want to talk.
Finally he said, "So, your mama came by here earlier."
She looked puzzled. "Really? How come?"
"She just wanted to see how things were going. I told her they were going good. I hope that was right."
Maddie smiled and nodded. "Yeah, they are. At least I think so."
Deacon smiled back at her. "I'm glad you do. I also got to talk to her about what you and I talked about a few weeks ago."
Maddie frowned. "What was that?"
"About you wanting to be a performer."
She brightened up. "Oh, yeah. So what did she say?"
"Well, I think I got her to agree that if you finish high school, she'd support it."
Maddie beamed. "Really?" She clapped her hands together. "Oh, Deacon, thank you!"
He laughed. "Don't thank me yet. If you really want to do this, then you have to let your mama and me help you. And you have to listen to us. And do things the way we tell you."
Maddie rolled her eyes. "Parents," she said with a dramatic sigh. "They just ruin everything!"
Deacon laughed, then leaned against the kitchen island. "Not everything," he said with a grin. "But we do kind of know a little bit about this business and we can help you."
Maddie smiled back. "Yeah, that's true. I guess there's worse things than having parents who are big stars." She sat back a little. "So, are all the songs you wrote about Mom? That's what I've heard."
Deacon was a little surprised by her question. When he and Maddie had started working on their relationship, Rayna had told him that Maddie had been asking a lot of detailed questions about the two of them and their relationship. Until now, she had not really asked Deacon much beyond the questions she had asked the day she asked about the strap. He had asked Rayna how to handle it when she did. "Tell her the truth," she'd said. "I don't tell her the intimate details, of course, but I'm not going to pretend that what we had for all those years wasn't real. I don't think that's fair to her. Don't tell her anything you're not comfortable with, but be honest."
So he gave Maddie an honest answer. "A lot of them were about her. The ones we wrote together were mostly about us. The ones I wrote on my own, well, a lot of them were." He rubbed a hand over his face. It was hard to look her in the eye and talk about all the complicated feelings he'd had for Rayna, but he was very conscious of the fact that the truth had been kept from her, from both of them, for her whole life and he thought she should hear it. "You know, I still loved your mama, even after she married Teddy. I didn't really know how to write about anyone else, so I did write about her."
"Did she know that?"
"Oh, yeah, she knew I was writing songs about her. That's why she wouldn't sing them." He smiled wryly.
"Did she know you still loved her?" Maddie's voice was quiet.
Deacon took a deep breath. "Yeah, I think she did. But she had you and your sister. And your dad." He really hoped she would get off this topic.
Maddie sighed and was quiet for a few minutes. "What is it like, being on the road?" she asked, finally.
Inwardly, Deacon breathed a sigh of relief. "It's a lot harder than you think. There's a lot of riding on buses and lots of practice. Then you play a show, sometimes in front of not very many people. Sometimes they throw things or yell things at you. It can be really tough. Your mama is a very good singer, always has been, but it still took a lot of playing at crummy places for people who didn't appreciate her before she finally got a break."
"Did you have fun at all?"
He smiled. "Of course we did. We loved playing for people, even if they weren't nice to us. We loved writing songs and practicing them until they were perfect. We got to go to a lot of interesting places over the years. But we always tried to remember where we came from and how much people appreciated us."
Maddie looked interested. "How did you do that?"
"Well, once we started playing in arenas we would go up to the cheap seats, way up away from the stage, and just sit there. We'd go before sound check. It was a way to remind ourselves about the people who spent good money to buy a ticket, but weren't as close to the music. You might look like not much more than a speck on the stage in some places. But it was just as important to those people as to the people who sat up front and paid lots of money for that close up seat." He leaned forward with his forearms on the counter. "You should remember that too."
Maddie nodded. "I will. So why didn't you ever go out on your own, Deacon? Why did you always stay in Mom's band?"
Deacon stood back up and shrugged. He was reminded of Rayna mentioning that to him earlier that afternoon. "I liked being in her band. I didn't really want to do anything different." He smiled. "I did make a record once. But it never went anywhere."
Maddie smiled. "The one I have. I listen to it all the time. It was really good." She got a playful look on her face. "Mom said you wrote 'A Life That's Good' for her."
"Yeah, I did. Watty took me to hear her sing and I wrote it on a napkin while I was listening to her. I didn't know anything about her then. I didn't know about her life or where she was from or even how old she was. But she seemed like the perfect partner and someone you could make a home with." He shrugged. "Anyway, I'm going to try now, to see if I can make it on my own."
Maddie beamed at him. "Really? Maybe Mom can sign you to her label!"
Deacon laughed. "Oh, I don't know how that would work out. We'll have to see." He decided to change the subject. "How did we get away from talking about what you want to do? Maybe we should work on your songs."
At the end of the lesson, Deacon got up and walked over to the bookcase where he'd left the gift. He had gotten a box for it, then bought wrapping paper and a bow. He had never really been good at wrapping packages so Megan had helped him with it. He'd told her he was nervous about giving it to Maddie, but she'd reassured him Maddie would love it.
He chewed his lip as he walked back to Maddie with it. "This is for you," he said and then cursed himself silently for not being more eloquent.
She looked at him with surprise and then a shy smile as she took it from him. "Thanks," she said softly. She held it for a moment while he stood, feeling awkward. Finally she opened it, carefully pulling the paper as though not to tear it, then slowly opening the box.
Her head was bowed, her hair shielding her face. She touched the strap. Deacon had carefully arranged it so the letters of her name were facing up. He stuck his hands in his pockets and watched as she slowly traced the letters with her finger, a finger that shook just a little. He felt like a vise was crushing his chest as he waited for her reaction. He rocked back and forth on his feet. She had finished tracing the letters, then ran her thumb slowly down one side. He held his breath.
Then she looked up at him, a tear sliding down her cheek. "I love it," she murmured. "I can't believe you got this for me."
The vise eased and relief washed over him. He felt the sting of tears and blinked hard, then smiled. "I wanted you to have something to celebrate the start of your dream." His voice sounded thick with emotion.
Suddenly Maddie smiled, that huge smile he loved to see. She stood up and walked over to him. She put her arms around his back and leaned her head against his chest. "Thank you for believing in me," she said, as he put his arms around her and hugged her too. Then she pulled her head back, looked up at him with that huge smile and finished, "Dad."