PUMPKIN SOUP

Prologue

I don't know how to start this, so I think it's best I'm gonna start with myself.

My name is Paula Cracker, orphan, 33 years old, hated by everyone. I'm not trying to make you feel bad for me, I'm just being realistic. Since my fault, which I made fourteen years ago, the people, especially the damn fangirls, havn't changed at all. They still look at me as if I had killed someone, their eyes narrowed and their lips pressed together showing nothing but disparage. But still, this regard of pure judgement couldn't bring me down. I kept living my messed up life, trying to forget what I had done, and rambled on. It's not like this is a bloody movie or something where the person changes after their faults and becomes better in the end. No, definitely not. Even years after cheating on Stuart Pot - or 2D, however you wanna call him - I didn't change at all, it's in my nature. Of course, I felt bad for him, but it's not like I planned it, for Satan's sake. It just happened. And no, I don't regret it. The question I'm asked all over the years never changed:

"Why did you do that to him?"

I spend much time thinking about it, and my final answer was nothing but the truth. I'm a cheater, but I'm not a liar. So I answered:

"I loved 2D, but he couldn't give me what I was looking for: a challenge, a mystery, a mind full of dark thoughts. I found all these things - and more - in Murdoc Niccals. It wasn't his appearance or the way he was talking. It was his mind which made him such an interesting guy. I didn't felt sympathy for him, he didn't either. We hated each other. There was no love that led to our actions, just this deep curiosity and a strange kind of passion. And yeah, it was worth it."

But we were, as all of you know, interrupted by Russel. Soon after this incident I left the band and carried on. But the world didn't carry on. The following years were full of the words bitch, slut, whore etc. thrown at me every time I dared to leave home, the pure disparagement when they saw me. To be honest, it wasn't easy with no one standing up for you, or supporting you. Of course, there were people who forgave me, but that's not what I asked for. I asked for nothing but acceptance, for the acceptance of my fault, the acceptance of my person.

No one gave me that, though.